Things you'd LOVE to tell coworkers...and get away with it!

sofla98 · Jul 14, 2011

You failed the NCLEX four times? There really is a God! :saint:

You always get here early? That's great! Read the patient worksheets, yes those clipped together with with your name on it, instead of stuffing your face so report on one patient that has been here for three weeks doesn't take twenty minutes. :banghead:

You can read, right?:anbd:

Oh, please just continue to sit there playing with your phone/online/doing school work while I run to take care of YOUR patient who just desatted to 68% because you haven't suctioned/looked at them, anything with them in 2 hours. :eek:

If I had a dollar for every time a family/parent/patient tells me I do a much better job than some of the other nurses they have had, I'd have a nice size chunk of change to buy myself something REALLY pretty. :nurse:

You are a new grad....You DO NOT know everything there is about nursing. Stop acting so superior because you were in charge three Thursdays ago. You were picked because you wouldn't shut-up about it and no one else wanted to be the big cheese.:angthts:

I know this isn't a fashion show, but it wouldn't kill you to run a brush through your hair or to brush your teeth. Oh, stop being such a b**** to me because I care about my appearance, EVEN at work! :up:

Do you have some sort of special powers? Oh, I just wonder how you do this job without getting up from that chair, all day.....

You are not a nurse, so please stop representing yourself as one to your family/husband/friends/the world! :devil:

This is the dance that ALL of the staff is going to do when they finally fire your crazy a**::dancgrp:

Don't hate on me and spread evil lies and rumors because I am actually happy with my job and I came to work....to work. I cannot help it if patient and families request me to be the nurse.....if you would get off of the phone/online/your fat butt, they might ask for you, too! :idea:

Yes, he/she could be cheating on you. Why? Oh, I think you complain too much, weigh too much, and you are way too lazy...that is just for starters! :vlin:

The burping and farting and cussing isn't cute, at all. Men do not even do that at work....

Your cigarette/cheap cologne mixed scent really makes me want to :barf01:

To the management:

Please get your heads out of your asses and pay attention to what is going on on the unit? The "shining stars" that your think are SO GREAT? They suck. They are lazy, crude, and bully those of us who actually do a GREAT job because you've made them feel special. I'd stop listening to all the bulls*** that comes out of their mouths and treating the really great nurses like garbage. :madface:

sophie_bob_kids · Jul 15, 2011

You failed the NCLEX four times? There really is a God!
You always get here early? That's great! Read the patient worksheets, yes those clipped together with with your name on it, instead of stuffing your face so report on one patient that has been here for three weeks doesn't take twenty minutes.
You can read, right?:anbd:
Oh, please just continue to sit there playing with your phone/online/doing school work while I run to take care of YOUR patient who just desatted to 68% because you haven't suctioned/looked at them, anything with them in 2 hours.
If I had a dollar for every time a family/parent/patient tells me I do a much better job than some of the other nurses they have had, I'd have a nice size chunk of change to buy myself something REALLY pretty.
You are a new grad....You DO NOT know everything there is about nursing. Stop acting so superior because you were in charge three Thursdays ago. You were picked because you wouldn't shut-up about it and no one else wanted to be the big cheese.:angthts:
I know this isn't a fashion show, but it wouldn't kill you to run a brush through your hair or to brush your teeth. Oh, stop being such a b**** to me because I care about my appearance, EVEN at work!
Do you have some sort of special powers? Oh, I just wonder how you do this job without getting up from that chair, all day.....
You are not a nurse, so please stop representing yourself as one to your family/husband/friends/the world!
This is the dance that ALL of the staff is going to do when they finally fire your crazy a**::dancgrp:
Don't hate on me and spread evil lies and rumors because I am actually happy with my job and I came to work....to work. I cannot help it if patient and families request me to be the nurse.....if you would get off of the phone/online/your fat butt, they might ask for you, too!
Yes, he/she could be cheating on you. Why? Oh, I think you complain too much, weigh too much, and you are way too lazy...that is just for starters! :vlin:
The burping and farting and cussing isn't cute, at all. Men do not even do that at work....
Your cigarette/cheap cologne mixed scent really makes me want to :barf01:
To the management:
Please get your heads out of your asses and pay attention to what is going on on the unit? The "shining stars" that your think are SO GREAT? They suck. They are lazy, crude, and bully those of us who actually do a GREAT job because you've made them feel special. I'd stop listening to all the bulls*** that comes out of their mouths and treating the really great nurses like garbage.

Sounds like you hate everyone on your floor! Can anyone hold a candle to you?!? Jeez!!

elthia · Jul 19, 2011

*Quit complaining that the night I was charge I only had 3 pt's. I covered 2 LPN's, pushed IV meds and drew labs for those LPN's, and when one had a pt go into SVT, hung amio, pushed lopressor and digoxin, and spent over 3 hours of my time in that room. Assisted another RN, and then covered her pts when she sent one to the ICU. Did staffing for dayshift, and called every single person who was off to find coverage for days. Coordinated with L&D to get someone, anyone to come up and do fetal heart tones more frequently than ordered on the 32 week pregnant woman who had chest tubes and said the baby wasn't kicking as much. Tried to get staffing to send us help when an agency nurse WALKED out on us in mid-shift, (why I still have no idea, she had a great assignment, AND I was pushing pain meds for her pts, she had no PCA/epidurals, just straight 5 medsurg pts all stable, no blood transfusion even). MY pts didn't get their meds on time.

*Day shift vs night shift wars...I hate it...each shift has its' downfalls, each shift is equally hard, and DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME THAT ALL MY PATIENTS DO IS SLEEP!!!! Come and work nights for 2 weeks and tell me how easy it is. I say 2 weeks, because I want you to get the full picture. Some weekday shifts, some weekend shifts. Some nights when the good nice docs are on call, some when you get your head chewed off for calling for orders, by the same guys who don't recognize you 2 weeks later in a staff meeting at 0900, and the dayshift thinks is the nicest hospitalist/PA-C/NP in the world. The nights when the sweetest 75 y/o CABG begs for a sleeping pill because it's 0100 and she hasn't slept for 3 days, and you get ambien instead of temazepam, with trepidation you clarify, give the ambien, by 0300 she's trying to rip out off clothes, pull out the mediastinal tubes and streak naked down the hall. Dayshift comes in and frankly accuses you of giving her the sleeper, because you "don't want to work", and her confusion/agitation is your just payment.

*What is it with Generation Y???? Seriously...not all of them, but some of them cannot critically think without someone standing right over their back patting them on the shoulder all the time. I have one nurse, and unless I call and check up on her every 2 hours, she falls to pieces, other than that she really intelligent, but I can't cut the apron strings. NO, I take that back...it's more than one nurse. Sometimes I feel like I am babysitting instead of charge nursing. I am NOT a micromanager. Tell me when someone is crumping or you think might be going to crump and I will be your Mighty Mouse, other than that let me do the administrative BS, staffing, upset families, and my own pts.

GHGoonette, BSN, RN · Jul 19, 2011

To all my colleagues: No, I have not missed you ONE BIT! I have been very happy on holiday, and I am NOT looking forward to seeing you next Monday. In fact, if I win the lottery tomorrow, you'll never see my a$$ again! I might consider showing it to management, though....

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · Jul 19, 2011

Sometimes a good morning is just that. A good morning. There is not an ulterior motive in general greetings. Don't roll your eyes and say some sort of general "ya. right. whatever." Then when I don't say it again the next day, as I sense the group is irritated about it, don't then make comment about "what is WRONG with her" put a spin and embellishment on it so by the next shift I am having "serious personal issues" and by the next week my husband is cheating, my kids are on drugs, and I am hiding my sorrow in booze. Just not nice. :yawn:

CNA's please know that you are amazing. Don't let the laziness of a few (a VERY few) paint all in a bad light. What you do is hard work, much appreciated and makes my job go so much smoother. And I appreicate you being my eyes and ears when I am caught up in another room. People say "that's aide work" when they know for a fact is is much too demanding for them to accomplish. Many thanks for what you do.

CNABESS · Jul 19, 2011

I wish you knew how smoothly things are running these last few weeks since you have been on leave for surgery. So much gets done and everyone seems to do their job and not mind. Nobody even misses you because you are so lazy and useless when you are here. Funny how little drama there is when you are not around, Believe me, management has noticed.

CNABESS · Jul 19, 2011

To JADELPN, as a CNA, I thank you. I work with fantastic nurses on my rehab unit and NEVER hear, "thats for the aides to do". They are all brilliant and well educated people and so willing to help when I need it. With the exception of 1 or 2 shamefully lazy CNAs we all work nicely together. I hope your CNAs appreciate you as much as you appreciate them.

Poi Dog · Jul 19, 2011

The next person who tells me that it is sooooo warm on the unit will get slapped :smokin:

sharpeimom · Jul 19, 2011

the next person who tells me that it is sooooo warm on the unit will get slapped

you know being on this side of the malfunctioning middle-aged thermostat isn't as easy as it may seem.

try imagining your ac and heat just cycle on and off randomly and that some sadist keeps flipping the switch from 58* to 98* utterly at ramdom. over and over and over and over and ... many times per day.

your turn is coming me pretty...

Poi Dog · Jul 19, 2011

you know being on this side of the malfunctioning middle-aged thermostat isn't as easy as it may seem.
try imagining your ac and heat just cycle on and off randomly and that some sadist keeps flipping the switch from 58* to 98* utterly at ramdom. over and over and over and over and ... many times per day.
your turn is coming me pretty...

:lol2:

nola1202 · Jul 20, 2011

I've already been "saved" and no I don't want to talk about the comming rapture during report or at work.

quit complaining about how much charting and work you have to do...just shut the f%*k up and do it!

your one night stand with resident x, y or z...TMI thanks, don't wanna hear it.

you made decaffinated coffee because you think caffine is addictive...augh!!!!!!!!

I know you think your butt is beautiful but I don't want to see your dimples....or the smiley face strippers tat.

You don't have to tell me how great you are, if you really are, I'll figure it out.

Don't freak out if someone has a mental illness, a history of bipolar or depression doesn't mean they'll morph into freddy Kruger in fron of your eyes...or try to jump out of the window.

The super obese are people not objects of ridicule. Some of my "fat" co-workers work circles around your skinny ass, mabe if you stopped dieting you'd be a little nicer.

I really could care less about your latest diet...or the last 20. I diet too, I just don't feel the need to discuss other's food choices.

I want a quick report, just the facts, you don't look like a better nurse because you tell me everything. and I just need to know there's an iv, I don't care which hand...I have eyes. I also don't care what size foley, if I have to replace it, I can look at the size then.

When we spend more time talking about outside stuff than work during report, it's time to go out for coffee and be real friends, not just work friends...the last one isn't a complaint, that's a good thing!

and the random "oh just shut the F87ck up and quit bothering me", I just want to eat lunch and read my Sookie Stackhouse novel...not talk about Trueblood...I need some downtime for the love of all tha's holy!

No I don't just love being a nurse, but I'm glad I'm covering it up, cause right now I'd rather be the one lying in bed!

Ok, now you know the truth, I'm really a horrible person...very unchristian of me! Maybe I do need to be re-saved!

one last serious one: that I am not married and never had children is a very painful place for me, please don't pry..and later don't gossip that I'm in the closet and a lesbian. and don't do it at all, someone right next to you could be gay and cringing inside. I hope they don't, it isn't a big deal one way or the other. Ok now I'll shut the fu&k up and go to sleep...sure will sleep better now! Good night moon, good night stars, good night where ever you are.

elthia · Jul 20, 2011

Yes, I got out late, and I spent all my night in the hospice pt's room. But that family needed me. Yeah, there was nothing to do for the BP in the tank, the anuria, the Crappy O2 sats, the pt wandered in and out of a semi-comatose state, but the greatest need of all my pts was THAT room. Whatever happened to holistic nursing?

The pt had started out with air hunger, was moaning. Then was incontinent. Then the wife broke down and cried, and I spent some time with her while she reminisced, we had a good rapport, so I wasn't go to push her off onto the chaplain. Then this cycle repeated over and over..... If I wasn't with the wife, I was with a different family member. Sometimes psychosocial nursing drains me more than any other type of nursing.

HOW DARE YOU SAY, why did you spend so much time in that room? There's not much going on in there. There was so much going on in that room that I'm still in tears, besides educating families about the dying process, the stages of grief, and medications we give is what we are supposed to do as nurses.