The golden first year?

kp2016 · Feb 15, 2021

I absolutely hated my first year of nursing. I fantasized almost daily of walking out and never coming back. I made myself a timeline on my calendar for how many months, weeks and working days I had to get through. For some reason telling myself it's only X more weeks and then I'm done and will be walking away from here like my tail is on fire helped me.

I also spend the last few months of my first year (It was a one year contract- and I have not for any amount of money ever considered signing a commitment contract again) looking at the job boards for every hospital I'd ever heard of looking to see what jobs they had.

I hope you find something that works for you, maybe try a completely different area, infusions, dialysis, OR, PACU, IR, education you don't necessarily have to spend another small fortune and years of your life on a NP qualification to get a job that is 100% different from the work you to death floor nursing.

cgw5364, ADN · Feb 15, 2021

Hi PinkDoves,

I have been a nurse for 30 plus years. I went to nursing school (ADN) straight out of HS and had my nursing license at 20. In ADN school we did not have sim labs, we were working on the hospital med-surg floor the 2nd week in school (assessments, basic care). By the time we graduated we were taking a full load and practicing being in charge. I felt prepared but the real world of nursing was still a shock. I had never really "worked" in a hospital or any medical facility and had never volunteered. My first job was on a 40 bed oncology unit at night. I was put in charge with 2 LPN's and 2 NT's. I had to give all of the blood, IV injections, be in charge and care for my own patients. I lasted for 9 months before having a breakdown and developed and eating disorder. I did not work after that for 4 months. When I finally got the courage to take on another job I went to another facility (smaller non-teaching) and worked oncology again. Much better situation. Worked 8 hour nights with a tight team of co-workers. One of the LPN's on the unit had been there for 20 years. She took me under her wing and taught me how to be a nurse. After the disaster of my first job I thought I was done with nursing. I finally found my "niche" in nursing in women's and children. Worked in L&D (loved birthing babies but not the stress), NICU and finally mother baby which I did for 10 years before leaving floor nursing. I have to say I loved mother baby. I was able to do a lot of teaching to new parents and care for normal newborns. Currently I work in the finance area of nursing and have been for 10 years and love it. I am writing all of this to hopefully encourage you to keep trying. Think about what kind of patients you liked to care for most in school and try to get into that area. If you can hold out working at the bedside for a couple of years you could then move into case management or utilization review.

renatanada · Feb 16, 2021

I went back to hospital nursing because of lack of PPE in the beginning of the COVID crisis. What an eye-opener! I've been a nurse for 15 years and I can tell you that hospital nursing has DEVOLVED into an extremely toxic working environment. Look elsewhere and get out as soon as you can! (Not all nursing jobs are hospital hell jobs.)
Most of the new grads I work with are judgmental and gossipy--keep your distance, unless you want to play those exhausting mindgames and go into management. Then of course there's the short staffing. Ohhhhh but we're hospital heroes because it's a pandemic. I'm calling BS on that. We used to have on-call nurses to fill in for sick calls and patient surges. Not anymore. The hospital doesn't want to pay extra for safe ratios. Why should they when they can just work the staff they have until they burn out (to be replaced immediately by judgmental, gossipy new grads). And no Friend, it is not your imagination... the patients are incredibly rude and entitled. Thank a society that allows this behavior in its leaders. But patients feign obliviousness to the pandemic and the fact that staff is sweating buckets trying to keep up with everyone's demands. Patients want their sodas and snacks and q1h PRN dilaudid "shot," and they will ask to speak to the manager if you aren't in their room the second they even think about ringing their call bell.

Nhi Vo · Feb 16, 2021

You got this!

976tc6 · Feb 16, 2021

Hi! I just wanted to hop on here and say that I could’ve written the exact same thing as you last year. I lived alone and I felt exactly the same in the hospital. I respect all the people giving you advice to stick it out and seek professional help. They are probably right, but I think you know in your heart whether this is true depression or what I think of as situational depression (only caused by the job). If it truly is situational, get out now. Go to outpatient now. Don’t wait because nothing is more important than your mental health. Start putting in a bunch of applications and plotting your escape. I instantly felt better the second I quit. Getting out of the hospital environment changed my life. You can escape, this isn’t forever. Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to and we can figure it out together.

RN4567, BSN · Feb 17, 2021

I’ve been a nurse for 30 years. Back in the day, you could actually be a nurse and take proper care of your patients. Now it seems like we are nursing the computer, chart in the right spot for billing and stats, and don’t get me started on scanning meds! Patients are sicker and frankly more “demanding and entitled” but don’t follow thru on Drs orders. If your are unhappy to the point of feeling SI or severely depressed, please get out and take a break! No job is worth your mental health and your well being. Working in a clinic or outpatient or even part time/ PRN can help. Or leave the profession and find your passion. I finally found what I love to do most days and I’m so close to retirement! Life is short! Do what you love!

SmilingBluEyes · Feb 17, 2021

I agree with getting counseling. you sound truly in distress and my heart goes out to you. You feel stuck, likely cause you are, mentally. If you don't want to use EAP for fear of privacy concerns, you can always get a reference from your primary care provider and go from there.

You may need medical intervention, like antidepressants. I don't know; that would be for you and your primary care Dr/NP to decide.

My heart goes out to you. Address your mental health and things will be less foggy and you'll be able to decide what to do next. I wish you all the best.

RN2B21, ASN, RN · Feb 20, 2021

Have you thought about working outside of the hospital setting? Nursing is such a wide scope and there’s so many places we can work, like school nursing, dialysis, chemotherapy infusion centers, public health, home health, etc. There are so many options out there that don’t involve the hospital. I myself am not a fan of 12 hour shifts, nights, and weekends, so hospital nursing isn’t my thing. But definitely do try a different facet of nursing before you completely let the entire career/education go.

CeciBean, ASN, RN · Feb 20, 2021

I hated my first job in a big regionally well-known hospital (that I thought I would love) and ended up resigning after 4.5 months. I was so burned by it that I didn't work for 3 months. I then went to work in a smaller local hospital, but foolishly I chose to work in the same kind of unit. That did not work out either and rattled about that hospital a bit until the ICU manager saw something in me and took me under her wing. Long story short, I learned I was good at managing one-on-one and pretty critical stuff, and I learned some good critical thinking skills. I later took this into home health where I stayed for a long time. Fields like that, or possibly PACU, are good if you aren't happy in a med/surg setting. But stick out where you are until June and then make the jump. It's the dead of Winter now and everything looks awful, but things will brighten up soon.

montinurse, BSN · Feb 20, 2021

Been a nurse for close to 16 years. Started as an LPN, ADN, then BSN hoping it would get better. I've worked in many different settings.

There's nothing wrong with you-many of us feel this way. Talking to someone will help, then plan your exit. Do whatever you need to find satisfaction with life. Take advantage of your benefits first. Someone mentioned the greed of the hospital, the rude patients and even worse co-workers and managers. It's true and real and I can't tolerate it anymore. You only have control over your own feelings. Find something to look forward to and take advantage of the pay for now. Then get out :) I personally, am tired of looking for my niche. I don't think it was ever nursing...

guest1163268 · Feb 23, 2021

On 2/11/2021 at 6:51 AM, pinkdoves said:

I am at a loss for words. I graduated school in may 2019 and landed an adult inpatient med/surg telemetry position. I was so miserable due to my preceptor bullying me and high patient loads that I quit in less than 3 months. I was unemployed for a couple months before landing an inpatient pediatric med surg position. I have completed nurse residency here and am able to do my job unlike the first place...but I am still so miserable. I’ve hated nursing from the beginning and people said it would get better. It never did and I’m still so miserable. I can’t switch units until June and I’m feeling so depressed. Wake up thinking “why am I living to do this” ...I am usually a very happy and positive person but ever since I became a nurse I’ve been so depressed and not like myself. When will this get better? It’s been over a year and I still hate my life. Beginning to think I shouldn’t have been a nurse at all

It's your mindset. Personally, what you consider insecurity, I consider poor attitude. You are in the brilliant position of being a nurse! All you have to do to get any of the preceptors to like you is to get stuck in. Make a commitment to learn and work. No one ever refuses someone who's willing to work and ask questions. Get some review books. Read. Get the theoretical going so when you get on the floor, it's just applying that knowledge based on what your preceptors want. Take notes of what you don't understand and go home and review. Ask your preceptors precisely what they require of you and do it! It's not rocket science.

Trust me, once you begin understanding what's going on and what's required of you, you will be fine. And think about your qualifications and what it means. You can move to any state or any country and it's transferable! Few jobs offer that. Not even Drs have that privilege.

guest1163268 · Feb 23, 2021

I would also look around at work for a competent experienced nurse who appears sympathetic. They are very easy to spot. They are kind and pleasant, always has a good word and reassuring, DOESN'T GOSSIP, goes about their day without problems and gets along with everyone. Then use your 23 yr old charms. Do not be disengenous and manipulative, your goal is to make a friend, so you need to be honest up to a point until you get to know her better, and ask for advice re problems you would have previously thought of and prioritized. Genuine ernesty gets you credibility and help most times.

Ask her what would she do in your situation KNOWING THAT HOW YOU FEEL CURRENTLY is only temporary. This is an easy hypothesis to test. Order something you really want from Amazon or a meal you really like and see how much better you feel. This proves that it's work that's responsible for how you are feeling. Knowing this should interlectually help you to understand that when you overcome work wobblies, you would be fine.

All feelings are temporary and should never be relied upon until you test them.