What to do when a family member complains about a coworker

MandyInMS · Jul 30, 2004

I would have probably said about what you did in the situation..everybody is different and has his/her own way of doing things..doesn't make one more right than the other....some pts/family just want to gripe..lol..who knows she may have 'dogged' YOU to the next shift...don't worry 'bout it :)

RNPATL, DNP, RN · Jul 31, 2004

Yesterday I was taking care of a man whose wife was a nurse. They were both in their 60's. The wife was very aware and involved with her husband's care. When I came into the room to introduce myself, she started to complain about 2 other nurses that work on my unit that had taken care of her husband earlier in the week. Both are older nurses, one in her mid-60's. Both are competant, knowledgable nurses, but both can be a little flaky and often become very nervous if a family member is critical of anything they are doing. The wife was saying she thought they both needed to retire because they are losing their skills, etc. I agree they can be flaky at times, but they are good nurses and are very caring toward their patients. I felt really uncomfortable and said something like "every nurse has a different personality and different ways of doing things," which sounded kind of lame. Now I wish I had stuck up for them more but at the time I was caught off guard...

It sounds like your response was mature and appropriate. I started a thread a while back (I think it might have been about 6 months ago) about why family members are so difficult to deal with :crying2: . I am generally a very patient nurse. I really love what I do and I think it reflects in my work. But, when a family gets up in my face about things that are totally out of my control, it really bothers me :angryfire . I always remain professional and in fact, try to the best of my ability to correct the wrong, if I can. Sometimes, it really does not matter what you do or how you respond. I remember one nurse manager saying to me when I came to her with my concern .... she said, "there are people who live very dysfunctional lives outside of the hospital." "When they have an acute event in their lives which requires hospital intervention, that dysfunction only becomes worse and no matter what you do, or how hard you try, you can not change the way people are going to behave."

Ever since she told me that, complaining family members do not irritate me as much. Of course, I still try to make things right and try to make the patient's stay a little better, but it does not bother me as much. Hope that helps.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Jul 31, 2004

I get uncomfortable with patient complaints about coworkers, especially if it's about a nurse that I know is a very good nurse. But I try not to talk about coworkers to patients. Your response was good. I usually add "you can always take your concerns to my manager" to let them I'm not interested in talking about my coworkers. I especially say that if they have a legitimate complaint, or if we've been having problems of a similar nature with the nurse.

But no need to overly defend your coworker as that might not help you establish your own relationship with the patient.

purplemania, BSN, RN · Jul 31, 2004

the complainers are hard enough to deal with, but the ones I really detest are family and other visitors who drill you on the care being given, then compare your statements to what your co-workers have said. They are not trying to learn about the care, they are looking for mistakes and something to dig you about. I had one daughter put a book and pen in my face, insisting that everyone who came in had to sign the book. I refused, on the grounds that my signature was part of the medical record and that was my only obligation. She was asked by management to cease, then started taking pictures!!! That is when I told her she was not the only one with "rights" and I had not given permission for my photo to be made and suggested she leave. I finally had to get security. Meanwhile, her father said he was sorry she acted that way and was glad she left. He was miserable with her around!

zacarias, ASN, RN · Jul 31, 2004

We need to really listen to our patients but one time I had a patient who told the doctor and her daughter that the night shift nurse tied her up and made her so scared.

The patient had septic emboli to brain BTW.

Well I knew the night nurse didn't tie her up but the doctor told the nurse manager and we had to look into it I guess.

BittyBabyGrower, MSN, RN · Jul 31, 2004

I refer them to the Nurse Manager. I tell them that I wasn't present and I really can't comment on how someone else does things.

I love it when they name about 20 people they don't want taking care of their kiddo anymore.

Rapheal · Jul 31, 2004

It depends on what they are complaining about. It it is little nit-picky stuff I apologize and ask them what can I do for them now or what can I do to make them feel better. Usually that is all it takes to settle them down.

If it is a serious issue, then I inform the nursing supervisor and let her talk to the family.

kar212 · Aug 1, 2004

I think I'd probably say something like, "I'm sorry you had a bad experience." If they continue to complain, I'd offer to ask the nurse manager to speak with them.

Nurse Ratched, RN · Aug 1, 2004

I think I'd probably say something like, "I'm sorry you had a bad experience."

This is my standard line. I may also add (depending on the notoriety of the pt - is this an ongoing issue) something to the effect of, "Since I wasn't here, I can't speak to perceptions about another day or another staff member, but I will do my best while I am here this shift. I also invite you, if you have concerns about my care during your stay, to please feel free to say something to me so I can correct it at the time."

MaryPush · Aug 1, 2004

This is my standard line. I may also add (depending on the notoriety of the pt - is this an ongoing issue) something to the effect of, "Since I wasn't here, I can't speak to perceptions about another day or another staff member, but I will do my best while I am here this shift. I also invite you, if you have concerns about my care during your stay, to please feel free to say something to me so I can correct it at the time."

Very nicely put, Nurse Ratched. I think these are the kinds of things that can be very helpful in the orientation of a new nurse (someone new to nursing not new to a position or floor). I can still remember when I was that new nurse 17 years ago, sometimes I would be so tongue-tied. I was awed by the way more than one seasoned nurse would interact with patients/families/doctors and I would try to remember what they said so I could use it the next time.

Mary

StephMSeattle · Aug 1, 2004

Post redirected.