What is the motivation for bullying?

allnurses Guide · Jul 21, 2015

Oh LaneyB . . . . . that is awful. Thanks for standing up for her.

I didn't become a nurse until the age of 40 and I had a wonderful mentor who also was the DON where I ended up working. She was the best manager I've ever met.

She would never have put up with this kind of behavior. Maybe I was just lucky I got her first. She's moved on and I've had some good and bad managers since.

Right now, I work in hospice and our manager and my co-workers are all great. No bullying.

The problem where you work starts at the top.

KatieMI, BSN, MSN, RN · Jul 21, 2015

The "bad" coping techniques are in each of us, just some of us we're developed the right way, and some... well, not so right. People do not suddenly become bullies after work promotion, they start when they allowed to "just tease" another kid in kindergarten and to hit a cat when they are angry.

FlyingScot, RN · Jul 21, 2015

I honestly think they do it because they get some sort of high from it. Much like drug addicts getting their fix. And just like addicts with enabling families our managers and co-workers enable them just the same.

OCNRN63, RN · Jul 21, 2015

Coping with their own stress and dissatistfaction makes the most sense to me buuut I also wonder how these alliances and decisions to treat a single nurse and according to some stories they do it to every nurse nurse/CNA that comes to their unit. Why would they always ant to drive away an additional set of hands.
I can see one person having a personality issue that drives it but a group of nurses that routinely act like witches? Or a single nurse backed by their condoning colleagues?
I'd like to think we're only hearing one side of the story but there is always validation by other posters of the presense of this bullying behavior.

I don't think anyone here would condone bullying. I do think that we all have different definitions of what it is. It's become almost as hackneyed as "NETY, NETY, NETY", horizontal violence, lateral violence, etc.

i'm not sure I know what thread you're referring to, so I can't speak to that situation.

KatieMI, BSN, MSN, RN · Jul 21, 2015

Again, IMH (umbly)O,

As it was just said, bullying is a condition of enabling which starts from the top of the chain of command. In order to stop it, the top of the chain of command needs to get hit it will feel hard and long.

So far, in the USA workplace bullying is legally permitted as long as it implies no direct harm (i.e. nobody is actually hit, raped or violated bodily in any other way) and/or implies actions which come under EEOA (i.e. direct racial discrimination, like one cannot use "n" word but can name a person "dirty foreigner"). To change laws of the land is possible but can take years.

I really think that making "black list" of units and hospitals and spreading it through social media might be really useful. If less people will apply for jobs there, management will fill it pretty soon, and knowing that their unit is blacklisted because of bullying can force at least some of them to do something at last. In addition, if public will know that a hospital where they might choose to seek medical care supports workplace bullies and what it means for them as patients (overworked staff, not enough nurses to provide quality care, endless waiting for that pain shot), they may go somewhere else. That will imply the direct hit into the most sensitive spot, the almighty $$.

I do not think that "another side must be heard, too". Every bully will easily find 100500 perfect explanations for his outrageous behavior, all of them about excellence, care, help and dedication. After all, we all put up with ridiculous claims of pain being 100/10 while seeing the poor sufferer playing with cellphone and eating junk with gusto. If pain is always "what the patient says", then let be emotional pain of bullying "what the vicrime says".

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Jul 21, 2015

Members of oppressed groups tend to lash out at each other because they feel powerless about addressing the real source of their oppression.

Traditionally, nursing has been one of the lower status professions. Hence, we're prone to oppression from upper management. But since unleashing one's hostilities against the manager who could terminate your employment is risky, some nurses lash out against each other in a futile game of one upmanship.

Lashing out against another person feels empowering to someone who perceives utter powerlessness against the true source of their angst.

llg, PhD, RN · Jul 21, 2015

Again, IMH (umbly)O,
I do not think that "another side must be heard, too". Every bully will easily find 100500 perfect explanations for his outrageous behavior, all of them about excellence, care, help and dedication. After all, we all put up with ridiculous claims of pain being 100/10 while seeing the poor sufferer playing with cellphone and eating junk with gusto. If pain is always "what the patient says", then let be emotional pain of bullying "what the vicrime says".

The "other side" must always be heard, too, before a verdict is rendered. If we only listen to one side of the story ... then we allow bullies to do their bullying by claiming to be a victim. In other words, I can claim that you bullied me with your previous post -- and if that causes you to be punished, then I have found a new way to be a bully. If I don't like someone, all I have to do is claim that they bullied me and I win. No, that is not fair and we can't allow that.

Some people use the claim of "bullying" to hurt others and/or to cover-up their own short-comings. If the claim of bullying is to be taken seriously, we must be fair about it.

KatieMI, BSN, MSN, RN · Jul 21, 2015

Agree, llg:yes:

My own negative experience still hurts pretty badly, so I am sorry and you are right.

allnurses Guide · Jul 21, 2015

Of course both sides should be heard. People can be falsely accused of bullying.

I also work in the school district and there is a Zero Tolerance Policy there for bullying.

But . . . . . . . . the focus is on stuff that isn't true bullying. They focus on the minutia of the day - and so kids are in trouble all the time. Some of it is just the way kids goof around and of course someone can step in and stop it but to write up kids with Major Referrals and make them spend their class time in the hallway outside the principal's office to wait to be yelled at is not an effective way, in my opinion, to handle this kind of stuff at school.

I do step up when I see kids cutting in line at lunch and put them at the end of the line. However, that is a offense that is supposed to be a Major Referral. I step up when someone is cheating at a game on the play ground or hogging the ball on the basketball court. But I don't write them up. More supervision - less Major Referrals would work better.

OCNRN63, RN · Jul 21, 2015

Of course both sides should be heard. People can be falsely accused of bullying.
I also work in the school district and there is a Zero Tolerance Policy there for bullying.
But . . . . . . . . the focus is on stuff that isn't true bullying. They focus on the minutia of the day - and so kids are in trouble all the time. Some of it is just the way kids goof around and of course someone can step in and stop it but to write up kids with Major Referrals and make them spend their class time in the hallway outside the principal's office to wait to be yelled at is not an effective way, in my opinion, to handle this kind of stuff at school.
I do step up when I see kids cutting in line at lunch and put them at the end of the line. However, that is a offense that is supposed to be a Major Referral. I step up when someone is cheating at a game on the play ground or hogging the ball on the basketball court. But I don't write them up. More supervision - less Major Referrals would work better.

We need more Spidey's Moms at schools!

AJJKRN · Jul 21, 2015

Group Polorization í ½í±¹

imintrouble, BSN, RN · Jul 21, 2015

Where I work the bully is charming. You don't normally think of bullies as charismatic, but ours is. That's why it's hard to see her behavior as bullying. People like her. She doesn't beat her victims up, she singles them out and isolates them. Then begins to make sure everybody else does too.

I could go into great detail about how she targets, and why she targets. Even how she gets everybody else to follow her lead. But it's nothing new. She's mean to the bone, but most people just don't get it.