We need some fun here...who would u tazer?

Students General Students

Published

You are reading page 6 of We need some fun here...who would u tazer?

LydiaNN

2,756 Posts

Specializes in Public Health, DEI.
I'd help with that! LOL

Maybe the cell phone battery can "mysteriously" disappear, along WITH the BIL! ;)

I would love everybody's assistance in tazering my BIL, and I truly believe we would not be convicted by a jury of our peers....

I am telling you, the other day I was so frustrated with the cell phone that I considered taking the phone and hiding it. OTOH, self restraint was a good idea... this woman had an argument with our tech guy last week which culminated in him calling her a "b___" Instead of just chalking it up to the heat of an argument (which, BTW, she started) she called HR on him!!! Another reason to tazer her, IMO...

shape0fmyheart

260 Posts

I wish I could've tazered all the slow-pokes and meanderers in the mall today. I took my 4 kids because they were bored and wanted to do a little Christmas shopping. BAD IDEA!! LOL I want to get in and get out as fast as possible, but I kept getting behind Auntie Susie-Pie and her Great Aunt Bertha, who felt it necessary to walk at the speed of a romantic evening stroll! MOVE IT, LADIES!!!

:chuckle That gave me a good laugh. Couldn't have said it better myself!

boulergirl, CNA

428 Posts

Specializes in Home care, assisted living.

I'd love to tazer the 7-3 shift med tech who tried to coerce me into passing her 9 AM meds just because I happened to be scheduled to work til 9 today and "you're a med tech, too, anyway". :( Laziness!

ERnurse07

48 Posts

Specializes in ER, Surgery, Community, Geriatrics.

Hahaha - let me see, I would tazer Paris Hilton, and the cleaning staff on the floor we are currently on - they figure students are at the bottom of the feeding chain and give us crap every chance they get :angryfire :angryfire :angryfire

RedSox33RN

1,483 Posts

Specializes in Emergency Dept, M/S.
Hahaha - let me see, I would tazer Paris Hilton,

But don't they say, "no brain, no pain"??? She might just think a mosquito landed on her! :rotfl:

BTW, everytime I see her, I think of how em-freakin-barrassed her parents must be. My sister works for the Anchorage Hilton, and I tease her so much about working for a family with daughters as dumb as a sackful of moldy grass!

Nemhain

483 Posts

I would start by tazering the Head of the Nursing Dept. at my school. She's been caught in a couple of lies.

I would tazer people who drive Hummers. ...too bad, but no one needs a car that freakin' huge.

I would tazer bad drivers.

I would love to tazer Orlando Bloom. Then I would drag his unconsious body to by bedroom.

CCU NRS

1,245 Posts

This was a fun one lets revive it.

I would tazer Myself for fun NOT, this reminds of an email BRB okay extensive search of all my keepable email no result anyway it is a story about a guy that Tazered himself just to make sure they worked before giving it to his wife for protection

The direction listed side effects from different levels of taze, mild was some dizziness and slight Nausea, Moderate was Nasuea and vomitting and headach, severe was convulsion with nasuea and vomitting and severe headach lasting for more that 24 hours.

He decided a mild taze would not be too bad and set himself for a little jolt to test the tazer.

The story re begins with Be aware you CAN NOT administer a mild Taze to yourself, once the Taze begins you have muscle spasm which contracts your finger and makes it impossible to relase the Tazer, until you are unconscious and it fals from your hand when you hit the floor! It was much more humorous than I have related it but you get the jist

LydiaNN

2,756 Posts

Specializes in Public Health, DEI.

I would tazer whoever came up with those stupid "The More You Know" commercials. They are so annoying!

CCU NRS

1,245 Posts

I would tazer whoever came up with those stupid "The More You Know" commercials. They are so annoying!

I would get the Natural Male enhancement guy have you seen these?

AmyB

260 Posts

Specializes in LTC.
This was a fun one lets revive it.

I would tazer Myself for fun NOT, this reminds of an email BRB okay extensive search of all my keepable email no result anyway it is a story about a guy that Tazered himself just to make sure they worked before giving it to his wife for protection

The direction listed side effects from different levels of taze, mild was some dizziness and slight Nausea, Moderate was Nasuea and vomitting and headach, severe was convulsion with nasuea and vomitting and severe headach lasting for more that 24 hours.

He decided a mild taze would not be too bad and set himself for a little jolt to test the tazer.

The story re begins with Be aware you CAN NOT administer a mild Taze to yourself, once the Taze begins you have muscle spasm which contracts your finger and makes it impossible to relase the Tazer, until you are unconscious and it fals from your hand when you hit the floor! It was much more humorous than I have related it but you get the jist

Here it is:

Dear Friends, don't put one of these on your gift list for your wife or she may use it on you.

My wife Toni is fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be something akin to, "hey y'all, hold my beer and watch this!" Well, I have outdone myself once again. No doubt you will see this true story chronicled in a LifeTime movie in the near future. Here goes.

Last weekend I spied something at Larry's Pistol and Pawn that tickled my fancy. (Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled). I bought something really cool for Toni. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my sweet girl. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer gun with a clip. For those of you who are not familiar with this product, it is a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage electricity while you flee to safety. The effects are supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time to retreat to safety. You simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb. Tattooed assailant, push the button, and it will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching, whimpering, pencil-neck geek. If you've never seen one of these things in action, then you're truly missing out--way too cool!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was so disappointed. Upon reading the directions (we don't need no stinkin' directions), I found much to my chagrin that this particular model would not create an arch between the prongs. How disappointing! I do love fire for effect. I learned that if I pushed the button, however, and pressed it against a metal surface that I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs that I was so looking forward to. I did so. Awesome!!! Sparks, a blue arch of electricity, and a loud pop!!! Yipeeeeee . . I'm easily amused, just for your information, but I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries, etc., etc. There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul), reading the directions (that would be me, not Gracie) and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie for a fraction of a second and thought better of it. She is such a sweet kitty, after all. But, if I was going to give this thing to Toni to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? Seemed reasonable to me at the time...

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. All the while I'm looking at this little device (measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no way!" "No way!" Trust me, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. Those of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea of what followed.

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it buddy," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad (sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't you agree?). I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the fun it. (Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight--always twenty-twenty. It is so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so right at the time. Don't ya hate that?)

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY **************! DAaaaaNG! I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, picked me up out of that recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet over and over again.

I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position. Gracie was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!" (Note: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution. There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You're not going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. Then, if you're lucky, you won't dislodge one of the prongs 1/4" deep in your thigh like yours truly.)

SON-OF-A-***** that hurt! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at this point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get there??? My triceps, right

thigh and both titties were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, as my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. give or take an ounce or two, I'm pretty sure.

By the way, has anyone seen my testicles? I think they ran away. I'm offering a reward. They're round, rather large, kinda hairy, and handsome if I must say so myself. Miss 'em . . . sure would like to get 'em back.

:roll :roll :roll

ERnurse07

48 Posts

Specializes in ER, Surgery, Community, Geriatrics.

LMAO :chuckle :rotfl: :rotfl: That is jsut too damned funny!!!!

But don't they say, "no brain, no pain"??? She might just think a mosquito landed on her! :rotfl:

BTW, everytime I see her, I think of how em-freakin-barrassed her parents must be. My sister works for the Anchorage Hilton, and I tease her so much about working for a family with daughters as dumb as a sackful of moldy grass!

Pattiecake

165 Posts

AmyB, that is just freakin' hilarious. I laughed 'til I had to go potty.

+ Add a Comment