The "bully" nurse

flygirl43 · Oct 15, 2009

Read y thread re: Hep C infected nurses. there is bullying for you plain and simple!

exclusivelyEDRN · Oct 15, 2009

This "taking over without report" is a major safety issue and happens too much. When it is done right I accept and appreciate the help with any critical patient (or heavy care) but when communication breaks down it becomes unsafe. Standing up in an appropriate manner and then having the Patient Safety issue ready to site as the reason takes our "feelings" out of the equation and makes the incident objective vs subjective. Good job!

flygirl43 · Oct 23, 2009

nursing actually makes me sick.....so sad.... i had so much to offer

BmoreCRNP · Oct 23, 2009

I have a saying, "Nurses eat their young" This is what I tell all new nurses. The bully nurse to me is defined as the older nurse, not in age but in experience, who tests your knowledge about your patients by requiring an "anal" and exausting report on each patient. To have yourself ignored as he, she, flips through the chart as you speak, or reviews the assessment for a mundane insignificant detail that has no bearing on the patients present condition. Their endless questions and complaints about what did or didn't get accomplished during your busy understaffed shift. This is an attempt at intimidation and in my opinion is determental to new nurse's job satisfaction. Remember we are a team and it is a 24 hour job. As a new nurse 9 years ago, I was repeatedly drilled until I could take it no more and faught back. But unfortunately some of my class mates did not ,and thus quit the floor. Nurse's don't eat your young, our job is stressful enough without this going on. Be a mentor instead, instruction not destruction. Hint for all new nurses, the "bully" nurse doesn't respond well likewise and they usually will leave you alone if you give it back to them.

:yeah: :yeah: :yeah: (standing "O") You are exactly right!!! I have encountered a few people like this. Like you said, it's usually the "older" nurse. I know you clarified that it wasn't old in years but experience. However, I must say that SOME nurses over 40 seem to be very threatened by nurses in their 20s. Especially if that new nurse is cute, perky, well liked, and attracts male attention. I can't tell you how many times I've heard these (mostly) women talk about how these young nurses aren't any good these days and all this other mess. I used to hate seeing people treat new nurses poorly. I wish they would remember back to when they first started. Critical thinking and good judgement are skills that need to be developed. And that development takes place on the job, not in school. Give these "kids" a chance! When your old ass retires, who do you think is going to be taking over the unit??? If you run them all away before they get a chance to hone their skill, who will be left to care for the patients?

flygirl43 · Oct 23, 2009

Unions have been busted by conservative politics and lack of strike action. Wake up people!!!We have no power and we have empowered that thru our attitudes. Stick together or be sold out!!!!!!!Our young enables us! Appreciate them. Lose the christianity, white cap crap. Welcome to 2010. Wake up relaize your exploited female labour and rise to the cause sisters/brothers. We are union weak...but still strong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MikeyBSN · Oct 23, 2009

After working for a while, I'm proud to say that I have only found one nurse who I would consider to be a "bully nurse". If I had to create a definition, I think that "boredofnursing" hit the nail on the head. The "bully" nurse is not on my unit, although there is one quasi-bully nurse on my unit. But as Dr. Evil would say, she is more like the diet coke of bully nurses.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Oct 24, 2009

:yeah:(standing "o") you are exactly right!!! i have encountered a few people like this. like you said, it's usually the "older" nurse. i know you clarified that it wasn't old in years but experience. however, i must say that some nurses over 40 seem to be very threatened by nurses in their 20s. especially if that new nurse is cute, perky, well liked, and attracts male attention. i can't tell you how many times i've heard these (mostly) women talk about how these young nurses aren't any good these days and all this other mess. i used to hate seeing people treat new nurses poorly. i wish they would remember back to when they first started. critical thinking and good judgement are skills that need to be developed. and that development takes place on the job, not in school. give these "kids" a chance! when your old ass retires, who do you think is going to be taking over the unit??? if you run them all away before they get a chance to hone their skill, who will be left to care for the patients?

every year some new, young nurse comes on this forum insisting that older nurses (over 40) are threatened by some new young thing because she's cute, perky, well liked and attracts male attention. of course it couldn't possibly be that the new nurse in question is too busy attracting male attention to attend to her job, or that she's well liked by the patients because she's constantly breaking all the rules to spoil her patient, thus making things far more difficult for the old, worn out nurse when she follows the rules.

critical thinking and good judgement skills can only be developed when the new nurse pays attention to her job rather than male attention, texting, facebook or developing her social life. some of us mean, nasty, worn out old nurses could help with the judgement and critical thinking if we weren't so busy doing our jobs, and yours too. i suspect this may be a radical concept to some, but perhaps the cute young nurse those mean old bullies are talking about really isn't any good at her job because she's too busy being cute and well-liked and developing her social life to pay attention.

contrary to what seems to be popular belief, most of us 30 year veterans of nursing can think back and remember what life is like as a new nurse. what i remember is working really, really hard and feeling really, really stupid because there was so much i didn't know. what i see now is some new nurses (who don't know what they don't know) acting as if they know it all because they've passed their boards and have a license. and rather than trying to (horrors) learn anything at work, they behave as if they're doing everyone a favor just by showing up. i'm not worried about "chasing them away" because they'll go on their own as soon as they realize that nursing isn't all about looking cute and perky while attracting male attention and more about extremely hard work, much of which involves the bodily fluids of strangers they'd just as soon not have to look at, much less touch.

thegreenmile · Oct 25, 2009

Workplace bullying can be anything such as:

Shouting at someone whether in private, in front of colleagues

Belittling and making someone feel unimportant

Being treated with disrespect

Making someone feel bad and ashamed

Patronizing behavior e.g. treating an adult as if they are a child and also treating those with a disability/condition/etc as if they are a child and/or they have low intelligence. for example using baby talk, silly noises, talking in an condescending way, and withholding adult issues from them such as only telling them answers that are suitable for a baby/child, sugar coating, lying, talking to someone else rather than the person themselves which makes the person feel invisible.

What to do if you are being bullied at work?

Keep a diary of all events - who was doing it, the method of bullying, times, dates, whereabouts, witnesses, provide and gather as much information as you can.

Have a word with your line manager and/or your supervisor

Remember you may not be the only one going through this

If your line manager and/or your supervisor is the bully, go higher, go to their supervisor and/or line manager.

Workplace bullying is not just face to face, it can also happen by email, instant messenger, written notes, written letters, typed letters, text messages, mobile phones, telephone and also designing nasty websites.

For nasty comments said to you - say nothing and walk away, or just use one-word replies e.g. yes or hmm to show that you are not interested in the bully's/bullies nonsense.

Carry on being yourself and carry on feeling good about yourself - Don't believe the rubbish they say and don't let them stop you being you.

If things are really bad don't be afraid to go to your doctor and take time off sick or have some annual leave.

Don't show that you are angry or upset. Don't give bullies the satisfaction, if you get angry/upset this will only up their ante.

Do not retaliate - It can throw things out of hand and you could end up being blamed instead of the bully.

Remember you are not telling tales when you report bullying - You and everyone else has the right to be safe, happy, treated fairly and free from any kind of bullying. Keep on speaking up till someone listens to you and takes you seriously.

Remember it is never your fault and bullying of any kind is wrong and there is no excuse what-so-ever!

Remember bullies will minimize the matter or deny it

Harrassment is not determined by how is was delivered but how it was perceived!

BmoreCRNP · Oct 25, 2009

every year some new, young nurse comes on this forum insisting that older nurses (over 40) are threatened by some new young thing because she's cute, perky, well liked and attracts male attention. of course it couldn't possibly be that the new nurse in question is too busy attracting male attention to attend to her job, or that she's well liked by the patients because she's constantly breaking all the rules to spoil her patient, thus making things far more difficult for the old, worn out nurse when she follows the rules.
critical thinking and good judgement skills can only be developed when the new nurse pays attention to her job rather than male attention, texting, facebook or developing her social life. some of us mean, nasty, worn out old nurses could help with the judgement and critical thinking if we weren't so busy doing our jobs, and yours too. i suspect this may be a radical concept to some, but perhaps the cute young nurse those mean old bullies are talking about really isn't any good at her job because she's too busy being cute and well-liked and developing her social life to pay attention.
contrary to what seems to be popular belief, most of us 30 year veterans of nursing can think back and remember what life is like as a new nurse. what i remember is working really, really hard and feeling really, really stupid because there was so much i didn't know. what i see now is some new nurses (who don't know what they don't know) acting as if they know it all because they've passed their boards and have a license. and rather than trying to (horrors) learn anything at work, they behave as if they're doing everyone a favor just by showing up. i'm not worried about "chasing them away" because they'll go on their own as soon as they realize that nursing isn't all about looking cute and perky while attracting male attention and more about extremely hard work, much of which involves the bodily fluids of strangers they'd just as soon not have to look at, much less touch.

honey you just proved my point with the way you responded. first of all you focused on the fact that i pointed out the physical appearance of a new nurse. you took that comment and ran with it. nowhere in my post did i say anything about the nurse flirting with anyone, trying to attracte male attention, texting, giggling and whatever else you were babbling about. secondly, i am not "young" or "new." i will be 35 in a few months and i have been a nurse for a little over 13 years (but only slightly more than 12 years of actual experience). that is hardly a "new" nurse. lastly, not only am i not cute and perky (and never was) i am married and was married when i started nursing. so i was not giggling, flirting, texting or whatever else with any of the docs. i was busy learning how to be an expert at my job, and subsequently caught on very quickly. so quickly that i was one of the charge nurses on the floor within 3 months. i still stand by what i said. it's something i have observed over the years. now even though i wasn't the cute. perky, single nurse on the floor when i first started, some of the older nurses tried to intimidate me because of my age. but they quickly learned that i am not the one to be messed with. i always tell younger nurses not to let anyone intimidate or humiliate them. they need to stand up for themselves, open their mouths, and let them know from the jump that they will not be disrespected.

wondern, ASN · Aug 14, 2010

Honey?!...:nuke: :nono: :barf01:

The way you referred to the previous poster's "old ass" referring to older nurses retiring and who will take care of them is just plain rude, bully behavior. I hope you're not ever taking care of my "old ass".

klone, MSN, RN · Aug 14, 2010

Honey you just proved my point with the way you responded. First of all you focused on the fact that I pointed out the physical appearance of a new nurse. You took that comment and ran with it. Nowhere in my post did I say anything about the nurse flirting with anyone, trying to attracte male attention, texting, giggling and whatever else you were babbling about. Secondly, I am not "young" or "new." I will be 35 in a few months and I have been a nurse for a little over 13 years (but only slightly more than 12 years of actual experience). That is hardly a "new" nurse. Lastly, not only am I not cute and perky (and never was) I am married and was married when I started nursing. So I was not giggling, flirting, texting or whatever else with any of the docs. I was busy learning how to be an expert at my job, and subsequently caught on very quickly. So quickly that I was one of the charge nurses on the floor within 3 months. I still stand by what I said. It's something I have observed over the years. Now even though I wasn't the cute. perky, single nurse on the floor when I first started, some of the older nurses tried to intimidate me because of my age. But they quickly learned that I am not the one to be messed with. I always tell younger nurses not to let anyone intimidate or humiliate them. They need to stand up for themselves, open their mouths, and let them know from the jump that they will not be disrespected.

That's interesting that you assumed Ruby was talking about YOU. I didn't get that from her post. I think she was simply referring to many "new young attractive" nurses that have a certain attitude.

TheGuestNurse · Sep 2, 2010

Workplace bullying can be anything such as:
Shouting at someone whether in private, in front of colleagues
Belittling and making someone feel unimportant
Being treated with disrespect
Making someone feel bad and ashamed
Patronizing behavior e.g. treating an adult as if they are a child and also treating those with a disability/condition/etc as if they are a child and/or they have low intelligence. for example using baby talk, silly noises, talking in an condescending way, and withholding adult issues from them such as only telling them answers that are suitable for a baby/child, sugar coating, lying, talking to someone else rather than the person themselves which makes the person feel invisible.
What to do if you are being bullied at work?
Keep a diary of all events - who was doing it, the method of bullying, times, dates, whereabouts, witnesses, provide and gather as much information as you can.
Have a word with your line manager and/or your supervisor
Remember you may not be the only one going through this
If your line manager and/or your supervisor is the bully, go higher, go to their supervisor and/or line manager.
Workplace bullying is not just face to face, it can also happen by email, instant messenger, written notes, written letters, typed letters, text messages, mobile phones, telephone and also designing nasty websites.
For nasty comments said to you - say nothing and walk away, or just use one-word replies e.g. yes or hmm to show that you are not interested in the bully's/bullies nonsense.
Carry on being yourself and carry on feeling good about yourself - Don't believe the rubbish they say and don't let them stop you being you.
If things are really bad don't be afraid to go to your doctor and take time off sick or have some annual leave.
Don't show that you are angry or upset. Don't give bullies the satisfaction, if you get angry/upset this will only up their ante.
Do not retaliate - It can throw things out of hand and you could end up being blamed instead of the bully.
Remember you are not telling tales when you report bullying - You and everyone else has the right to be safe, happy, treated fairly and free from any kind of bullying. Keep on speaking up till someone listens to you and takes you seriously.
Remember it is never your fault and bullying of any kind is wrong and there is no excuse what-so-ever!
Remember bullies will minimize the matter or deny it
Harrassment is not determined by how is was delivered but how it was perceived!

Have you been spying on me? You are describing to a T something I have been experiencing for the past couple of years.

I'm also often told I am too sensitive, take things too personally, am looking for problems, and was made to change shifts and loose a shift premium. Nurses eating their young is still a very unfortunate aspect of the profession and something I dealt with and continue to deal with (at least during shift change) now. Whats worse is when those in power do NOTHING about it except for punish the victims.

What can we do as a profession to stop this?

Our values should be centered around caring. What about bullying could constitute caring at all?