Watch Your Language - Breast Isn't Best!

jkaee · Jul 20, 2005

Oh, so many things to address......

I do agree with Fergus that we can't and shouldn't make bottle feeding moms feel guilty. However, I do think that we need to make a big change in how breastfeeding is portrayed and tell moms point blank the advantages to nursing and the disadvantages to formula. I can't tell you how many times I've been asked "When are you going to wean....Your babies are too dependent on you, get them on the bottle....." or how I've been looked at weird for breastfeeding in front of other people (the HORROR). It is undeniable that breastfeeding is the best way to feed and nuture your infant. Does that mean you can't with bottle feeding? Of course not. But I've heard way too often from too many moms that they just couldn't be bothered with breastfeeding because it's too demanding, or they want dad to get up with the baby at night, or breastfed babies need to eat too much and "I just can't sit still for that long." It's these, to be brutally honest, selfish reasons that we need to address. We need to slowly and carefully change the whole concept of motherhood. The problem goes way beyond simply nourishing your baby, in my humble opinion.

I'd go on but I have a 2 year old trying to climb on my lap. I'm interested to continue this discussion and see where it goes. Thanks to the OP to posting this article. I may print it out and pass it around to some of my friends.

LPN_mn · Jul 20, 2005

This is a very interesting subject. I was just thinking about when my children were born. My oldest in 1983, I was 18 years old. No one even spoke to me about breastfeeding. I was just given a pill to take and never produced milk. She was bottle fed with carnation milk, water, and karo syrup mixture. This was recommended by her pediatrician, which was my pediatrician when I was a child. My second was born in military hospital in 1985, again no one even spoke to me about breast feeding. I tried to breast feed but like many others gave up after a couple of weeks when it was just to trying for me and baby. He was so stressed that he just wouldn't eat, probably because I was a basket case and there was no one to turn to. 1987 my 3rd child was born and I decided I was not going through the same thing again so he was bottled fed. 1989 my 4th was so sick that breastfeeding was not even discussed. She is the only one of my children that had store bought formula and it was very expensive and had to have prescription to get it. I can see why alot of mothers do not breastfeed. I do not feel quilty about it and I don't let others make me feel quilty. My children have all been healthy and have only been to the doctor for injuries, yearly physicals, and well baby checks when they were small. I am all for letting the mother decide on the method of nurishing her child. I say to tell the mother about the advantages of breast vs bottle and then support whatever decision that is made. It is a shame that a mother is made to feel quilty about not breastfeeding at a time that should be a very joyous occasion in her life.

allamericangirl · Jul 20, 2005

and because i love to stir up the winds of controversy, i'll share this article with everyone and see what they think.
http://www.bobrow.net/kimberly/birth/bflanguage.html
what do you all think of this article?
alison

my daughter is trying to breast-feed and is totally guilt ridden because it is not working out. she is going in every two days to someone who is counseling her. what is so natural about that?! it makes me angry that this has become such an issue. just more jabber rhetoric to keep the female chained to guilt, promoted by, whom else? other women ... as usual! lezz jes keep them wemen down! stupid crap!! :angryfire feed the baby! enjoy life, and dont sweat the small stuff!

onehusbandsevenkids · Jul 20, 2005

my daughter is trying to breast-feed and is totally guilt ridden because it is not working out. she is going in every two days to someone who is counseling her. what is so natural about that?! it makes me angry that this has become such an issue. just more jabber rhetoric to keep the female chained to guilt, promoted by, whom else? other women ... as usual! lezz jes keep them wemen down! stupid crap!! :angryfire feed the baby! enjoy life, and dont sweat the small stuff!

well...in other cultures she wouldn't even have to leave the house to get help. other women would be around almost always for any needed help & support.

america is sooo far from that as we all know.

jabber rhetoric? wow. isn't our job as mothers to do the best we can for our children? women should be supporting women in that. breast is best. formula is artifical & inferior. no one can dispute that.

why would a mother not want to give her baby what is clearly the best?

who knows what true affects formula has on a body?

you say enjoy life and don't sweat the small stuff. well, its my opinion that a baby's nutrition isn't exactly "the small stuff." and i certainly don't think advocating for mothers to breastfeed is "trying to keep a woman down." wow. i'm a bit stunned by this post.

bravo to your daughter for breastfeeding and for seeking help & support!!

i'm sure there will be plenty of issues your daughter will seek help/guidance on while raising her child - this just happens to be one of them.

KRVRN, BSN, RN · Jul 20, 2005

I had problems breastfeeding for the first few weeks. She wouldn't latch! I was terrified that I would not be able to breastfeed, lose my milk etc etc. I had always asumed I would breastfeed, and there I was, considering stopping after about a week. I was also dealing with PP depression and of course, lack of sleep. A lactation consultant put it plainly: Get milk and feed baby. As long as the baby receives milk, be it (ideally) breast milk or formula (if need be)... and as long as you protect your milk supply if the baby isn't feeding at the breast (pumping), everything else can be learned and will come in time. Hearing that plain and simple statement really helped me.

allnurses Guide · Jul 20, 2005

Oh, so many things to address......
I do agree with Fergus that we can't and shouldn't make bottle feeding moms feel guilty. However, I do think that we need to make a big change in how breastfeeding is portrayed and tell moms point blank the advantages to nursing and the disadvantages to formula. I can't tell you how many times I've been asked "When are you going to wean....Your babies are too dependent on you, get them on the bottle....." or how I've been looked at weird for breastfeeding in front of other people (the HORROR). It is undeniable that breastfeeding is the best way to feed and nuture your infant. Does that mean you can't with bottle feeding? Of course not. But I've heard way too often from too many moms that they just couldn't be bothered with breastfeeding because it's too demanding, or they want dad to get up with the baby at night, or breastfed babies need to eat too much and "I just can't sit still for that long." It's these, to be brutally honest, selfish reasons that we need to address. We need to slowly and carefully change the whole concept of motherhood. The problem goes way beyond simply nourishing your baby, in my humble opinion.
I'd go on but I have a 2 year old trying to climb on my lap. I'm interested to continue this discussion and see where it goes. Thanks to the OP to posting this article. I may print it out and pass it around to some of my friends.

Good post . . .. those who think breasfeeding is indiscreet should really stop and look into the windows at Victoria Secret sometime. Right there in the mall . . . . . thongs, cleavage, etc. :rolleyes:

I found the article interesting - I try very hard not to make moms who are having a hard time or are ambivalent feel bad.

I breastfeed all my kids - the first one for 6 months only because I was encouraged to get him on a bottle and didn't know better. I breastfed the other three 18 months, 3 years and 3 1/2 years.

Educate without the guilt trip . .

steph

allnurses Guide · Jul 20, 2005

This is a very interesting subject. I was just thinking about when my children were born. My oldest in 1983, I was 18 years old. No one even spoke to me about breastfeeding. I was just given a pill to take and never produced milk. She was bottle fed with carnation milk, water, and karo syrup mixture. This was recommended by her pediatrician, which was my pediatrician when I was a child. My second was born in military hospital in 1985, again no one even spoke to me about breast feeding. I tried to breast feed but like many others gave up after a couple of weeks when it was just to trying for me and baby. He was so stressed that he just wouldn't eat, probably because I was a basket case and there was no one to turn to. 1987 my 3rd child was born and I decided I was not going through the same thing again so he was bottled fed. 1989 my 4th was so sick that breastfeeding was not even discussed. She is the only one of my children that had store bought formula and it was very expensive and had to have prescription to get it. I can see why alot of mothers do not breastfeed. I do not feel quilty about it and I don't let others make me feel quilty. My children have all been healthy and have only been to the doctor for injuries, yearly physicals, and well baby checks when they were small. I am all for letting the mother decide on the method of nurishing her child. I say to tell the mother about the advantages of breast vs bottle and then support whatever decision that is made. It is a shame that a mother is made to feel quilty about not breastfeeding at a time that should be a very joyous occasion in her life.

The Karo syrup and Carnation milk thing is so interesting . . . . my mom's generation were taught that . . amazing that it is still around.

steph

allamericangirl · Jul 20, 2005

Well...in other cultures she wouldn't even have to leave the house to get help. Other women would be around almost always for any needed help & support.
America is sooo far from that as we all know.
Jabber rhetoric? Wow. Isn't our job as mothers to do the best we can for our children? Women should be supporting women in that. Breast IS best. Formula is artifical & inferior. No one can dispute that.
Why would a mother not want to give her baby what is clearly the best?
Who knows what true affects formula has on a body?
You say enjoy life and don't sweat the small stuff. Well, its my opinion that a baby's nutrition isn't exactly "the small stuff." And I certainly don't think advocating for mothers to breastfeed is "trying to keep a woman down." Wow. I'm a bit stunned by this post.
Bravo to your daughter for breastfeeding and for seeking help & support!!
I'm sure there will be plenty of issues your daughter will seek help/guidance on while raising her child - this just happens to be one of them.

The bottom line is feed the baby. The rest is small stuff! I hate to see femme macho get in the way of what should be the happiest time of her life.

I failed at breast feeding and it didnt make my daughter an inferior human being because she had SMA instead of mothers milk. I hate to see my grandson end up in ICU because he is not getting noursiment.

(Bravo to your daughter for breastfeeding and for seeking help & support!!

I'm sure there will be plenty of issues your daughter will seek help/guidance on while raising her child - this just happens to be one of them.)

In the mean time, the baby is not getting fed ... how would you like to

go a week without nourisment? What kind of healty start is that? That is NOT small stuff... the rest is small stuff! :stone

lucky4timesover · Jul 20, 2005

This subject is kind of personal to alot of people. I am a breastfeeding mother who has bf all 3 of my boys for at least 14 months. I have kept this up even through nursing school. To tell you the truth, most people that I know or have met think that breastfeeding is gross. They have point blank told me to my face that me breastfeeding my own children is GROSS. A woman showing much more of her breasts in her tube top than me with my blanket is acceptable:o . I think that they need to be educated. Many of my dh relatives were quite angry at me because this meant they couldn't keep the baby overnight right away (like they would have if he had been bottlefed, yeah right). When I approached the 6 month mark I was asked many many times when I was going to be done and put the baby on a bottle where he belonged. I think personally that most women just don't want to be bothered. At least, this is the attitude that I have encountered alot. They don't want to pump or don't want to be the only one to feed the baby or they want to be able to leave the baby whenever they want without worrying. This is a selfish attitude, and I know I am going to be flamed for this, but the proposal by our culture that you are being deprived if you can't do what YOU want when YOU want is what is driving it. For those women who really can't bf their baby no one should ever make them feel guilty. BUT, for those who don't want to be bothered, why not make them feel a little guilty? The main job as a parent is to do the best you can for your children, this includes at least TRYING to give them the best nourishment, which is breastmilk.

SmilingBluEyes · Jul 20, 2005

I think it's sad so many women are pressured into one way of feeding and made to feel inadequate if they can't breastfeed. It's to the point where we had a mother of triplets who had a breast reduction wanting to solely breastfeed her babies in tears because she was told that may not be a possibility......
I'm pro breastfeeding, but in the end the most important thing is that the baby eats and does well. If that's with formula then so be it.

VERY, VERY well said! ITA 100% . It need not be so controversial. We advocate for our patients, whatever their decisions. That ought be the bottom line.

allnurses Guide · Jul 20, 2005

This subject is kind of personal to alot of people. I am a breastfeeding mother who has bf all 3 of my boys for at least 14 months. I have kept this up even through nursing school. To tell you the truth, most people that I know or have met think that breastfeeding is gross. They have point blank told me to my face that me breastfeeding my own children is GROSS. A woman showing much more of her breasts in her tube top than me with my blanket is acceptable:o . I think that they need to be educated. Many of my dh relatives were quite angry at me because this meant they couldn't keep the baby overnight right away (like they would have if he had been bottlefed, yeah right). When I approached the 6 month mark I was asked many many times when I was going to be done and put the baby on a bottle where he belonged. I think personally that most women just don't want to be bothered. At least, this is the attitude that I have encountered alot. They don't want to pump or don't want to be the only one to feed the baby or they want to be able to leave the baby whenever they want without worrying. This is a selfish attitude, and I know I am going to be flamed for this, but the proposal by our culture that you are being deprived if you can't do what YOU want when YOU want is what is driving it. For those women who really can't bf their baby no one should ever make them feel guilty. BUT, for those who don't want to be bothered, why not make them feel a little guilty? The main job as a parent is to do the best you can for your children, this includes at least TRYING to give them the best nourishment, which is breastmilk.

Because making them feel guilty only makes them defensive and does you absolutely no good in trying to encourage breastfeeding. I had new moms of 2nd and 3rd babies tell me that they wouldn't even consider trying breastfeeding because they were treated so shabbily by a nurse when they were either struggling with breastfeeding or had decided not to breasfeed.

When we make someone feel guilty - we are doing to non-breastfeeding mothers what the folks who are chastizing you are doing . .. . . . it isn't helpful. Maybe being compassionate might just plant a seed . . .

steph (not flaming - just discussing)

SmilingBluEyes · Jul 20, 2005

THANK YOU for saying this. First off, I think hospitals need to stop handing out formula in the gift packages they give out to new moms. It is well-documented in the research data that this undermines breastfeeding efforts. This violates medical ethics in my opinion. I remember when I left the hospital with my son, the nurse tried to push it on me. Her final argument, "What if there's an emergency??!?!" cracked me up. Um, if there's no electricity or running water, I will surely rely on my breasts to work far more than a panicked trip to the grocery store for water bottles!!!! In the end, I was really appalled how much she was trying to push the can of formula, especially since she was a baby nurse in a supposedly pro-breastfeeding hospital. I complained to her supervisor.
Advertising needs to be SEVERELY restricted as well, and in some countries, I understand that formula is available by prescription only.
I would accept formula money for breastfeeding education only if they would be disallowed from making decisions on content. Their own breastfeeding pamphlets are so skewed that history has shown they cannot be trusted. I mean, c'mon, do we completely trust Phillip Morris' anti-smoking campaign? But in theory, I'm with ya on the idea. Heck, we could use the money to ensure a greater number of IBCLC's get educated.
Alison

Where I used to work, we were required by our peds to remove formula and its ads from the bags for breastfeeding moms. I think, too, the bags need to go. IF a person elects to formula feed, so be it. But giving out formula ads and bags to EVERYONE really, really grates on me, badly. And I don't like being "bought" by formula reps----they buy us dinners, bring us pens, chocolate etc. I don't eat their food and try not to use their pens, either.