Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it.

Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Nurses Relations Video Nurse Life

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Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight.

I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave.

Yelling and hurling obscenities at me will not get you your pain meds any sooner than they are ordered. Nor will having your family member or entourage do the same.

Threatening lawsuits and having umpteen family members camp out in the halls or hold up the nurse's station will not get you preferential treatment.

Physically grabbing me as I go down the hall is NOT a good idea.

I do not give the orders, but I do have to follow/enforce them. This is something that you should take up with your doctor.

No, I will not call him again to ask him for more pain medicine. He has been called twice and has said no both times.

No, I will not give you his number so you can "straighten him out".

No, you are not my only patient, and I highly doubt that you are single-handedly paying my salary. On the off chance that you are, let's talk about a raise.

NO, NO, NO, I most empahatically will NOT come get you when it is time for your next pain shot while you are having a smoke break. I also will not bring it to you in the smoking room. (Have actually said that, I am allergic to cigarettes. I did it once, had an asthma attack, desatted to 83, and turned blue, according to the patient and my charge nurse, after the patient had to help me back to the floor).

No, I don't really care if your family has not eaten all day, they drove here by themselves, they are not sick, and no, I will not call for 6 guest trays. (This of course, is if the patient in question does not need all 6 family members present, and is not at death's door).

No, you may not have 3 six-packs of soda from the kitchen, there are other people that would like a snack, too.

No, they will not open up the kitchen up just for you, at 1 in the morning, because you don't like the snacks we have on the floor.

I could think of hundreds, but those will do for a start. I know it sounds mean, but this is why I got out of bedside nursing. When a hospital becomes the Hilton, I'm gone!

Have fun!

Specializes in NICU, ICU, PICU, Academia.

I appreciate you being proactive and recognizing that you likely have another UTI.

I appreciate that you brought a urine sample in a sterile container to speed up your ER visit.

But honestly, a QUART Mason jar full of urine is overkill. Seriously.

Specializes in LTC.
I appreciate you being proactive and recognizing that you likely have another UTI.

I appreciate that you brought a urine sample in a sterile container to speed up your ER visit.

But honestly, a QUART Mason jar full of urine is overkill. Seriously.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I appreciate you being proactive and recognizing that you likely have another UTI.

I appreciate that you brought a urine sample in a sterile container to speed up your ER visit.

But honestly, a QUART Mason jar full of urine is overkill. Seriously.

That is so funny and SO true! lol!

I've had a few clients over the years bring me in a litter pan or a bucket full of poo to select the fecal sample from. I too have received urine in dixie cups, old pill bottles, plastic bags, some really nice dishes, dog dishes, and glass bottles of every size and shape. Some of the urines have dirt and leaves floating in them. So much for a clean sample.

Fuzzy

Specializes in Informatics, Orthopaedics.

Here is a match, feel free to play.

(yes I know pretty extreme, couldn't help it) :yeah:

Specializes in Cardio-Pulmonary; Med-Surg; Private Duty.
Here is a match, feel free to play.

(yes I know pretty extreme, couldn't help it) :yeah:

How about, "See that traffic over there? Feel free to go play in it!"

Specializes in Med-Surg.
"If you put on that call light one more dang time I swear to God above I will strangle you with it...and make it look like an accident"

"I really don't care that your great great aunt Sally had a really bad case of the gout...that is not pertinate to your admission history...but thanks for sharing"

"NO...you cannot go outside to smoke when you came in here c/o chest pain and SOB...and you cannot have your family wheel you down in a wheelchair with oxygen going...are you an idiot?"

You know, my boyfriends ex-MIL actually managed to blow her face off after being repeatedly told not to do that. She then had a really intense reaction to analgesia (ie total confusion) and tore off all her brand new skin grafts, leading to infection--> septicemia-->death.

Specializes in Med-Surg.

See, I dont know if maybe its because I have mostly worked in Canada where healthcare is not all about PR but actually about helping people get better and go home...

But I have told people many times that if they could do it at home, they can do it at the hospital.

I dont care if the other shifts put you on the bedpan, you are getting OOB and going to the BR, even if we roll you there on a commode. You dont want to? Well then we can put some Depends on you. What do you mean, you dont have dementia and dont need a Depend? Well if your 40yr old self-entitled whiny butt cant get out of bed to pee, then you get a Depend. And if you pee in your bed, we are NOT replacing the egg shell mattress on it, because its the last one we had. And stop telling my CNAs they are dumb and dont know what they are talking about, and to go get someone who does. Because I DO know what I am talking about, and I am telling you to GET. OUT. OF. BED.

(Different patient, oh the wonders of socialized healthcare)No, you are not our priority here. The patient crashing kind of trumps you. Last time I checked, ABCs WERE more important than you wanting us to bring you to the BR, especially since you are fully able to walk there on your own, as we have seen you do every time you think we arent looking. And yelling to the full-up department and anyone who is within hearing distance that you are more important than everyone will NOT get you any sympathy.

Specializes in rehab.

You may not believe it but I am busy. Please stop asking for the nurse to come talk to you for stupid reasons. See that CNA she can get you a glass of juice just as easy as I can. Don't turn on the call light, wait for her to come, say you want to talk to me, then tell me you need juice.

This is really funny stuff! So true!!! I can really see some poor nurse snapping and saying this stuff. LOL!

Specializes in ER NURSE.

Love this thread...

When a family member is also a "Nurse"....and asks why her mother is not receiving fluids angrily...(CHF'r)....Ummmm..where do you work?....Oh...so you are a CNA correct and NOT a RN?...I figured as much since any real nurse wouldnt ask such a question!!!Well............if you were a NURSE...you would know WHY your mother isnt getting fluids!!...

Oh...you can take Norco but your allergic to Vicodin?....Really...how is that when they both have tylenol and codeine???...OMG...Well im sorry but you cant have either now that your allergic to Vicodin...oh and I cant give you tylenol either because thats in there too....hmmm...guess you'll have to wait it out...

Specializes in ER NURSE.

OMG...sooo true...

Or you tell them they can not have orange juice...per Dr. orders and they ask everyone else to get it for them...they all come to me and ask...then I want to go into the room and say...HELLO....do you not think they ask me first???...and just for that youre not getting that diet soda until after I do accu-checks!!! LOL...just kidding...heheh