Many of you are confused about the tragic events of last week...even those who knew Brian. Here are some thoughts and reflections from a friend of Brian's who knew him well.
Thursday afternoon, I got a message from a friend in Minneapolis, a former member of the mastermind group I run for online entrepreneurs. Randy, did you see this?†— and a link to a newspaper article.
Then my eyes landed on the name of the dead family's father: Brian Short. It felt like I had just been kicked in the chest by a horse: Brian was a good friend of ours —
It exploded into national news, and even overseas, a cautionary tale that even rich people†face tragedy (a lot was made of their $2 million lakefront homeâ€).
I knew Brian wasn't capable of doing such a thing, adding confusion to the shock and sadness.
I had spent a lot of time with Brian: in my group we take time to actually connect, in person, even though we're online entrepreneurs. We understand the value of presence — actual human connection — and get technology out of the way and talk in a room together. Brian came to most of the conferences, learned a lot about how to make his business grow, and generously gave back year after year. He was a big teddy-bear kind of guy; the women in the group described him as sweet†— and he was. A gentle and caring man who always had a smile, was truly modest about his business achievements, and still had the helping attitude of his first profession.
By Friday police had confirmed Brian did it. Yet I knew that was impossible. Even if he was despondent enough to commit suicide, there's no way he would harm his family. My theory (yet to be confirmed) is that he had some sort of bad reaction to the antidepressants; some are well known to cause suicidal thoughts, especially in the early stages of treatment. Doctors are supposed to monitor patients closely early on. This was a tragic enough case: it would be even more tragic if the medical profession he belonged to failed him, giving him drugs that altered his mind so much that he truly was a different person.
If I was to rank everyone I know from most likely to kill their family to least, Brian would have been way in the back. In all the time we spent together, I never even saw him angry, or raise his voice. Privileged†rich guy? Hardly. We were very poor growing up,†he once told me. I lived in the ghetto on the north side of Milwaukee.
why do the online commenters on such news articles lash out so viciously? They assume evil†or privileged†when the reality is, he was a kind and humble man. I think the commenters are angry.
Because when you either don't understand the back story, or understand it so well that you know Brian wasn't evil or a money-hungry privileged bastard, you have to admit something to yourself: if a guy that sweet, humble, generous, and kind could murder his entire family, then anyone can. That idea scares people, and they don't like the fear so they lash out in blind anger. Antidepressants are given out like candy in this country, yet they can have terrible side-effects. We all ask ourselves, could this happen to me? And if you knew Brian, you have to admit it: yes. Yes it could. Especially since few of us are as sweet and gentle as Brian was.
My deputy coroner wife says it takes 6-8 weeks to get a full blood toxicology report back, which might give some answers. Long before then, the haters will have moved on to some other imagined outrage, and will have forgotten this one.
Many of you have made up your minds to hate Brian Short for what he did. Yes it was a horrible and violent act which none of us on this site condone. But before you make your judgements, read this article to discover more about the real Brian Short.
I didn't know Brian. All I know is what I've seen online, which I always - always - take with a dose of skepticism. Because so many news outlets these days have to keep with the spectacular to keep their funding. A journalist friend was lamenting the other week about how she hates the Amber Alerts on her phone, but she simply can't turn them off because she has to know if there is one. It's her job to keep up with any potential news stories, because how else can her newspaper compete with the 24-hour news outlets?
However, I will always be thankful to him for starting this website, the perfect place to connect with nurses from around the world. There have been discussions that have made me sit back and think, discussions that taught me things that I had either never learned or had forgotten, discussions that riled me up. People have made me laugh and, yes, cry. I have read posts and articles from people that make me say "I want to be just like them," and am always hoping that when my responses are read, they make others feel encouraged and like the world is not always the terrible thing that it is made out to be.
In short, a community. Here things can be said that would make other people blush and tell us to be quiet. (Not that that doesn't happen, but...)
We will never know truly what happened, outside of a tragedy. Meds, finances...who knows. Who cares! The world has lost a (from what I've seen here) good man and his family...people that we will never get back, people who didn't get a chance to truly see the differences that they made upon the world.
For the "Nonyvole, why are you rambling again?" folks: I'm choosing to remember Brian through what he did with Allnurses and all the good that he helped create in this world of hatred and sadness.
Thank you for sharing the article, through the darkness of the last 5 days this was a light to my sadness. The Brian I knew had a dry sense of humor and was always had a quick return. Generous to a fault, always smiling and had the most incredible inventive mind-his business accrue was amazing and he was always open to idea's and listened to any ideas you talked with him about. He loved his gadgets especially Apple products, you always knew he would have the latest that technology had to offer.
I want to share with you a funny story, In may some of the Allnurses team, Brian and my daughter went out on SEGWAY's. The guy who took us on the tour told us that somebody always falls off. We rode the SEGWAY'S for 90 mins and I had a couple of close calls but managed to stay on. It was so much fun and laughter-one of the highlights of my year. We completed the tour and returned to the tour office and i drove into a tiny wall outside the office and went flying off the SEGWAY falling hard to the ground. I remember lying there laughing (i wasn't hurt thank goodness) looking up to see Brian standing over me, saying "Can you do that again so I can video it'!! We all laughed so hard, and that is a memory I carry with me and smile
In 2010 I was fortunate enough to go to DC with the AN crew and help set up/man the AN booth. That's where I got to meet so many of the AN crew. Madwife2002 and I shared a room, which was a blast.
But one of the days I was there I took a day to wander around town in DC, not really realizing how sunny it would be and I didn't carry any sunscreen. I got a fairly decent sunburn on the upper half of my body. What was really funny was that I was carrying my purse with the strap diagonally across my chest. Which meant that my red sunburned upper chest had a big white diagonal stripe running through it. (I am a very white white person.) I will never ever forget how Brian saw it and burst out laughing, I mean a big belly laugh in the middle of the restaurant. He laughed so hard at what he called the scuba flag on my chest. Brian liked to scuba dive.
The other thing I will remember is that I PMed him here shortly after being accepted into my NP program (currently in semester 4 of 8 - woot! almost halfway there) to let him know that I'd gotten in. I told him I'd included in my school portfolio my time spent as moderator here and thanked him for the wonderful learning opportunity that had provided me. He sent me a nice note back congratulating me on getting into grad school, which I still have in my PM folder.
Whatever else he may have been doing or dealing with at the end, what I have described is the Brian I knew and miss.
I'll always remember Brian fondly because of how much patience he showed to me during an embarrassing mistake I made right after I met him in person. Having spent a short time as a moderator here, I had the opportunity to travel out of state to man an AN booth at a nursing student conference several years ago. On the first morning of the conference, I was to meet Brian, his wife and a couple of other AN mods at the conference center to help set up the booth.
When I arrived, Brian was noticeably proud because we were about to unroll a brand new custon Allnurses banner that would be displayed for the first time at this conference. My first in-person AN task was to help Brian unroll and hang this new display. Two things are worth pointing out: 1) As much as I hate to admit it, I am sometimes known for a complete lack of physical grace. 2) When I really embarrassed myself, I had known Brian in person for about 30 minutes.
I'm not sure exactly what happened, but before we even got this thing completely unrolled, I must have had some sort of random focal motor tic. The result was that I tore this brand new banner. I didn't rip it in half, but I noticeably tore it. I think that even most patient people would be pretty hot at this point, especially considering the newness of something that couldn't have been inexpensive. Instead, I think Brian saw that I was mortified and he was really good about it. He figured out how to secure the banner so that the tear was a little less noticeable and we went on with our day.
We had a great time at the conference. He wouldn't have brought the subject up again if I hadn't. Rather than trying to figure out how much I owed him for the banner, he just kept thanking me for my contributions on AN. Brian and his wife made sure that the AN folks at the conference had a good time while we were together, and I certainly learned great lessons about forgiveness and patience. To this day, that's the first thing I think of when Brian comes to mind.
...why do the online commenters on such news articles lash out so viciously? They assume evil†or privilegedâ€...
Because the media has forced such division and envy upon us. The media likely did not originate the division and envy, but perpetuates it just the same. Factor in that so many people have become followers who believe everything they see and hear in the media, and the recipe is one of certain moral decay, the likes of which we may not (yet) have seen the worst.
why do the online commenters on such news articles lash out so viciously? They assume evil†or privilegedâ€...
I think in some cases, that's a defense mechanism to convince themselves that it could never happen to them or anyone they love. I think people frequently look for ways to comfort themselves in these situations, to turn it into a "that happens to other people" thing.
Of course, that's not to say that there aren't bad people in the world who maliciously do bad things. As has been stated many times already, we do not have the information needed to make any solid conclusions right now. So we cannot rush to judgment. Obviously, others have no qualms about doing that.
I never met Brian in person but his online presence was hugely influencing. Thanks to the pioneering efforts of Brian Short there are now many nurse-centric websites and forums, yet I only frequent this one. That is due partly to the wonderful community of nurses here and partly due to Brian's very personal involvement. I felt so proud of myself [pat on the back proud] the first time Brian "liked" one of my posts. WOW! The founder of AN likes me??!! At the time I was amazed that he even took the time to read that unimportant little thread, after being around awhile I realized Brian did indeed read the threads, respond in some and start others.
In short, he wasn't just the originator/owner of this site, he truly was part of our community.
noyesno, MSN, APRN, NP
834 Posts
This makes me so sad. Such a big loss to this community.
May he be remember for the good he did. May he not be defined by this.
Condolences to his family, friends, and all of allnurses.
Hugs to all.