vent about RN career over family/happiness

Nurses General Nursing

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So I dont know if I really expect anyone to listen to this or not, but I just need to vent to get some things off my chest...

3 years ago I moved to another state (Iowa) to attend nursing school (wait list in my hometown of Minneapolis was 2-3 years for all schools and I didn't want to wait). I had been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years at that point, but we decided it was worth it for me to pursue my nursing aspirations and do a long distance relationship for 2 years, then return home. Nursing is a second career for me, so I was 27 when I started nursing school.

At the time, I had no idea what would happen with the economy, and unemployment and things. Once I graduated from school in May 2010, the hiring market looked pretty dire for new grad nurses. Thankfully during school, I worked as a tech on a med/surg floor and they offered me a position right out of school. I tried for a few months finding employment back in Minnesota (while working as a tech still), then finally gave in and accepted the job in Iowa. I figured I could get this "one year of experience" that pretty much all jobs seemed to require, and then I could finally return home.

Well, here I am still in Iowa with my life completely on hold, unable to get hired still. I am almost 31 years old. I am now engaged to my boyfriend, who in the meantime has bought a house waiting for me to move up there and start my life with him. I cannot marry him from another state, or plan a wedding, I cannot start a family, and I have tons of student loan debt which I can't afford to pay on my wage (Iowa is one of the lowest paying states for RNs) plus my rent. My loans are on forbearance right now. I feel hopeless and stalled out. I feel alone and isolated. My entire family is in Minnesota. And I feel I'm slowly running out of time to have children and become financially stable.

I never planned on moving away for so long, and while sometimes I feel selfish for complaining (at least I have a nursing job), I'm still depressed about how things have turned out. I miss my future husband, I miss my family and it's just getting to be too much.

I had an interview FINALLY for a job about 30 minutes outside of Minneapolis, and was just informed yesterday that that unit will most likely be putting off hiring for right now. The interview went well, and I really started to get my hopes up, and now I feel extremely disappointed.

I guess that's it. Vent over. Maybe someone out there can relate....

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Nursing will always be there but the window for having children has an expiration date. Following your heart and you can't go wrong.

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Specializes in Nursing Professional Development.

Even if you were living in Minnesota, you still could not afford a big wedding. So, why not have a small wedding while you are still living apart? A lot of marriages survive a little distance. Military families ... people who travel as part of their job ... physicians who get residencies in different cities ... graduate students who go to different schools ... etc. People do it every day.

Don't put your life completely on hold. Get married if you want to. Plan your work schedules to spend as much time together as you reasonably can. Eventually, the 2 of you will find jobs that allow you to live together full time. In the meantime, don't let it ruin your life.

If you have a job, why are your loans in forebearance? You should be able to live on a nursing salary and at least be making some payments towards your loan.

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I can definitely relate, redredrose. I started nursing school at 27 (second Bachelor's), hoping that things would get better with the job market by the time I graduated. I am married, and my husband and I have put off having kids because of school. I am now almost 31, no nursing job, and my loans are also about to go into repayment. I have had a long distance relationship too, which is incredibly difficult to manage. You need to decide what will make you happy. Life is too short. I still believe that the job market will get better. Can you hang on by yourself until you find a job? Do you have a support system in Iowa? What is your priority, having a career or having a family? These are all very difficult decisions, but they have to be made. I wish you the best of luck.

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Specializes in Home Care.

So now its time for you to decide what is most important to you. What do you truly desire in your heart. Make that choice and go with it.

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Specializes in Emergency/Trauma.

i would go home, job or no job. having an absence of a support system puts you in a frame of mind that everything is going wrong, which is going to directly effect your attitude and thus your success in obtaining a job.

best of luck to you.

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Specializes in Med-Surg, & ED.

Follow ur heart girl, ltc facilities r easier to get hired at whilst awaiting a hospital opportunity in ur hometown. Check other job possibilities, blood banks, plasma centers , schools, clinics etc. Go get married and have babies, u will never go wrong on that :) good luck on finding a job..FYI , plasma centers usually need RN s

Ps: ur man has ur home awaiting for u and ur future kids. Sweet!!!!

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

get married. all you really need is a wedding license and an officiant. big weddings are expensive and stressful and if the goal is to be married (as opposed to having a big wedding), flights to vegas are cheap and a garden wedding in your back yard is free.

arrange your work schedule so that you work three twelves in a row, then go home to your husband for the other four days. or work three on, one off, three on and go home for eight days.

get pregnant. have a baby. enjoy life. most people are exactly as happy as they make up their minds to be.

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What rubyvee said!

Get married to this wonderful man who has waited for you - - sooner rather than later. The marriage is much more important than the wedding. You will get a job, then do not hesitate to start your family.

Best wishes!!!! Go run to that man!!! Give your 2 weeks' notice TODAY if possible!!

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Specializes in MCH,NICU,NNsy,Educ,Village Nursing.

Go home to the man who loves you. Sounds like he's a gem......

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Wow! It sounds like true love which is so RARE, believe me I'm talking from experience. LOL! I concur with most of the op, go home to that knight in shining armor. We are few and far inbetween( I'm a knight too!). Don't know if you're a believer or not, but God will guide you and your heart as well! Good fortunes!

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Specializes in Emergency, Trauma, Critical Care.

I'm not in the same situation, but I feel the same hopelessness. I am the main breadwinner, the plan was for my husband to go to school, he's been out of work since 2008 due to an illness then the crap economy took over. We had a surprise baby, at the end of each month. We have about 20 bucks in our bank account, and my student loans go into repayment in a month and a half. I have no idea what's going to happen in December.

Do you have a minnesota address on your resume? Honestly, that can make a big difference. No one wants to hire someone whose living out of state, even tho most aren't hiring at all. Use your fiancees, it may help you at least get phone calls. :)

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