What have you learned about Death?

Nurses General Nursing

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Hey nurses!

Just seeking some words of wisdom based on experience that you have learned in the nursing field...

What have you learned about Death? On a personal, and professional level? What do you tell patients that are scared/worried about dying, or those that fear mortality? Are you yourself scared of mortality? Were you ever afraid of it, or has nursing helped you to cope and become more comfortable with it?

Thanks!

Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.

I hear ya, and how would you now? We tell students all the time not to ask for "interview a nurse" here, because you can't tell who's answering. Think AN would check our licenses/student IDs? What about the older ones whose licenses are lapsed but are still making valuable contributions? Or the ones in the Addictions/Criminal fora who may not have licenses but they are still our brothers and sisters as they strive for recovery?

I think it's worth a few trolls-- who seem to be identified and called out pretty fast -- to have the free access we have here.

And perhaps the architects need to have a chance to hear some feedback, anyway. :)

(You wanna have some fun, go search out the online betta fish fora.)

The only way to know is when someone states up front that s/he is not a nurse. Usually the post goes, "I'm not a nurse, but..." or someone who comes here to vent about his/her "awful" experience as a patient in a hospital.

That's my opinion. You may not agree, but that's my take on it. I'm not so stupid as to not realize that there may be other situations where someone doesn't have a license but can still meaningfully contribute; all of your examples were individuals who have/had licenses. That's far different from lay people coming here.

I've said my peace on this topic.

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The only way to know is when someone states up front that s/he is not a nurse. Usually the post goes, "I'm not a nurse, but..." or someone who comes here to vent about his/her "awful" experience as a patient in a hospital.

That's my opinion. You may not agree, but that's my take on it. I'm not so stupid as to not realize that there may be other situations where someone doesn't have a license but can still meaningfully contribute; all of your examples were individuals who have/had licenses. That's far different from lay people coming here.

I've said my peace on this topic.

I agree it would be good if everyone stated that in their first post, or in the About window. I misunderstood you to be hoping that somehow this could be enforced, is all.

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Specializes in hospice.
I agree it would be good if everyone stated that in their first post, or in the About window. I misunderstood you to be hoping that somehow this could be enforced, is all.

What if new users weren't allowed to post until they filled in the info on the "about" page?

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I stumbled upon this commercial today and it actually provoked a rather strong reaction in me:

I don't think it's an accurate portrayal of hospice. The patient shares her culture's customs with the nurse because she is ready and wants her soul to be set free and the nurse responds by saying "not tonight"? Then "Nurses Heal" flashes across the screen. Sometimes healing is not possible.

OMG that ad actually made me angry. How negating and disrespectful! The appropriate response is, "And I'll be there to open it when it's time."

And "nurses heal" at the end? That sounds cute, but that's not what hospice does! Grrrr.....

Back to the commercial . . . . .when I first saw that ad I cringed as well.

Shutting the window seemed cruel. If it wasn't time, no amount of window opening or closing would stop it. As a hospice nurse, I've seen patients with normal vital signs who seemed like they had months, suddenly die. And I've seen patients at death's door linger for weeks. One was waiting for his son to return home from Afghanistan. The day after the son returned, he did die.

Shutting that window seemed a slap in the face to culture and traditions. Nurses do heal . . .but we don't always save the life of a person.

To the OP - you should read the book by hospice nurses and their experiences with end-of-life.

Maggie Callanan | About Final Gifts |The Official Site

Also, here is a good thread about other books related to hospice and end-of-life.

https://allnurses.com/hospice-nursing/recommended-reading-for-183061.html

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.
Some patients accept death better than others. Some with fear some with acceptance and completion. Death to me is simply the ultimate form of liberation..............

^This.

Having face death myself, I still can only describe the tactile feelings from the experience; my emotions were very calming, until the adrenaline kicked in.

I think one of my takeaways is that I still look at my own death with an unknown sense of trepidation combined with a level of acceptance of finality because I have experienced dying before; it hasn't preclude me from living to the fullest-I will say I have a "bucket list" of things that I want to do that I thought I would never been able to have done if I died.

As for my patients; for the past 15 years in healthcare, I always seem more keen to making them comfortable; I was a hospice volunteer during my years of being a tech, and when I became a nurse, I understood that death is as much as the event of a birth, people's emotions are high, there are viewpoints about the experience, and it can be a stressful experience for all involved; the difference with death as opposed to death, is the finality of the human body's presence; it doesn't take away the imprint of the person who experienced life at all, good, bad, or indifferent-they had the experience of being alive; and for that moment in time for their transition, the most I can do is attempt to provide comfort, even if in their moment this is the only time they ever had comfort.

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Specializes in ED, Pedi Vasc access, Paramedic serving 6 towns.

Death can be the end of misery for some people who are either chronically ill or chronically depressed, either way it's a way of relieving the body of suffering.

I work on the ambulance and I see young healthy people die from trauma or in rare cases sudden cardiac arrest and it is hard for me to fathom getting up in the morning, doing your normal routine and not knowing it will be your last time doing it. Just seems so weird, alive and healthy one minute, dead the next...

I don't think I would be afraid to die, although I am young, I have learned through my jobs that it it inevitable no matter what!

I ride a motorcycle and some people ask "aren't you afraid of getting killed?" and my answer is no... If I do get killed chances are high that it will be quick and that is what I would want. Doing something I enjoy doing instead of rotting in a bed with stage IV cancer waiting and waiting for the suffering to end or growing old and being bed ridden in nursing home, no thanks!

I do wish that other states would jump on the bandwagon and allow assisted suicide, like Utah,for people with terminal illness!

Annie

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Specializes in ICU Stepdown.

I've learned not to fear death. It's a part of being human. I've also learned that taking care of someone in their last days/hours/minutes of life can be immensely rewarding. This is working in LTC.

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Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
Back to the commercial . . . . .when I first saw that ad I cringed as well.

Shutting the window seemed cruel. If it wasn't time, no amount of window opening or closing would stop it. As a hospice nurse, I've seen patients with normal vital signs who seemed like they had months, suddenly die. And I've seen patients at death's door linger for weeks. One was waiting for his son to return home from Afghanistan. The day after the son returned, he did die.

Shutting that window seemed a slap in the face to culture and traditions. Nurses do heal . . .but we don't always save the life of a person.

To the OP - you should read the book by hospice nurses and their experiences with end-of-life.

Maggie Callanan | About Final Gifts |The Official Site

Also, here is a good thread about other books related to hospice and end-of-life.

https://allnurses.com/hospice-nursing/recommended-reading-for-183061.html

As a former hospice nurse, I found that commercial offensive. The nurse made that moment about her, not the patient. Epic fail on that nurse's part.

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In the words of William Shakespeare:

Cowards die many times before they are dead. The valiant never taste of death but once. Of all the wonders which I yet have heard it seems to me most strange that man should fear, seeing that death – a necessary end – will come when it will come.

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Specializes in Nutritional Therapy, Functional Health.

Interesting topic. I have a background in hospice. Although I've learned a lot about the dying process, I would say that I've learned even more about living. My work in hospice inspires me to live as fully and love as deeply as I can. A lot of people die with regrets, which is unfortunate and sad. At the end, most people simply want to feel as though their life made a difference and that they mattered to others. When reflecting on their lives, people talk about their relationships with others, because that is what is important. Not their possessions or their wealth or their lack thereof. It's a bit of a cliche, but very true-- You can't take those things with you.

As far as death itself (as opposed to the dying process), I still feel as though it is a great mystery that I don't know much about. However, working in hospice has only deepened my faith and my belief in an after-life. Many, many people have near death visions and spiritual experiences at the end of life. Yes, there are scientific theories that attempt to explain these away, but I prefer to believe that there is something more.

Please, please, please don't be afraid to have the tough conversations with your family about your wishes at the end of life. It can be difficult, but it is such a critical conversation to have and it can save so much heartache and turmoil for you and your loved ones.

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I've learned:

Patients, even geriatric with dementia will often wait for a certain family member to visit before they let go.

Morphine and Ativan speed up the process and prevents suffering.

There is a calm before the storm. Geriatrics usually have a good day, sometimes even lucid moments before their downward spiral.

Death can be a relief.

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Morphine and Ativan speed up the process ......

In my experience, these medications help with pain and shortness of breath and anxiety but don't speed up the time of death.

And we give pretty large amounts of these medications, including Dilaudid. :)

I have lots of anecdotal stories about how long our hospice patients live after we admit them and start to handle their pain and other symptoms but the research also bears this out.

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