Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

gigglynurse · Jan 26, 2009

Never smoke weed, take xanax and then have sex during your menstural cycle with an inserted tampon in your lady parts. One thing at a time girls. One thing at a time. :no:

Never try to get rid of your "impaction" with your wife's cylindrical bottle of perfume. (the x-rays were impressive by the way)

Never. EVER. go off of your psych medication.

Never use sex toys without wide bases because if you do, you run the risk of said sex toys being sucked into the black hole of doom. This typically will require surgical intervention.

Always partake in safe sex. I can NOT stress this enough. Yikes!

The ER.. Providing insight and enlightenment one glorious shift at a time.

rabbitgirrl · Jan 28, 2009

When you have a PICC line for home antibiotics don't decided to flush with vodka - because it's clear and you ran out of your saline- PS more addictive than crack.

OMG! Vodka? and lived AND wanted to do it again? Lordy!

Booty Nurse, BSN · Jan 28, 2009

Never put something yummy on your member and scrotum, then entice your dog to lick it off (Very Bad Outcome).

badphish · Jan 28, 2009

Do not call 911/paramedics to your upscale-hotel room for "oxycontin withdrawal" then complain u dont want to go out on stretcher where others can se you, cry for something for vomiting (though u never even wretch) ask medic to ****** give you sumthin, and when asked why u r taking oxycontin say "no reason" hmmmmm

Do not let your epileptic wife give you oral when she is off her meds.. you suffer trauma she suffers beating...

do not play with your service pistol john wayne style as former president is landing at airfield you are supposedly securing.... this causes GSW to you, and mass hysteria from Secret Service types...

do not perform minor surgery on your swollen/infected foreskin with a razor blade because you cannot pee (twice before ER visit)

lesson i taught myself:

do not take delsym cold medicine at work while drinking copius amounts of coffee... you will think your heart is gonna explode, freak out your partner, and be the talk of the station for several shifts...

do not receive oral sex if you are the driver of a moving vehicle

Seishiro · Jan 28, 2009

Never smoke weed, take xanax and then have sex during your menstural cycle with an inserted tampon in your lady parts. One thing at a time girls. One thing at a time.
Never try to get rid of your "impaction" with your wife's cylindrical bottle of perfume. (the x-rays were impressive by the way)
Never. EVER. go off of your psych medication.
Never use sex toys without wide bases because if you do, you run the risk of said sex toys being sucked into the black hole of doom. This typically will require surgical intervention.
Always partake in safe sex. I can NOT stress this enough. Yikes!
The ER.. Providing insight and enlightenment one glorious shift at a time.

o

m

g

...

rph3664 · Jan 28, 2009

Do not let your epileptic wife give you oral when she is off her meds.. you suffer trauma she suffers beating...
(snip)
lesson i taught myself:
do not receive oral sex if you are the driver of a moving vehicle

A hospital where I once worked had an ER doctor who was an alcoholic, and for him, hitting bottom was when he went into an ER booth with a brain-damaged woman who also worked at that hospital (I don't remember what she did) who was known for giving oral away for free, and while she was doing this, she had a seizure and nearly bit it off. :no:

As for getting a BJ in a moving car, the first time I ever heard of someone doing that was a woman I hung out with (she wasn't my friend; let's not go there) who did this to a boyfriend while he was driving down the Interstate. IMHO, that would be even more dangerous than a drunk driver.

WalkieTalkie, RN · Jan 28, 2009

A hospital where I once worked had an ER doctor who was an alcoholic, and for him, hitting bottom was when he went into an ER booth with a brain-damaged woman who also worked at that hospital (I don't remember what she did) who was known for giving oral away for free, and while she was doing this, she had a seizure and nearly bit it off.

OMG! Talk about bad karma! That's what you get for doing something that abhorrent! I feel for addicted personnel, but this goes way beyond addiction... taking advantage of a patient!?

rph3664 · Jan 28, 2009

OMG! Talk about bad karma! That's what you get for doing something that abhorrent! I feel for addicted personnel, but this goes way beyond addiction... taking advantage of a patient!?

She wasn't a patient; she was an employee. Still a violation of professional boundaries.

My source did say that he was not married at the time - UNLIKE the doctor who got caught in a storage closet a few weeks ago where I work now.

masonRN · Jan 29, 2009

I had a patient last year, who taught me in an absolutely clear manner, that removing your own foley by hanging the bag on the doorknob and simultaneously kicking the door shut and leaping away from the door, is a fast track to an enjoyable month in restraints.

ssouthernyankee · Jan 29, 2009

I had a patient last year, who taught me in an absolutely clear manner, that removing your own foley by hanging the bag on the doorknob and simultaneously kicking the door shut and leaping away from the door, is a fast track to an enjoyable month in restraints.

Ouch!!

talaxandra · Jan 29, 2009

Surely there are easier ways to auto-remove an IDC - ooooouch!

tiggerforhim · Jan 30, 2009

Don't eat, drink, or rub your eyes after applying capsaicin cream without washing your hands either.
BTDT.
I use it on my feet, and always apply it with a tissue.

Or spend some "quality time" with your man....happened to me after putting on my hands....WE know better now!