Things you'd LOVE to tell coworkers...and get away with it!

[General E. Speaking, RN]

Please don't label this thread "negative". It is meant to be fun.

Your scrubs are ugly.

I don't think you are "cute" when you get all googley-eyed and giggly around the young docs. I think it makes nurses look bad.

I cannot BELIEVE you were nominated for A Daisy Award! Did you nominate yourself?

It's called deodorant, use it.

Do your own assessment and stop badgering me for every single detail during report.

I swear I am going to put Ex Lax all over my lunch so the next time someone calls out for the runs, I will know it is you who keeps stealing my food!

Yes, my stethoscope is nice and it was expensive. Buy your own.

No time to help me turn my patient, huh? Yet, every time you need help, I have been there for you.

Your situational awareness sucks. While you are browsing the latest deals on the internet, I am drowning. Look around and help out your coworkers.

I'm happy you look rested and ready for your shift. Next time get here 15 minutes earlier so I can leave on time and be rested and ready for you.

No, you don't ALWAYS get the crappy assignment. I don't think you'd be happy with ANY assignment.

If you're sooooo sick of this place- leave.

[sofla98]

Sounds like you hate everyone on your floor! Can anyone hold a candle to you?!? Jeez!!

Ummm...if you read the OP this is for F-U-N. So, Jeez, relax your crack a bit hon.

I love *most* of my co-workers. I have been a nurse for many many years, the things I wrote about are not only about my current place of employment but my prior one as well.

And, to answer your question, NO. No one can hold a candle to me, well maybe a few can try.

There is NOTHING wrong with being confident when you KNOW you work hard to provide the best possible care to very ill and medically complex little ones. I know that I am an AWESOME nurse and I am proud of it!

[xtxrn, ASN, RN]

Agree SO much w/Nola12's posts - and my own twists and additions-

If someone is really great, I'll figure it out- don't need the daily updates.

Don't want to see anything that should be covered in polite society (not including European speedos, which are freaks of fashion anyway) I want THAT well secured and shrouded in something very opaque.

Do NOT want to hear about how drunk anybody was last night and how bad they feel now, as they run to puke again....and NO, do not ask me to go with you to the bar after work- I won't be seen in public with drunks.... thank you:) In return, I won't ask you to my place to watch the "Sound of Music" and munch of low fat microwave popcorn (no butter).

I'm not a closet lesbian either- lots of reasons for no hubby or kids, and yes I wish I had them, but life happened and things changed.

Don't whine about your size 2's getting tight- they SHOULD be getting tight if you're not studying to be a corpse. :)

To the CNA (male) who doesn't feel the need to wear undies- I don't care if you're hung right, left, or half way to the moon- strap that puppy down and put it away.

I don't want to hear about your 3 year old learning French....does she like Elmo or Dora or something age appropriate as well ????

I also don't want to have your kid show up at work and root through my purse while you do nothing- that kid ain't that special to the whole frippin' planet :)

We are not friends...we may be friendly co-workers which is a VERY good thing...but it stops when I clock out unless there's some other reason we'd spend time together besides being paid to be in the same place at the same time

I do NOT want to hear that it took you 4 times to pass boards- that does not impress me. I'll always wish you well, and hope it's just a problem with testing- not lack of knowledge . :)

I could go on- but lucky for the masses, I'm getting a bit tired

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

interesting how everyone who posts here thinks they are (or will be) an awesome nurse.

where are all the average and above average nurses? where are all the awful ones?

[Poi Dog]

Please use the PPE gear when going into the room of a patient on contact isolation.

[xtxrn, ASN, RN]

Really? New admit? You want me to do pedal pulses? NO, I don't mind doing them- not a bit.... BUT ASK ME TO DO THEM ON A PATIENT WITH FEET- the only soul to roll in here today was lopped off south of patella-land....:uhoh3: No, he doesn't have a podiatrist's order. And don't ask the admitting doc for a consult- PLEASE!! (LTC- generally admitted with podiatrist order prn)

No. I will not call the doc at 3 a.m. for a laxative for Mrs. X. She had diarrhea all day yesterday.

You're drawing up insulin in a 3cc syringe...OK. How many units do you have there? (seriously- I saw this & asked this question- she just looked blankly at the syringe and back at me.... ).

[xtxrn, ASN, RN]

interesting how everyone who posts here thinks they are (or will be) an awesome nurse.

where are all the average and above average nurses? where are all the awful ones?

can't us average ones have gripes?? :d

[ghostchili]

i don't like you. i don't like anything about you. i don't like the way you constantly try to make everyone feel belittled, i don't like the way you treat everyone (especially new staff) like they're idiots--i'd rather work with some of these new nurses who've been off orientation for 2 months ANY DAY over working with you because i trust them to make much safer patient-care decisions than you would! i don't like your superior, holier-than-thou attitude and your snobby tone of voice. you started almost the same time i did; don't treat me like i'm a new grad.

don't make the care partner feel badly because she failed her boards and can't work as a nurse until she passes them; YOU took two tries to pass them yourself.

patients CANNOT PACE OUT OF V-FIB.

STOP GIVING OUR PATIENTS WRONG INFORMATION ABOUT THEIR UPCOMING TRANSPLANT SURGERIES. we only do orthotopic transplants here and patients do NOT keep their old hearts when they put in the new one.

no one wants to hear about your son trying to eat his own ****.

fine, you never replete your electrolytes. fine, you never recheck them on the rare chance you DO replete them. this being said, stop aggressively micromanaging new grads who have patients with low lytes. after three years, you haven't figured out that the repletion protocol changes once creatinine rises above 2???

and YOU. you're a senior nurse, you've been a nurse forever, and you know your ****. you're a good resource, and you handle crises like a pro. this doesn't give you the right to bully around other nurses and leave the new ones at the mercy of your everchanging temper. backstabbing **** you say gets back to the people you talk about; you're one of the most two-faced people i have ever met. if i make a decision as charge, it goes. i have my reasons for doing the things i do, and none of them involve trying to screw you over. keep questioning me and ******** about me, though, and that might change.

i hope you both realize that the only reason you have jobs is because we need warm bodies to fill this staffing shortage of ours.

the nursing profession as a whole can do with fewer of you.

...dang, i actually feel better. :)

[Aeterna, BSN, RN]

"I am not comfortable doing that" should not be an excuse to pawn off your work to others. You've been on the floor for over a year yet you refuse to learn to give chemo (on an oncology floor), refuse to do PICC dressings, etc.? I am more than willing to help people out but we're a bit tired of hearing "I'm not comfortable doing that" from you. Take some initiative and learn! Don't you want to challenge yourself, to learn new things, and expand your knowledge and skills?

Just because I come in half an hour early to work and I have your patients doesn't mean you get to leave half an hour early. I am trying to get report and take the time to get to know my assignment. I don't want to be answering your call bells while I'm doing this, especially when I'm not even getting paid for it.

Please! If you are night shift, do your recopies, re-stock your charts, etc.! It sucks when I come on in the morning and there is no space left to document my notes. It sucks even more when the doctors come in and don't have space to write notes/orders and yell at me for it when it was supposed to be you ensuring those papers were there!

Please tag your IV tubing with the date and time on it. And if the tag is there, at least glance at it and change it when it's 3 days old. I once saw tubing that was a whole week old! How can a whole week's worth of nurses miss that?

Last but not least: we don't really want to hear about your sex life in the middle of the nursing station.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

can't us average ones have gripes?? :d

us average ones can gripe all we want as long as we're not all claiming to be "awesome" nurses. i don't know that many awesome nurses, although i do know a lot of average, below average, above average and really good nurses. or is "awesome" merely what one assumes one is when ones signs on to allnurses.com to complain about everyone else?

unless they mean "awesomely awful". i've seen a few nurses like that.

[No Stars In My Eyes]

I am not interested in hearing you endlessly slamming your spouse. We GET it , You think he's a ________. We think you are, too. So, shuddup awready,eh?!!!

[elb252]

When I'm trying to pass meds on my medcart and you're a "dutiful" volunteer carting people for physical therapy, don't come up and ask me every 2 min, "has Mrs. X had her meds yet? Can we go now?"

Well, gee, maybe if you had shown me WHICH paperwork that had to be done for Medicare purposes or how to "appropriately" chart bladder scans when I was in orientation just a couple days ago, I wouldn't have to be yelled at for not doing it!

CNAs -- please do not complain or whine to me about how obnoxious your assigned resident was to get out of bed this morning when I'm trying to take care of assessments, treatments, meds, etc. If it's something REALLY important, THEN you can come over and talk to me.

Get off your damn cellphone and help this resident to the bathroom. I'm fine with helping if all other CNAs are busy, but don't hide behind the nurse's station or in the pantry playing Angry Birds when there's a call light going off.

What's that, doctor? I'm bothering you on a lovely Saturday evening when you're playing golf? Guess what -- suck it up. You're on the phone with me for a whole three minutes. I've got three more hours to go on this double shift before I can even go home, and I'm EXHAUSTED. Happy Saturday, jerkoff.

[elb252]

Really? New admit? You want me to do pedal pulses? NO, I don't mind doing them- not a bit.... BUT ASK ME TO DO THEM ON A PATIENT WITH FEET- the only soul to roll in here today was lopped off south of patella-land....:uhoh3: No, he doesn't have a podiatrist's order. And don't ask the admitting doc for a consult- PLEASE!! (LTC- generally admitted with podiatrist order prn)

No. I will not call the doc at 3 a.m. for a laxative for Mrs. X. She had diarrhea all day yesterday.

You're drawing up insulin in a 3cc syringe...OK. How many units do you have there? (seriously- I saw this & asked this question- she just looked blankly at the syringe and back at me.... ).

Everything about this post cracked me up.