Was my professor out of line?

Red Kryptonite · Mar 30, 2015

Why are you studying if your children were your first priority?

Really? Really?

You must not have any children.

myelyn · Mar 30, 2015

Really? Really?
You must not have any children.

Really? I assured that my child didn't compete with the other schedules. I made sure that I was always there. Now, she demands less time from me. She is ten year old.

Yes, I prioritized my child more than anything else on Earth when she was a lot smaller. I gave her my undivided attention. I never regret it. I enjoyed every moment of it. That was my choice. I didn't care what people said that I could study while mothering a baby. I didn't take a chance.

Any parents would be there for their kids if they could.

Red Kryptonite · Mar 30, 2015

So now, your child is not your first priority because she's older?

My children will always be my first priority as long as I am still raising them. I am in school with support and help from my husband. So what? My kids' needs come first. We're balancing school as a family and it's hard but we are making it work. If I really thought it was harming my kids, I would drop it.

To answer your question, I'm in school BECAUSE my children are my first priority and I'm trying to make the future better for all of us.

lovinglife2015 · Mar 30, 2015

Can we tone down the hyperbole? Too many 'mommy martyr' complexes here. Of course, our children are number one in our hearts, but that doesn't mean that we have to neglect our own goals. Far too many single mom's end up on welfare because they can't figure out how to balance education/work and family. If you do have a supportive spouse there is really no excuse for not excelling. It all comes down to proper planning and time management skills.

la_chica_suerte85, BSN, RN · Mar 30, 2015

Really? I assured that my child didn't compete with the other schedules. I made sure that I was always there. Now, she demands less time from me. She is ten year old.
Yes, I prioritized my child more than anything else on Earth when she was a lot smaller. I gave her my undivided attention. I never regret it. I enjoyed every moment of it. That was my choice. I didn't care what people said that I could study while mothering a baby. I didn't take a chance.
Any parents would be there for their kids if they could.

This times a million. Myelyn made the choice to prioritize her kid at a very critical time. She knew what she was sacrificing for it (a little bit of time) but she gained much more back (time she will never regret or think of as being sacrificed). She also didn't have to agonize over choices and prioritizing school over family.

I think what it comes down to is this: if you are going to say your family is your priority and you're going to stick by it SO strongly that you think it's "baloney" to "lie" a little about your priorities for the sake of diplomacy, then, yes, what exactly are you doing pursuing anything (let alone nursing) other than being there for your family? If you can't even bring yourself to tell your instructor (who, on their own seems a little nutty) what you know they want to hear, then why are you doing this in the first place? Your position is all or nothing so you can't get mad when you put yourself in a place that removes the notion that you're engaged and willing to give a little bit to get a little bit back.

I say my family and nursing share the #1 spot because they have to. My family will be supported by my career and the only way I can be successful in this career is giving all of myself to it. That's how it works for some people. Am I prematurely aging myself with all the back and forth? Yeah, probably. But this is for my family. My career is not something I'm pursuing for funsies and it's something that I will gladly give all of myself to so that I can achieve the success that will give my family a better life.

Jenngirl34RN · Mar 30, 2015

I am with you in that my kids are my number one priority, with nursing school number 2. That is just how it is, and I make no secret of that fact. That doesn't mean that I am able to do all of the things with and for them that I used to do before school. I am not always able to take them places, I can't volunteer at their schools like I used to, and we have all had to make adjustments. My house is no longer spotless, they occasionally do have to buy lunch at school, and I can't always be there for dinner or to put them to bed (f I have evening clinical). I do still make time every day, no matter what, to spend with them, and during that time my focus is 100% on them, not school. Your instructor can think whatever she likes about your priorities, but you are under no obligation to change them. As for her making comments about your possible religion, that is pretty uncalled for.

In reading some of these other posts, I have to say that I feel very lucky that my program is very understanding that there is life outside of school that sometimes takes precedence. We can make arrangements to take exams at other times if there is a really good reason for it, and my instructors and the school were all incredibly supportive when I had to miss a clinical day when my husband had to have major surgery and let me make it up as a lab day. I find it incredibly sad that some of your programs would not work with you to reschedule an exam when your parents died or one of your children was having heart surgery(!). That is pretty extreme, because it does not mean that you are not focused on school or serious about doing well. It means you are human, and life happens even while in school.

QuietRiot · Mar 30, 2015

So now, your child is not your first priority because she's older?
My children will always be my first priority as long as I am still raising them. I am in school with support and help from my husband. So what? My kids' needs come first. We're balancing school as a family and it's hard but we are making it work. If I really thought it was harming my kids, I would drop it.
To answer your question, I'm in school BECAUSE my children are my first priority and I'm trying to make the future better for all of us.

That's not what she said...smh

QuietRiot · Mar 30, 2015

Can we get back to the topic? The Mommy madness is belaboring...

myelyn · Mar 30, 2015

So now, your child is not your first priority because she's older?
My children will always be my first priority as long as I am still raising them. I am in school with support and help from my husband. So what? My kids' needs come first. We're balancing school as a family and it's hard but we are making it work. If I really thought it was harming my kids, I would drop it.
To answer your question, I'm in school BECAUSE my children are my first priority and I'm trying to make the future better for all of us.

Generally, people study to advanced themselves for a better job. In my opinion, I think that it's a great thing to accomplish and I'm one of these people who want to have a better job.

Frankly, it's hard to tell whether my school or my preteen is my first priority. There is a big difference between having small and big kids.

myelyn · Mar 30, 2015

To answer the OP, your professor was wrong for dragging your religion in.Ask yourself if it's worth of dwelling on your professor's statement.

You will spend a few years on your nursing program for a long term goal. Your success will benefit your children. Hold tight.

Did you outline your schedule on your calendar which includes study, sleep, shower, etc.? If you didn't, I suggest to try it. Layout everything. You will be able to visualize your time, and be able to cut corners. 30 minutes or an hour a day for them will make a big difference. You will surprise yourself that you will be at ease even though you have a hectic schedule.

Talk to them even they are too young to understand your point. Yes, it's hard, but tighten up your belt for the bigger and brighter future. You will be there. Stand up no matter what.

I'm curious if you have a trusted caregiver. I hope that this is not part of your troubles.

Red Kryptonite · Mar 30, 2015

Frankly, it's hard to tell whether my school or my preteen is my first priority. There is a big difference between having small and big kids.

Since mine are now almost 17, 14, 12, 10, and 7 I would have to agree with your second statement.

I'm not a "mommy martyr" because my family unequivocally comes before school, or anything else. It's called having a set of values and living by them. If you find that so offensive that you need to come up with pejoratives for it, I'm not the one with the problem. (This is a "general you" directed at several people, not myelyn.)

I'll try not to "derail" the discussion anymore with a topic that was in the OP. :rolleyes:

Jcgirl · Mar 30, 2015

It's all about balance. Some professors are just like your professor, just shake it or speak to your teacher about it, or someone else. It's ok to have your family as your #1, but think of nursing school as another child. A really, needy, time consuming child. One thing I've learned between nursing school and working as a STNA is the ability to grow thick skin and not to take things personally (not saying that you did, just a general statement).