Where do ALL these family members spring from?

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When a relative is about to pass away.I'm not being judgmental how that is not too nice.Through the patient's life, when the patient is awake and would appreciate the gesture so much more and feel loved, only one or two people show up.

Then when the patient has only a few minutes or hours to live, the whole room is jam-packed. What gives with that?

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Specializes in Behavioral Health/Substance Abuse.

Guilt. Years of putting off visiting for another time, and then all the sudden there is no more time. Then again, I would say a lot of the family members just want the chance to be there and say their goodbyes.

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Specializes in ORTHOPAEDICS-CERTIFIED SINCE 89.

Around here the family shows up AFTER the patient has crossed over and stays, and stays, and stays. If you can manage to request them out of the room they hover in the corridor at the door.

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Around here the family shows up AFTER the patient has crossed over and stays, and stays, and stays. If you can manage to request them out of the room they hover in the corridor at the door.

Is that a cultural thing?

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Guilt. Years of putting off visiting for another time, and then all the sudden there is no more time. Then again, I would say a lot of the family members just want the chance to be there and say their goodbyes.

And then an affluent burial ensues. It hurts me but why couldn't all that have been put to use when their family member was still alive. Think of the joy in knowing you were so loved and care for!

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It could simply be that these people ARE close to the patient but that they maintain long-distance communication and then make the extra effort to get there when they learn that things are turning worse for a "goodbye" visit.

We don't know the full stories of all the people who cross our threshold.

I don't have that kind of end-of-life issue. When I hear that a family member is in bad shape then I accept what comes and pray for God's mercy to be upon them and those closest to them. I don't fear death and don't feel the need to say goodbye to people when they are greeting its embrace.

So I think part of it has to do with a philosophical difference, the way that people address death personally will affect how they deal with death when it comes to others. If you perceive death as an ending, then it becomes natural to see someone off and make sure you get your last "goodbye" in.

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Specializes in home health, dialysis, others.

Don't be too judgemental - sometimes the 'out-of-towners' weren't kept well-apprised of the situation. Not everyone is there out of guilt.

Sometimes there is truly a very large family, with lots of sibs, kids, grandkids.

Years ago, I worked in a hospital where the local 'Gypsy Queen' was dying. Not only were there TONS of 'relatives', but after she died, the family wanted to dress her in the burial gown they had just finished, put her in a wheelchair, and take her from room to room so everyone could pay their respects......

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Specializes in Long term care.

Yeah, I have had a few residents who never had anyone come visit them ever...but once they passed/were passing they had these stuffed to the rim rooms with family members...it confuses me...but I have never understood why...but I guess it's probably the fear of getting old...so if you stay away you don't have to think about it, but when the end comes you would feel too guilty if you don't go see your mama or pops before they passed.

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Specializes in ICU, ER.

when the patient has only a few minutes or hours to live, the whole room is jam-packed. What gives with that?

It's like church on Easter and Christmas.

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Specializes in M/S, MICU, CVICU, SICU, ER, Trauma, NICU.

It's the same reasoning that 30 people/visitors wait/come with the patient for an inguinal hernia repair.

Really?......really?.....

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Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

There are as many reasons as there are people.

Maybe they don't like hospitals and were only able to put that phobia aside when it became apparent this was their last chance to communicate with their loved one.

Maybe there was a rift in the family and it took the other person being on death's door to move past it.

Maybe they didn't have the funds or time or ability or emotional capacity to travel to the hospital and it took this crisis for life to suddenly find a way, even if they only live a few miles away.

Maybe they are guilty like pretty much all of us at least some of the time of thinking nothing will ever change and taking for granted things will reach equilibrium again...until the situation shocks them into realizing they are wrong and they need to be there.

Try not to be too harsh on them or too judgemental. We just have no idea what is going on in their lives, only that they are now grieving, and that grief may be compounded by guilt. We are all in different places in our emotional journeys.

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How common is it these days to have all of your extended family living within easy visiting distance?

Mine are scattered over the world.

Big events are what bring everyone together-weddings, births and deaths and the occasional reunion. Not being physically there does not mean people are not in touch.

I give the family the benefit of the doubt.

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