I'm the weekend supervisor in a LTC/Rehab facility. We are 75% rehab so dealing with unbelievable family members is par for the course. but last night....i had one that just took the cake!
I'm walking around the desk when this woman, about my age...well dressed...looked like someone that would have common sense and "know how to act in public" type person. until she opened her mouth anyways...
she walks straight up to me, got right in my personal face and put her nose about 2 inches from mine screaming "I dont want my mother to have any pain medicine!! She's immune to pain!"
um..ok. btw...who's your mom? lol. doncha love it when people yell at you about their loved one but dont tell you who or what room? yep, i can read your mind.
anyhoo...smile plastered on my face I attempt toget the the details of what we were talking about. she keeps yelling at me that she cant believe we offered her mom pain medicine! then she tells me "some woman came in the room last night and actually asked my mom if she was in pain and did she need anything!! icant believe yall would ask that!!" (i swear i'm not making this up)
i say "ma'am. we are a rehab center. therapy often causes pain and our nurses always ask the patients if they need any pain meds or if they are in pain because many times older patients dont want to 'bother' us by asking for pain meds"
she says "are you kidding me? you really ask people if they are hurting?? thats just setting people up for trouble and thats terrible nursing!!!"
(pick your mouths up of the floor people...i swear i'm not making this up,lol)
so then she says "well my friend is a nurse and she said you shouldnt be asking people if they are in pain"
I couldnt resist a little sarcasm at this point. indulge me, it was just a little, lol. so i tell her "ma'am, actually pain is considered the 5th vital sign by joint commission so it is something we not only ask people every night, but we ask them every shift and many times during the day and if your friend who is a nurse is not doing that with her patients then she is not assessing them properly as ALL nurses are supposed to assess pain level as it is as important as taking a blood pressure"
(heck, i was proud for ONLY saying that,lol)
so then she proceeds to start yelling at me and saying (all the while, almost nose to nose with me...despite me continually backing up until my back was up against the desk) saying..."my mother is immune to pain!" and telling me how her mother never hurts and we will NOT ask her if she hurts. (btw..her mom has in fact asked for pain meds because she was IN PAIN, lol)
so on and on she goes until she starts saying "she even broke her thumb and when i grabbed it like this and pulled as hard as i could it didnt hurt her!" and as she said that, she grabbed my thumb on my right hand and proceeded to pull it as hard as she could. she pulled it so hard it actually popped! and then she continued to hold onto it as hard as she could saying "i did that and it didnt hurt her!!!"
I said "ma'am, that might not have hurt your mom but it is darned sure hurting me and take your hands off me right now!"
(i told, i am not making this up, lol)
she looked at me like i'd offended her and didnt even apologize.
i ended up telling her it would be my pleasure (thats what we are supposed to say,lol) to let the NP know in the morning that she'd like the pain meds d/c'd. she then says "i do not have the time to come wait on her so you just have her call me so i can tell her how my mother doesnt feel pain ever". i just smiled and said "i'd be more than happy to leave her that note":D and i did! shoot, i wanted to tell her if her mom was immune to pain she was a medical miracle and i was telling everyone! not just the NP. lol, but i didnt. she'd allready tried to pull my thumb off...i didnt know what she'd do next,lol. oh, she also had pointed her finger in my face and hit my nose with her finger too during her tirade.
everyday that i think it cant get any worse with family members...somebody comes along and proves me wrong.
can yall believe this? anyone else meet this woman or someone like her?
and can anyone tell me in what other career something like this could happen? somewhere where people think it is perfectly fine to come into a facility and act like this and in the eyes of the law, literally assault someone and it be perfectly fine?
Plain and simple, this woman assaulted you. If you have no security at work, pick up the phone, dial 999 (or 911) and get the police involved.
This woman had no right to touch you, and god knows what she has been doing to her poor mum throughout the years.
I would consider getting social services involved with an elder abuse charge.
That would wipe the smirk off her face.
This. She assaulted you, and told you she has assaulted her mom. Demanding that her mother receive no pain medication is also abuse. You have an obligation to report this abuse to social services.
When she grabbed your thumb and intended to cause you pain, she crossed the line. If you have no security in the building, my next phone call would have been to the police. She had no right to lay a hand on you and what she did was assault.
Some may say it was just your thumb, but she intended to hurt you and cause you pain and crossed the line right there.
I agree that the police need to be involved. She assulated you. I would press charges and notify social services about refusing her mother to have pain meds. That is abuse.
We have had our share of intimidating family members. They were always told by the social worker if their behavior continued, they would not be allowed into the building. That usually changed their act right away.
Also, our staff are all told if their is any problems when management are not there, to ask them to leave and then call the police right away.
In MN we have a very strong Vunerable Adult act. I believe this should have been reported to protect the resident.
I am unable to comprehend why you didn't take action when 1) you were physically assaulted and/or 2) as soon as it became crystal clear that there are family dynamics in play for that patient which threaten her well-being and security.
hold up! of course i left a voice mail for social services to get involved. sorry but i just assumed that was a given and didnt mention it. i also plainly told her if her mom was in pain we WOULD give her pain meds. to that she responds "im her POA"and i told her that didnt mean she could dictate medical care. the thread was a rant about MY personal dealings with the daughter.
comprehend now?
as for why i didnt respond. i've allready said i was mentally and physically exhausted andjust let it go. i know what she did was assault. but then i also know that she obviously has mental problems and boundary issues.
on the other hand though...if she'd done that to one of my nurses i would have went off on her. i know me, i've done it before. but i have no idea why i felt it was different because it was me.
I agree that the police need to be involved. She assulated you. I would press charges and notify social services about refusing her mother to have pain meds. That is abuse.
i guess her demands were just par for the course for me. i cant tell youhow many complaints i get all the time from "POAs" to not let mom have narcotics.i just dont understand that!
let me let your ass break a hip and have surgery and not give you any pain meds!
the nurses have been giving the meds anyway. luckily though, it's usually controlled with tylenol. i tried to tell the dtr that too but she was beyond listening.
it's the confrontational manner that these people come into the building with that drives me nuts! they walk thru the door and you can see on their face sometimes that they are there for a fight. you know it from the way they walk up to the desk and demand the supervisor. it's the irrational thinking, the insane demands that leave me wondering what they think gives them the right to treat us like that!
where does that mindset come from??
i'm over 40 yrs old and my daddy would STILL whip me if he caught me acting that way!
and i dont believe it's all the way they were raised because i know their mom or dad and the majority of the time the parent does not act like that, is often embarrassed at their behavior and often wont say anything to them about it. i can see me acting like that if my dad were a patient. he'd have my hide!
so thus my search continues for the root cause of what right these people have to treat us like the poo on the bottom of their shoe!
and then the mentality of management. although they have stood by me on this today, i truly think if i'd called the police itwould have been different. not that they dont ever support me because i have a great boss and she always does. but it's that mentality of the corporation that makes me know deep down that although i would have been right to call the police...it's better for me that i didnt.
Sorry you had to go through that, OP. However, I agree with your hubby that you should have called security. These people have to realize there are consequences for this kind of behavior. Technically, you could have called the cops on her sorry butt. I know administration frowns on this, but they are not the ones getting assaulted.
ya know...you are so right! they ARENT the ones getting assaulted! so why do they expect us to just take the abuse and do nothing? because more often than not...thats what they expect us to do.
ohwait! i just reread my OP. something i should have added....the reason i wasnt that worried about the pain med is that our NP is a total ***** and probably let this woman have it this morning while refusing to stop her pain meds. she doesnt like threats either. thats why i laffed and told the crazythumblady that it would be my pleasure to leave the NP a note. because it really would have been my pleasure to hear that phone call!
It's TV shows, i'm telling you, they mimic behavior and it is so hard not to laugh when they are so overly dramatic...makes me want to look over my shoulder to make sure there isn't a show being taped that i'm unaware of :)
It's TV shows, i'm telling you, they mimic behavior and it is so hard not to laugh when they are so overly dramatic...makes me want to look over my shoulder to make sure there isn't a show being taped that i'm unaware of :)
haha i've done that too!!
you end up thinking "somebody is punking me right now, they gotta be" lol
shoot, i wanted to tell her if her mom was immune to pain she was a medical miracle and i was telling everyone! not just the NP. lol, but i didnt. she'd allready tried to pull my thumb off...i didnt know what she'd do next,lol. oh, she also had pointed her finger in my face and hit my nose with her finger too during her tirade.
Farmer Jane
281 Posts
This. She assaulted you, and told you she has assaulted her mom. Demanding that her mother receive no pain medication is also abuse. You have an obligation to report this abuse to social services.