Was my professor out of line?

Nursing Students General Students

Published

My professor told me some things during a discussion that has really bothered me and I just wanted to get others' opinions on this. I had a meeting with her because I was struggling in class. She asked me what my priorities are and I said #1 is my husband and kids and #2 is nursing school. She was not happy with my answer and said I need to move nursing up on my priority list, meaning nursing school should come first and not my family. I have 2 young kids and they and my husband will always be number one no matter what, and I told her that. She seemed displeased with my answer and said school will only be 2 years of my life. Anyways, ever since I went against what she thought my priorities should be, she has treated me differently. Should I be putting nursing ahead of my family? Nursing is a very high priority to me, but nothing is more important than being there for my family. I don't know if she started treating me differently because she thinks I don't care or the fact that I did not budge on something I feel very strongly about.

Another thing that has been bothering me. I had a discussion with her about how I was having difficulty balancing my family life with nursing and that I felt guilty about not spending as much time with my kids. After I said that she asked if I was Catholic. I said no, why do you ask. She said she asked that because I seem to carry around a lot guilt. I was really shocked by this. I don't understand why she would ask me about my religion in the first place and how does it have anything to do with being Catholic?! Am I looking at this wrong or were her remarks inappropriate?

Specializes in Emergency, Telemetry, Transplant.
She didn't say if the nursing program goes belly up. She said that in regards to my standing in the nursing program, in which case her comment makes complete sense and is good advice.

The "belly up" part was misread by me--I apologize. However, the idea that you can sue because of her comment still makes no sense.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ER, Psych.

When I was in nursing school 10+ years ago, I learned that you do and say what they want to hear. Of course you don't really feel that way or believe it BUT.....its what you do to get through.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I think that it was very unprofessional of them to have said such a thing to you! Of course they always want you to say exactly what they want to hear, but what do you think their answer is? Probably the same as yours! Which was the right answer! Family always comes first, and career second, I truly believe that. But that doesn't mean that it is a problem! You are obviously passionate about what you are going to school for, otherwise, you wouldn't be going to school for that in the first place! We choose this profession because we love it, we want to be caretakers and we want to help support our family.

And the guilt thing??? REALLY!? Here is a scenario for them, nursing student who is a mom... and GO! Um, I see that has high maintenance and workload stress.... but guilt? If you don't feel guilty, that is what matters! You are just trying to convey that you are busy with school, and that it may be affecting your family... Wow, this teacher is out of line!

I'm sorry that you had this experience, and I hope that things are better now! But you are doing a great job, working hard for your family, because they ARE number 1! Good luck in all of your schooling!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Neuro/ ENT.
When I was in nursing school 10+ years ago, I learned that you do and say what they want to hear. Of course you don't really feel that way or believe it BUT.....its what you do to get through.

But doesn't that directly contradict "integrity"?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
When I was in nursing school 10+ years ago, I learned that you do and say what they want to hear. Of course you don't really feel that way or believe it BUT.....its what you do to get through.

I understand what you are saying. It makes life easier to just say what they want to hear to avoid conflict. I just can't lie about my priorities when it comes to my family and their importance in my life. I just wanted to be honest with her. I do appreciate your comment though. It's nice to get lots of different perspectives on this situation.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
I understand what you are saying. It makes life easier to just say what they want to hear to avoid conflict. I just can't lie about my priorities when it comes to my family and their importance in my life. I just wanted to be honest with her. I do appreciate your comment though. It's nice to get lots of different perspectives on this situation.

At the end of the day, no one really cares(other than you and your family) about your priority rank, not even your Instructors. Instructors will fail you without batting an eyelash. She spoke with you to find out where you were coming from, but she's dealing with hundreds of students and she's probably forgotten you as soon as you walk out of the door or until next class.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
At the end of the day, no one really cares(other than you and your family) about your priority rank, not even your Instructors. Instructors will fail you without batting an eyelash. She spoke with you to find out where you were coming from, but she's dealing with hundreds of students and she's probably forgotten you as soon as you walk out of the door or until next class.

Others do care about my priorities and my instructor cares which is why she asked. I don't agree that instructors will fail you without batting an eyelash. The instructors at my school care very much about the success of each student and want us all to succeed. The instructors don't have hundreds of students. With my school, one instructor teaches the classes for one semester and there are only about 30 in a class, so they get to know us very well. Students don't get forgotten about, trust me.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Emergency, Telemetry, Transplant.
The instructors at my school care very much about the success of each student and want us all to succeed.

Which is exactly why she had a meeting with you…and then you turn around and call her inappropriate! Yes, the Catholic comment was minority inappropriate, but she was trying to help you and trying to get you to succeed--yet time and time again, you have tried to argued that she is a horrible person for suggesting that you put school first.

While instructor may care about each student (most do), if you don't meet the passing standard, they will fail you. No questions ask. You may not like the phrase "bat of an eyelash," but if do not have a passing grade or you do not have satisfactory attendance/performance in clinicals, an instructor will fail you; and, there will be no discussion of priorities, there will be no discussion of how much effort you put forth, no discussion of what a great, caring person you are. It may sound harsh, but that is how it is.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Others do care about my priorities and my instructor cares which is why she asked. I don't agree that instructors will fail you without batting an eyelash. The instructors at my school care very much about the success of each student and want us all to succeed. The instructors don't have hundreds of students. With my school, one instructor teaches the classes for one semester and there are only about 30 in a class, so they get to know us very well. Students don't get forgotten about, trust me.

Yes, the Instructor's goal is to help student's excel and pass, but as soon as you admit to her that nursing isn't your top priority and your grades reflect that, the Instructor will fail you without batting an eyelash.

Instructors invest their energy into students that want to be there.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med/Surg, Academics.
Did you read my entire post? I have chosen my priorities. I can't have 2 number one priorities. If my child needs me, and it conflicts with school, I choose my child. You are right. People will have different opinions than me, but when my opinion is asked for, and I give it, and then told I'm wrong, what am I supposed to do? I told her I understand where she is coming from, but that being a good mother is something my children will always remember and is what will matter when I look back on my life.

Asking others to keep their condescending posts to a minimum requires you to do the same. You could have written this post without the first sentence and succeeded in that.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med/Surg, Academics.
Come on people, let's tone it down. And let's just agree that for the most part, it's not black and white. It's about balance. And stop taking things so literally people. I'm sure those who say their kids are their number # 1 priority don't actually mean every second with their kids comes first. I'm sure they have more common sense than to skip exam day because little Ashley did a somersault and that meant pancakes at ihop for celebration.

We should hope, but some people use their kids as an excuse for failure or being too scared to challenge themselves. I know a couple people in my real life like that.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Which is exactly why she had a meeting with you…and then you turn around and call her inappropriate! Yes, the Catholic comment was minority inappropriate, but she was trying to help you and trying to get you to succeed--yet time and time again, you have tried to argued that she is a horrible person for suggesting that you put school first.

While instructor may care about each student (most do), if you don't meet the passing standard, they will fail you. No questions ask. You may not like the phrase "bat of an eyelash," but if do not have a passing grade or you do not have satisfactory attendance/performance in clinicals, an instructor will fail you; and, there will be no discussion of priorities, there will be no discussion of how much effort you put forth, no discussion of what a great, caring person you are. It may sound harsh, but that is how it is.

I never said she was a horrible person in any of my posts. Not sure where you are getting that from. I asked if her comments were inappropriate. I guess it's difficult to convey the context of the conversation without actually being there yourself. Her tone of voice, body language, and comments all contributed to the overall tone of our conversation, in which her attitude was negative and hostile. She asked me a question. I gave an honest answer.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment