I'm the weekend supervisor in a LTC/Rehab facility. We are 75% rehab so dealing with unbelievable family members is par for the course. but last night....i had one that just took the cake!
I'm walking around the desk when this woman, about my age...well dressed...looked like someone that would have common sense and "know how to act in public" type person. until she opened her mouth anyways...
she walks straight up to me, got right in my personal face and put her nose about 2 inches from mine screaming "I dont want my mother to have any pain medicine!! She's immune to pain!"
um..ok. btw...who's your mom? lol. doncha love it when people yell at you about their loved one but dont tell you who or what room? yep, i can read your mind.
anyhoo...smile plastered on my face I attempt toget the the details of what we were talking about. she keeps yelling at me that she cant believe we offered her mom pain medicine! then she tells me "some woman came in the room last night and actually asked my mom if she was in pain and did she need anything!! icant believe yall would ask that!!" (i swear i'm not making this up)
i say "ma'am. we are a rehab center. therapy often causes pain and our nurses always ask the patients if they need any pain meds or if they are in pain because many times older patients dont want to 'bother' us by asking for pain meds"
she says "are you kidding me? you really ask people if they are hurting?? thats just setting people up for trouble and thats terrible nursing!!!"
(pick your mouths up of the floor people...i swear i'm not making this up,lol)
so then she says "well my friend is a nurse and she said you shouldnt be asking people if they are in pain"
I couldnt resist a little sarcasm at this point. indulge me, it was just a little, lol. so i tell her "ma'am, actually pain is considered the 5th vital sign by joint commission so it is something we not only ask people every night, but we ask them every shift and many times during the day and if your friend who is a nurse is not doing that with her patients then she is not assessing them properly as ALL nurses are supposed to assess pain level as it is as important as taking a blood pressure"
(heck, i was proud for ONLY saying that,lol)
so then she proceeds to start yelling at me and saying (all the while, almost nose to nose with me...despite me continually backing up until my back was up against the desk) saying..."my mother is immune to pain!" and telling me how her mother never hurts and we will NOT ask her if she hurts. (btw..her mom has in fact asked for pain meds because she was IN PAIN, lol)
so on and on she goes until she starts saying "she even broke her thumb and when i grabbed it like this and pulled as hard as i could it didnt hurt her!" and as she said that, she grabbed my thumb on my right hand and proceeded to pull it as hard as she could. she pulled it so hard it actually popped! and then she continued to hold onto it as hard as she could saying "i did that and it didnt hurt her!!!"
I said "ma'am, that might not have hurt your mom but it is darned sure hurting me and take your hands off me right now!"
(i told, i am not making this up, lol)
she looked at me like i'd offended her and didnt even apologize.
i ended up telling her it would be my pleasure (thats what we are supposed to say,lol) to let the NP know in the morning that she'd like the pain meds d/c'd. she then says "i do not have the time to come wait on her so you just have her call me so i can tell her how my mother doesnt feel pain ever". i just smiled and said "i'd be more than happy to leave her that note":D and i did! shoot, i wanted to tell her if her mom was immune to pain she was a medical miracle and i was telling everyone! not just the NP. lol, but i didnt. she'd allready tried to pull my thumb off...i didnt know what she'd do next,lol. oh, she also had pointed her finger in my face and hit my nose with her finger too during her tirade.
everyday that i think it cant get any worse with family members...somebody comes along and proves me wrong.
can yall believe this? anyone else meet this woman or someone like her?
and can anyone tell me in what other career something like this could happen? somewhere where people think it is perfectly fine to come into a facility and act like this and in the eyes of the law, literally assault someone and it be perfectly fine?
Specializes in ICU, PICC Nurse, Nursing Supervisor.
these stories are the one reason i hate working in nursing. some people are so ignorant they should not be unsupervised . i guess it would be ok to be this ignorant and stupid , just be open to being re-orientated .
Isn't it scary that these crazy people look like normal people? lol.
Security? ha! let me tell you about security in LTC and especially our facility. I'M the security,lol.
It's unbelievable to me how people walk thru the door with the thought process that they can treat us like the poo on the bottom of their shoe. I don't get the mentality!
You don't get positive feedback from administration, you sure dont get it from families...why do we do this to ourselves?
thats a question i am asking myself over and over this morning! why am i still doing this? it makes me want to get a job in a hole somewhere.
my husband is a drug/alcohol counselor. he's still yelling at me this morning that this woman assaulted me and wants me to call the administrator and have her banned, lol.
we ALL know how that would go over, dont we?
Your husband is correct, she is abusive to her mother, at the very least, emotionally (which isn't really least, but it doesn't leave visible or X-ray scars) and the staff.
LOL Well we wont be sending anymore your way I promise. That is still to close to home for some.
Have you ever had a family member get upset at the time it takes to call the answering service to get to pts doctor so you can tell him the exact same thing you told him three hours ago. So family member gets phone book looks up Doc's home number calls him on her cell and the shoves cell in your face????? Didn't happen to me but did happen just a little while back. Nurse said she didn't know what to say. Doc was mad.
If it were me and I could contain myself. I would have handed the phone back to her and said I don't know what kind of germs are on that phone.OR made a big ole production of getting alcohol pads out and wiping the family members phone down.
HAHA OMG
i love it when they shove a cell in my face saying it's the doctor. and their doctor doesnt even have privelages in my building! i refuse to take the phone and tellthem if their doctor wants to talk to me he can call me. and if they ever do call me they are saying omg those people are crazy!
I have to admit i'm totally shocked right now. my DON just called me on some other stuff (CNAs having war all weekend with the nurses, sigh) and i told her about crazythumbwoman.
the administrator is going to pull the camera footage and call that woman in to the facility!
I'm so impressed for you being able to respond to that woman at all- I would have been standing there speechless (and THAT doesn't happen often)!
However, when they lay a hand on you, it's a different matter. You WERE physically assaulted and that cannot be allowed to be just tolerated. Sorry for what you went through (your poor thumb) and what you will have to go through in the near future in dealing with the aftermath (Ayyie! the paperwork and administrative ****)! But physical assault can not be ignored.
Sorry you had to go through that, OP. However, I agree with your hubby that you should have called security. These people have to realize there are consequences for this kind of behavior. Technically, you could have called the cops on her sorry butt. I know administration frowns on this, but they are not the ones getting assaulted.
I would TOTALLY press charges. That is assault. Just because you are a nurse and she is a family member does not change that. No excuse for her to do that to you, and like another poster says, if she does that to you, she's probably doing something equally horrendous to her mum.
I am unable to comprehend why you didn't take action when 1) you were physically assaulted and/or 2) as soon as it became crystal clear that there are family dynamics in play for that patient which threaten her well-being and security.
shoot, i wanted to tell her if her mom was immune to pain she was a medical miracle and i was telling everyone! not just the NP. lol, but i didnt. she'd allready tried to pull my thumb off...i didnt know what she'd do next,lol. oh, she also had pointed her finger in my face and hit my nose with her finger too during her tirade.
txspadequeenRN, BSN, RN
4,373 Posts
these stories are the one reason i hate working in nursing. some people are so ignorant they should not be unsupervised . i guess it would be ok to be this ignorant and stupid , just be open to being re-orientated .