7 weeks off orientation: First death. (Need support..)

[swedishnurse]

Hi!

I´m just 7 weeks off orientation and I really like my job. Most of the time I feel I´m doing ok, eventhough I´m still anxious about going to work every day. So last night it happened, one of my patients died!

I admitted her from the ER at around 5pm. She was a 94 year old woman with SOB, suspected pneumonia. Her vitals at admission: Resp rate 40, SpO2 around 95 on 5 l O2, BP 90/60. Her vitals stayed the same the following hours, but she was feeling a little bit better, felt it was easier to breath than when she was in the ER. Eventhough she was not getting worse or anything, at around 1930 I get this gut feeling that I should probably call the doctor to make him aware of this patient. Didn´t have much to tell him, since her condition was pretty much the same, but I gave him the info and he says he´ll come by later on to check on her.

Around 45 minutes later the alarm from her room toilet goes on and we all run over there and she has passed out on the toilet. She is barely conscious but we get her to her bed and start taking vitals and doing EKG. I call doc, he comes up in 2 min. I go outside to call her family and when I come back into the room she has passed, doctor decided not to start CPR.

Later her family arrives and they are very happy that she could go so peacefully. Her worst nightmare had been ending up in an old age home, so they were really happy she didn´t have to.

Afterwards when one of my coworkers asked me how I felt I just bursted out in tears! Everyone was really nice though and understanding, telling me I did everything right and that it was just her time to go. I still felt soooo bad! And I really need your support!!!

[suzy253, RN]

Hugzzzz....I understand how you feel. I'm a new nurse of one year and have had several deaths...I even feel bad if one of my patients codes and survives. I keep asking myself maybe I could have done something different or whatever. but that's not the case. I think your coworkers are being very supportive of you. Although you keep questioning yourself (like I do), it's true that there was probably nothing else that would change the outcome.

Hang in there. You sound like an awesome nurse who truly cares about her patients.

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

She was a 94 year old woman

Human life is temporal, not eternal, and we are not placed on this earth to live forever. Apparently, this lady was very old, exceedingly sick, and lived a full life that spanned 94 years. She had family members who loved her, and were happy with the fact that she died peacefully.

I know it hurts to have a patient die, and the pain will recede with time and grace. This death was not untimely or painful. I believe that this lady has crossed over into a better place. I will keep my fingers crossed for you with the hope that you can expediently recover from this experience. Good luck.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

Good job. :)

[Christie RN2006]

Sounds like you did a good job. It is never easy when a patient dies, but you have to realize that there is only so much that you can do and like Thecommuter said, life is only temporary. The hardest for me was when I had an 18 year old die... that really messed with me for a while, but eventually I realized that I had done everything I could and even though he was only 18 it was his time to die. You need to find something that helps you get through things like this, because unfortunately this isn't the last death you are going to experience. For me things like talking to others, praying, listening to music, etc helps me to get over it... Just hang in there, and you will be fine! Sometimes it really stinks to be a caring person huh?

[MrsMommaRN]

i understand you are feeling a bit upset right now but you sound like a very attentive nurturing nurse. hugs to:icon_hug: you. you know in your heart you did what was right and good for your patient. you lead her to a dignified death.

[jessi1106, BSN, RN]

It seems as she was lucky to be cared for (and still cared for) by you.

[Imafloat, BSN, RN]

You sound like a great nurse. You did what you were supposed to do. I think that you were upset over the death shows that you are not only a fabulous nurse, but also compassionate. My first death experience was very difficult, they aren't getting much easier, but I am learning to cope better.

[Diary/Dairy, RN]

The first death is always hard! It sounds like you did what you were supposed to do - congrats on that!!

When it is your time to go, it is your time. Death is out of our hands. If you did what you were supposed to do, then there is nothing wrong. It hurts now, but it will get better!! HUGS!

[Doubledee]

Dealing with death is one of the tough parts of being a nurse. Your sadness shows your concern. We can't stop death. We really don't want to; it is the completion of life. Many times our patients are ready. Their families may not be ready. We may not be ready but it isn't up to us.

Depending on the circumstances we may either fight for more time or just keep our patients comfortable until the end comes.

Ether way we are helping. That is just one of the things that makes nursing so special to me.

[smirn80]

its normal, but make sure that u dont take things personally, let things roll of ur back. Keep the experience in mind, but do not let this affect u negatively, n prevent u from doing nursing if thats really what u want to do

[al7139, ASN, RN]

You are not alone in this. I am a new grad, and have had several pts pass (I am in cardiac nsg). Yesterday was my first code. It was especially hard because she has been surrouned by her family since her hospitalization, and she and they are wonderful people. This pt survived the code, but it is a matter of time before she passes. My opinion is this: if you didn't care, you wouldn't be a nurse. I am a person who wears my emotions on my sleeve, and whether I have known the pt for 5 minutes or 5 days, it is still hard for me. It used to be that nurses were expected to be "professionally detatched", but not anymore. It is OK to cry, OK to be upset, and OK to let the family know that you share their grief. Yesterday when we thought this pt was going to pass soon, some of the family hugged me and thanked me for my help, which made me cry right along with them. The pt is still as of this post alive, and when I got to work tonight, they again let me know how much they appreciated mine and our units efforts to make this patients transition as comfortable and easy as possible.

I believe that it is healthier for us as nurses, and helpful to the family not to ever hide or suppress how much we care.

Also, it's good to have someone you can talk to if you need it. My fiancee is a big help, and will listen if I need to cry after work, and talk about my feelings (but never violate HIPAA when you do).

I am too new to say that it gets easier, but you can find resources to help you cope.

I think all great nurses have this kind of compassion, which can be hard for us, but makes such a difference to our patients and their families.

Hang in there, you are doing great!

Amy