I'm the weekend supervisor in a LTC/Rehab facility. We are 75% rehab so dealing with unbelievable family members is par for the course. but last night....i had one that just took the cake!
I'm walking around the desk when this woman, about my age...well dressed...looked like someone that would have common sense and "know how to act in public" type person. until she opened her mouth anyways...
she walks straight up to me, got right in my personal face and put her nose about 2 inches from mine screaming "I dont want my mother to have any pain medicine!! She's immune to pain!"
um..ok. btw...who's your mom? lol. doncha love it when people yell at you about their loved one but dont tell you who or what room? yep, i can read your mind.
anyhoo...smile plastered on my face I attempt toget the the details of what we were talking about. she keeps yelling at me that she cant believe we offered her mom pain medicine! then she tells me "some woman came in the room last night and actually asked my mom if she was in pain and did she need anything!! icant believe yall would ask that!!" (i swear i'm not making this up)
i say "ma'am. we are a rehab center. therapy often causes pain and our nurses always ask the patients if they need any pain meds or if they are in pain because many times older patients dont want to 'bother' us by asking for pain meds"
she says "are you kidding me? you really ask people if they are hurting?? thats just setting people up for trouble and thats terrible nursing!!!"
(pick your mouths up of the floor people...i swear i'm not making this up,lol)
so then she says "well my friend is a nurse and she said you shouldnt be asking people if they are in pain"
I couldnt resist a little sarcasm at this point. indulge me, it was just a little, lol. so i tell her "ma'am, actually pain is considered the 5th vital sign by joint commission so it is something we not only ask people every night, but we ask them every shift and many times during the day and if your friend who is a nurse is not doing that with her patients then she is not assessing them properly as ALL nurses are supposed to assess pain level as it is as important as taking a blood pressure"
(heck, i was proud for ONLY saying that,lol)
so then she proceeds to start yelling at me and saying (all the while, almost nose to nose with me...despite me continually backing up until my back was up against the desk) saying..."my mother is immune to pain!" and telling me how her mother never hurts and we will NOT ask her if she hurts. (btw..her mom has in fact asked for pain meds because she was IN PAIN, lol)
so on and on she goes until she starts saying "she even broke her thumb and when i grabbed it like this and pulled as hard as i could it didnt hurt her!" and as she said that, she grabbed my thumb on my right hand and proceeded to pull it as hard as she could. she pulled it so hard it actually popped! and then she continued to hold onto it as hard as she could saying "i did that and it didnt hurt her!!!"
I said "ma'am, that might not have hurt your mom but it is darned sure hurting me and take your hands off me right now!"
(i told, i am not making this up, lol)
she looked at me like i'd offended her and didnt even apologize.
i ended up telling her it would be my pleasure (thats what we are supposed to say,lol) to let the NP know in the morning that she'd like the pain meds d/c'd. she then says "i do not have the time to come wait on her so you just have her call me so i can tell her how my mother doesnt feel pain ever". i just smiled and said "i'd be more than happy to leave her that note":D and i did! shoot, i wanted to tell her if her mom was immune to pain she was a medical miracle and i was telling everyone! not just the NP. lol, but i didnt. she'd allready tried to pull my thumb off...i didnt know what she'd do next,lol. oh, she also had pointed her finger in my face and hit my nose with her finger too during her tirade.
everyday that i think it cant get any worse with family members...somebody comes along and proves me wrong.
can yall believe this? anyone else meet this woman or someone like her?
and can anyone tell me in what other career something like this could happen? somewhere where people think it is perfectly fine to come into a facility and act like this and in the eyes of the law, literally assault someone and it be perfectly fine?
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
i am unable to comprehend why you didn't take action when 1) you were physically assaulted and/or 2) as soon as it became crystal clear that there are family dynamics in play for that patient which threaten her well-being and security.
i can comprehend why she didn't "take action." she probably valued her job and suspected (quite rightly, usually) that management would not support her if she did call the police on this abusive woman. unfortunately, management tends not to support the nursing staff. instead they want to know what the rn did to provoke the abusive family member.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
istarted this thread because i needed to vent to people that can empathize and understand my frustration. we can tell our friends and family these stories but they just dont "know" like our nurse sisters and brothers. people outside of healthcare dont understand how unbelievable people can be to us.
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i can identify with the "crazy visitor" syndrome. i cannot imagine where folks seem to get the idea that they're entitled to anything they want and to behave any way they choose.
a few years ago, i had a patient who had heart surgery complicated by copd and finally, after weeks in the hosptial, renal failure. her husband sat at her bedside everyday, drinking from a coffee mug that smelled like it was at least 100 proof. as the day progressed, he'd go out to his car periodically and refill the mug. then he'd come in and sit at the nurse's station chatting. i can't imagine why my colleagues let him sit there, right in front of the computers with patient charts and right next to conversations between the surgeons and consult services about other patients, but they did. if i was on, i'd relocate him to his wife's room or the waiting room.
then came the day i had to do diaylsis on his wife. the guy freaked out, claiming he'd never consented to dialysis (she did -- i had the signed consent) and he wanted it stopped immediately. after explaining the indications for dialysis and the treatment plan, he said "ok, but i can't stand to watch this" and left. he was back half an hour later with a 9mm handgun, which he brandished around saying "i know how to end mama's suffering! i'll fix all her problems!"
security and the police were called, the husband got hauled away in handcuffs.
he was back before the end of the shift -- 100 proof coffee mug in hand, but minus the hand gun. turns out when he was arrested, the police searched his car and found a shotgun, three rifles and several handguns.
our manager thought it was sad the poor guy had been arrested. "he's a rancher," she said. "it's normal for them to have guns."
i can identify with the "crazy visitor" syndrome. i cannot imagine where folks seem to get the idea that they're entitled to anything they want and to behave any way they choose.
a few years ago, i had a patient who had heart surgery complicated by copd and finally, after weeks in the hosptial, renal failure. her husband sat at her bedside everyday, drinking from a coffee mug that smelled like it was at least 100 proof. as the day progressed, he'd go out to his car periodically and refill the mug. then he'd come in and sit at the nurse's station chatting. i can't imagine why my colleagues let him sit there, right in front of the computers with patient charts and right next to conversations between the surgeons and consult services about other patients, but they did. if i was on, i'd relocate him to his wife's room or the waiting room.
then came the day i had to do diaylsis on his wife. the guy freaked out, claiming he'd never consented to dialysis (she did -- i had the signed consent) and he wanted it stopped immediately. after explaining the indications for dialysis and the treatment plan, he said "ok, but i can't stand to watch this" and left. he was back half an hour later with a 9mm handgun, which he brandished around saying "i know how to end mama's suffering! i'll fix all her problems!"
security and the police were called, the husband got hauled away in handcuffs.
he was back before the end of the shift -- 100 proof coffee mug in hand, but minus the hand gun. turns out when he was arrested, the police searched his car and found a shotgun, three rifles and several handguns.
our manager thought it was sad the poor guy had been arrested. "he's a rancher," she said. "it's normal for them to have guns."
o m g !!!!!
it's unbelievablethat they let him back in the hospital! i rest my case as to why i didnt call the police, lol
"this thread has got me going from 'who do they think they are to think they can treat us that way" to "why do i allow it?' "
I am so sorry that you have had to deal with this. It seems like you are wrong no matter what you do between visitors, employer, and now the Allnurses community. I too have posted a vent, only to be told how I mishandled the situation.
Geez, guys, someone reaches out for a little compassion and she gets a scolding!!
Please keep up updated on how this turns out. Hopefully this incident will trigger your employer to create a safer workplace for yall.
try not to take things personally on here. i know i dont. i dont feel like i've gotten any negative feedback but even if you do....take what you need out of the thread and leave the rest.
otherwise, you'll go nuts, lol. and i dont know about you but i cant afford to be nutser than i allready am, lol
i can identify with the "crazy visitor" syndrome. i cannot imagine where folks seem to get the idea that they're entitled to anything they want and to behave any way they choose.
a few years ago, i had a patient who had heart surgery complicated by copd and finally, after weeks in the hosptial, renal failure. her husband sat at her bedside everyday, drinking from a coffee mug that smelled like it was at least 100 proof. as the day progressed, he'd go out to his car periodically and refill the mug. then he'd come in and sit at the nurse's station chatting. i can't imagine why my colleagues let him sit there, right in front of the computers with patient charts and right next to conversations between the surgeons and consult services about other patients, but they did. if i was on, i'd relocate him to his wife's room or the waiting room.
then came the day i had to do diaylsis on his wife. the guy freaked out, claiming he'd never consented to dialysis (she did -- i had the signed consent) and he wanted it stopped immediately. after explaining the indications for dialysis and the treatment plan, he said "ok, but i can't stand to watch this" and left. he was back half an hour later with a 9mm handgun, which he brandished around saying "i know how to end mama's suffering! i'll fix all her problems!"
security and the police were called, the husband got hauled away in handcuffs.
he was back before the end of the shift -- 100 proof coffee mug in hand, but minus the hand gun. turns out when he was arrested, the police searched his car and found a shotgun, three rifles and several handguns.
our manager thought it was sad the poor guy had been arrested. "he's a rancher," she said. "it's normal for them to have guns."
what the heck!!!!! sorry for the caps but.... he tries to kill his wife and they let him back into the hospital??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i can identify with the "crazy visitor" syndrome. i cannot imagine where folks seem to get the idea that they're entitled to anything they want and to behave any way they choose.
a few years ago, i had a patient who had heart surgery complicated by copd and finally, after weeks in the hosptial, renal failure. her husband sat at her bedside everyday, drinking from a coffee mug that smelled like it was at least 100 proof. as the day progressed, he'd go out to his car periodically and refill the mug. then he'd come in and sit at the nurse's station chatting. i can't imagine why my colleagues let him sit there, right in front of the computers with patient charts and right next to conversations between the surgeons and consult services about other patients, but they did. if i was on, i'd relocate him to his wife's room or the waiting room.
then came the day i had to do diaylsis on his wife. the guy freaked out, claiming he'd never consented to dialysis (she did -- i had the signed consent) and he wanted it stopped immediately. after explaining the indications for dialysis and the treatment plan, he said "ok, but i can't stand to watch this" and left. he was back half an hour later with a 9mm handgun, which he brandished around saying "i know how to end mama's suffering! i'll fix all her problems!"
security and the police were called, the husband got hauled away in handcuffs.
he was back before the end of the shift -- 100 proof coffee mug in hand, but minus the hand gun. turns out when he was arrested, the police searched his car and found a shotgun, three rifles and several handguns.
our manager thought it was sad the poor guy had been arrested. "he's a rancher," she said. "it's normal for them to have guns."
oh my goodness! i unfortunately can believe that could happen, but he was let back in the hospital? seriously?!?
and it is normal for ranchers to have guns. it is not normal for them to take them inside hospitals and threat to kill patient and staff members. that guy should be in jail. and your manager should have to deal with him next time he comes walking in.
i suppose nurses will always have job security because humanity has no common sense.
and southern, i'm sorry about that family member. it's always lovely when families know so much more about our jobs, and yet they can't take care of their parents themselves. i'm glad the administration is behind you.
You did an awesome job, but I would have told her to get her finger off my body or I would be calling security to escort her out of the faility"
Something like this recently happened at my hospital. I had just come in to workand seen this man yelling at one of the charge nurses that happened to be 8 months pregnant and started pushing at her sternum area with his finger. She was I guess shocked and stunned as to what to say. I went over and told him "Get you finger off my chargen nurse or I would call security to escortyou out of the hospital. "
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
I also believe that while calling the police is appropriate, but the nurse would not have been supported. I would have probably lost my mind, and am not ashamed to say that instinctively, I may have hit her before I realized it.
What bothers me about these patients and families is that they don't treat their bankers, insurance companies and other more white collar services in this insane manner, but it is okay to say this to nurses/caretakers.
Just a few weeks ago, I was working the Coumadin clinic and had an emergency with a patient who was scheduled to be there...I had to get two physicians to make a decision on what to do with this poor guy, but then, a Spanish speaking elderly patient came into the room talking and waving her arms in an angry manner...then, her daughter walks into the room (mind you, the two doctors and the patient were in this same room) demanding to know why her mother is not being seen. She was upset that I was trying to escort the mother out of the door (and the frustration was high for me, because she didn't comprehend English), saying that I was rude, and I explained to her that even in this clinic, we have emergencies and patients have a right to privacy. She then reported me to the charge nurse. When I explained a bit more to the charge what happened, the daughter says "You didn't give ME that explanation". I told her that due to HIPPA laws, I do not, under any circumstances have to explain to HER the status of another patient, and that if anything occurred to her mother that needed immediate attention, I would do the same for her. Then, she tells me that I didn't "Speak to her about the kids and our lives like I normally do, that she thinks she did something to get me upset" (She didn't before, but making THIS big deal...ya think I wasn't mad??). ALL of this happened with the two physicians and the poor patient who needed help. Yeah, I wasn't friendly afterwards. And...???
shoot, i wanted to tell her if her mom was immune to pain she was a medical miracle and i was telling everyone! not just the NP. lol, but i didnt. she'd allready tried to pull my thumb off...i didnt know what she'd do next,lol. oh, she also had pointed her finger in my face and hit my nose with her finger too during her tirade.
sorry for the caps but.... he tries to kill his wife and they let him back into the hospital??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ruby Vee, BSN
17 Articles; 14,051 Posts
i can comprehend why she didn't "take action." she probably valued her job and suspected (quite rightly, usually) that management would not support her if she did call the police on this abusive woman. unfortunately, management tends not to support the nursing staff. instead they want to know what the rn did to provoke the abusive family member.