Many of you are confused about the tragic events of last week...even those who knew Brian. Here are some thoughts and reflections from a friend of Brian's who knew him well.
Thursday afternoon, I got a message from a friend in Minneapolis, a former member of the mastermind group I run for online entrepreneurs. Randy, did you see this?†— and a link to a newspaper article.
Then my eyes landed on the name of the dead family's father: Brian Short. It felt like I had just been kicked in the chest by a horse: Brian was a good friend of ours —
It exploded into national news, and even overseas, a cautionary tale that even rich people†face tragedy (a lot was made of their $2 million lakefront homeâ€).
I knew Brian wasn't capable of doing such a thing, adding confusion to the shock and sadness.
I had spent a lot of time with Brian: in my group we take time to actually connect, in person, even though we're online entrepreneurs. We understand the value of presence — actual human connection — and get technology out of the way and talk in a room together. Brian came to most of the conferences, learned a lot about how to make his business grow, and generously gave back year after year. He was a big teddy-bear kind of guy; the women in the group described him as sweet†— and he was. A gentle and caring man who always had a smile, was truly modest about his business achievements, and still had the helping attitude of his first profession.
By Friday police had confirmed Brian did it. Yet I knew that was impossible. Even if he was despondent enough to commit suicide, there's no way he would harm his family. My theory (yet to be confirmed) is that he had some sort of bad reaction to the antidepressants; some are well known to cause suicidal thoughts, especially in the early stages of treatment. Doctors are supposed to monitor patients closely early on. This was a tragic enough case: it would be even more tragic if the medical profession he belonged to failed him, giving him drugs that altered his mind so much that he truly was a different person.
If I was to rank everyone I know from most likely to kill their family to least, Brian would have been way in the back. In all the time we spent together, I never even saw him angry, or raise his voice. Privileged†rich guy? Hardly. We were very poor growing up,†he once told me. I lived in the ghetto on the north side of Milwaukee.
why do the online commenters on such news articles lash out so viciously? They assume evil†or privileged†when the reality is, he was a kind and humble man. I think the commenters are angry.
Because when you either don't understand the back story, or understand it so well that you know Brian wasn't evil or a money-hungry privileged bastard, you have to admit something to yourself: if a guy that sweet, humble, generous, and kind could murder his entire family, then anyone can. That idea scares people, and they don't like the fear so they lash out in blind anger. Antidepressants are given out like candy in this country, yet they can have terrible side-effects. We all ask ourselves, could this happen to me? And if you knew Brian, you have to admit it: yes. Yes it could. Especially since few of us are as sweet and gentle as Brian was.
My deputy coroner wife says it takes 6-8 weeks to get a full blood toxicology report back, which might give some answers. Long before then, the haters will have moved on to some other imagined outrage, and will have forgotten this one.
Many of you have made up your minds to hate Brian Short for what he did. Yes it was a horrible and violent act which none of us on this site condone. But before you make your judgements, read this article to discover more about the real Brian Short.
That is the takeaway from all of this: if such a thing could happen and be done by him, then it could be done by anyone. We never truly know what is going on with people or what demons they must suffer inside. The Buddhist heart in me looks at this and all the reaction surrounding it: the sorrow, the acrimonious comments made by people faster to speak than to think, and the beautiful, compassionate words and acts that have blossomed out of the still-smoldering wreckage of the tragedy. I hope that we all seek to go forward and remember we truly don't know what is happening with people and, as such, we should only seek to treat others (and ourselves) with kindness and compassion. Any day, for any person we come into contact with, might have been the worst day of that person's life. We must be beacons of positive action and loving kindness for all of those we interact with, no matter what we get back from them.
Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
The way Randy Cassingham describes Brian is the Brian I knew and loved. There is no part of my mind that could put any of the pieces of this tragedy together in any coherent form; Randy has provided the missing part that allows me to make sense of it for now. Brian was smart, hard-working, confident, gregarious, cheerful, funny, accepting, self-deprecating, generous to a fault, kind and loving. I choose to remember him as I knew him. Whatever demons were driving him, they've been vanquished. Keep a seat warm for me, Brian... farewell -not goodbye.
Still trying to wrap my head around this. It just seems so... inconceivable. It is a reminder to all of us to not be so quick to judge others. We never know what is/was going on in the mind of someone. Like so many others, I am grateful to Brian for starting this website. I learned so much here and I continue to learn, even if I don't post as frequently. It was always amazing to me that Brian was a constant presence on the site and that he continued to read, post and think about our posts, even as the site got so very big.
I am a Vietnam Vet and a recent ('01, 14 years ago) grad. Pretty familiar with suicide. It's almost never rational. Recently (I guess almost 3 years ago now), a good friend in the end stages of esophageal CA took his life. Maybe I can see that. But i'm crying as I write this because I still miss him freshly. We really can never know what is in another's mind at any given moment. All we can do as compassion-givers is love and comfort each other and help pick up the pieces and help put them back together as much as we can. Only what we can give and take in relationships is real in this crazy, twisted world.
We are not justifying or excusing Brian's actions. What he did was horrific and we will never know why. However, the act itself should not diminish Brian's good deeds or the person that Brian was.
I think part of the reason this has generated the response it did is precisely because all of us have had such a terribly difficult time reconciling the Brian we knew with the Brian who did this terrible thing. No one is defending his final actions but a lot of people miss a friend.
la_chica_suerte85, BSN, RN
1,260 Posts
That is the takeaway from all of this: if such a thing could happen and be done by him, then it could be done by anyone. We never truly know what is going on with people or what demons they must suffer inside. The Buddhist heart in me looks at this and all the reaction surrounding it: the sorrow, the acrimonious comments made by people faster to speak than to think, and the beautiful, compassionate words and acts that have blossomed out of the still-smoldering wreckage of the tragedy. I hope that we all seek to go forward and remember we truly don't know what is happening with people and, as such, we should only seek to treat others (and ourselves) with kindness and compassion. Any day, for any person we come into contact with, might have been the worst day of that person's life. We must be beacons of positive action and loving kindness for all of those we interact with, no matter what we get back from them.
Still, it is just so unfathomably terrible.