Was my professor out of line?

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My professor told me some things during a discussion that has really bothered me and I just wanted to get others' opinions on this. I had a meeting with her because I was struggling in class. She asked me what my priorities are and I said #1 is my husband and kids and #2 is nursing school. She was not happy with my answer and said I need to move nursing up on my priority list, meaning nursing school should come first and not my family. I have 2 young kids and they and my husband will always be number one no matter what, and I told her that. She seemed displeased with my answer and said school will only be 2 years of my life. Anyways, ever since I went against what she thought my priorities should be, she has treated me differently. Should I be putting nursing ahead of my family? Nursing is a very high priority to me, but nothing is more important than being there for my family. I don't know if she started treating me differently because she thinks I don't care or the fact that I did not budge on something I feel very strongly about.

Another thing that has been bothering me. I had a discussion with her about how I was having difficulty balancing my family life with nursing and that I felt guilty about not spending as much time with my kids. After I said that she asked if I was Catholic. I said no, why do you ask. She said she asked that because I seem to carry around a lot guilt. I was really shocked by this. I don't understand why she would ask me about my religion in the first place and how does it have anything to do with being Catholic?! Am I looking at this wrong or were her remarks inappropriate?

I had a classmate who missed a quiz because her mother passed away and she refused to let her take it/make it up.

Now that is cold for the teacher not to let a student make up a quiz/test. The student is enough grief and had alot of issues to take care of. How is she going to concentrate on exam/quiz? Is thus instructor without feeling?

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Specializes in LTC.
I had a classmate who missed a quiz because her mother passed away and she refused to let her take it/make it up.

Now that is cold for the teacher not to let a student make up a quiz/test. The student is enough grief and had alot of issues to take care of. How is she going to concentrate on exam/quiz? Is thus instructor without feeling?

My father died my last week of nursing school and guess what? I continued to show up because the rules of attendance were very, very clear and made known to all nursing students at the beginning of the program. I made it to his funeral and back to school to finish up and graduate. Life happens. It isn't always pretty, but we have hard choices to make. My instructors were not "cold" for upholding the rules. It's their job.

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Specializes in PACU.
My father died my last week of nursing school and guess what? I continued to show up because the rules of attendance were very, very clear and made known to all nursing students at the beginning of the program. I made it to his funeral and back to school to finish up and graduate. Life happens. It isn't always pretty, but we have hard choices to make. My instructors were not "cold" for upholding the rules. It's their job.

I think this is very common of nursing programs, and most of the time it's not because they want to make their students suffer. They can't give everyone a pass on the attendance policy, otherwise they would have to do it for everyone, extenuating circumstances or no, which would make it kind of pointless to have the attendance policy in the first place. You kind of expect it going into nursing school.

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My kids celebrate my victories and say "shouldn't you be studying" (even my 3 yr old) if they see me without a book.

That is cute but they see mom is doing it- most likely they will work hard too. The 3yr old will have a great example.:)

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My father died my last week of nursing school and guess what? I continued to show up because the rules of attendance were very, very clear and made known to all nursing students at the beginning of the program. I made it to his funeral and back to school to finish up and graduate. Life happens. It isn't always pretty, but we have hard choices to make. My instructors were not "cold" for upholding the rules. It's their job.

Okay good. Sorry to hear about your dad but congrats on your achievement.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

Find a balance. Your career in nursing will be as tough or tougher than nursing school. You need to figure out NOW how you will handle family issues when you have a job, such as you and your spouse alternating sick call/days. My husband was military for the first 12 years of my career. I took a PRN job to work around his schedule and worked only when he was not away for military assignments. Sacrifices will be made. Your kids need to understand that while they are important to you, so is your career and life. ALWAYS putting them first may teach them they are the center of the universe, and that is something you don't want.

When working, believe me, you won't make friends if you call out from work all the time due to your kids having issues/being sick. Those folks tend to lose their jobs if they persist.

Really, I think you may do well to wait a while and try to go to school later. Your priorities are not "wrong" but they are not in line with being a successful nursing student and later, professional nurse. You have to have a balance. Family is of course, important. But so is a nursing career, if you want one. Find a balance, or wait til your kids are older.

Don't be so set in your ways. Nursing is variable, ever-changing and tough. It's not an easy career for anyone. So maybe, you should stay home, enjoy your kids and become a nurse later. You deserve that, if that is your true heart and priority.

But once you decide to go forward being a professional nurse, make up your mind to shift priorities from time to time. SOMETHING will always take a back seat when you are a career person. You can't have it all......at once. Something will have to give.

Listen, kids grow up quickly. It seems like yesterday, mine were in diapers; now they are 16 and 22 and much more independent. My staying home with them when dad was at work was a good choice. But when I worked, work came first at that moment. That was when they spent time with their dad. The kids grew up well-adjusted and understood that.

I guess you will see me as being "mean" but I am only being honest, which you did say is important to you.

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Nursing school steals your soul for a while. My husband practically raised our son from age 1-3. But I was so focused on school I was just grateful he was so supportive. Just make sure you're not using your kids/ family as an excuse to leave nursing school- or leave nursing school if it's too much... Good luck. It is hard.

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Specializes in Pediatric Hematology/Oncology.
So you are suggesting I lie and tell her "baloney" just to appease her? Sorry, but I don't think so. Maybe I'm one of those rare people who believes in honesty. I'm pretty sure that's a very important character trait for a nurse to have, and I'm not going to lie and say what she wants to hear. Sorry, but I intend on being an honest nurse.

It's not dishonesty for the sake of being devious. It's for the sake of being diplomatic. Nursing school and my former career have already taught me a multitude of times when it is completely inappropriate to be honest. There is no black and white here. It's a lot of gray area that requires a deft ability at navigating that many of the best nurses I've had the privilege of being taught by are exceptionally skilled at.

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Did you read my entire post? I have chosen my priorities. I can't have 2 number one priorities. If my child needs me, and it conflicts with school, I choose my child. You are right. People will have different opinions than me, but when my opinion is asked for, and I give it, and then told I'm wrong, what am I supposed to do? I told her I understand where she is coming from, but that being a good mother is something my children will always remember and is what will matter when I look back on my life.

family and school can co-exist! You just need to find a healthy equilibrium. Are you full-time? Is part-time an option?

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Wow. Let me address your first comment. I have young children. What's wrong with coddling them? I am there for them all the time and they know it and they are secure, well adjusted kids that I am very proud of. So my "coddling" as you call it must have done some good.

I have to say, your second comment did not sit well with me. I have the most wonderful, supportive, amazing husband that most women could only dream of having. Your assumption could not be farther from the truth and I am extremely offended by your responses.

Okay, it sounds like you have two options: Either make it work or don't.

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I had a classmate who missed a quiz because her mother passed away and she refused to let her take it/make it up.

Now that is cold for the teacher not to let a student make up a quiz/test. The student is enough grief and had alot of issues to take care of. How is she going to concentrate on exam/quiz? Is thus instructor without feeling?

What I know is that documentation must be provided. The teachers follow policy of their institutions. My first week in the anatomy and physiology courses, my brother passed away. I had to travel a few thousand miles, so I made the decision to stay in school and I didn't miss a day. On the other hand, I was unable to concentrate nor I didn't comprehend the material. Yes, it was tough that I lost another love of my life. I couldn't just switch off my mind from the sudden death of my youngest brother. However, I withdrew from all of my classes because I scored in all exams terribly. My professors guided and advised me that I could provide documentation to re-register in the same classes. I wouldn't have to pay another tuition fees.

In the nursing program, I'm speculating that it's different.

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Why are you studying if your children were your first priority? What do you want?

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