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The golden first year?

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Specializes in Pediatrics. Has 2 years experience.

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I am at a loss for words. I graduated school in may 2019 and landed an adult inpatient med/surg telemetry position. I was so miserable due to my preceptor bullying me and high patient loads that I quit in less than 3 months. I was unemployed for a couple months before landing an inpatient pediatric med surg position. I have completed nurse residency here and am able to do my job unlike the first place...but I am still so miserable. I’ve hated nursing from the beginning and people said it would get better. It never did and I’m still so miserable. I can’t switch units until June and I’m feeling so depressed. Wake up thinking “why am I living to do this” ...I am usually a very happy and positive person but ever since I became a nurse I’ve been so depressed and not like myself. When will this get better? It’s been over a year and I still hate my life. Beginning to think I shouldn’t have been a nurse at all 

Davey Do

Specializes in around 25 years psych, 10 years medical. Has 42 years experience.

2 hours ago, pinkdoves said:

It’s been over a year and I still hate my life. Beginning to think I shouldn’t have been a nurse at all 

With all the empathy that I can muster, pinkdoves, I have to admit that I am having difficulty understanding this situation.

In comparison, I did not know if I really wanted to be a nurse, and that's the paramount reason that I became an LPN first. I figured a one year program, try it out, and if I don't care for it, I'll find something else.

I loved just about everything about nursing from the get-go and knew that I had made a good career choice. However, had I been hesitant, I know I would have changed directions.

Part of what puzzles me is the fact that all that we had to do in nursing school gave us a taste of what is to come. As an LPN student I knew that I'd be providing direct care, doing techy things, documentation, and dealing with people's personalities.

Please. Enlighten me.

Been there,done that, ASN, RN

Has 33 years experience.

Certainly stick it out until June, then see what your hospital system has available.

Perhaps you do not hate nursing, you just hate hospital nursing. Start researching other opportunities that are available to you.

Good luck.

RNperdiem, RN

Has 14 years experience.

What do you have outside of work that you look forward to? Hopefully you keep in touch with family and friends, have outside interests and don't depend on work to provide everything you need to be happy.

Are you taking care of your health? Getting enough sleep, fresh air and sunshine? When you have felt down in the past, what helped you feel better. What are your coping skills?

Are you young in your first "real" job? If so, be kind to yourself and remember that transitions in life like this can be stressful. Maybe you would be feeling the same in another line of work.  Oddly, I find that is helps to have had some really bad jobs to compare with helps. On a bad day I remind myself that I have dealt with more stressful, weary jobs for way less money. I think of the job where all I did all day was run menus through a laminating machine, or the cold call telemarketing job- all for close to minimum wage. 

speedynurse, ADN, RN, EMT-P

Specializes in ER, Pre-Op, PACU.

I do think nursing has become very convoluted and hospital nursing truly does focus on the wrong things sometimes. For a period of time, I thought I hated nursing when I was fried in the ER because I was so frustrated with the abuse of patients and being run into the ground for 12 to 16 hours. Now that I am out of the ER, I actually miss certain aspects. The critical thinking and the teams.....etc. However, I genuinely enjoy nursing now in surgical services. There are definitely some annoying things in this branch....arrogant surgeons and little things here and there. However, I really enjoy taking care of patients. I enjoy hearing about their lives and sometimes meet some really wonderful people that have learned a lot about. I don’t hate nursing at all and actually am not sure what else I would do in life for a job. I have learned there are better nursing jobs or worse nursing jobs though.....much more stressful or less stressful. 

Davey Do

Specializes in around 25 years psych, 10 years medical. Has 42 years experience.

2 hours ago, speedynurse said:

For a period of time, I thought I hated nursing when I was fried in the 

Same here, Speedy. I was canned as a NS back in '03, wanted to leave nursing, started opening my freelance art business back up, got hired at Wrongway, and lasted 17 more years in the profession.

pinkdoves, BSN

Specializes in Pediatrics. Has 2 years experience.

11 hours ago, Davey Do said:

With all the empathy that I can muster, pinkdoves, I have to admit that I am having difficulty understanding this situation.

In comparison, I did not know if I really wanted to be a nurse, and that's the paramount reason that I became an LPN first. I figured a one year program, try it out, and if I don't care for it, I'll find something else.

I loved just about everything about nursing from the get-go and knew that I had made a good career choice. However, had I been hesitant, I know I would have changed directions.

Part of what puzzles me is the fact that all that we had to do in nursing school gave us a taste of what is to come. As an LPN student I knew that I'd be providing direct care, doing techy things, documentation, and dealing with people's personalities.

Please. Enlighten me.

it sounds like you're having trouble understanding because you're taking my life and comparing it to yours. I am assuming I'm a lot younger than you so I can safely assume much isn't the same today as it was for you. I was never an LPN. I went to nursing school straight after high school. Nursing school (especially nowadays) does NOT prepare you for bedside nursing. It was a lot of watching and sim lab, but not a lot of hands-on. The most I learned during school was during my externship I took on my own accord (not through my school) so god forbid someone doesn't have that experience, how do they even survive? I enjoyed learning the concepts of nursing: pharmacology, pathophysiology, etc., but being the bottom of someone's shoe more times than not is not what I ever wanted my career to be. 

9 hours ago, Been there,done that said:

Certainly stick it out until June, then see what your hospital system has available.

Perhaps you do not hate nursing, you just hate hospital nursing. Start researching other opportunities that are available to you.

Good luck.

I think this could be the answer. I really do not thrive in the hospital but I feel so stuck. I'm so miserable I'm scared I'm going to be here forever 😞 thank you!

Edited by pinkdoves

pinkdoves, BSN

Specializes in Pediatrics. Has 2 years experience.

On 2/11/2021 at 11:40 AM, RNperdiem said:

What do you have outside of work that you look forward to? Hopefully you keep in touch with family and friends, have outside interests and don't depend on work to provide everything you need to be happy.

Are you taking care of your health? Getting enough sleep, fresh air and sunshine? When you have felt down in the past, what helped you feel better. What are your coping skills?

Are you young in your first "real" job? If so, be kind to yourself and remember that transitions in life like this can be stressful. Maybe you would be feeling the same in another line of work.  Oddly, I find that is helps to have had some really bad jobs to compare with helps. On a bad day I remind myself that I have dealt with more stressful, weary jobs for way less money. I think of the job where all I did all day was run menus through a laminating machine, or the cold call telemarketing job- all for close to minimum wage. 

I thankfully have really great family and friends. But sometimes my nursing schedule is so hectic that I can barely have an outside life it seems...I sometimes feel like I live in that hospital. I have not been taking care of myself the way I should. I have lost a lot of weight since starting as a nurse. I am young (23) and this is (I guess technically) my 2nd job but first real career move if that makes any sense. 

I guess I compare myself to my sister who works in business. She makes more money than I do sitting at home from her laptop and watching daytime shows...then I go to work and am running around, yelled at, abused, etc...it just doesn't seem worth it to me. There are other jobs out there that don't require this but I feel so stuck. I wish I could be 17 again and choose a different major...sometimes I think I need to check myself into a mental hospital. I don't understand why anyone would do this for more than 2 years. I guess there are different personalities...and god bless because I'm struggling to even make it to 1 1/2 years. 

pinkdoves, BSN

Specializes in Pediatrics. Has 2 years experience.

8 hours ago, speedynurse said:

I do think nursing has become very convoluted and hospital nursing truly does focus on the wrong things sometimes. For a period of time, I thought I hated nursing when I was fried in the ER because I was so frustrated with the abuse of patients and being run into the ground for 12 to 16 hours. Now that I am out of the ER, I actually miss certain aspects. The critical thinking and the teams.....etc. However, I genuinely enjoy nursing now in surgical services. There are definitely some annoying things in this branch....arrogant surgeons and little things here and there. However, I really enjoy taking care of patients. I enjoy hearing about their lives and sometimes meet some really wonderful people that have learned a lot about. I don’t hate nursing at all and actually am not sure what else I would do in life for a job. I have learned there are better nursing jobs or worse nursing jobs though.....much more stressful or less stressful. 

I think I am also frustrated partly because of this reason. The healthcare system is all about money. I work at a prestigious hospital there are people lining up for this place yet they refuse to hire them to save money. It's not okay and ends up short-staffing us all the time. But "it's okay" because the business people look at the numbers and calculate we have enough staff...it drives me nuts and I would love to see them come to our "fully staffed" units. It's hard because I feel like this job takes over so much of my life and I'm so miserable. On my days off I research what other jobs I can have in the future when I can switch positions or units. I feel so hopeless and I've been depressed ever since I started as a nurse. I get a lot of SI teens who overdose. I always am required to ask them questions like "do you feel suicidal today" which is ironic because someone should be asking me that. My whole life seems like a fog. I'm so close to working at starbucks. so close...

Edited by pinkdoves

TheMoonisMyLantern, ADN, LPN, RN

Specializes in Mental health, substance abuse, geriatrics, PCU. Has 14 years experience.

7 hours ago, pinkdoves said:

I think I am also frustrated partly because of this reason. The healthcare system is all about money. I work at a prestigious hospital there are people lining up for this place yet they refuse to hire them to save money. It's not okay and ends up short-staffing us all the time. But "it's okay" because the business people look at the numbers and calculate we have enough staff...it drives me nuts and I would love to see them come to our "fully staffed" units. It's hard because I feel like this job takes over so much of my life and I'm so miserable. On my days off I research what other jobs I can have in the future when I can switch positions or units. I feel so hopeless and I've been depressed ever since I started as a nurse. I get a lot of SI teens who overdose. I always am required to ask them questions like "do you feel suicidal today" which is ironic because someone should be asking me that. My whole life seems like a fog. I'm so close to working at starbucks. so close...

If you're feeling this much distress it's time to see someone professionally to talk to. Your employer likely offers EAP which is a good place to start as they provide a certain number of sessions for free and can usually get you seen quickly. You also need to make an appointment with your PCP. If you're getting to the point of being suicidal and don't feel you can stay safe then seek emergency help, don't try to be a hero its okay to need help.

I would encourage you to make a list of things you like about nursing and things you dislike about it in order to help organize your thoughts and let you reflect on what's causing so much stress. I don't think your nursing career is doomed, there are so many options and hospital nursing is just one of those options.

If you're this miserable it may be time to go into survival mode and secure an exit strategy from your current employer, private duty homecare has a lot of pediatric patients where you are one to one with a child that has chronic medical problems, a lot of nurses find it less stressful than inpatient and it may give you some breathing room until you figure out longterm what you want to do.

I would encourage you to try to secure another job before leaving but in the end do what you must to survive.

Davey Do

Specializes in around 25 years psych, 10 years medical. Has 42 years experience.

22 hours ago, Davey Do said:

Please. Enlighten me.

 

10 hours ago, pinkdoves said:

it sounds like you're having trouble understanding because you're taking my life and comparing it to yours. I am assuming I'm a lot younger than you so I can safely assume much isn't the same today as it was for you. I was never an LPN. I went to nursing school straight after high school. Nursing school (especially nowadays) does NOT prepare you for bedside nursing. It was a lot of watching and sim lab, but not a lot of hands-on. The most I learned during school was during my externship I took on my own accord (not through my school) so god forbid someone doesn't have that experience, how do they even survive? I enjoyed learning the concepts of nursing: pharmacology, pathophysiology, etc., but being the bottom of someone's shoe more times than not is not what I ever wanted my career to be. 

You are absolutely correct, pinkdoves, I was "having trouble understanding because you're taking my life and comparing it to yours", because my life is my closest point of reference.

From my point of reference, I was experiencing difficulty in understanding your situation. However, pinkdoves, by you allowing me to see your perspective- your point of reference- you have expanded my parochial view and broadened my horizons.

Too often, we seasoned old folks forget from which we and others came. Your statements of "I went to nursing school straight after high school" and "Nursing school (especially nowadays) does NOT prepare you for bedside nursing. It was a lot of watching and sim lab, but not a lot of hands-on" made me see the light.


Ooooooh!" I said, "I went from taking a First Aid course, being certified in CPR, got my EMT-B, then EMT-NR, to becoming an LPN and then going for my RN! Pinkdoves went straight from HS to nursing school!"

Thank you, pinkdoves for enlightening this old dude!

Now, I'm going to read the other posts. Thanks again!

Davey Do

Specializes in around 25 years psych, 10 years medical. Has 42 years experience.

2 hours ago, TheMoonisMyLantern said:

If you're this miserable it may be time to go into survival mode and secure an exit strategy from your current employer, private duty homecare has a lot of pediatric patients where you are one to one with a child that has chronic medical problems, a lot of nurses find it less stressful than inpatient and it may give you some breathing room until you figure out longterm what you want to do.

Moon's entire post was filled with wise and insightful advice advice, pinkdoves, but I chose to quote this portion because it set me to thinking.

Obviously, you are intelligent and compassionate, having gotten your RN and "having a great family and friends".

Having worked in HH for a few years, I can echo Moon's advice. Private duty is so much more personal and 1:1, plus you get to use your nursing skills.

I wish you the very best in persevering through this difficult time in your life.

On 2/11/2021 at 6:51 AM, pinkdoves said:

I’ve hated nursing from the beginning and people said it would get better. It never did and I’m still so miserable. I can’t switch units until June and I’m feeling so depressed. Wake up thinking “why am I living to do this” ...I am usually a very happy and positive person but ever since I became a nurse I’ve been so depressed and not like myself. When will this get better? It’s been over a year and I still hate my life. Beginning to think I shouldn’t have been a nurse at all 

It's tempting to advise you to start thinking about what else you might like to do with your life, but I don't think that would be the most responsible advice. It would be where I am with my life, not where you need to be with yours.

It is pretty likely that the general stress of learning such a big role is really playing a part here and that it will indeed get better. Complicating matters is that your first go-round in a real nursing role was not a good experience (one could say traumatic or damaging in some way) and so you have to work past that on top of everything else. But things will get better--maybe not in this particular job--if you take the steps to learn what everything means to you.

Do go and talk to someone to help sort out your thoughts and feelings. At this point you need to know what is what, and none of us can tell you with any certainty. You need someone to help you see a bigger view of reality separately from your personal spin on things. That's what we all need to do in life, not just you, and we're typically not very good at it. Our personal life experiences including past hurts (or successes) have a great deal to do with the way we will read, approach and feel about situations in the future, even though it is to our own detriment sometimes.

For the moment, you are okay.  You have options. Allow yourself some moments of peace from worrying about this. It is far from a hopeless situation. There is a lot of hope. 💮

 

pinkdoves, BSN

Specializes in Pediatrics. Has 2 years experience.

On 2/12/2021 at 5:17 AM, TheMoonisMyLantern said:

If you're feeling this much distress it's time to see someone professionally to talk to. Your employer likely offers EAP which is a good place to start as they provide a certain number of sessions for free and can usually get you seen quickly. You also need to make an appointment with your PCP. If you're getting to the point of being suicidal and don't feel you can stay safe then seek emergency help, don't try to be a hero its okay to need help.

I would encourage you to make a list of things you like about nursing and things you dislike about it in order to help organize your thoughts and let you reflect on what's causing so much stress. I don't think your nursing career is doomed, there are so many options and hospital nursing is just one of those options.

If you're this miserable it may be time to go into survival mode and secure an exit strategy from your current employer, private duty homecare has a lot of pediatric patients where you are one to one with a child that has chronic medical problems, a lot of nurses find it less stressful than inpatient and it may give you some breathing room until you figure out longterm what you want to do.

I would encourage you to try to secure another job before leaving but in the end do what you must to survive.

I was thinking about using EAP but then I was also scared that the providers through that would be the ones from the hospital that I work with. Do you think that could be true? That might make work very awkward if that is the case...

I thankfully work in a city so there are a lot of hospitals and clinics around me. I think I'm going to try outpatient as my next move and if that doesn't make me happier IDK what to do. I really like the idea of making a list. Maybe that will help. Thank you for commenting I appreciate it!

On 2/12/2021 at 8:02 AM, Davey Do said:

Moon's entire post was filled with wise and insightful advice advice, pinkdoves, but I chose to quote this portion because it set me to thinking.

Obviously, you are intelligent and compassionate, having gotten your RN and "having a great family and friends".

Having worked in HH for a few years, I can echo Moon's advice. Private duty is so much more personal and 1:1, plus you get to use your nursing skills.

I wish you the very best in persevering through this difficult time in your life.

thank you Dave I am really trying to survive at this point...

Edited by pinkdoves

pinkdoves, BSN

Specializes in Pediatrics. Has 2 years experience.

On 2/12/2021 at 8:44 AM, JKL33 said:

It's tempting to advise you to start thinking about what else you might like to do with your life, but I don't think that would be the most responsible advice. It would be where I am with my life, not where you need to be with yours.

It is pretty likely that the general stress of learning such a big role is really playing a part here and that it will indeed get better. Complicating matters is that your first go-round in a real nursing role was not a good experience (one could say traumatic or damaging in some way) and so you have to work past that on top of everything else. But things will get better--maybe not in this particular job--if you take the steps to learn what everything means to you.

Do go and talk to someone to help sort out your thoughts and feelings. At this point you need to know what is what, and none of us can tell you with any certainty. You need someone to help you see a bigger view of reality separately from your personal spin on things. That's what we all need to do in life, not just you, and we're typically not very good at it. Our personal life experiences including past hurts (or successes) have a great deal to do with the way we will read, approach and feel about situations in the future, even though it is to our own detriment sometimes.

For the moment, you are okay.  You have options. Allow yourself some moments of peace from worrying about this. It is far from a hopeless situation. There is a lot of hope. 💮

 

I am really traumatized by my first job. I thought nothing could go wrong because I worked at one of the top 5 hospitals in the US. That clearly means nothing as I've learned. Even the hospital I'm working at now is considered "prestigious" but we're so short staffed and underpayed. I don't understand why it has to be like this. I think I would be 50% happier if we had better staffing and if I wasn't doing the front desk receptionist's job on top of mine. I just have to survive a couple more months of this BS and hopefully I can switch to outpatient. I swore I would never work with adults again after my first job, but maybe outpatient will be different...(maybe ?) I love kids and particularly babies so I love that I work in peds. I just don't know where to go from here. Most of my colleagues are in school for school nursing, NP, etc. I don't seem interested in any of those options. IDK.

Edited by pinkdoves

TheMoonisMyLantern, ADN, LPN, RN

Specializes in Mental health, substance abuse, geriatrics, PCU. Has 14 years experience.

So, with EAP most companies will contract out of their own company. Healthcares systems that have it in house typically have strict privacy laws they have to adhere to. I know of a couple places in my area they actually use an entirely different charting system from their parent company's emr in order to provide an extra level of privacy, I.e. no one can look you up from work. 

In most states, EAP can only share information to them if you are an imminent danger to self/others, and in most cases of substance abuse. Anything else is confidential. EAP is so much different than what it was in the early to mid 00's, it's gotten a lot more secure. 

If you're still worried about privacy, there's a website called Betterhelp that offers multiple modes of therapy, by video cam, by phone, or even by email, they can be very helpful if you need to see someone quickly. They are in my opinion expensive, but not by much compared to regular therapy.

pinkdoves, BSN

Specializes in Pediatrics. Has 2 years experience.

2 minutes ago, TheMoonisMyLantern said:

most companies will contract out of their own company. Healthcares systems that have it in house typically have strict privacy laws they have to adhere to. I know of a couple places in my area they actually use an entirely different charting system from their parent company's emr in order to provide an extra level of privacy

oh that's awesome! if that's true I will reach out. Thanks!

CheesePotato, BSN, RN

Specializes in Sleep medicine,Floor nursing, OR, Trauma.

On 2/11/2021 at 5:51 AM, pinkdoves said:

I am at a loss for words. I graduated school in may 2019 and landed an adult inpatient med/surg telemetry position. I was so miserable due to my preceptor bullying me and high patient loads that I quit in less than 3 months. I was unemployed for a couple months before landing an inpatient pediatric med surg position. I have completed nurse residency here and am able to do my job unlike the first place...but I am still so miserable. I’ve hated nursing from the beginning and people said it would get better. It never did and I’m still so miserable. I can’t switch units until June and I’m feeling so depressed. Wake up thinking “why am I living to do this” ...I am usually a very happy and positive person but ever since I became a nurse I’ve been so depressed and not like myself. When will this get better? It’s been over a year and I still hate my life. Beginning to think I shouldn’t have been a nurse at all 

Hello PinkDoves--

I want to start this out by saying I am worried about you.  Your posts on this thread are filled with a sense of almost despair and it troubles me to know you are experiencing such a hard time with this.

Much of what others have written is good, solid advice.  I just wanted to pause to approach it from a different angle.  First and foremost--it's okay to not like nursing.  I could supplement this out by going on a long and lengthy rant on the rubbish nursing school system in this country that fails to prepare new grads for reality in any form....but I'll save that for another day.  The short--yes to what you said about needing to do a lot of education post-graduation when new to the unit.  

Secondly, nursing has many opportunities and different "factions" if you will.  There is home health, hospice, school, etc.  Basically, as others have said, there is are tons of paths and opportunities (and sometimes you gotta kiss a few frogs to find your prince, ya know?)

Personally, I ended up finding my home behind the great double doors of the operating room where yeah, there's a different sort of stress, but most of the time it's me, my crew, the patient, and some rockin' music.   Is it all peaches and cream? Nah.  But it doesn't have to be.

Third-- and say it loud with me if you like: Nursing is a job.  It isn't a calling (though some will say it is for them.....and that's cool and totally individual).  But for me and many like me? It pays the bills.  And before anyone comes for me: Yes--I provide top notch care for my patients.  No--you can't tell that I got into this profession as a way to pay the bills.  And lastly--kindly get off your high-horse.  

I got into nursing because I didn't know what in the hell else to do with my life and I needed a stable career.  I wasn't a CNA first or an LPN.  I had no idea what I was getting myself into.  Lmao.  And a decade and a half later--here I am.  

Full disclosure though--this is my second career. And that is the last point I want to make to you--life is fluid and full of choices and opportunities.  You are not "married" to nursing. If you decide to leave nursing and go hand out samples at Costco and it provides for you and yours and makes you happy?  Then go be the best damn sample provider you can be!    

Be you.  Make your own path and give yourself time to sort it all out.  Dealing with your first career straight out of college is a lot.  In the meanwhile, be sure you are taking care of yourself by finding positive ways to handle your stress.  Be sure you are sleeping, eating, and stepping into sunshine.  Get back in touch with things that bring joy such as hobbies you had or enjoyed and build them into your life.  And please, please, please--if you are not able to break your sadness, find someone to talk to.  There is no shame--none--in taking care of your mental health.  You are more important than any job and we want you around, nurse or no, to show and tell us about all the great things you bring to the world.

You got this.  It might take some time to get it sorted, but you are a smart cookie--you can do this!

Wishing you all the best,

~~CP~~

P.S. 

If there are grammar and spelling nightmares above, I got nothing.  I have no time to edit on this good day.

Edited by CheesePotato