Welcome To The Hospital - From Your Nurse

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Specializes in Family Nurse Practitioner.

Welcome to the hospital. From your nurse.

This is not your home. It is the place where your doctors, nurses, and therapists will get you better to return home.

Hi new patient's family. Can you please refrain from speaking so I can ask your family member some pertinent questions?

Since this is not your home, do not expects the comforts of home, such as a luxury bed.

Those hospital beds are not the greatest. However, they are designed to help prevent your skin from breaking. You're welcome.

When was the last time someone cooked a whole meal for you? If you don't like it, bring something from home, but don't complain.

Missing your personal slave? Didn't think so. Hi! I'm your nurse and I have 4 other people to take care of in addition to you.

RN. Refreshments and Narcotics. Huh?

Your pain is at a 10/10? Really? So as somebody is cutting your leg off with a saw you make personal phone calls and laugh at a Facebook post?

Actually you do need an IV. And I don't just put them in people because I'm a sicko who likes sticking sharp objects into people. (I do like getting them in though).

If you think you can dictate which order I give your medications (which tend to include Benadryl, Dilaudid, and Zofran), you don't belong in this hospital.

I feed my patients. Not their visitors. Unless I feel bad for them.

You will be woken up. Multiple times. While you're sleeping.

Don't think you can threaten me by refusing to take your medications. Less work for me!

I asked a simple question. When did you last move your bowels? I don't need the extended edition.

Keep your arm straight if you don't want that machine to beep.

Those bubbles in the IV tubing won't kill you.

Wouldn't a family reunion be so much more peaceful in your own home, at a park, or somewhere spacious.

If you don't want to deal with me and my expectations, there's a hotel down the street.

See you next month!

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Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.

Well-said. I could not agree more!

Welcome to the hospital. From your nurse.

This is not your home. It is the place where your doctors, nurses, and therapists will get you better to return home.

Hi new patient's family. Can you please refrain from speaking so I can ask your family member some pertinent questions?

Since this is not your home, do not expects the comforts of home, such as a luxury bed.

Those hospital beds are not the greatest. However, they are designed to help prevent your skin from breaking. You're welcome.

When was the last time someone cooked a whole meal for you? If you don't like it, bring something from home, but don't complain.

Missing your personal slave? Didn't think so. Hi! I'm your nurse and I have 4 other people to take care of in addition to you.

RN. Refreshments and Narcotics. Huh?

Your pain is at a 10/10? Really? So as somebody is cutting your leg off with a saw you make personal phone calls and laugh at a Facebook post?

Actually you do need an IV. And I don't just put them in people because I'm a sicko who likes sticking sharp objects into people. (I do like getting them in though).

If you think you can dictate which order I give your medications (which tend to include Benadryl, Dilaudid, and Zofran), you don't belong in this hospital.

I feed my patients. Not their visitors. Unless I feel bad for them.

You will be woken up. Multiple times. While you're sleeping.

Don't think you can threaten me by refusing to take your medications. Less work for me!

I asked a simple question. When did you last move your bowels? I don't need the extended edition.

Keep your arm straight if you don't want that machine to beep.

Those bubbles in the IV tubing won't kill you.

Wouldn't a family reunion be so much more peaceful in your own home, at a park, or somewhere spacious.

If you don't want to deal with me and my expectations, there's a hotel down the street.

See you next month!

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Specializes in Med/Surg/ICU/Stepdown.

I SO wish this could be posted on the wall next to The Patient's Bill of Rights.

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I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this!

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Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.
Don't think you can threaten me by refusing to take your medications. Less work for me!
This reminds me of the ill-tempered patient who refused to be stuck for his ordered lab work, then seemed surprised when I didn't find his refusal upsetting. He also asked me if I was an RN or LVN, then made it a point to tell me he was an engineer with three degrees.

My response: "You're an engineer? That's nice. Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

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Specializes in Med/Surg/ICU/Stepdown.
This reminds me of the ill-tempered patient who refused to be stuck for his ordered lab work, then seemed surprised when I didn't find his refusal upsetting. He also asked me if I was an RN or LVN, then made it a point to tell me he was an engineer with three degrees.

My response: "You're an engineer? That's nice. Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

It's always interesting when a patient feels as if they need to out-do the nurse simply because they're the one in the vulnerable position.

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Specializes in ICU, LTACH, Internal Medicine.
It's always interesting when a patient feels as if they need to out-do the nurse simply because they're the one in the vulnerable position.

They not so much try to outdo than to just regain some control. I remember that from my "patient experience", it is no fun at all to be into someone's hands all 100%. Letting them do what they can, to choose if there is any choice at all, and making them responsible for something is the way to go. I routinely ask folks to "help" watching BP machines and other equipment which tends to disappear into thin air, and press call button when their (or their neighbor's) pump starts beeping. It helps me as well as them :up:

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Specializes in EMT since 92, Paramedic since 97, RN and PHRN 2021.

RN. Refreshments and Narcotics bwahahahahahahahahahahahah

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Specializes in ICU, LTACH, Internal Medicine.

I like more "RN" - "refusing nonsense". But yours is hilarious!

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Specializes in med-surg, IMC, school nursing, NICU.

Slaaaaaay, Lev!!!

You hit the nail on the head so hard, it needs a neuro assessment.

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Specializes in Emergency/Cath Lab.

I love when people come to the ER. "well you can't start an IV on me, draw blood, do X-rays/ct/mri, swabs or anything. I refuse to take that medication too"

So why come in?

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Specializes in LTC Rehab Med/Surg.

The patient who thinks they can hold me hostage by not taking their meds is hilarious.

The patient who says "I won't take that until you give me this" is hilarious.

Just reading that part of the OP made me laugh because it's one of my favorite patient interactions.

I really find negotiating patients to be the funniest people, and they're not even trying.

It just doesn't happen as often as it used to because somewhere along the line the patient learned the nurse really doesn't care.

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