Was my professor out of line?

lovinglife2015 · Apr 5, 2015

My professor told me some things during a discussion that has really bothered me and I just wanted to get others' opinions on this. I had a meeting with her because I was struggling in class. She asked me what my priorities are and I said #1 is my husband and kids and #2 is nursing school. She was not happy with my answer and said I need to move nursing up on my priority list, meaning nursing school should come first and not my family. I have 2 young kids and they and my husband will always be number one no matter what, and I told her that. She seemed displeased with my answer and said school will only be 2 years of my life. Anyways, ever since I went against what she thought my priorities should be, she has treated me differently. Should I be putting nursing ahead of my family? Nursing is a very high priority to me, but nothing is more important than being there for my family. I don't know if she started treating me differently because she thinks I don't care or the fact that I did not budge on something I feel very strongly about.
Another thing that has been bothering me. I had a discussion with her about how I was having difficulty balancing my family life with nursing and that I felt guilty about not spending as much time with my kids. After I said that she asked if I was Catholic. I said no, why do you ask. She said she asked that because I seem to carry around a lot guilt. I was really shocked by this. I don't understand why she would ask me about my religion in the first place and how does it have anything to do with being Catholic?! Am I looking at this wrong or were her remarks inappropriate?

Try to put aside the Catholic snark and focus on what she was really saying. She believes that you are carrying around guilt(for whatever reason) and she believes that it's affecting your performance. You have to ask yourself if her assessment is based in reality and what you can do to overcome or a least not let it hinder you.

Kandy83 · Apr 7, 2015

Let me look into my crystal ball, I have feeling that a thread lock is coming soon:sneaky:. In before the lock, who has some popcorn?

suanna · Apr 8, 2015

OMG what a completely inappropriate conversation. Did she ask you haow often you have sex and your favorite position? The appropriate answer to any of those questions is "NUNYA" . Unfortunately, that isn't going to win you friends and influence many people in power. The best answer to "what are your priorities?" is they vary with the demands at the time. There are many times when my Nursing education takes president over my familys' needs, but there are still occasions when, as a mother of small children, I have to place thier health and safety first. Of course my husband is always a priority in that he facilitates my participation in my Nursing education." As to the "Catholic" question- I think I'd have to report that to a higher authority at the school. I would ask that they take no action at the moment in that you are under the scrutiny of this person and her peers, but you are concerned about such a prejudicial question being posed by a person of authority. I would want that comment documented in my school file, just in case your place in the Nursing program suddenly "goes belly up". It can be a back-up plan to sue the school for discrimination for the amount you would have earned if you had finished your BSN, gone on to get your MSN/PHDRN, and taken a job as a CNO of a major hospital group in 10 or so years. I hear the big ones pay high 3 figures for a CNO.

psu_213, BSN, RN · Apr 8, 2015

OMG what a completely inappropriate conversation. Did she ask you haow often you have sex and your favorite position?
I would want that comment documented in my school file, just in case your place in the Nursing program suddenly "goes belly up". It can be a back-up plan to sue the school for discrimination for the amount you would have earned if you had finished your BSN, gone on to get your MSN/PHDRN, and taken a job as a CNO of a major hospital group in 10 or so years.

Are you serious in trying to equate the two questions or is my sarcasm meter broken?

Anyway, you can't sue for discrimination for a single insensitive remark. You would have to prove that you were actually discriminated against on the basis of religion. Plus, if the school goes "belly up" you would be in even less of a position to collect money from the school. What money would someone get from a bankrupt institution?

phi21 · Apr 8, 2015

Sometimes the way people say things and the way it sounds comes across as inappropriate, but is not meant as such. I think your lecturer has a point, if you are trying to spread yourself between work, studying and your husband and children eventually there will be cracks and things will fall through. I believe that -just for now- you should try and make nursing your priority, I'm not saying forget your family-im just saying that you should focus a little more on it. Your children will- in the long run -learn the rewards of hard work and dedication. And no one says that you can't make your family your absolute priority when you are off- take a day and just do things with your family. But otherwise focus on your studies and work. It is not forever, you will finish nursing school and things will return to the way they were.

About the religious remark- your religion is your own business she doesn't need to ask that...it wasn't necessary.

But really, it is up to you. And the way you want to finish your studies.

Good luck!

biscuit4445 · Apr 12, 2015

You need to see that your instructor is trying to help you to the best of their ability. What you believe changes what you see. Think about this for awhile. If you believe she is trying to scold you in some way then that is how you will see this. If you believe she is trying to help you then this is what you will see.

I don't know of any instructor that goes out of their way to prevent students from being successful. Quiet the opposite. They go out of their way to help you be successful. If you are the type of student who always looks for faults, you will find them as no one is perfect.

I don't really agree with her asking about your religion but I can see where she would be coming from as most Catholics seem to have guilt complexes from their religious up bringing. I myself included.

Get a life and stop whining, instead learn from the wisdom and move on.

brandiep1982 · Apr 14, 2015

Your professor sounds like she has some serious prejudices. This is her issue, not yours. No one can tell you where your priorities should lie except you. Do not change those for anyone. Be strong and firm in your morals. If she thinks nursing school should be higher than family, that is great for her. But she does not have to live your life or suffer consequences that could come from the changes you may make. You do. Good for you for not backing down.

On another note, one professor's opinion doesn't matter. If you keep your nose to grindstone your actions will show your abilities. It won't matter what she says.

In the end, be respectful no matter how nasty she may be, and don't take it personal. Her issues are her own... they have nothing to do with you.

brandiep1982 · Apr 14, 2015

In response to buscuit 4445: There are a lot of unfair generalizations in this response. I don't see how it is helpful to tell anyone to get a life and stop whining.

kimmyanne02 · Apr 14, 2015

Biscuit4445,

I don't really understand why you told me to quit whining and get a life. Can you explain what exactly you mean? I'm not whining. Maybe I'm wrong, but isn't this a place for nurses and nursing students to discuss issues and get advice and support? I explained the situation and asked for feedback. How is this whining and how do I not have a life? I certainly hope you are not the one taking care of me or one of my loved ones someday with such a cold disposition. Maybe it would suit you better to re evaluate your attitude than telling me to get a life. If you are a nurse, do you tell your patients to stop whining if they are in pain and to get a life if they seem distressed? Have you ever heard of therapeutic communication? No wonder healthcare has gone downhill. It's due to heartless people like yourself.

kimmyanne02 · Apr 14, 2015

Biscuit4445,

Okay. Now it all makes sense. Your profile says pre-nursing student. You haven't the foggiest idea what you are even talking about, but you will soon understand the emotional tug-of-war that happens in nursing school. I am already a licensed nurse and I certainly don't need comments from someone who isn't even in a nursing program and doesn't understand the stress that nurses and students are under. When you are in nursing school, you will learn about what is in your "scope of knowledge" and I have to say, you definitely don't have the knowledge to make any kind of comment unless you have experienced for yourself what nurses and students go through.

kimmyanne02 · Apr 14, 2015

In response to buscuit 4445: There are a lot of unfair generalizations in this response. I don't see how it is helpful to tell anyone to get a life and stop whining.

Thank you brandiep1982. You are absolutely right. It is not helpful at all for someone to say that and it provides no meaningful contribution to this thread.

kimmyanne02 · Apr 14, 2015

Are you serious in trying to equate the two questions or is my sarcasm meter broken?
Anyway, you can't sue for discrimination for a single insensitive remark. You would have to prove that you were actually discriminated against on the basis of religion. Plus, if the school goes "belly up" you would be in even less of a position to collect money from the school. What money would someone get from a bankrupt institution?

She didn't say if the nursing program goes belly up. She said that in regards to my standing in the nursing program, in which case her comment makes complete sense and is good advice.