Tired of being FAT and having low self esteem

mytoon38 · Jan 2, 2010

Hi NurseLoveJoy88,

I know just how you feel. I have tried every diet in the world and none of the ever worked long term. I went on Medifast for awhile and lost about 40 lbs, but as soon as I started eating regular food, I gained it all back. I have been a vegetarian for most of my life, but I still used to eat all the junk food too. I am Italian, so I grew up eating tons of pasta, bread, and good desserts like cannoli!

You know what finally worked for me? I just told myself I wasn't going to diet ever again! I decided I was going to eat more healthy foods. Anyway, I cut out everything white! No white pasta, rice, flour, or sugar. I do not count calories at all! I eat as many fresh fruits and vegetables as I want. I substitue whole wheat pasta for regular pasta. I still eat pizza but I go to a restaurant that offers whole wheat pizza crust and I get vegetarian pizza, easy on the cheese. I really think I am a sugar addict, but you know what after about a week, I didn't crave sugar at all. At first, I made my hubby and daughter promise that if they brought sweets home, they would keep them out of my sight so I would not be tempted to indulge my sweet tooth!

I work on the 5th floor, so I started using the stairs instead of the elevator. At first, I could barely get up one flight of stairs, and now I go up and down all 5 flights without difficulty. We also bought a family membership to a gym, and go at least 3 times a week now. We also do fun family things like going hiking in the mountains, or going bowling.

I started off weighing 207, and now I am down to 165. I feel SO much better! I have been able to cut my dose of Lisinopril in half. My lipid profile and all my labs were WNL. In fact, at my last check-up my Dr. said my lab results were like a healthy 25 y/o's and I am 49! So if I can do it, so can you! Just stop tellling yourself that you need to go on a diet, and try to start eating more healthy foods. Start off making small changes like cutting out sugar, and drinking more water everyday. Start doing whatever exercise you can, and eventually you will be able to do more and more! I know you can do it, just have faith in yourself, and say this over and over: "I have the power to be anything I want to be, and do anything I want to do, and nothing can take that power away from me!" You CAN do it! Hey you made it through nursing school didn't you??? I think if you accomplished that, you can do anything you set your mind to! :yeah:

Mytoon38

LoveActually · Jan 2, 2010

Have you ever tried a 12-step program? I did/do it for alcoholism. And when I drank, I didn't care about what I ate. I have been sober 2 1/2 years now, with no desire to drink, and weigh 25 pounds less because I'm able to make healthier choices these days...

You can message me if you want to know more.

Best Wishes.

akadimkz, ADN, RN · Jan 2, 2010

I definitely feel you, I have problems with my weight also. I feel that I also have an addiction to food also. I eat alot of food that is probably bad for me, but I sometimes just unconciously eat all the time not realizing how many calories I have consumed that day. I really want to lose weight for my health and my career. I will start going to the gym and cutting back on food.

Blackcat99 · Jan 2, 2010

Food addiction kills. :crying2: I got sick and tired of being fat and miserable. I had thought that I knew what was best for me. I had thought I will do things "my way" to lose the weight. I did things "my way" and ended up with a weight of 240 pounds. I read a book on food addiction that saved my life. :up: The book is "Food addiction-The body knows by Kay Sheppard." I also attend overeaters anonymous meetings. I lost 120 pounds and have kept it off for about 3 years now. I started the food addicts food plan at age 53 and it took me one year to lose the weight.

blueyesue · Jan 2, 2010

I know we all have our ways of doing things but I would STRONGLY avoid this method. To build walls around foods you love and place failure at every turn is NOT the way to begin a healthier lifestyle.

Certain foods are unhealthy. If you don't eat these foods, you will be better off. Let's say someone is over weght and addicted to McDonald french fries, and this person eats them regularly. Now, if this person wants to change their lifestyle, they should not eat those french fries. If they mess up, then they should jump right back on the wagon. This would be true of any diet or lifestyle plan. :twocents:

Tait, MSN, RN · Jan 2, 2010

Certain foods are unhealthy. If you don't eat these foods, you will be better off. Let's say someone is over weght and addicted to McDonald french fries, and this person eats them regularly. Now, if this person wants to change their lifestyle, they should not eat those french fries. If they mess up, then they should jump right back on the wagon. This would be true of any diet or lifestyle plan.

I understand that. However the point of your plan that doesn't work for me is purchasing "junk food you love" and staring at it as some form of self hypnotism into avoiding it later?

I used to eat McDonald's every day to twice a day at my heaviest of 210# out of frustration and depression. I could never imagine buying it, staring at it and not eating it as you so suggest.

I used to eat chips and that delectable jalapeño cheddar cheese sauce.

I used to drink 24 cans of "diet" Mt Dew a week.

I didn't throw it out, I didn't give it away, I just stopped buying it.

Instead I got flavored packets for water (starting with the least amount of flavoring, Lightly Lemon from Crystal Light and quickly transitioning until I didn't want the flavoring anymore), juice (despite the sugar it at least is natural and doesn't add to excess tummy weight due to body confusion http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/02/080210183902.htm ) and leaving a regular coke on the "ok" list for rare occurrences.

I don't buy sugar free anything. I get fat free puddings and calculate the calories, account for the sugars/carbohydrates and lean towards high protein (Chobani yogurt is a great portion size, no fat, 19g of protein for 140 calories, however it has real fruit sugars so the carbohydrates are higher http://www.chobani.com/ )

Anyway I am getting way into my diatribe of what I eat, which won't work for everyone and wasn't the point of my response.

My point is buying something, sticking in your face and then self-hand slapping and saying "no, bad girl" seems entirely counterproductive in my opinion.

Do I screw up once in awhile? Absolutely. Do I drink Diet Coke at work to keep myself from becoming a one eyed zombie monster at 3am? (12oz and only after I have finished a bottle of water) Yep. However every day I remind myself I am human, I will error, but I will continue to love myself and move forward, because life changes don't happen in a bottle or for $19.95.

Tait

elprup, BSN, RN · Jan 2, 2010

For me, finding out what I really wanted out of my life helped me work out better eating, and taking better care of myself. It's been quite an adventure, but I found that finally focusing on myself and what is really important to me, gives me the motivation to learn about and/or try something different. Of course some ideas work great, and some fail miserably. But at least I am doing what I think is best for me... I started wtih one small idea and keep building on what works for me. Good luck girl

KalipsoRed · Jan 2, 2010

Man do I know where you are comming from. I've been overweight all my life, with the exception of 4 years from 19 -23 when I did kung fu 4 times a week and jogged two miles EVERY DAY. Thus I feel safe in telling you a few things I've learned.

1) Look up every fat lover website you possibly can. There are quite a few wonderful stories online written by men in love with women 400 and 500 lbs or more. I know you said your husband loves you and that's great, but you need to know that more than just your hubby finds you attractive and sexy. Hopefully through this 'research' you will start to feel attractive. It is important to understand that your size does not make you sexy, your attitude does. Right now you are depressed and adding up all the things wrong with you, but mostly placing that focus on your size. When you start to focus on your size you focus on what you're eating and getting mad at yourself every time you 'screw up' which just depresses you more which causes you to say "screw it" and grab that tub of ice cream. FIGHT THIS! How? By building some confidence. I have a hard time holding on to my confidence too, so that's why I read all the big people lover sites. I borrow some of their's. A good place to start is a website called 'Hips and Curves'.

2) Save up $500 and go buy yourself cute clothes that fit and make you look good. Wearing clothes that are to tight only makes you feel worse about your self and remind you of your precieved 'failures'. You deserve to feel good, which means looking good, which means go buy yourself some clothes chick!

3) So by this time in the plan you should be feeling better about you. Good! The next step is to NOT GO ON A DIET!!!! Diet's do not work! ...well yes they do, but not for an extended period of time. I know people are in love with Weight Watchers and there is some solid advice there, but I'm telling you DO NOT GO ON ANY DIET PLAN!!!! Now is the time for you to really ask yourself some questions about how you feel when you eat. Do you eat until you need to unbutton your pants because you are so full? If so then I would start by concentrating on figuring out when you feel full as opposed to stuffed. It takes some time to figure this out. I started by serving all my home meals on the small saucer plates instead of the full dinner plates. Eat the first serving and then go back for seconds if you still feel the need. When you go out to resaurants or fast food chains don't get the french fries with your hamburger. See how full you feel after just the hamburger and if you are still hungry then get an order of fries. If the meal can be ordered in a half order do it and if you are still hungry afterward then order the other half. Go to dinner with a friend so that you can split a meal, order more if you are still hungry afterward. Another thing I had to start doing is throwing things away. I was raised in that whole 'you must eat everything on your plate, don't waste anything' mentality. It is a hard thing to get over....I also have the issue that if it is there I'm going to eat it. So I had to start doing stuff like this. You want a piece of cheese cake from the grocery and it only comes in whole pies? Well buy the pie take it home eat your dinner and cut your self a piece of that pie. Then throw the rest of that pie away! Yes your family may want a piece, but if they aren't there to eat it before you finish your slice that's just to bad. My saving grace was that once it was in the trash can it was to gross for me to get another slice. Yes, it is wasteful and expensive to do things like this, but if you let that craving stay with you you will eventually go buy a whole pie and eat the whole thing.

4) This step and step 3 kind of go together. You are going to need support and back up for this. Your family cannot expect you to change your eating habits without them changing theirs with you. It's all of you or none of you and I don't care if they are thin. You can't be the only one eating healthy while everyone else is bringing poo into the house. I really just won't work. So if 'Johnny' likes ho-ho's and you usually buy them to put in his lunch, well that's going to change. You might just have to start giving 'Johnny' money to buy the ho-ho's at school so that you aren't keeping a stash of sweets in your house...or whatever your weakness is. The more effort you have to make to get the things that are not so great for you, the better off your diet will be. Your going to have to REALLY be craving whatever your weakness is to enough to go to the store or drive to the resturant (no calling for delievery).

5) So once you've figured out when you're full and have been able to get some of your weaknesses out of reach you probably will notice a drop in weight with just those changes. You next goal is to start exercising. You need to find something you like to do or you will not stick with it. My personal favorite is martial arts. Why? Well jogging or stair step classes just for the sake of exercising really didn't do it for me. It was just something I did to move my body around. Martial Arts has a purpose. It is something you will be learning to do for protection, and as a by product you will learn control, will power, and most martial systems eventually go into meditation, relaxation, and self discovery. My personal favorite martial art is Kung Fu, because after a long day of dealing with management B.S. I really like to puch and kick things. But if you are not into that kind of aggressiviness try something like Tai Chi or Jujitsu. Or maybe you and your hubby have always wanted to learn to dance! That is great too! It is not excersie, it is a social event and a fun activity to do with your hubby. Whatever you decide to get involved with make sure it serves a purpose more than just to get you moving around.

-- 5 was really my last step, but here are a few other tips I have.

1) Write down the following and stick it on your bathroom mirror...or somewhere you will see it almost every day.

a) I want to be a healthy person not a thin person.

b) I will not deprive myself of things I want.

c) I can always get more if I am not satisfied.

d) When am full I will stop.

You will make up every excuse not to do this. Work stressing you out is not good enough. Not having enough time is not good enough. Not having the right food at home right now is not good enough. This has to be a priority in your life and you must make the time to concentrate on it. Extra shifts to make extra money and all that is no good. It doesn't matter how much money you have or what material things you've got if you are a) to stressed to enjoy them or b) not healthy enough to utilize them.

You can do this! It won't be easy to begin with and you will do stuff like lose 20lbs and be so estatic. Then let yourself get a little lax an gain back 15. You'll want to give up, but don't. Giving up is letting the unhealthy person in you win. We all have one, you are not struggling alone.

Mikessa · Jan 2, 2010

You just described my entire life style: no exercise, eat fat foods, sit and watch TV all day. The truth is I HATE IT!! And I hate being fat.

But you know, I have to force myself to go on a diet and exercise my butt off. I have to go to school in Bozeman MT this fall and let me give some advice...high altitude and obesity does not mix. Believe me, it could kill you. I'm drinking nothing but water and eating 6 small meals a day. My mom went on this diet and she lost a considerable amount of weight. The thing is to eat regularly so your body doesnt store it as fat. Every 2 hours does the trick.

blueyesue · Jan 2, 2010

I understand that. However the point of your plan that doesn't work for me is purchasing "junk food you love" and staring at it as some form of self hypnotism into avoiding it later?

You don't have to purchase a junk food item you love and look at it if you don't want to. The point is to practice self control. (No hypnotism involved)

Not_A_Hat_Person, RN · Jan 2, 2010

I've been heavy most of my life. I was about 310 lbs. at my heaviest. I had very little money and a job I despised.

What finally worked for me was getting an active job that I didn't hate, and finding a form of exercise I liked and could do regularly. When I moved for my job, I had no car. I bought a bike for basic transportation, and fell in love. I biked to work (11 miles round-trip) from June to November. It's not practical to bike year-round here, though I've seen plenty of people bikng this winter. I liked biking so much I put off buying a car as long as possible. I lost about 45 pounds in 7 months.

My bike has been in the basement since December 1. I miss it. I've also gained some weight back. I'm going to join a gym and take some spinning classes. I'm planning to do some big bike rides (25-30 miles) in the spring.

Make a list of what you love to eat. Pick one and scratch it off. It's not on your list. Next week pick another- now there are 2 that arent on your list......follow through.

I disagree with this. If you cut out food you love, you're not going to stick with your eating plan. Sooner or later you will fall off the wagon, hate yourself, and end up right back where you started.

I've done Weight Watchers a few times, and I like their approach. You can eat whatever you want, just not all the time. You're forced to prioritize foods, including everyday food. That way, you can plan for splurges. One day, I really, really wanted a bacon cheeseburger with fries. I tried to ride out my craving for a week. When that didn't work, I planned y splurge, I went to my favorite Harvard Square restaurant, ordered the bacon cheeseburger with fries, ate every bite and enjoyed it. I didn't want another one for 3 months.

blueheaven · Jan 2, 2010

there are many 12-step groups out there dealing with food issues. overeater's anonymous, food addicts in recovery, food addicts anonymous, eating disorders anonymous etc. help is out there whether you go it the online route, face to face route or by phone. for me, i know what to do to lose the weight (as most of us do). i can recite calories, fat grams, etc of many foods and many fast foods. knowledge of exercise etc avails me nothing. i have never met a simple carb that i didn't love

i've tried doing it myself and it didn't work for me. i needed help and i go to a 12 step meeting that deals with food issues. they provide me with a support system and network that i go to when the food is calling my name. no matter what any of you do to fight this battle.....

progress not perfection