What is the motivation for bullying?

BusiestBSN · Jul 21, 2015

It is shocking. But one thread I just read made it seem like the OP is unable to leave. I find that unlikely, so I would really like to hear both sides of the story.

KatieMI, BSN, MSN, RN · Jul 21, 2015

IMH (umble)O, there is one phrase:

Because they can do it.

At the end, the actual reason doesn't matter. The "target" can be awfully inept, or incredibly smart, much worse than anyone or way better, or speak/move/breath somewhat differently, or never eat lunch in breakroom. The fact is, fighting stress and general dissatisfaction with life by utilizing "aggressive" coping techniques like projection, passive-aggressive behavior and displacement is highly effective, albeit for a very short time. I can imagine that some people can get hooked to the sense of "satisfaction" and self-righteousness caused by their successful bullying of others, just like to anything else causing surge of endorphins. After that happens, they will find one "victim" after another to satisfy their urge for "pleasure". If questioned, they will have excellent back-up in form of their passionate fight for "excellence in care" and that "they just tried to help" and the victim was lazy, skin-soft crybaby.

Only one thing that can be effectively done to stop lateral violence and bullying in nursing (and everywhere else, for that matter) would be making any incident punishable. I am not a big fan of calling lawyers and BONs for any small thing, but just one successful lawsuit making it to court and finishing with revoking the bully's nursing license will discourage many others from participating.

Purple_roses · Jul 21, 2015

I would love to know the answer to this. I can understand disliking someone and trying not to spend a lot of time with them, but I cannot understand going out of the way to be horrible to someone, especially without an obvious reason. I just read the thread on bullying that I believe you are referring to, and I just cannot imagine what would cause a group of professional nurses to behave that way.

Libby1987 · Jul 21, 2015

Coping with their own stress and dissatistfaction makes the most sense to me buuut I also wonder how these alliances and decisions to treat a single nurse and according to some stories they do it to every nurse nurse/CNA that comes to their unit. Why would they always ant to drive away an additional set of hands.

I can see one person having a personality issue that drives it but a group of nurses that routinely act like witches? Or a single nurse backed by their condoning colleagues?

I'd like to think we're only hearing one side of the story but there is always validation by other posters of the presense of this bullying behavior.

LaneyB · Jul 21, 2015

I have worked in the same place for almost 10 years, and we have two nurses here who will target somebody and then try to get everyone to dislike that person. Most new people are targeted. These two for some odd reason want to really hurt and upset new people. It is really crazy. Thankfully the others who work here do not go along with it. Management is aware but ignore it.

The two that do it where I work are just simply miserable people. They seem to have unhappy personal lives and they are unhappy at work. And they have each other to back up their horrid behavior.

allnurses Guide · Jul 21, 2015

Because they are allowed to do it. Management needs to nip it in the bud. And the other nurses who see it need to stand up to the bully/bullies.

I think what appalls me more than people who are simply nasty to their co-workers is the fact that co-workers/management put up with it.

There's the problem.

There are rude people in every profession. We just need to stand up to them and not put up with it.

Libby1987 · Jul 21, 2015

If the motivation is that they're allowed to do it, then does that means it's in all of us, mgmt is what's keeping it from developing?

Purple_roses · Jul 21, 2015

If the motivation is that they're allowed to do it, then does that means it's in all of us, mgmt is what's keeping it from developing?

I think there are some people who do good only because they'll be penalized otherwise. Yes, there are people like that. And then there are people who do good because they want to be a good person. As LaneyB said, there are two people who are allowed to be nasty, but the rest do not participate in this behavior, even though they will apparently not be penalized for it. Those people could be mean and nasty, but they choose to be good.

allnurses Guide · Jul 21, 2015

If the motivation is that they're allowed to do it, then does that means it's in all of us, mgmt is what's keeping it from developing?

I know you asked the question about why people want to be this way but in my opinion, I don't care why they want to be this way. I just want it to stop.

I'm sure there are many different motivations however, I'm not going to psychoanalyze the co-worker. I'm not the therapist.

As a manager, I might consider telling the perp to go get counseling. But regardless of that, the nasty behavior has to stop or the perp will get penalized in some way or fired.

Obviously this sticks in my craw a bit . . . . . . that nasty behavior is allowed to continue.

llg, PhD, RN · Jul 21, 2015

1. Some people "go along with it" ... and join in a little because they are afraid of becoming the next target if they don't.

2. Some people bully because they feel so badly about themselves or their lives that they seek relief by "building themselves up" -- through the process of putting other people down.

3. Some people bully because they are tired and frustrated with the system -- and think things would genuinely be better if only they could "get rid of the bad people" -- and they look for "bad people" to pick on and drive out of the system. They honestly think they are helping by driving away people they have deemed inferior for some reason. That's one reason that new nurses, shy people, people insecure in the knowledge and skills, etc. are often the targets of bullying (but not the only reason).

4. Another reason that "weak" people are most vulnerable to bullying is that some people are just generally unpleasant if allowed to be. The people with strong personalities and strong nursing skills don't allow themselves to be treated badly by such people -- which means that the more vulnerable people bear the brunt of the mean person's natural tendencies.

Just a few thoughts off the top of my head.

LaneyB · Jul 21, 2015

I can just say that at my place as a group the rest of us have tried ignoring it and it didin't improve. So we decided to start confronting it, and that doesn't seem to have helped either. We are at a loss for what to do at this point. Thankfully one is retiring and the other one is the less mean of the two. She will be ok once the nastier one is gone.

I was just precepting a new nurse, and they really started in on her. She is tall and thin, and apparently they don't like that for some reason (tall skinny b-word is what they called her in the lounge). I went in and told one of them that I will not tolerate the new nurse being bullied. She did back down a bit, but they would sporadically pick on her. If she walks in a room they would stop talking and not respond when she said hello. They flat out refused to help train her, which I cannot believe they don't get written up for doing.

The new nurse has been so upset by it, and keeps asking what she has done to make them hate her. I have told her repeatedly it's not her. They love the fact that she is upset every day coming to work. Really gives them a sense of accomplishment.