The "bully" nurse

chadash · Oct 9, 2005

I think the bully is an addict. In order to just feel OK about themselves, they have to feel better than someone. It is best if that someone has qualities they lack, so by diminishing that person, they negate those qualities. Thus, the fix. They will do this over and over until they drive the other person out, and then they go through a time of peace, though short lived.

They must find a new object, and the cycle starts again. If they interupt the cycle, they go through a period of depression.

SierraC · Oct 9, 2005

sometimes what appears as a bully nurse is only an insecure person trying to climb out of their own hole of insecurity.

I read this somewhere and it stuck in my mind...insecure people tend to surround themselves with insecure and incompentent people..so they don't look foolish.

chickdude1 · Oct 9, 2005

We had our very first clinical rotations over the summer. One of my classmates (and very good friend) had this nurse who GRILLED her about EVERYTHING. When my friend could not provide the correct answer, the nurse would hit her over the head with her pen!

Now, my friend is about my size (5'7"), but, unlike yours truly, she is BUFF. In fact, I wouldn't even want to get on her bad side because she'd kick my behind! However, this nurse made her cry FIVE TIMES during her shift, and my friend almost started to cry when she related this to me! (very unlike her)

I'm not sure whether my current preceptor for peds would count or not (she's borderline). She was very nice at first, working us into our rotation slowly on the first day, but then we got behind on meds (still first day, folks!), and she got stressed out about it, so she proceeded to stress US out about it (she only had two nursing students). So, being chronically sleep deprived because I'm also doing two days of OB rotation, I started screwing up (plus, I'm not really familiar with the weird equipment they use in peds (at least at this particular facility), making this all the more likely to happen). Anyway, we just had our "mid-term" eval a week ago, and my preceptor says to me, "Well, I was worried that first week with all of the mistakes you made," and then began listing them off (oh, and this was in front of my Clinical Scholar as well). I'm sure I'm constantly referred to by my other classmates as "The Encyclopedia" because I'm so utterly stupid as my preceptor implied.......

I BEG of other, more experienced nurses out there--if you don't want to preceptor students, DON'T DO IT! Whomever said in a previous post "instruction not destruction" hit the nail right on the head!!!!!

Cheers!

ChickDude1

Hi, I was wondering if people could help me with a project that I was working on for one of my classes. We have heard nurses complaining about being "bullied" but I'm not sure what that means to different nurses. So, in your oppion, what makes a "bully nurse?"

mysticalwaters1 · Oct 9, 2005

One trick to dealing with bullies is to confront them and expose their little power trip for what it is. It requires using some assertive techniques and a fearlessness to meet them head-on. It takes a lot out of you emotionally at first, but once you get the hang of the right things to say in response to their bullying it gets a lot easier and makes working life with them a lot more tolerable. Part of dealing with them is realizing that they always have a dishonest motive to make you look like a boob and them like a shining star whether they are consciously aware of this or not. Try practicing these statements and using them when you're being "eaten".

"You're trying to make me look stupid in front of everyone instead of helping me like I've asked. If you can't answer my question, just say so without being so disrespectful."
"You're trying to make me look stupid in front of everyone for making an error. Next time just take me aside and talk to me about it privately."
These statements, once said, then open the door to really blast them if they do it to you again by starting out with, "I've told you before. . ." Now, they look like to the rest of the group like they've failed.
I've sometimes toyed with these people a little and turned to the rest of the group and added, "I'm so sorry you had to hear this." You get the last strong words, it indicates that you weren't flustered by the way you were treated and it puts you in a position of power. It's a much better feeling than standing there and taking a belittling. And, I don't let them suck me into any further discussion about an incident. Say what you have to say and then clam up. It's keeps you in a position of power over them. Just walk away from them if you can.

I SO need to adopt that philosophy!!! I tend to dwell on things and am very insecure. I need to suck it up and notice people for who they really are and not get caught up in all the garbage. It's just hard when the entire staff is in turmoil over crap like this. But part of my problem is NOT sticking up for myself and this advice may help it out tremendously. Not that i'm looking for a fight but exposing that person.

MikeyBSN · Oct 17, 2005

Thanks everyone, you've really been a great help. For those of you who have problems with bullies, just remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Thanks again,

-Mike

chadash · Oct 17, 2005

Elinor never met Miss Scary Nurse at Unreversable Healthcurse....just kidding!

sdauph · Oct 31, 2005

hi

i am a fairly new grad and i am having trouble with a nurse who thinks its's funny to tease me about how i nurse. He only works 8 hr night shift and all he does is talk about everybody else behind there backs and makes fun of almost everybody.

he will constantly make comments like..

"So when are you going to stop asking questions?"

or

" Are you going to be like so-and-so and do such and such"

other nurses who hear him make these commenrs say.."oh he's just teasing you know"

I am also teased for bieng a caring nurse

As a new grad i am trying to build confidence and he is not helping.

I never laugh at his jokes hoping this would give him a clue to how i feel ...but it's not stopping

I cried after the last shift after he asked if was ever going to do the narcotic count (while i was up to my arms in c.diff poop). Since he only works an 8 hr night shift he doesn't even know what goes on during a day shift.

I know i need to confront him. I am just having trouble thinking of what I should say. I am also afaid it will get worse if i confront him

I really like where i work (neurosciences) and i don't want to quit

please help

bob01 · Mar 12, 2008

Bullying in nursing is alive and thriving, unfortunately the higher you go in management the more risk you are to being bullied. http://www.myspace.com/helenwoollettbullies is a blogg I came across that gives a good example of this, it is interesting that the identified bully actually owns a Website (http://www.nursesselfcare.com/) and charges nurses a fee to coach them through tough times, maybe even some of her victims, there is no identification on the website of who owns it other than "We are a group of nurses"

november17, ASN, RN · Mar 27, 2008

I just wanted to bump this thread because it is so true in so many different ways. There is a particular nurse on the opposite shift that I hate reporting off to because she can be so rude, curt, and overly focused on insignificant details (like the patient's name and age vs things that need to be accomplished for the patient). Every night I report off to her, she makes me feel like I left a giant mess for her to "clean up." Nearly without fail. I just laugh it off on my way home but I hate it when she follows me.

heatherwood · Mar 27, 2008

It almost means that they are insecure and are covering it up.

GadgetRN71, ASN, RN · Mar 27, 2008

ITA. Well said.
eta: Nurses tend to be very competitive with one another, I observed. The ones that are trying to marry a doctor fight over the residents and other medical staff (single or otherwise). The ones that are in ICU think they're better than tele, the ones in tele think they're better than med surg, and OR, ER, etc think they're above them all. When there is a new nurse (more competition) some of the really insecure, territorial ones pounce. Of course, this is not the case everywhere, but I've seen this type of behavior very often and bullying often results from it.

To me, making generalizations about other groups of nurses can perpetuate the negative behavior that feeds bullying. Trust me, in my area we have plenty of our own issues to deal with. I can assure you that we don't even think about the other floors.

I do agree with some of your post though, namely, the part about the "territorial" nurses that pounce on the newbie. This can be even worse if you are young, female and even mildly attractive. :smokin:

vashtee, RN · Mar 27, 2008

I overheard someone on Good Morning America this a.m. saying that her poll finds nurses to be the meanest of all professionals. This wasn't coming from the patients, but rather coworkers.