Watch Your Language - Breast Isn't Best!

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · Jul 20, 2005

Ladies;

Having lived through many many MANY breastfeeding debate threads I feel it is important to remind everyone to keep their *boobs* in their bras, and let's remember how emotional this topic is to so many people.

We aren't going to convince anyone to change their minds, but we can exchange ideas so both sides know the pros and cons inside and out. Just give your thoughts on the topic at hand, not on how another poster has erred in his/her argument.

Good luck.

MultipurposeRN · Jul 20, 2005

Haven't read all the responses, sorry.

My uncle did alot of breast milk research over the last few decades. He is convinced of it's superiority, naturally, though his interest in it was mainly the contents, not the issue of doing vs not doing. When I had my kids he told me the main thing was to get the colostrum in for the first few days to max the protective benefits. It seems to be that way w/ baby livestock, too..they can feed successfully on formula, but do much better if they can at least get some colostrum in.

onehusbandsevenkids · Jul 20, 2005

Haven't read all the responses, sorry.
My uncle did alot of breast milk research over the last few decades. He is convinced of it's superiority, naturally, though his interest in it was mainly the contents, not the issue of doing vs not doing. When I had my kids he told me the main thing was to get the colostrum in for the first few days to max the protective benefits. It seems to be that way w/ baby livestock, too..they can feed successfully on formula, but do much better if they can at least get some colostrum in.

Very good point. When I work with teen moms, many of them dont want to breastfeed and I stress the importance of the colostrum to them. Liquid Gold!

If nothing else, get that colostrum in those babies.

(I have been noticing that more and more teen moms ARE choosing to breastfeed, or at least try it. Does anyone else notice this?)

sddlnscp · Jul 20, 2005

Ladies;
Having lived through many many MANY breastfeeding debate threads I feel it is important to remind everyone to keep their *boobs* in their bras, and let's remember how emotional this topic is to so many people.
We aren't going to convince anyone to change their minds, but we can exchange ideas so both sides know the pros and cons inside and out. Just give your thoughts on the topic at hand, not on how another poster has erred in his/her argument.
Good luck.

I agree about the sensitivity of this issue whole-heartedly! When I had my first child, I wanted desperately to breastfeed my baby, but alas - it was not meant to be. We ended up spending an extra 3 days in the hospital because my poor baby was not getting anything to eat and was losing weight like mad. I recall having many stressful, teary eyed moments from both myself and my little one and I never felt more guilty in my entire life than the days that he went without eating!

I finally talked to a nurse about trying bottle-feeding, but I was so freaked out about doing it because of the nutritional differences. I have never been so grateful to anybody in my entire life - she could see how upset I was and how I was really starting to get depressed and anxious over the whole situation. She finally decided to tell me that she had been bottle-fed herself and, if I chose to try that, it was O - K. Well, after that (seeing a bright, intelligent and, very beautiful woman tell me that she had been brought up on formula and didn't turn out to be unhealthy or unintelligent), I decided to give the bottle-feeding a try. What a relief - my baby finally ate, he started gaining weight, and the stress was relieved from both of us. We went from a complete mess to a very happy new mommy and baby in just a matter of a couple of hours - and, we got to go home the next day.

I desperately wanted to breastfeed, but had I kept trying to force the issue, we would have both been a lot worse off - it was driving me crazy which was doing him absolutely no good at all. Now I have a healthy, active three year old with no health problems and a boisterous, playful attitude. Although I was really saddened by the idea of not being able to breastfeed, looking back, I am extremely grateful to that nurse for showing me that the alternative was ok and for relieving so much stress - it would have been sad to miss all that joy because I was freaking out about breastfeeding. In fact, I think that nurse is probably the biggest reason I am gearing up for pre-reqs for nursing school (not just tied to that one incident - she was an incredible nurse throughout my whole stay and for many, MANY reasons). Of course, I had completely awesome nurses with the births of both of my children and that is what inspired me - but she was like an extra-shiney piece of gold - just something special, charismatic, and really loving about her that I will never forget. :)

I am still an advocate for women who want to breastfeed and always will be, but I have learned that it is not the only way to go - sometimes other means are more acceptable in certain circumstances and make for a much happier family. I can clearly see both sides of this issue and, rather than opposing one or the other, think it's great to be able to support both.

jkaee · Jul 20, 2005

You are right Steph and SBE, it isn't doing any good to make someone feel guilty right then. It is making bf advocated look mean. Should have thought about that more. I guess that what I mean is we should do a better job at expressing how important it is and that it should be a priority. Hope that sounds better. I don't think that any moms should be made to carry more guilt on top of the inevitable that comes with motherhood, I just think that women try to do what is best even if it isn't the easiest route.:)
Sunny

Exactly, the whole concept of breastfeeding and mothering should be addressed, and the benefits that it brings to baby, rather than the "BF is best and that's that" mentality. NOT that you can't be nuturing with bottlefeeding, but the fact is that it IS different. I can say this because I bottlefed 2 and breastfed 2. It's a whole different outlook, not necessarily better, just different.

mstigerlily · Jul 20, 2005

I am still BF my 16 month old, I BF his 5 yr old sister until she was 16 months also. I have people totally grossed out because I am STILL breastfeeding. I don't know when I'll stop but this is my last baby so I'm not in a big hurry right now.

My first baby was a preemie and couldn't get the hang of BF. I pumped and fed, tried BF for six weeks but she wasn't gaining so I bottlefed. The difference between their health is negligible but the way I felt toward those babies and about myself - a tremendous difference! BF brings on a peacefulness and calm, forced rest periods throughout the day and a tremendous feeling of accomplishment that you are singlehandedly feeding and comforting your child with your own body. Plus, I dropped weight like crazy those first six months. Now BF is mainly for bedtime, naps and comfort but he is still getting milk. I think BF is tremendously important and should be strongly encouraged. However, if any of my moms choose to bottlefeed I am non-judgmental about it. I respect their decision.

Melissa

This subject is kind of personal to alot of people. I am a breastfeeding mother who has bf all 3 of my boys for at least 14 months. I have kept this up even through nursing school. To tell you the truth, most people that I know or have met think that breastfeeding is gross. They have point blank told me to my face that me breastfeeding my own children is GROSS. A woman showing much more of her breasts in her tube top than me with my blanket is acceptable:o . I think that they need to be educated. Many of my dh relatives were quite angry at me because this meant they couldn't keep the baby overnight right away (like they would have if he had been bottlefed, yeah right). When I approached the 6 month mark I was asked many many times when I was going to be done and put the baby on a bottle where he belonged. I think personally that most women just don't want to be bothered. At least, this is the attitude that I have encountered alot. They don't want to pump or don't want to be the only one to feed the baby or they want to be able to leave the baby whenever they want without worrying. This is a selfish attitude, and I know I am going to be flamed for this, but the proposal by our culture that you are being deprived if you can't do what YOU want when YOU want is what is driving it. For those women who really can't bf their baby no one should ever make them feel guilty. BUT, for those who don't want to be bothered, why not make them feel a little guilty? The main job as a parent is to do the best you can for your children, this includes at least TRYING to give them the best nourishment, which is breastmilk.

live4today, RN · Jul 21, 2005

I grew up around females who breastfed...all the women on both sides of my family breastfed, my mom breastfed, I breastfed, and my daughters breastfed.

Now..the length of time one breastfeeds is up to the individual mother as well as her infant. I see nothing wrong in breastfeeding a child up until the age of two years. After age two..........I personally would not choose to continue breastfeeding, but that may not be what other moms would do, and that's okay.

Some moms do have a hard time with the latching on process, especially first time moms. Some moms know the benefits of breastfeeding and may choose to breastfeed for six weeks, and then place their infant on a bottle. Some moms choose not to breastfeed at all...mostly because I hear them say they do not want their "breast to sag". Mine never sagged...don't sag now and I'm 53. Some moms want to breastfeed, but are made to feel bad about breastfeeding by women in their families (inlaws included) who put them down for breastfeeding, etc.

Lay out the rationale for breastfeeding during the mom's pregnancy with both mom and dad. After they are educated on its benefits, etc., the decision boils down to the parents...often times dad doesn't want his wife breastfeeding, some women will choose not to for this reason..........I would NEVER let a man tell me not to breastfeed my babies, but I know women who do allow their men to tell them not to breastfeed.

Breastfeeding is natural. Watch the animals in the wild. Rarely is their a mother in the wild who won't allow her baby to latch on to feed.

smk1, LPN · Jul 21, 2005

Well...in other cultures she wouldn't even have to leave the house to get help. Other women would be around almost always for any needed help & support.
America is sooo far from that as we all know.
Jabber rhetoric? Wow. Isn't our job as mothers to do the best we can for our children? Women should be supporting women in that. Breast IS best. Formula is artifical & inferior. No one can dispute that.
Why would a mother not want to give her baby what is clearly the best?
Who knows what true affects formula has on a body?
You say enjoy life and don't sweat the small stuff. Well, its my opinion that a baby's nutrition isn't exactly "the small stuff." And I certainly don't think advocating for mothers to breastfeed is "trying to keep a woman down." Wow. I'm a bit stunned by this post.
Bravo to your daughter for breastfeeding and for seeking help & support!!
I'm sure there will be plenty of issues your daughter will seek help/guidance on while raising her child - this just happens to be one of them.

so how about getting after all of the moms who give there children refined sugar, eating at mcdonalds and eating anything with artifical sweetners, coloring and flavors in it. THose are all artificial and inferior to organically grown fruits, veggies and whole grains. I am sorry but until studies show that there is a SIGNIFICANT risk to bottle feeding, noone should be making a mom feel guilty or defensive about her families personal decisions. It is more important that the baby have a happy, relaxed mom, than one who can't stand to breastfeed, but does it to keep everyone else quiet.

fergus51 · Jul 21, 2005

I'm with you SMK1.

Like I said, I've seen SEVERAL admits to the NICU for ineffective breastfeeding, two of which required exchange transfusions because the babies were so jaundiced. That's a risky procedure that would have been avoided if the moms had formula fed right? That doesn't mean the mothers need a guilt trip! They need education and support in their choice to breastfeed.

SharonH, RN · Jul 21, 2005

However - if a woman CHOOSES not to breastfeed for reasons of convenience, as opposed to reasons of health or whatever, why shouldn't she feel a bit bad? She's exposing her child to a higher risk of many diseases, increased number of doctor visits and a lowered IQ. She is making a very serious health decision - it's not like it's 6 of one and a half dozen of the other. It affects her baby far beyond infancy.

Sorry, I bottlefed both of mine and I don't feel even a little bad. I didn't even try to breastfeed, how awful is that? They were both happy, healthy, friendly infants and are happy, healthy, friendly children.

I also think the comparisons of bottle-feeding to second-hand smoke is weak and silly. Tobacco is a carcinogenic. Formula is not.

It's funny because I have heard a lot from breast-feeding moms who complain that they are judged or treated badly because they choose to breastfeed their babies but reading some of the attitudes in this topic, it sure does go both ways doesn't it?

SharonH, RN · Jul 21, 2005

so how about getting after all of the moms who give there children refined sugar, eating at mcdonalds and eating anything with artifical sweetners, coloring and flavors in it. THose are all artificial and inferior to organically grown fruits, veggies and whole grains. I am sorry but until studies show that there is a SIGNIFICANT risk to bottle feeding, noone should be making a mom feel guilty or defensive about her families personal decisions. It is more important that the baby have a happy, relaxed mom, than one who can't stand to breastfeed, but does it to keep everyone else quiet.

Thank you! What about the moms who live in high-crime cities? What about those who live in cities with smog? Those are just two situations which have been proven to negatively impact the health of children. If moms cannot prove that they have done everything to remove themselves and their children from that situation, will we start making them feel "bad"?

TweetiePieRN · Jul 21, 2005

my daughter is trying to breast-feed and is totally guilt ridden because it is not working out. she is going in every two days to someone who is counseling her. what is so natural about that?! it makes me angry that this has become such an issue. just more jabber rhetoric to keep the female chained to guilt, promoted by, whom else? other women ... as usual! lezz jes keep them wemen down! stupid crap!! :angryfire feed the baby! enjoy life, and dont sweat the small stuff!

i feel your daughter's pain!! i just gave birth to my 1st child on july 1st. he is a beautiful, healthy baby boy! i was blessed (or shall i say cursed) with very large breasts. i tried breastfeeding for 2 whole weeks all the while getting advice on here and also using a lac consultant. nothing worked well enough for me to continue. i really wanted to breastfeed since i understand all the benefits and heard about the whole "bonding experience". not for me! from day 1 my child would not latch on! we tried it all!! after a few days i had to resort to formula to supplement, then when my milk finally came in on day 5...he would latch while i was wearing a breast shield. he eventually got soooo fussy that he no longer would take the breast even with the shield. so i pumped for a few days. i had a c-section that dehisced, so certain breastfeeding positions were not feasible.

adding to the drama of trying to breastfeed, i was diagnosed with postpartum depression!! i believe that the guilt i was given over not breastfeeding contributed to it in some way. my mental health is more important at this time vs. breastfeeding. i could not even see my son's face while he was feeding since my breasts are sooo large! i feel like we are bonding much better over a bottle where we can actually meet eye to eye!

he is still very healthy and gaining weight!! my pediatrician said it is fine that he is on formula. i refuse to let other women make me feel like less of a mother because i did not continue to breastfeed. at least i gave it an honest try.