Was my professor out of line?

Nursing Students General Students

Published

My professor told me some things during a discussion that has really bothered me and I just wanted to get others' opinions on this. I had a meeting with her because I was struggling in class. She asked me what my priorities are and I said #1 is my husband and kids and #2 is nursing school. She was not happy with my answer and said I need to move nursing up on my priority list, meaning nursing school should come first and not my family. I have 2 young kids and they and my husband will always be number one no matter what, and I told her that. She seemed displeased with my answer and said school will only be 2 years of my life. Anyways, ever since I went against what she thought my priorities should be, she has treated me differently. Should I be putting nursing ahead of my family? Nursing is a very high priority to me, but nothing is more important than being there for my family. I don't know if she started treating me differently because she thinks I don't care or the fact that I did not budge on something I feel very strongly about.

Another thing that has been bothering me. I had a discussion with her about how I was having difficulty balancing my family life with nursing and that I felt guilty about not spending as much time with my kids. After I said that she asked if I was Catholic. I said no, why do you ask. She said she asked that because I seem to carry around a lot guilt. I was really shocked by this. I don't understand why she would ask me about my religion in the first place and how does it have anything to do with being Catholic?! Am I looking at this wrong or were her remarks inappropriate?

I find it odd that anyone would need to proclaim that their kid's come first. Who(m) are you trying to convince, yourself?

A sick child should come before studying, but if you can't bear to miss a soccer game or school play then there's really no reason to waste your money on nursing school because you won't graduate. Kids remember the QUALITY of time spent with mom and dad - not the quantity. One can stay home all day with one's kids, but if the tv is babysitting little Timmy, what's the point?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
What I know is that documentation must be provided. The teachers follow policy of their institutions. My first week in the anatomy and physiology courses, my brother passed away. I had to travel a few thousand miles, so I made the decision to stay in school and I didn't miss a day. On the other hand, I was unable to concentrate nor I didn't comprehend the material. Yes, it was tough that I lost another love of my life. I couldn't just switch off my mind from the sudden death of my youngest brother. However, I withdrew from all of my classes because I scored in all exams terribly. My professors guided and advised me that I could provide documentation to re-register in the same classes. I wouldn't have to pay another tuition fees.

In the nursing program, I'm speculating that it's different.

Hopefully everything worked out for you

Up Vote Up Vote ×
So you are suggesting I lie and tell her "baloney" just to appease her? Sorry, but I don't think so. Maybe I'm one of those rare people who believes in honesty. I'm pretty sure that's a very important character trait for a nurse to have, and I'm not going to lie and say what she wants to hear. Sorry, but I intend on being an honest nurse.

Good luck with that holier than thou "I'm the only honest nurse" thing. You are young, new, fresh & still have the "I'm going to light the world on fire" new nurse attitude. That'll burn off soon enough. Not being mean or nasty, that's being HONEST.

You'll find MANY times honesty isn't an option. I'm not going to write a book explaining why. These things will unfold as time goes by & you gain more experience.

You will learn a balance of common sense, discretion, intuition & honesty. Patients (and families) often aren't ready to hear the truth when you are ready to give it. It's about your patients.

You sound uptight, angry & defensive. If you don't get that under control, you aren't going to survive school let alone what comes after.

Do what's right for you & your family. You seem very sure confident. You don't need to come here (all nurses) for validation. Find it within yourself.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Cath/EP lab, CCU, Cardiac stepdown.

Come on people, let's tone it down. And let's just agree that for the most part, it's not black and white. It's about balance. And stop taking things so literally people. I'm sure those who say their kids are their number # 1 priority don't actually mean every second with their kids comes first. I'm sure they have more common sense than to skip exam day because little Ashley did a somersault and that meant pancakes at ihop for celebration.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Why make the proclamation that your kids are 1st priority? Frankly, that should go without saying. Are you insinuating that other nursing students don't put their family first? When you enroll in a program, it should also go without saying that school will be a top priority-- or why are you there(?). There is no excuse short of illness for doing subpar work.

It would be interesting to know why OP is "struggling in class?" Using the excuse(yes, excuse) that your family is "top priority" doesn't cut it.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I had a similar run in with a professor during nursing school, minus the religion comment (which I think may have been tongue in cheek anyway possibly). So, in my case in the end, I agreed to disagree with my professor, and moved on. Long story short, I could have consistently excelled in class and clinicals, but had to spread myself very thin between school, studying, work and family. I was chastised and told that I should neglect my family concerns, as they would still be there in a couple of years. I disagreed with that, so I just lived with getting only a few hours of sleep a night to make it all work. I wasn't the top student, but I did well. We make our own choices and move on. I can live with that, and I didn't miss my kid growing up.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

To make matters worse, the instructor went out of her way to offer advice and rather than simply ask the woman what she meant by the religious comment, you place onus on her when you're the one in need of help.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Cath/EP lab, CCU, Cardiac stepdown.
Why make the proclamation that your kids are 1st priority? Frankly, that should go without saying. Are you insinuating that other nursing students don't put their family first? When you enroll in a program, it should also go without saying that school will be a top priority-- or why are you there(?). There is no excuse short of illness for doing subpar work.

It would be interesting to know why OP is "struggling in class?" Using the excuse(yes, excuse) that your family is "top priority" doesn't cut it.

Just a reminder that we don't know the op's exact situation in which led to subpar grades. And let's not accuse the op of accusing other nursing students who are mothers of not putting their kids first. Sometimes one finds offense in every thing when no offense was intended. Also op did say school is a top priority, just not as number 1. She says it's number 2.

Debate and opinions are great and a part of all nurses. But let's not escalate it into flaming wars or personal attacks.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

@RescueNinja.

In the first paragraph, I was speaking about several posters, not just Op. That said, if school is a top priority, your grades should reflect it.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in hospice.
@RescueNinja.

In the first paragraph, I was speaking about several posters, not just Op. That said, if school is a top priority, your grades should reflect it.

Guess what? My theory average is currently over 90% and I know my CI is happy with my performance....and school is NOT my top priority. You're spinning a false yarn that the only way to be successful is to neglect your family.

PS your posts drip with derision and scorn toward moms who put their kids first. If that's not intentional, you should reevaluate your language choices. If it is intentional, that says a lot more about you than the people you're attacking.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Cath/EP lab, CCU, Cardiac stepdown.
@RescueNinja.

In the first paragraph, I was speaking about several posters, not just Op. That said, if school is a top priority, your grades should reflect it.

That is actually not true. Just because you put something as your to top priority doesn't mean that it will pay out. That's just too idealistic to be true.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Guess what? My theory average is currently over 90% and I know my CI is happy with my performance....and school is NOT my top priority. You're spinning a false yarn that the only way to be successful is to neglect your family.

PS your posts drip with derision and scorn toward moms who put their kids first. If that's not intentional, you should reevaluate your language choices. If it is intentional, that says a lot more about you than the people you're attacking.

Guess what? I'm not spinning anything. I've already commented and agreed with those that said that family and school can co-exist as top priorities. I never said or intimated that one's family needs to be neglected to achieve success. If dad or another loving caregiver is with the kids, there is no neglect. The kids know that mommy is at school or studying during a specific time.

You still haven't stated what you mean when you type that your family is your top priority? Please share an example. I don't know anyone, myself included, whose family is not their top priority. That doesn't mean that I don't handle my business and go out into the world armed to succeed, even if it means that my two year old won't see me until morning because I didn't get home until 11pm due to late clinical.

P.S., your pseudo-psychoanalysis drips of presumption. You seem to suffer from cognitive dissonance by not being able to hold the thought that family and school can be top priorities, if not for you than for others.

I'm rushed for time at the moment, so my comment isn't as thorough as it could've been.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment