Weird pt complaints

ShortFuse_LPN, LPN · Mar 26, 2003

My very favorite pt complaint..........."NURSE, NURSE, HELP ME!" Thinking someone has fallen I go running down the hall and into the room and hear this..."HELP! I can't breathe!". My standard answer is, "If you can yell loud enough to be heard on all the other halls you are breathing just fine!" Geesh!

mamabear · Apr 3, 2003

This isn't a complaint per se, but it cracks me up to this day::chuckle

I had just started working on an adult psych ICU and was given the task to assess a F.F. who'd been off his Haldol way too long. Everything was going along until I asked him if he used/abused alcohol or any illicit substances. He thought for a moment and replied: "no, but I'll give it some consideration".:roll

This happened in 1986, and it still makes me laugh.

MrsK1223 · Apr 4, 2003

These are sooooo entertaining....i've laughed out loud for real reading posts on this site. Nurses are hams!!!!

Riseupandnurse · Apr 7, 2003

I swear this actually happened. I was about six months out of school on a surgical floor. I had a patient's wife who got very upset at me because I accidentally let a gravity drip IV run dry. (I didn't lose the vein; caught it in time.) But letting the IV run out made her very suspicious of me, and when I hung the new bag she said her husband wasn't eating much and requested that I have a steak ground up to put into the IV. Our zone was on the ground floor, and when I refused, she ran out on the parking lot to report me to the doctor, who she'd seen out the window. The upshot; I was counseled to discover the reason I had upset her so much. :confused:

andrewsgranny, ASN, RN · Apr 7, 2003

No Complaint, but this is true. A long time ago I worked for an older Dr. we lived in a very small Tennessee town

We saw alot of what I call" Loretta Lynn" pts. Anyway....

One day a lady brought her 13 y/o daughter in and she was c/o

lady partsl pain, and lower abd. pain. So I sat her up for a pelvic exam. Mom stayed in the room per daughters request.

So the Doc, came back in to examine her and asked the mother

"Has your daughter ever had intercourse?" Mother replied

"Naw, but if she needs it go ahead and give it to her"

The Dr's glasses just slid down his nose. It was priceless.

So the Dr. does his exam and reports to the mom, Well he says

"it appears she has a yeast infection" The mom says "well ok, can you go ahead and treat her for the west infection too, I dont want to have to come back."

WTF

:roll :roll :roll ok, yea, and uhhh bologna makes you horney!

jemb · Apr 7, 2003

Originally posted by Flynurse
Hey, its not my fault people can't stop mass debating around here! Including ME!
Oh...I shouldn't have said that out loud!

Good one, Flynurse!

ShelleyERgirl, LPN · Apr 7, 2003

Originally posted by andrewsgranny
No Complaint, but this is true. A long time ago I worked for an older Dr. we lived in a very small Tennessee town
We saw alot of what I call" Loretta Lynn" pts. Anyway....
One day a lady brought her 13 y/o daughter in and she was c/o
lady partsl pain, and lower abd. pain. So I sat her up for a pelvic exam. Mom stayed in the room per daughters request.
So the Doc, came back in to examine her and asked the mother
"Has your daughter ever had intercourse?" Mother replied
"Naw, but if she needs it go ahead and give it to her"
The Dr's glasses just slid down his nose. It was priceless.
So the Dr. does his exam and reports to the mom, Well he says
"it appears she has a yeast infection" The mom says "well ok, can you go ahead and treat her for the west infection too, I dont want to have to come back."
WTF

:roll :roll :roll ok, yea, and uhhh bologna makes you horney!

:roll :

bwwwaahhh!!!!

Good one, Granny. Got one for ya, had an sweet little asian patient come in for a weird vag. discharge. It was a strange greyish purple color. She had just been fitted for a diaphragm not long before this so I just had to ask the question... Mrs's so and so what kind of jelly did you use to insert your diaphragm? She looks me dead in eye with a big smile and says " oh I use the Smucker grape jelly"! Bingo, we have the reason for our purple discharge! Can you just see the commercial for this one?:chuckle

mamabear · Apr 7, 2003

This isn't a complaint per se, but it cracks me up every time I think about it.

I work midnights on an adult psych unit. One night, one of our FF got up, walked to the dayroom and laid down on the floor. After about 2 minutes, I said "Joe, get up off the floor. It's dirty, and it's not a very good place to sleep either". Joe replied "well, I'm 55 years old, and I think I know what's best for me". I replied, in my best assertive communication voice "I'm 56, and I'm really trying to help you". He said "here's what I think of your so-called help, lady", and proceded to expell an enormous amount of flatus at me! :uhoh3: :uhoh21: :eek: :roll I haven't laughed that hard at work in years.

GWBRN · Apr 8, 2003

My Mother-in-Law called me perplexed about her sister who was "very weak and sick." Sis told her the doc said she had "trial separation" After listening to the S/S I figured out she meant Atrial Fibrillation!! :chuckle

debbyed · Apr 8, 2003

The "Nipple" has to be my favorite.:roll

OBNurseShelley · Apr 9, 2003

I had a patient in Labor once, that had an epidural and needed a foley put in, as i proceeded to start this patient in a very serious tone, says....how will the baby be able to come out now? It was all i could do to keep from laughing, this was the same patient who thought that after her epidural since she felt numb she should get up and walk around?? wtf, this patient was an adult and educated, it just never ceases to amaze me how ignorant people are about their bodies!

scrubs70 · Apr 9, 2003

great stories people, got to love the exploding nipple. I am a newbie on here and love the site.