The "bully" nurse

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Hi, I was wondering if people could help me with a project that I was working on for one of my classes. We have heard nurses complaining about being "bullied" but I'm not sure what that means to different nurses. So, in your oppion, what makes a "bully nurse?"

having been a nurse manager... a bully nurse will often be loud and very verbal about their views... try to take it over...will have a little gang of buddy nurses or perhaps just one other "friend" who thinks like ...they can be ring leaders for trouble and gossip. the more they are allowed to carry on that way without being stopped the more outrageous they can become with their power and will overwhelm the others who do not participate in the same behaviors. bullys exist by intimidation. they are not much different from the bullies kids run across in grade school except they are adults.

i have to add that if a manager or supervisor doesn't step in and break up this behavior, she is going to lose a lot of good staff nurses. the problem is compounded even further if the manager has gotten sucked into the bully's power trip... a bully would be classified as a "difficult" employee and it takes a lot out of me emotionally to just deal with them because they are so arogant and persistant about the authority they think they have.

thank you for being a good manager, a true professional, and for speaking out!:redbeathe:heartbeat:redbeathe

.....first of all i am an older nurse (30 years) and have many friends who are also older nurses by definition of experience.....the poster is right about bullies being intimidating. however, they come in all shapes, sizes, genders, ages and years of (in)experience. i speak from the experience of having been a supervisor and nurse manager who saw this kind of behavior and also experienced it over the years. a cna or a unit secretary can be a bully just as well as an rn. you are correct that bullys can ignore you, ask endless intimidating questions and complain about your performance, but these are only outward manifestations of the true heart of this beast who really has an ulterior motive of seeing herself or himself as being better than everybody else. bullys are inherently mean, negative people who want to have power over everyone else and will not stop at using these kinds of nasty little behaviors to accomplish this. bullys can be found in all walks of life, not just nursing.

i think you are right on! i can sense them a mile away when i enter a unit. they just have that cocky smile and giggle with their buddies like its some kind of secret society. they will generally try to make you feel insignificant and stupid any chance they get.

what is really sad is many times they are in with the supervisor and nothing is done to curb the behavior. one unit in particular...she was encouraged to take the job by the unit bullies and thier minions. when she took it they had her right where they wanted her. they used her it was sooooooo obvious.

daytonite,

i want to thank you for being so clear on this.

something else i have discovered about bullies, (as a former bully target for eyars) is that they are drawn to smudge people that are kind, respectable, compassionate, genuine and sincere.

i suspect that genuinely good people trigger the bullies insecurities.

gennaver

p.s. have learned myself that a bully, is a bully regardless of their underlying issues, (however sad those issues may be) and no amount of understanding or rationalizing or talking or engaging with them will do anything more than 'feed' their attention seeking behavior

hello smilingblueyes,

this site helped me a lot in my last 'bully situation'. now that i have stepped back from the situation and matured a few more years i am very firm in my desire to just not 'feed' the bullies.

:)

they are not harmless-not at all.

in their desire to inflate their own egos or needs they will step over others without conscience. matter of fact, i think there is a book titled, "without consicence" but i do not know who it is by.

whenever i think of a bully i now think that i would not want them to have the authority to make another person feel bad, for thier own pleasure. i would not want to 'tolerate' bullying because wrong is wrong and someone is going to get hurt, (emotional/verbal abuse is hurtful).

i also know that they only have the power that we 'give' them.

i do not want to 'give' a bully any power either. however, i am very certain that they will always keep checking for it...

gennaver

yes, however, even if you stand up to the bully if management doesn't, they just go on and on and on....like a little energizer bunny 'bully nurse'.:trout: if management is part of the 'bully nurses' club you'll probably find yourseld getting written up for nothing anytime you have a complaint about the bully treatment, too! :nono: it's just so crazy.they even tell people that you're crazy. i believe 'certifiable' is the word my bully loved to throw around about anyone she didn't 'get'.

i'm being bullied right now at work.i just started a new job...i just think it's up to the nurse managers to do something about it,instead of being afraid of their employees.

i agree. why doesn't management do something to stop the abuse? is it because they are not held accountable by any law or policy that demands zero tolerance. many of these nurses go home after being bullied all day to care for family and young children. the nurses' sadness is then felt by others they touch everyday. i don't care how much you try to leave work at work if you are constantly being bullied at work it can easily cause depression that is carried home as well. it doesn't just check itself out of your body at the hospital door. if only it was that easy to leave at work. managers should be held accountable for the bullies they allow to run their units and hurt their coworkers daily. please stop it, already, managers, administrators, don's. do something about your bully today please!!!!! other lives are counting on you. that's why you're a manager ftlog!!!!! stand up and stop bullying!!!!!

hmmm. lots of things come to mind... perhaps there should be a classification for bully nurses in the dsm-iv. lol

yes, and they should have their enabling managers as their caregivers when they get this code! they deserve each other's loving care. i found all these posts so true. let's do something as nurses to stamp this behavior out!

i guess my point is how long, sisters and brothers in nursing, are we going to put up with these bullies? how long will we let them rule the workplace and run off good nurses from the workplace? we have a right to work in in a professional, non-hostile envirinment without fear of retaliation for speaking out.

thank you joint commission for making a zero-tolerance towards bullying in the workplace policy to help protect nurses in the work place. now please managers enforce it. thank you. what protects a nurse automatically protects and improves her patient care and therefore their patient outcomes as well. you see we're all connected like a big beautiful circle!:hpygrp::dncgbby::dncgbby::prdnrs:most all the time!

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Specializes in Med/Surg.
So far I have only seen one really bad one and she is self riteous, spends time convincing everyone that her beliefs are nobel and they should back her and when they don't she screws them over or makes snide comments, tries to turn others against them. She has many views of what to fight against but no real views on what she believes in. She doesn't stand for anything positive or good in her life, just fighting others. Very negative, bossy, pushy, and errogant. It's very annoying in the work place. Ironically she is someone who is certain that she is always right and that's why she has to push her ways. In reality she is just negative and bossy and needs something to be negative and bossy about.

Hey! I think this nurse works at my facility!!!! you know. when she doesn't walk on water!:lol2:

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..... If they treat their peers like this how can they be kind and compassionate nurses with patients?? .....

Excellent question, NursieGirl199!!!:yeah:

The whole "Bullies are insecure" mantra is overrated. On a website about bullying, it said that bullies sometimes have high self esteem. Some I've seen I am convinced are sociopathic. I also fear what bullying will be in the future, as people know less and less about consequences.....

Great point, PeachPie!!!:yeah:

Hey! I think this nurse works at my facility!!!! you know. when she doesn't walk on water!:lol2:
:roll:roll:roll:yelclap:
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I have a saying, "Nurses eat their young" This is what I tell all new nurses. The bully nurse to me is defined as the older nurse, not in age but in experience,

This is a general, well known saying.

I think most bully nurses are those with years of experience, but I have also seen brand new young nurses who are over-confident and too sure of themselves bully others.

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The whole "Bullies are insecure" mantra is overrated. On a website about bullying, it said that bullies sometimes have high self esteem. Some I've seen I am convinced are sociopathic. I also fear what bullying will be in the future, as people know less and less about consequences. Remember the cheerleaders who beat up the girl on camera to post it on YouTube, were put in jail, and honestly thought that they were going to going to make it to cheerleading practice that weekend.

I agree. Also, we know that many perpetrators of school shootings have been victems of bullies lashing out.

The same thing can happen at work.

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The bullies' victim feels helpless and powerless if they don't have management's support. :uhoh3::uhoh21::crying2::yawn: It's abuse.:sstrs: Here's Joint Commission's policy. Let's get to know our workplace rights and demand them now, nurse peeps!

http://www.jointcommission.org/SentinelEvents/SentinelEventAlert/sea_40.htm#2

The following link has some great tips at the bottom if you're being bullied. One of the best being, IMO, get out now:lttang:, if management supports the bully by doing nothing, in order to preserve your health. :sstrs:

Break free from those chains now!!!:idntdt:

http://www.workplacebullying.org/press/journalgazette092108.html

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Wow, thank you again, AllNurses.com, for educating me on this topic. I especially loved the link to the JHACO recommendations. If that doesn't fly w/ MY management team, I don't know what else will.

I have just figured out that I have been bullied for quite a while now by a certain staff member. It's been going on very subtley for a long while, and I never really thought about it much -- but has escalated lately -- to the point I've had to go to management about it. But, it's been about a week, and she's just back to her old game, being rotten especially at change of shift when taking report from me.

I plan to tell her specifically to stop the bullying with me. I'm going to tell her she's a bully -- I'm going to name it and tell her to basically take a flying leap in so many words. After thinking about it, she's NOT my boss and her constant nitpicking and criticism of me is something I don't have to really take any interest in. That's HER opinion only -- and most of it has no rational basis anyway. She's just bullying. She is really also just an average nurse -- no one that I would necessarily emulate in any way.

She does it to other staff members also -- most of us newbies. She never smiles, struts around the unit like she's some sort of queen DIVA -- and of course, has her little sniveling group of minions that do her underhanded dirty gossipsing and backstabbing for her. I believe some of it has roots in her deep prejudices against me for various things. And of course, that is all ridiculous. She is emotionally immature and it shows.

Man, work is just hard enough without having to deal with this type of person. All I can say is -- mentally unbalanced anyone? :banghead:

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Great discussion.Great Advice. Daytonite and everyone u simply rock.

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nursing is known for latweral violence i.e. bullyng sometimes if feels like it coming from support staff nurisng aids housekeepers etc. If someone can chout loudly and often question your abilites and ignore request all add up. It can feel when you handover that somone wants an easy shift even though you have done all you could and as a RN i often ensure the support worker working with me has breaks gets off on time when i don't.

In my experince bul;lies have decided what aspects of the job there are prepared to do and other staff do the rest as trying to make work is even is too hard. i often find bullies are very friendly with managment and this discoruages other staff from voicing concenrs oh and finally bullies will use race ive mainly seen interantional nurses buillied.

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a bully nurse to me is

someone that tells you to do things that may not be your job, or would rather walk all the way down the hall to you and tell you to do something for a pt when they were just in the room. someone that thinks that your insignificant and are there to do thier bidding. i am a nurse aide not your maid, or your personal goafer. i feel that if a nurse is capable, which they should be, then they are able to do simpler tasks (eg. getting the pt a glass of water) i know that nuses have tons of paper work,and may be busy getting meds, but while they are sitting doing that, i'm running around putting people to bed, answering calls, getting water, changing, toileting....etc... if your in the room with a pt and you know that you can do it, please help your pt and get them some water! i hate that nurses think they are better then an aide, that is not the case, and when i run into nurses like that, it makes me sick to my stomach! usually alot of the nurses that are not like that have been cna's before they became an lvn/rn. not saying that every nurse is that way, just saying, they relate more. i dont usually ever even have that prob, i usually have great nurses, but i have run into a couple that wouldnt get up if you set fire to thier butt

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Specializes in HVU,ICU, Home Health, ED.

thank you all for your responses to this concern.

the fact that this conversation spans so many yrs is indicative of the continued problem of bullying in nursing profession. i will use the tips i have read for responding to incidents of bullying and as for ongoing problems...i love joint commision's sentinel event alert previously posted http://www.jointcommission.org/senti...t/sea_40.htm#2 because it gives those of us who see the problem as a safety issue a tool to be used when administration does not comprehend the severity of this type of environment. we all bear the responsibility how our profession developes from here. as victims we feel powerless as mentors of new grads we have the obligation to own the role of nursing to its full extent. (this includes how to deal effectively with life with in a nursing unit)

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Specializes in M/S, MICU, CVICU, SICU, ER, Trauma, NICU.

I was bullied tonight. Or maybe more like "drive by bullying" or "attempted bullying."

A nurse who was trying to "help" me, and who had NO CLUE as to what was going on with a situation, took over my patient (without report mind you) and decided that I did EVERYTHING WRONG.

I tried my best to explain the situation, and was calm at first (why escalate--I wasn't really in the mood) but at the end she had pushed my buttons so much that I eventually just told her to "be quiet, take over, and deal with it. You weren't here, I couldn't write anything, I prioritized the patient care and had you been a little less hurried I would've told you all that. I'm not perfect and YOU certainly aren't perfect, nothing is perfect. Accept the situation and DEAL!"

She had never, ever heard me raise my voice. EVER. I'm usually quite relaxed and go with the flow but not tonight.

Ugh. I hate having to do that, but she is SO OLD SCHOOL--and I had to just basically push back.

Wish I didn't. So much energy wasted.

Sheesh.

Edit to add: No patient was nearby to hear the above conversation. Thank Goodness.

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