Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

ssouthernyankee · Jan 30, 2009

Or spend some "quality time" with your man....happened to me after putting on my hands....WE know better now!

LOL I bet you do know better now.

badphish · Jan 30, 2009

from my army days:

do not hang from the ledge out side the second floor of the barracks, hiding from the Drill Sargeant because he is looking for someone for a detail. You may lose your grip and break both femurs.

do no throw the the unopened fleets bottle in the trash that the ER Sargeant gave you to self-adminster. He will then administer said Fleets himself, and it wont be gentle.

do not say you cant pee to get a urine sample so you can be released back to your basic training platoon. we will cath you, we need that bed for sick patients.

do not swing at the ER tech, x-ray tech or RN while strapped to a back board. you will not only miss, but your drunk aZZ just bought a foley, NG tube and two largebore IVs

do not decide that you will not shower, because the showers are cold, while in Iraq, you may develop a strange "rash" that looks like fuzzy green freckles everywhere.

do not complain to the medic that you need to go back to germany to be with your child that you havent seen in 2 weeks, when the medic hasnt seen his family in 6 months. You may not get the sympathy you are seeking.

do not drink a case of beer and decide its a good idea to rappel from the roof of the three story barracks, you may fall.

do not try to stop a bridgelaying tank at night by standing in front of it and waving your arms, they may not see you and run you over crushing you.

badphish · Jan 30, 2009

dont drink at the park with your 30 medic buddies after finishing the advanced medic course, then let them talk you into hanging from a rope for a "good picture" then expect them to catch you when you let go. then dont believe the 30 experienced drunk medics when they its only a sprain, then continue drinking, dance and NCO club. Your broken leg will wake u up in the AM.

squeakykitty · Jan 30, 2009

Never put something yummy on your member and scrotum, then entice your dog to lick it off (Very Bad Outcome).

YEEEE--OUCHH!!

That really must have hurt.

Here's one for the guys-------

Never use the front of your pants as a holster for your gun. You won't like the results when it goes off.

badphish · Jan 31, 2009

I
When EMS does arrive, DO NOT assume that they will side with you. The RN will override anything EMS says about leaving you in your home. The RN is not above saying to EMS "Call your dispatcher and see what he says about arguing with an RN." You will end up in the ambulance on your way to the nearest hospital.
Must be a NY thing.. RNs do not override the paramedic in my county (orange county, Fl) neither do dermatologists, dentists, or cardiologists on holiday. we have protocols that we follow, and a medical director.
BTW everyone that has ever worked in a clinic, hospital, or nursing home calls themselves a Nurse when we show up.
:angryfire

nialloh, RN · Jan 31, 2009

I
When EMS does arrive, DO NOT assume that they will side with you. The RN will override anything EMS says about leaving you in your home. The RN is not above saying to EMS "Call your dispatcher and see what he says about arguing with an RN." You will end up in the ambulance on your way to the nearest hospital.
Must be a NY thing.. RNs do not override the paramedic in my county (orange county, Fl) neither do dermatologists, dentists, or cardiologists on holiday. we have protocols that we follow, and a medical director.
BTW everyone that has ever worked in a clinic, hospital, or nursing home calls themselves a Nurse when we show up.
:angryfire
I was thinking, maybe the nurse was a visiting nurse and the pt was confused. She would be able to ID herself, and would be able to insist on transport to hospital. - Just throwing out ideas. ;

susannyc · Jan 31, 2009

I was thinking, maybe the nurse was a visiting nurse and the pt was confused. She would be able to ID herself, and would be able to insist on transport to hospital. - Just throwing out ideas. ;
Yes, that's the exact situation. I'm the original poster. I was there on a professional home visit, the patient had remained on the floor for 24 hours, refused to call for help even though she admitted she could have reached the phone cord and pulled the phone to the floor.

badphish · Feb 1, 2009

Yes, that's the exact situation. I'm the original poster. I was there on a professional home visit, the patient had remained on the floor for 24 hours, refused to call for help even though she admitted she could have reached the phone cord and pulled the phone to the floor.
In our county if patient is not under the influence, oriented x 4, they can refuse transport against our , their doctor, and their Nurses wishes. We have great skepticism of any info from Hotel Doctors, "doctors, nurses, CNAs, Medics, Firefighters , EMTs" on vacation, friends of the patient, family of the patient etc. they often are not who they say they are, too emotionally involved, do not understand our system, or just plain wrong.
We do listen to Home care Nurses, Aides, Nursing home staff, and Floor Nurses, if we can 1) find them, 2) its their patient and 3) its not their first day on that ward, floor, department, facility. (it is amazing often we hear this) I dont believe anyone on scene that is as impaired or more impaired than the patient, when their story doesnt match my assessment.
I also learned (again ) last night:
If you are going to EMT or Nursing or Paramedic school, do not drink and drive, or drink so much in a public place tht 911 is called. If you do, do not tell the FF, Paramedics, sheriffs that you are in school, and that you know what is best for you. and say that you only had 2 beers. THen after the Medic gives you the benefit of the doubt and calls the Medical Director and he refuses to let the Sheriff drive you home because your ETOH might be masking an injury and you might die home alone , do not threaten the Firefighters, Medics that you will punch them, find where they live, etc because you cant afford the F'in Ambulance ride, ER visit, etc. because we will see you again someday applying for a job, and you will not get said job, and if you do somehow get said job, we will correct the situation at our first opportunity. we dont need or want DUIers in our midst.

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Feb 1, 2009

Never put something yummy on your member and scrotum, then entice your dog to lick it off (Very Bad Outcome).

Did he speak in a falsetto voice after that incident? :uhoh3:

susannyc · Feb 1, 2009

In our county if patient is not under the influence, oriented x 4, they can refuse transport against our , their doctor, and their Nurses wishes. We have great skepticism of any info from Hotel Doctors, "doctors, nurses, CNAs, Medics, Firefighters , EMTs" on vacation, friends of the patient, family of the patient etc. they often are not who they say they are, too emotionally involved, do not understand our system, or just plain wrong.
We do listen to Home care Nurses, Aides, Nursing home staff, and Floor Nurses, if we can 1) find them, 2) its their patient and 3) its not their first day on that ward, floor, department, facility. (it is amazing often we hear this) I dont believe anyone on scene that is as impaired or more impaired than the patient, when their story doesnt match my assessment.
I also learned (again ) last night:
If you are going to EMT or Nursing or Paramedic school, do not drink and drive, or drink so much in a public place tht 911 is called. If you do, do not tell the FF, Paramedics, sheriffs that you are in school, and that you know what is best for you. and say that you only had 2 beers. THen after the Medic gives you the benefit of the doubt and calls the Medical Director and he refuses to let the Sheriff drive you home because your ETOH might be masking an injury and you might die home alone , do not threaten the Firefighters, Medics that you will punch them, find where they live, etc because you cant afford the F'in Ambulance ride, ER visit, etc. because we will see you again someday applying for a job, and you will not get said job, and if you do somehow get said job, we will correct the situation at our first opportunity. we dont need or want DUIers in our midst.
Here in good old NYC, lawsuit capital of the world, the paramedics are more likely to get into trouble if they don't transport the patient, than if they do transport over the patient's wishes. The thought process behind this is, if you don't want to go to the hospital, why did you call 911 in the first place?

deyo321 · Feb 2, 2009

Never try to outrun the police dog. Those dogs are goood.

When the sheriff shows up at your door, don't jump from the third story. You can't fly.

Pepper spray sucks. If you are ever at a public rally or function and they threaten to discharge it immediatly comply.

diane227, LPN, RN · Feb 6, 2009

Never allow your wife to rub your back with an entire tube on nitrol paste.