What have you learned about Death?

carolyn87 · May 24, 2015

@poppycat I am very new to the fourms here, and I am not able to send you a message because of the policy on this site saying that I need at least 15 posts before I can pm. I read your post on another fourms, and I need advice on a particular situation. Do you know how I can contact you?

nrsang97, BSN, RN · May 24, 2015

Please tell your family your wishes and if you're an organ donor so there are no surprises.

Norepinephrine · May 24, 2015

I'm still in school, but I'm working in a large, urban hospital and see a lot of death. Most are chronically ill adults, and many are dying from cancer.

It's almost normalized the dying process for me. I think most fears stem from the unknown-I'm not afraid of the dying process, but the idea of what comes after concerns me. I'm not religious. I tried to be (went to Catholic school most of my life), but I just can't.

I had an experiance that's hard to describe and would make me sound a little bit insane, but something did change my mind. I do think there is some kind of *something* in the universe, and that there's *something* after death. Call it love, life, ka, etc., I think there is *something*.

Still, that *something* is so, so nebulous. I like things to be concrete. I find it comforting that I know what the dying process from various causes is like. No matter how I die, I'm 95% sure that I'll know pretty much exactly what to expect. For myself at least, that takes away most of the fear. There are forms of death I would certainly dread, but I'm not afraid of them.

I hope there's something, I really do. But it's that What Comes After that makes me nervous about death.

As for others? I think we all fear mortality for different reasons. Some fear pain. Some fear having their lives be meaningless. Some fear unfinished business. Some, like me, fear the unknown of what comes after death. How you'd manage it would definitely be case-by-case. I know several patients almost need "permission" to die from loved ones before they feel comfortable letting go.

I don't think the moment of death is frightning. Most patients at the very end are very calm, even those who die very quickly. I myself was the passenger in a car that narrowly avoided veering off the highway (the driver was 100% sober and competant-the road was just in bad, bad shape). If we had veered off, we'd have died for sure. In the moment where I thought "we're going over" as we started to veer off, I was the calmest I've ever been in my life. And I have anxiety that's well controlled now, but wasn't then. It freaked me out how calm I was (I thought I may have a secret death wish) until I heard how common it was.

OCNRN63, RN · May 25, 2015

It seems it's that time again -- every couple of years I publicly post my objection to AN's prominence in search engines, as it attracts the salacious ask-a-nurse type of questioning.

You and me both. IMO, patients, lay people, whatever, should not be able to access this site. This isn't "Ask A Nurse," or a place for pervs to ask creepy questions, nor is it a site for people to vent their spleens about their care at a hospital, aka "I asked for a turkey sandwich and it took her 20 minutes to get it for me, then she didn't bring chips and a soda to go with it. Should I sue?"

Grrr...

Khaan · May 25, 2015

It's a lot like giving birth.

mclennan, BSN, RN · May 25, 2015

Crap like this is why I barely look at or participate with AN any more. Too many non-nursing creeps & weirdos who found this because of Google. And admins who don't seem to care about how it impacts the quality of the content here.

nurseprnRN, BSN, RN · May 25, 2015

It seems it's that time again -- every couple of years I publicly post my objection to AN's prominence in search engines, as it attracts the salacious ask-a-nurse type of questioning.

But it also gets the attention of people who benefit by it. Now, we don't need to get into whether or not you're content c me being here , but that's how I came to AN, by searching something on Google several years ago. I can live c the inevitable trolls and creeps-- there are actually fewer than I expected -- if we also catch a few prizes in the dragnets.

As to the original poster's question, if it's a nurse wannabe, nurse groupie, or nurse stalker, no skin off my patootie. These have been thoughtful responses and plenty of real students will benefit from them.

OCNRN63, RN · May 25, 2015

But it also gets the attention of people who benefit by it. Now, we don't need to get into whether or not you're content c me being here , but that's how I came to AN, by searching something on Google several years ago. I can live c the inevitable trolls and creeps-- there are actually fewer than I expected -- if we also catch a few prizes in the dragnets.
As to the original poster's question, if it's a nurse wannabe, nurse groupie, or nurse stalker, no skin off my patootie. These have been thoughtful responses and plenty of real students will benefit from them.

I respectfully disagree. It's one thing for a nurse or student nurse to find the site, but IMO, non-nurses do not belong here.

Nurses often come here to vent. Someone on the outside cannot understand those discussions; we have had plenty of non-nurses wag their fingers at us for things that have been said.

There's really no reason for someone who is not a nurse to be here. That's just my opinion, whatever that's worth. I wouldn't go to a site for architects and question their professionalism, or criticize how they do their work.

AlphaM · May 25, 2015

I respectfully disagree. It's one thing for a nurse or student nurse to find the site, but IMO, non-nurses do not belong here.
Nurses often come here to vent. Someone on the outside cannot understand those discussions; we have had plenty of non-nurses wag their fingers at us for things that have been said.
There's really no reason for someone who is not a nurse to be here. That's just my opinion, whatever that's worth.

I disagree, the non nursing contributions help us nurses see a different perspective. Inbreeding is never a good thing

Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN · May 25, 2015

OP: from the psychiatric perspective...what I have learned about death is that is someone truly wants to die, they will find a way to do it no matter what environment they are in.

RamTaur · May 25, 2015

Some patients accept death better than others. Some with fear some with acceptance and completion. Death to me is simply the ultimate form of liberation..............

nurseprnRN, BSN, RN · May 25, 2015

I respectfully disagree. It's one thing for a nurse or student nurse to find the site, but IMO, non-nurses do not belong here.
Nurses often come here to vent. Someone on the outside cannot understand those discussions; we have had plenty of non-nurses wag their fingers at us for things that have been said.
There's really no reason for someone who is not a nurse to be here. That's just my opinion, whatever that's worth. I wouldn't go to a site for architects and question their professionalism, or criticize how they do their work.

I hear ya, and how would you know? We tell students all the time not to ask for "interview a nurse" here, because you can't tell who's answering. Think AN would check our licenses/student IDs? What about the older ones whose licenses are lapsed but are still making valuable contributions? Or the ones in the Addictions/Criminal fora who may not have licenses but they are still our brothers and sisters as they strive for recovery?

I think it's worth a few trolls-- who seem to be identified and called out pretty fast -- to have the free access we have here.

And perhaps the architects need to have a chance to hear some feedback, anyway. :)

(You wanna have some fun, go search out the online betta fish fora.)