Was my professor out of line?

FloridaGatorRN · Mar 26, 2015

They were very innapropriate as is her treatment of you. I would address it up the chain of command at your school. You deserve an environment that is conducive to the learning experience.

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Mar 26, 2015

I think her inquiry about whether you were Catholic was a tad bit inappropriate.

However, do not take this wrong: in some instances we must tell people what they want to hear. Some self-righteous folks may want to shout me down for my views. However, total honesty is not always the best policy.

People, such as your instructor, claim to want the truth. However, they cannot always handle the truth in an unbiased manner. Your instructor wanted to hear that school was your number one priority.

Perhaps your instructor heard your response and has twisted it to fit her inner narrative. Many people who hear that school is second on your priority list might be thinking, "Hell, then she must not really care if she flunks out."

Here's a dirty little secret: adults with families who return to school shift their priorities all the time, and the kids are not damaged because of it. Many people increase the amount of time they spend on school and decrease the amount of time they spend with spouses and children. It is a temporary shift, and things return to equilibrium once school ends.

Good luck to you.

vanilla bean · Mar 26, 2015

So, you were meeting with a professor because you're struggling with class, and she *gasp!* suggested that you make school your priority?! Outrageous! No, but seriously... IMO, she was giving you good advice - if you're struggling because you're stretching yourself too thin and prioritizing non-school related activities, then it would be logical to suggest that you shift your priorities (temporarily) while in school. I assume you were asking for her advice on how to succeed with school, and she offered you a perfectly reasonable opinion.

As far as introducing religion into the conversation, well, here I think she was out of line. It's none of her business which religion, if any, you are affiliated with, and certainly none of her business to offer her personal opinion about it (assuming she was not asked for her opinion on that topic).

Emergent, RN · Mar 26, 2015

If you are struggling and want to finish nursing school and become a nurse, you and your family need to all make sacrifices. Otherwise, stay in everyone's comfort zone, relax with your family, and let nursing slip away.

Of course, your kids will see your example.

CMBPRN82 · Mar 26, 2015

She's treating you like this because nursing is a very demanding profession. Some people will always have different opinions than yours. You need to choose what your priorities are.

kimmyanne02 · Mar 26, 2015

So, you were meeting with a professor because you're struggling with class, and she *gasp!* suggested that you make school your priority?! Outrageous! No, but seriously... IMO, she was giving you good advice - if you're struggling because you're stretching yourself too thin and prioritizing non-school related activities, then it would be logical to suggest that you shift your priorities (temporarily) while in school. I assume you were asking for her advice on how to succeed with school, and she offered you a perfectly reasonable opinion.
As far as introducing religion into the conversation, well, here I think she was out of line. It's none of her business which religion, if any, you are affiliated with, and certainly none of her business to offer her personal opinion about it (assuming she was not asked for her opinion on that topic).

I did not ask for her advice on any of those things I mentioned. I did bad on a test, she said come to my office, and asked me those questions. Also, as I mentioned, school is my priority, but I am not going to put my children lower on my priority list. Never, ever in any situation. As a mother also, I would think she would respect and understand my dilemma. Would you mind keeping the condescending undertones to a minimum? I truly would like honest opinions that can be given in a respectful manner.

kimmyanne02 · Mar 26, 2015

She's treating you like this because nursing is a very demanding profession. Some people will always have different opinions than yours. You need to choose what your priorities are.

Did you read my entire post? I have chosen my priorities. I can't have 2 number one priorities. If my child needs me, and it conflicts with school, I choose my child. You are right. People will have different opinions than me, but when my opinion is asked for, and I give it, and then told I'm wrong, what am I supposed to do? I told her I understand where she is coming from, but that being a good mother is something my children will always remember and is what will matter when I look back on my life.

SubSippi · Mar 26, 2015

Of course if your child really needs you, you'll be there. I doubt your teacher was implying that you should disregard your children's needs in order to be a nurse.

What I think she probably meant is that you shift the smaller aspects of your priorities...like nursing school should be the priority over taking your kids to a birthday party the weekend before a test, or staying up making cupcakes for a fundraiser when you have clinicals in the morning. Not so much that since you're in nursing school, your kids have to eat popcorn for dinner every night and you need to cancel their doctor's appointments, because you have to study.

It's okay to be selfish sometimes, and it sets a good example for your children to see you working hard to accomplish your goals. Even if they are too young to understand now, they'll be proud of you one day!

It's only two years, hopefully you can enlist the help of your husband, so you kids are getting what they need, even if it isn't from you!

And the Catholic thing...Catholics carrying around a lot of guilt is a stereotype. People usually use the phrase "Catholic guilt" in a tongue-in-cheek type of way. Although it may have been inappropriate, I'm pretty sure she meant it as a joke, not as a genuine inquiry about your religion. I wouldn't read into that too much.

Good luck! Don't get discouraged, just about everyone fails a few tests!

Alisonisayoshi, LVN · Mar 26, 2015

I am a wife and a mother, I agree with your instructor. Nursing school is priority one while I'm here. In doing this my children are learning the value of hard work, dedication, and education. My family has come together as a support system for me. My children have become more responsible. My husband has picked up more than his fair share of responsibility as well. All to make my goal number one. My goal is all of our priority really. It's a really short period of time for me and my needs to be the most important thing in our family. But you know what? I figured out I'd been putting myself second for way too long anyhow. It feels amazing to feel like a priority in my own life, and I plan to keep myself a priority long after nursing school is done. I don't need the world on my shoulders, my needs can come first, I'm not a martyr to my family. Putting nursing school first (translation my wants and needs) taught me that taking care of me isn't selfish, it's actually rather necessary.

caliotter3 · Mar 26, 2015

The remarks about religion were out of line. I don't know what you expected of her reaction to your priorities. There is such a thing as telling a person who has the upper hand what they want to hear or saying as little as possible. Nobody said you have to practice the baloney you tell her. If her demeanor toward you bothers you that much, then, complain about her and see how that improves matters.

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Mar 26, 2015

If my child needs me, and it conflicts with school, I choose my child.

I'll repeat that millions of loving moms and devoted dads temporarily shift their personal priorities to their studies when they make the decision to return to school. And in the long run, millions of children love and respect their parents even more because they saw mommy/daddy make their futures a little brighter by getting an education.

We must all sacrifice something if we want to succeed. If you're willing to miss clinical practicum or perform poorly on exams so you can tend to a sick child, that's a respectable choice. However, your child will not remember the sick day 10 years from now, but you will have constant reminders of the once-promising career that never came to fruition.

We all have choices to make and sacrifices to take. Good luck!