Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight.
I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave.
Yelling and hurling obscenities at me will not get you your pain meds any sooner than they are ordered. Nor will having your family member or entourage do the same.
Threatening lawsuits and having umpteen family members camp out in the halls or hold up the nurse's station will not get you preferential treatment.
Physically grabbing me as I go down the hall is NOT a good idea.
I do not give the orders, but I do have to follow/enforce them. This is something that you should take up with your doctor.
No, I will not call him again to ask him for more pain medicine. He has been called twice and has said no both times.
No, I will not give you his number so you can "straighten him out".
No, you are not my only patient, and I highly doubt that you are single-handedly paying my salary. On the off chance that you are, let's talk about a raise.
NO, NO, NO, I most empahatically will NOT come get you when it is time for your next pain shot while you are having a smoke break. I also will not bring it to you in the smoking room. (Have actually said that, I am allergic to cigarettes. I did it once, had an asthma attack, desatted to 83, and turned blue, according to the patient and my charge nurse, after the patient had to help me back to the floor).
No, I don't really care if your family has not eaten all day, they drove here by themselves, they are not sick, and no, I will not call for 6 guest trays. (This of course, is if the patient in question does not need all 6 family members present, and is not at death's door).
No, you may not have 3 six-packs of soda from the kitchen, there are other people that would like a snack, too.
No, they will not open up the kitchen up just for you, at 1 in the morning, because you don't like the snacks we have on the floor.
I could think of hundreds, but those will do for a start. I know it sounds mean, but this is why I got out of bedside nursing. When a hospital becomes the Hilton, I'm gone!
I had a guy with a member that I could not find. It took me a while and the help of a couple of people to find it. When his wife came up to see him she was really big also. I asked her how many kids they had....8. There was NO WAY that little member was responsible for those 8 kids.
It's not the size of your pencil, it's how you write your name!
Did you see my post on the last page about the guy for whom the doctor needed a lady partsl speculum to find it? I forgot to say he was morbidly obese.
It's not the size of your pencil, it's how you write your name!
Did you see my post on the last page about the guy for whom the doctor needed a lady partsl speculum to find it? I forgot to say he was morbidly obese.
Had to cath a teenie weinie myself, but that doesn't top the first male cath I did in NS. It took me and my clinical instructor to pull back the foreskin...and pull it back...and pull it back...and pull it back...
Thank goodness he was comatose...even *she* got the giggles.
What I did say to my brother: "You were SURPRISED that you had to wait two hours after your scheduled time for an appointment to talk to Mom's doctor about how she is doing (he is her legal guardian). You couldn't understand why the nurses didn't honor your request to go and get him and tell him how long you had been waiting? You have finally figured out that the nurses have to treat him like he is God? Congratulations, you have at long last started to understand why being a nurse can suck. Now tell me why you did not share this personal enlightenment with the doctor when you finally got to see him."
Upon being asked for the umpteenth time for the bedside commode by a resident with a bowel fixation, I said, "I'll go get the wheelchair and bring you to the bathroom instead." This resulted in her throwing herself a huge pity party, hoping that I would break down and bring the damn commode in again. I said i didn't think it was fair to her roommate to use the commode right now because she was trying to eat her dinner. The pity party turned into whining about how everything has to be the roommate's way.
I felt like saying, "I don't care. I don't want to hear the 'poor me' speech again. Just shut up and get in the wheelchair. Every day, we offer you the toilet right before supper, and you decline, only to ring AS SOON AS YOU SEE US WITH THE TRAYS. And frankly, we are all too busy to stand here and listen to your usual whiny monologue about your bowels and have to clean out the crap bucket in between passing out people's food trays [yes of course I wash my hands but it's still gross]. It is NOT FAIR that you insist on taking a loud smelly dump within 2 feet of your roommate EVERY SINGLE DAY while she is trying to eat. Right now, you are going to use the toilet like a normal person."
"Oh and by the way, you do not need to hit the call button while I'm in the room!"
I dread going in there for the roommate because I know sooner or later I'm going to hear her piteous little voice from the other side of the curtain whimpering, "I need the commmmmode" so I will bring it to her, only to discover upon leaving the room that I have to go back to shut off the call light that she pointlessly hit.
chicookie, BSN, RN
985 Posts