What is the silliest thing you've heard a nurse say?

[anonymous1919]

I now have been a nurse for 3 months and have 2 to share! :)

1.) The patients MAR said give 1 unit of insulin for every 30 above 150. The nurse called the Doctor for a sliding scale to be written out because doing the math was too hard............... ok.

2.) Another patients order was Ativan 2mg/cc 0.5cc q4.... she asked how many mg she was giving and if that equaled 1cc. When I explained to her that she only needed 0.5cc for 1mg she didn't believe me/understand me and I had to GO GET another nurse to explain to her I was right before she double dosed someone!

All I can say is wow :)

[Riseupandnurse]

My only excuse was that I was working night shift and had all the alertness most of us retain about 0300. I was giving a patient some pills and she said, "What's that charming perfume you have on, dear?" Without thinking I told her the truth, "Poison. I really love Poison."

[kessadawn, BSN, RN]

You know, I just thought of another one. I am the apparent queen of inappropriateness:

Teenage boy with unstable cervical fracture, he's really tall, needs boosted in bed. I am vertically challanged, and all but one of the staff assisting in the boost were my height, save for a nearly 6 foot tall RT I'll call Dude. The kid is alert and appropriate, so what do I say right before we boost? "Hey guys, hold up, let's raise the bed so Dude doesn't break his back.'' The kid just glares at me.

THEN IT GETS BETTER!

I try to play it cool, tuck the kid in, and say "there, doesn't it feel better to stretch you legs?"

The kid had no feeling/movement from the waist down.

Again, he's glaring.

All I could do was apologize and beat feet out of the room!

[gentlegiver, ASN, LPN, RN]

Doing foley cath care on a patient, humming to myself (or so I thought). Patient looking at me suddenly says, Really, thats nice!, I look up confused, then realize I am humming the song "I Remember You" as I wash his hoo-hoo.

[roser13, ASN, RN]

"...then realize I am humming the song "I Remember You" as I wash his hoo-hoo. "

:yeah:

[Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN]

"Would you marry a doctor?"

:hhmth::hhmth::hhmth::hhmth:...............NO.

[Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN]

"Would you marry a doctor?"

:hhmth::hhmth::hhmth::hhmth:...........like I said before......NO. :)

[MomRN0913]

My stepdad was recently hospitalized and had a very kind, wonderful nurse who called everything a 'little' this or a 'little' that. As in, "Let's put your little head on this here pillow and get some rest" or "Now, Mr. X, your little IV is in your elbow, and every time you bend your little arm, it's going to beep and bother you all night, so try and keep your little arm straight as much as you can, alright now?"

Well, come time for him to use the urinal (bad nausea, and morphine on board to boot), she says, "Now, we're just going to put your little....er, I mean, let's try and get it in here so you can tinkle for me, okay?"

He is not easily offended and roared laughing, so my mother says...

Yeah, I'm the mother of a 3 year old. I am guilty of telling my old ICU patients "Ok, Time to go nighty-night" Or "do you have to go potty?" That's when you know you need more adult time...

[ZippyGBR, BSN, RN]

You know, I just thought of another one. I am the apparent queen of inappropriateness:

Teenage boy with unstable cervical fracture, he's really tall, needs boosted in bed. I am vertically challanged, and all but one of the staff assisting in the boost were my height, save for a nearly 6 foot tall RT I'll call Dude. The kid is alert and appropriate, so what do I say right before we boost? "Hey guys, hold up, let's raise the bed so Dude doesn't break his back.'' The kid just glares at me.

THEN IT GETS BETTER!

I try to play it cool, tuck the kid in, and say "there, doesn't it feel better to stretch you legs?"

The kid had no feeling/movement from the waist down.

Again, he's glaring.

All I could do was apologize and beat feet out of the room!

yet in a few weeks / months time he'' be the one making the broken back jokes ...

as one of my ex patients says quadraplegic is spelt R A S P B E R R Y R I P P L E ( rythming slang time)

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

When we do shoulder surgery, we use a Schlein positioner. The operative posting card has a place for "position", and this doc filled out "sitting" instead of the normal "beachchair". So the patient rolls into the OR and we have to do a Time Out prior to induction. This is where I announce the patient's name, the procedure, the position, any antibiotics that will be used immediately before the procedure, and if images are up. For some reason, I got backwards in my usual flow of announcing the Time Out. I said, "This is Mr. X, he is here for a right total shoulder arthroplasty, he will be sh**ting on the Schlein...." OMG, totally embarrassed, but the patient got a good laugh!