The "bully" nurse

[MikeyBSN]

Hi, I was wondering if people could help me with a project that I was working on for one of my classes. We have heard nurses complaining about being "bullied" but I'm not sure what that means to different nurses. So, in your oppion, what makes a "bully nurse?"

[bob01]

The Bully want's to give you the impression that they are all powerful, that they just want to break you, that you will be weak if you break and strike back at them, the funny thing is that they do not cope when people do break if it is directed at them, I remember my theatre training where I was in this exact situation, I waited for the prestigious professorial day and when this theatre sister started raising her voice at me, giving commands as one would give a dog in training, making negative insinuations about my person, at which on this day she was not as bad as usual, I replied politely "you needn't speak to me like that, I am a human being you know," she did not reply and treated me with newfound respect after.

Handovers are also a great time for bullies, they can openly assert their distorted opinions and work practices in an open forum, people just let them go as they want to get on with the buisiness of patient care, you can often hide being critical and rude behind "Clinical experience" and concern for patient care.

[nservice]

I've only had one person attempt to bully me. I was a traveler at the time and had been at this facility for a few months. This nurse was in charge and always gave me the sickest patients...usualy DNR's circling the drain. I was on a first name basis with the coronor and the organ donation lady. I had much more experience than her and I think she was intimidated by that. Anyway, she liked to try and ridicule me and pretend she was joking. Once in a patient's room she tried it and I interrupted and said, "Hey can you do me a favor and leave your attitude at home?" She was in shock and never pulled that kind of thing on me again. In fact, I think she was a little scared of me after that.

[PeaceonearthRN]

Bullies do come in all shapes , sizes and occupations. It does not have to be the nurse(s) that are bullies; rather i can be a 'clerk' who often challenges what you are asking with their own twist of 'what they heard'. It is sad that life brings so many challenging behaviors to such a very important and necessary profession. I have seen people get great pride in chiding someone for asking a legitimate question; they then spend the next ten minutes discussing them and their 'stupidity' in thinking how important it might be to be 'notified' about one thing or another that may take priority over patient care. I often feel sorry for these individuals who inherently have no life as they must spend their 'free' time putting others down. Just makes ya so glad your a nurse sometimes!

[moosha1]

What an eye opener! Tonight I was sleepless and depressed because I felt I was all alone in my misery with bully nurses, loud-mouthed social workers, smug unit clerks, stone-faced management and high-strung managers. I see, quite clearly, the caring, hard working and intelligent, but we are too busy running from patient to patient to connect! Thank you all for your stories and advice-I feel surrounded by professional peers who have time for commiseration!

[LilyBlue]

I think most bullies are driven by a deep sense of personal inadequacy - it's a coping mechansim that isn't effective. They want to have some control of their world, so they try to shape others by insults, hostility, superiority. It's a human condition as old as the human race (at least in my personal convictions).

[zuzi]

Bullies are the most unbalanced persons that you ever meet. Beetwen what they are and what they wish to be, beetween expectancies and reality, beetween identity have it and identity assumed a bully dosen't have control on his/her own self, because he/she can't balance self insiede with self outside sooooo he/her bully others.

TEASING is a incipient form of bullying, so be carefull when you use teasing, teasing can hurt, bad, and you could loose a friend instead to gain one.

Teasing is a form of take control on other, to show him/her, to others and special to your self (now you see the unbalance), how good you are comparimg with him/her, to take control on the situation, to be on top.

A regluar teasing, could affect bad your own personality and the relations with others.

Bullies are not borned, they are developed beetwen us, because we let them to do it!

I just love this subject and a lot of nurses need help! Bulling in nursing field is a phenomenon!

[moosha1]

I am amazed at how this topic is relevant to all! While I agree that expectations vs reality is a driving force of the bully, my experience is that the bully nurse is protected by management and those who cannot tolerate her behavior are floated or so misused that they eventually quit. Foolishly, I thought I was made of sterner stuff and could handle the bully by just being "me". After a night of reading other's stories, I am aware that I must control my reaction to her action, protect myself and not feel the burn of the petty crew that surrounds and engages her. The words of a prior post are so true that they jumped out at me: The bully surrounds herself with others of her mindset to infuse herself with power and to compensate for her many shortcomings as a nurse. Thank you, all.

[cruisin_woodward]

That only adds fuel to the fire (not to mention that phrase is a negative generalization ).

Maybe it does LOL but it's sometimes true!!

I am not "young", but I am a newer nurse...my experience as a surg tech helped me not get eaten alive, bc OR nurses traditionally have "strong personalities". Which is a very necessary trait!! You have to be somewhat insistant regarding pt safety. Anyway, I still get bullied, but not nearly as bad as what I've seen others have to put up with! The key to dealing with these types of personalities, is to keep a cool head, and remain extremely professional. I've seen peoples tempera get the best of them and they end up fired...

Ok, so I see not just a more experienced nurse, but a kiniving nurse, who always manipulates situations to be in their favor...disagreeing could make your life miserable...someone who turns one little mess up you make into a huge deal, someone who never admits their own mistakes. Usually they are insecure or need a new job cuz their miserable...

[moosha1]

My reaction has always been feigned ignorance of the thinly-veiled insults or calm replies to the screaming beat-downs. It does, however, take its toll! It is so difficult to deal with oftentimes difficult patients and their families when my reserve strength has been spent on keeping myself from a good cry. Not to mention my concern that my patients think me simple minded because I don't react. I often doubt they think it is professional to offer a cool smile when being berated in front of others-but an act of cowardice or stupidity.

[jpRN84, BSN, RN]

That only adds fuel to the fire (not to mention that phrase is a negative generalization ).

It might add fuel to the fire, but it's certainly not a false statement, and something that needs to stop.

[zuzi]

Are a lot of sites about "bullies" and antibullying policy. As much as I know are not any policy in facility about bulling. How you could prove that you was bullied? Is a waste of energy to prove it! In fact, always the facility will try to hide it, is not good at all for their name, their reputation, always I told that you could not fight alone with all and with bare hands.

People bully because they learnt it. And they know which one could be choose to be bulled, they will choose always the weak part of team. No one will bully a high level positioned people, will be bulled the weak ones, new ones, foreign ones, beginners. people with cultural, sexual and with any other different orientations.

Bullying is a state to be in some facilities. Most of bullies are stalkers also, they gain information about their subject, they keep it and act acordingly.

For this reason people from here in US, keep their life and information private to not be used against them. Is good is bad... who knows..."how beuatiful wheater was today!" looool when you hear somenthing like that you need to know that they don't want to talk about them sleve, or talking about cats/ dogs or about food. People are scarred, are so many bads around. You don't want to be bulled!

Whatever will be, you don't need to let a bully put you down!

You could not figh with a bully, because if he/she is like that he/she developed this behavior in time and can't be changed is a bullying personality.

I will give you a typical case of a bully nurse unbalanced with him self, he never was accepted who he is now, he nevere was accepted his identity, he nevere was accepted his life how is now, he never accepted his limits.... so he developed viciouse paths to compensate all this unbalances.

He was teacher... now he works like nurse and bully all people somehow connected with education...I was there and I show it! Teasing, trying to put people in trouble in the front with others to make them to look stupid and came with "intelectual smart" responses. Assign the most critical patients to the most new nurses and keep tracking on mistakes pinpointed on them. Make them to fell unwelcomed and told them that they don't belong!

He was gay, I knew him from the times when he was gay, I was there when he opend him slef like gay for community, he choosed to marry with a gurl, years after, because gurl by her position and parents network could let him to be in high social position that he dreams at. He declare himslef straight now! LOOOOL. He starts to bully all people in contact with LGBT community. I was there and I looked in his eyes, I was just to tell him..."you need to be ashame for what you do now!" He never will accept his real indentity anymore...

He is not what he dremead to be, he dremed to do be " the name" and is just "a nurse", and he bully all nurses because he belive about him slef that is the one, the SUPERIOR.

He came from a family that had servants and used servants in his chilhood, is hard for him to talk and motivate people in another way than to upside down, because he fell that is Superior, by borning. Is hard to understand him if you don't try to walk in his shoes for a moment.

You could not change a bully... is waste of time, energy and hope. So if you are bulled, inform superiors and go out of there, not waste your time and energy.

[PeaceonearthRN]

Bullies exist because one lies and the other follows..

Embarrasing a new employee about a mistake by OPENLY chiding them is bullying; getting that tough girl/guy look on your face when your not happy with that new employee is intimidation. Constantly running to management for them to regularly 'correct' and 'put a new employee' in their place is 'utilization and misuse of managment'; as well, this does not allow for teaching moments. Instead it creates a situation where the individual is afraid to come to work as they may make another error, be embarrssed in front of everyone, have their dialouge twisted and be made to look like a complete loser. Managment does not want to believe that their 'seasoned' people are having the time of their life making someone else's life miserable; instead of creating teaching moments, skills building and assisting individuals understand the greater picture, they listen to the old times and the cycle continues. It's discusting!