Welcome To The Hospital - From Your Nurse

[Lev]

Welcome to the hospital. From your nurse.

This is not your home. It is the place where your doctors, nurses, and therapists will get you better to return home.

Hi new patient's family. Can you please refrain from speaking so I can ask your family member some pertinent questions?

Since this is not your home, do not expects the comforts of home, such as a luxury bed.

Those hospital beds are not the greatest. However, they are designed to help prevent your skin from breaking. You're welcome.

When was the last time someone cooked a whole meal for you? If you don't like it, bring something from home, but don't complain.

Missing your personal slave? Didn't think so. Hi! I'm your nurse and I have 4 other people to take care of in addition to you.

RN. Refreshments and Narcotics. Huh?

Your pain is at a 10/10? Really? So as somebody is cutting your leg off with a saw you make personal phone calls and laugh at a Facebook post?

Actually you do need an IV. And I don't just put them in people because I'm a sicko who likes sticking sharp objects into people. (I do like getting them in though).

If you think you can dictate which order I give your medications (which tend to include Benadryl, Dilaudid, and Zofran), you don't belong in this hospital.

I feed my patients. Not their visitors. Unless I feel bad for them.

You will be woken up. Multiple times. While you're sleeping.

Don't think you can threaten me by refusing to take your medications. Less work for me!

I asked a simple question. When did you last move your bowels? I don't need the extended edition.

Keep your arm straight if you don't want that machine to beep.

Those bubbles in the IV tubing won't kill you.

Wouldn't a family reunion be so much more peaceful in your own home, at a park, or somewhere spacious.

If you don't want to deal with me and my expectations, there's a hotel down the street.

See you next month!

[LibraSunCNM, BSN, MSN, CNM]

I asked a simple question. When did you last move your bowels? I don't need the extended edition.

Why does this question so often lead to a long-winded answer? I remember a professor in nursing school telling our class at one point, "Elderly people are obsessed with their bowels. Obsessed." I've found it to be a fairly accurate statement.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

Why does this question so often lead to a long-winded answer? I remember a professor in nursing school telling our class at one point, "Elderly people are obsessed with their bowels. Obsessed." I've found it to be a fairly accurate statement.

Long-winded

[f1j1nurse]

This reminds me of the ill-tempered patient who refused to be stuck for his ordered lab work, then seemed surprised when I didn't find his refusal upsetting. He also asked me if I was an RN or LVN, then made it a point to tell me he was an engineer with three degrees.

My response: "You're an engineer? That's nice. Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

Next time you can tell him engineering school is way easier since we have months to plan and execute those plans...nursing is thinking on your feet. And trust me I know, I am a former engineer with two degrees:cheeky:

[kamrn45]

Awesome! I have thought these same things sooooo many times!

How about "if you don't give me my (fill-in-the-blank, usually a bigger dose of narcotic)" , I'm just going to leave!"

And I'm like Yasssssss!

[Nursevic50]

Don't you wish you could say some of those things,just once? I was a nurse for 35 years and it was partially to entitled attitudes that made me retire when I did before they had to fire me for not kissing some ones butt enough.

[Munimula]

What about "what is your pain level right now in the affected area on the 0-10 scale?" Then you get an extended version of not only the pain in the affected area since it's inception, but what is is in any different scenario.

[nynursey_]

Awesome! I have thought these same things sooooo many times!

How about "if you don't give me my (fill-in-the-blank, usually a bigger dose of narcotic)" , I'm just going to leave!"

And I'm like Yasssssss!

My response?

Bye, Felicia.

[amora30]

1. Nobody chooses to be sick. You chose this job.

2.Everybody reacts to illness differently.

3. A hospital stay can run up to $100s of $1000s of dollars because of the skilled professionals.

I have friends who are nurses and I have loved ones who have been in the hospital.

Reading this story made me sad. When I'm with someone I love in the hospital, the last thing I want to think about is if I'm bothering the nurse. This makes me think of those jaded policemen who treats everybody rude. If you dislike what you're doing find a different line of work...oh wait..you'll encounter all kinds of people in every field.

Elevate your field don't drag it down with petty complaints aimed at vulnerable scared people.

[ProgressiveActivist, BSN, RN]

It's odd that this person just joined and her first post is so insulting and controversial. I have my suspicions where it originated. Not taking the bait.

[Lev, MSN, RN, NP]

1. Nobody chooses to be sick. You chose this job.

2.Everybody reacts to illness differently.

3. A hospital stay can run up to $100s of $1000s of dollars because of the skilled professionals.

I have friends who are nurses and I have loved ones who have been in the hospital.

Reading this story made me sad. When I'm with someone I love in the hospital, the last thing I want to think about is if I'm bothering the nurse. This makes me think of those jaded policemen who treats everybody rude. If you dislike what you're doing find a different line of work...oh wait..you'll encounter all kinds of people in every field.

Elevate your field don't drag it down with petty complaints aimed at vulnerable scared people.

1. Yes, but people choose to be manipulative, demanding, and rude. I chose this job to take care of sick people, not to be yelled at, abused, manipulated, and insulted.

2. True. I recognize this and have seen thousands of people reacting to illness. Therefore, I think I am better qualified than you to decide when someone is at an extreme.

3. Am I your insurance company?

Having friends who are nurses hardly qualifies you to have an opinion on what it's like to be a nurse.

I don't mind being bothered. Please bother me, but be mindful of my time (which is far more precious than yours because I'm the one working and you're the one visiting), what I am currently occupied with (doing CPR let's say - not that I'm announcing this to you), and how urgent your request is (some things can wait til later).

I love my job. I work in the Emergency Department and while I do encounter many of the things on my list it is far better than working on the floors, which is where I still work part time.

This list is full of humor. Humor which you will never understand. Why? Because you're not a nurse.

[megRNn]

I'm allergic to morphine & zofran.

Can I get some Benadryl with that.

It only works if you push it really fast.

My pain is 10/10. Ugh, why can't my cell phone get reception in here!

(Phone call to the ER)-um yeah the doctor told me to call when I run out of pain medicine can I get a refill/my friend lost my prescription can I get another one/no I swear he said to call/[calls again hoping someone else answers]

[Alisonisayoshi, LVN]

1. Nobody chooses to be sick. You chose this job.

2.Everybody reacts to illness differently.

3. A hospital stay can run up to $100s of $1000s of dollars because of the skilled professionals.

I have friends who are nurses and I have loved ones who have been in the hospital.

Reading this story made me sad. When I'm with someone I love in the hospital, the last thing I want to think about is if I'm bothering the nurse. This makes me think of those jaded policemen who treats everybody rude. If you dislike what you're doing find a different line of work...oh wait..you'll encounter all kinds of people in every field.

Elevate your field don't drag it down with petty complaints aimed at vulnerable scared people.

1) I choose this job after having been a pt. A vented, ICU, pancreatitis, type 1 diabetic, mutiple DKA, months on end in the hospital pt. I never acted like a jerk (except on Ativan, that drug makes me nuts I hear). I think the most I asked for was that my family bring me Evian for my first sip of water after weeks upon weeks on TPN. My family asked the nurses to keep it on hand for me for when that day came. That was the only "extra" I needed.

2) Of course, but some humans are just naturally pushy and demanding and I'm neither a saint or a martyr, it sucks to deal with those people.

3) Yup, my skills cost money, funny how that works. My paid skill set isn't personal narcotic concierge.

Kindly get over yourself. I have been sick, really really sick. I'm also a nurse who cares for the sick. I work 2 jobs doing so. I'm fiercely protective of my pts. I know both ends. You know NEITHER. You've just sat on the sidelines and watched with a loved one.