The golden first year?

JKL33 · Feb 12, 2021

On 2/11/2021 at 6:51 AM, pinkdoves said:

I’ve hated nursing from the beginning and people said it would get better. It never did and I’m still so miserable. I can’t switch units until June and I’m feeling so depressed. Wake up thinking “why am I living to do this” ...I am usually a very happy and positive person but ever since I became a nurse I’ve been so depressed and not like myself. When will this get better? It’s been over a year and I still hate my life. Beginning to think I shouldn’t have been a nurse at all

It's tempting to advise you to start thinking about what else you might like to do with your life, but I don't think that would be the most responsible advice. It would be where I am with my life, not where you need to be with yours.

It is pretty likely that the general stress of learning such a big role is really playing a part here and that it will indeed get better. Complicating matters is that your first go-round in a real nursing role was not a good experience (one could say traumatic or damaging in some way) and so you have to work past that on top of everything else. But things will get better--maybe not in this particular job--if you take the steps to learn what everything means to you.

Do go and talk to someone to help sort out your thoughts and feelings. At this point you need to know what is what, and none of us can tell you with any certainty. You need someone to help you see a bigger view of reality separately from your personal spin on things. That's what we all need to do in life, not just you, and we're typically not very good at it. Our personal life experiences including past hurts (or successes) have a great deal to do with the way we will read, approach and feel about situations in the future, even though it is to our own detriment sometimes.

For the moment, you are okay. You have options. Allow yourself some moments of peace from worrying about this. It is far from a hopeless situation. There is a lot of hope. ?

pinkdoves, BSN · Feb 13, 2021

On 2/12/2021 at 5:17 AM, TheMoonisMyLantern said:

If you're feeling this much distress it's time to see someone professionally to talk to. Your employer likely offers EAP which is a good place to start as they provide a certain number of sessions for free and can usually get you seen quickly. You also need to make an appointment with your PCP. If you're getting to the point of being suicidal and don't feel you can stay safe then seek emergency help, don't try to be a hero its okay to need help.

I would encourage you to make a list of things you like about nursing and things you dislike about it in order to help organize your thoughts and let you reflect on what's causing so much stress. I don't think your nursing career is doomed, there are so many options and hospital nursing is just one of those options.

If you're this miserable it may be time to go into survival mode and secure an exit strategy from your current employer, private duty homecare has a lot of pediatric patients where you are one to one with a child that has chronic medical problems, a lot of nurses find it less stressful than inpatient and it may give you some breathing room until you figure out longterm what you want to do.

I would encourage you to try to secure another job before leaving but in the end do what you must to survive.

I was thinking about using EAP but then I was also scared that the providers through that would be the ones from the hospital that I work with. Do you think that could be true? That might make work very awkward if that is the case...

I thankfully work in a city so there are a lot of hospitals and clinics around me. I think I'm going to try outpatient as my next move and if that doesn't make me happier IDK what to do. I really like the idea of making a list. Maybe that will help. Thank you for commenting I appreciate it!

On 2/12/2021 at 8:02 AM, Davey Do said:

Moon's entire post was filled with wise and insightful advice advice, pinkdoves, but I chose to quote this portion because it set me to thinking.

Obviously, you are intelligent and compassionate, having gotten your RN and "having a great family and friends".

Having worked in HH for a few years, I can echo Moon's advice. Private duty is so much more personal and 1:1, plus you get to use your nursing skills.

I wish you the very best in persevering through this difficult time in your life.

thank you Dave I am really trying to survive at this point...

pinkdoves, BSN · Feb 13, 2021

On 2/12/2021 at 8:44 AM, JKL33 said:

It's tempting to advise you to start thinking about what else you might like to do with your life, but I don't think that would be the most responsible advice. It would be where I am with my life, not where you need to be with yours.

It is pretty likely that the general stress of learning such a big role is really playing a part here and that it will indeed get better. Complicating matters is that your first go-round in a real nursing role was not a good experience (one could say traumatic or damaging in some way) and so you have to work past that on top of everything else. But things will get better--maybe not in this particular job--if you take the steps to learn what everything means to you.

Do go and talk to someone to help sort out your thoughts and feelings. At this point you need to know what is what, and none of us can tell you with any certainty. You need someone to help you see a bigger view of reality separately from your personal spin on things. That's what we all need to do in life, not just you, and we're typically not very good at it. Our personal life experiences including past hurts (or successes) have a great deal to do with the way we will read, approach and feel about situations in the future, even though it is to our own detriment sometimes.

For the moment, you are okay. You have options. Allow yourself some moments of peace from worrying about this. It is far from a hopeless situation. There is a lot of hope. ?

I am really traumatized by my first job. I thought nothing could go wrong because I worked at one of the top 5 hospitals in the US. That clearly means nothing as I've learned. Even the hospital I'm working at now is considered "prestigious" but we're so short staffed and underpayed. I don't understand why it has to be like this. I think I would be 50% happier if we had better staffing and if I wasn't doing the front desk receptionist's job on top of mine. I just have to survive a couple more months of this BS and hopefully I can switch to outpatient. I swore I would never work with adults again after my first job, but maybe outpatient will be different...(maybe ?) I love kids and particularly babies so I love that I work in peds. I just don't know where to go from here. Most of my colleagues are in school for school nursing, NP, etc. I don't seem interested in any of those options. IDK.

TheMoonisMyLantern, ADN, LPN, RN · Feb 13, 2021

So, with EAP most companies will contract out of their own company. Healthcares systems that have it in house typically have strict privacy laws they have to adhere to. I know of a couple places in my area they actually use an entirely different charting system from their parent company's emr in order to provide an extra level of privacy, I.e. no one can look you up from work.

In most states, EAP can only share information to them if you are an imminent danger to self/others, and in most cases of substance abuse. Anything else is confidential. EAP is so much different than what it was in the early to mid 00's, it's gotten a lot more secure.

If you're still worried about privacy, there's a website called Betterhelp that offers multiple modes of therapy, by video cam, by phone, or even by email, they can be very helpful if you need to see someone quickly. They are in my opinion expensive, but not by much compared to regular therapy.

pinkdoves, BSN · Feb 13, 2021

2 minutes ago, TheMoonisMyLantern said:

most companies will contract out of their own company. Healthcares systems that have it in house typically have strict privacy laws they have to adhere to. I know of a couple places in my area they actually use an entirely different charting system from their parent company's emr in order to provide an extra level of privacy

oh that's awesome! if that's true I will reach out. Thanks!

CheesePotato, BSN, RN · Feb 13, 2021

On 2/11/2021 at 5:51 AM, pinkdoves said:

I am at a loss for words. I graduated school in may 2019 and landed an adult inpatient med/surg telemetry position. I was so miserable due to my preceptor bullying me and high patient loads that I quit in less than 3 months. I was unemployed for a couple months before landing an inpatient pediatric med surg position. I have completed nurse residency here and am able to do my job unlike the first place...but I am still so miserable. I’ve hated nursing from the beginning and people said it would get better. It never did and I’m still so miserable. I can’t switch units until June and I’m feeling so depressed. Wake up thinking “why am I living to do this” ...I am usually a very happy and positive person but ever since I became a nurse I’ve been so depressed and not like myself. When will this get better? It’s been over a year and I still hate my life. Beginning to think I shouldn’t have been a nurse at all

Hello PinkDoves--

I want to start this out by saying I am worried about you. Your posts on this thread are filled with a sense of almost despair and it troubles me to know you are experiencing such a hard time with this.

Much of what others have written is good, solid advice. I just wanted to pause to approach it from a different angle. First and foremost--it's okay to not like nursing. I could supplement this out by going on a long and lengthy rant on the rubbish nursing school system in this country that fails to prepare new grads for reality in any form....but I'll save that for another day. The short--yes to what you said about needing to do a lot of education post-graduation when new to the unit.

Secondly, nursing has many opportunities and different "factions" if you will. There is home health, hospice, school, etc. Basically, as others have said, there is are tons of paths and opportunities (and sometimes you gotta kiss a few frogs to find your prince, ya know?)

Personally, I ended up finding my home behind the great double doors of the operating room where yeah, there's a different sort of stress, but most of the time it's me, my crew, the patient, and some rockin' music. Is it all peaches and cream? Nah. But it doesn't have to be.

Third-- and say it loud with me if you like: Nursing is a job. It isn't a calling (though some will say it is for them.....and that's cool and totally individual). But for me and many like me? It pays the bills. And before anyone comes for me: Yes--I provide top notch care for my patients. No--you can't tell that I got into this profession as a way to pay the bills. And lastly--kindly get off your high-horse.

I got into nursing because I didn't know what in the hell else to do with my life and I needed a stable career. I wasn't a CNA first or an LPN. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Lmao. And a decade and a half later--here I am.

Full disclosure though--this is my second career. And that is the last point I want to make to you--life is fluid and full of choices and opportunities. You are not "married" to nursing. If you decide to leave nursing and go hand out samples at Costco and it provides for you and yours and makes you happy? Then go be the best damn sample provider you can be!

Be you. Make your own path and give yourself time to sort it all out. Dealing with your first career straight out of college is a lot. In the meanwhile, be sure you are taking care of yourself by finding positive ways to handle your stress. Be sure you are sleeping, eating, and stepping into sunshine. Get back in touch with things that bring joy such as hobbies you had or enjoyed and build them into your life. And please, please, please--if you are not able to break your sadness, find someone to talk to. There is no shame--none--in taking care of your mental health. You are more important than any job and we want you around, nurse or no, to show and tell us about all the great things you bring to the world.

You got this. It might take some time to get it sorted, but you are a smart cookie--you can do this!

Wishing you all the best,

~~CP~~

P.S.

If there are grammar and spelling nightmares above, I got nothing. I have no time to edit on this good day.

pinkdoves, BSN · Feb 13, 2021

2 hours ago, CheesePotato said:

Hello PinkDoves--

I want to start this out by saying I am worried about you. Your posts on this thread are filled with a sense of almost despair and it troubles me to know you are experiencing such a hard time with this.

Much of what others have written is good, solid advice. I just wanted to pause to approach it from a different angle. First and foremost--it's okay to not like nursing. I could supplement this out by going on a long and lengthy rant on the rubbish nursing school system in this country that fails to prepare new grads for reality in any form....but I'll save that for another day. The short--yes to what you said about needing to do a lot of education post-graduation when new to the unit.

Secondly, nursing has many opportunities and different "factions" if you will. There is home health, hospice, school, etc. Basically, as others have said, there is are tons of paths and opportunities (and sometimes you gotta kiss a few frogs to find your prince, ya know?)

Personally, I ended up finding my home behind the great double doors of the operating room where yeah, there's a different sort of stress, but most of the time it's me, my crew, the patient, and some rockin' music. Is it all peaches and cream? Nah. But it doesn't have to be.

Third-- and say it loud with me if you like: Nursing is a job.  It isn't a calling (though some will say it is for them.....and that's cool and totally individual). But for me and many like me? It pays the bills. And before anyone comes for me: Yes--I provide top notch care for my patients. No--you can't tell that I got into this profession as a way to pay the bills. And lastly--kindly get off your high-horse.

I got into nursing because I didn't know what in the hell else to do with my life and I needed a stable career. I wasn't a CNA first or an LPN. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Lmao. And a decade and a half later--here I am.

Full disclosure though--this is my second career. And that is the last point I want to make to you--life is fluid and full of choices and opportunities. You are not "married" to nursing. If you decide to leave nursing and go hand out samples at Costco and it provides for you and yours and makes you happy? Then go be the best damn sample provider you can be!

Be you. Make your own path and give yourself time to sort it all out. Dealing with your first career straight out of college is a lot.  In the meanwhile, be sure you are taking care of yourself by finding positive ways to handle your stress. Be sure you are sleeping, eating, and stepping into sunshine. Get back in touch with things that bring joy such as hobbies you had or enjoyed and build them into your life. And please, please, please--if you are not able to break your sadness, find someone to talk to. There is no shame--none--in taking care of your mental health. You are more important than any job and we want you around, nurse or no, to show and tell us about all the great things you bring to the world.

You got this. It might take some time to get it sorted, but you are a smart cookie--you can do this!

Wishing you all the best,

~~CP~~

P.S.

If there are grammar and spelling nightmares above, I got nothing. I have no time to edit on this good day.

I am in great despair...I feel like life has lost it's meaning at this point. They can replace me in a second with someone else and nothing I do even matters. I could be working hard all day and then someone will point out some stupid minute thing I didn't do and I feel so dejected. It makes me not want to work hard. I used to take everything so seriously: nursing school, finding a good job, etc., but I've learned that none of these things even matter at this point. I just want to be happy again. I spent so much of my life studying, losing sleep over work or school...and for what?

To be told I'm not working hard enough? To be threatened by patients that they're going to punch me? To be yelled at when other people don't do their jobs and I'm the only person the patient or families actually see? None of it is worth my sanity and I wish I never went into such a garbage profession. All I do is give and give for strangers who don't give a *** and will even insult and abuse me. Why would any sane person deal with this? I come home so empty and depressed. My knees and legs hurt and I'm only 23. I'm sacrificing my sanity for people who can replace me in a second...but how can I complain? I chose this profession so it's my fault anyway. I tell this to my family and friends but they don't really understand. My mom's always like "you only work 3 days a week. you barely work why are you even complaining?" I just feel like I put so much time and energy into this stupid profession but it's never enough.

I've never been so miserable in my life. I used to be so positive and happy. I still look happy from the outside. My coworkers always comment on how I am always willing to help other people and that I'm a pleasure to work with. that's nice to hear but I'm literally dying on the inside...the fact I have to wait 'til June makes me feel so hopeless. it's not a long time but I'm not sure how I'll survive 'til then.

Another huge stressor is that there's a pandemic and I live alone. So I come home from work so dejected, worn out, just to come back to an empty apartment. I feel so alone. I think it could be easier for my coworkers who have boyfriends or husbands or kids...but I have none of that. I feel so lost and don't know why life has handed me such a terrible fate. I just want to have a desk job at this point. Any job is stressful but nursing is just too much for me. People will tell me I'm immature but I don't really care. They tell me I should feel guilty for thinking this...that I'm so lucky to be 23 and to have a job and to be able to live on my own without outside help... I'm just so tired of this being my entire life...and I guess I am privileged and I shouldn't complain but IDK what else to do

CheesePotato, BSN, RN · Feb 13, 2021

Oh my little tater tot, give yourself a break! You are only 23. Be kind to yourself.

This is a LOT to go through and feeling overwhelmed and lost when suddenly faced with all the harshness of reality and life is normal in a way. But I am telling you, as someone from the other side of the age bridge, it gets better.

I am going to try to help unpack some of your reply to me, but I am going to preface this by saying I feel you would benefit from having a professional person to talk to. This is not me calling you crazy or anything nonsensical like that. This is me saying that having an objective third party to act a sounding board can be so beneficial in developing a better understanding of self, stress, and life. Really really.

Let's tackle the stuff we can discuss with a broad brush about life in general. In the world of industry, and with little exception, we are all replaceable as employees. This is the nature of the beast. It sucks. But there it is.

Now I worked in corporate America for nearly ten years before going into nursing and I can tell you that there is always a quota, an email, a policy.....something that will say to do more with less better, faster, stronger. The key, no matter what job you are in, is to develop knowledge of yourself, how to you cope with stressors, and positive ways to deal with that stress. (See the preface paragraph for details).

You mention you legs and feet hurting you. I don't give the sweat off a kangaroo's backside what you do for a living, be sure you are wearing support socks and good shoes. You can get the socks from Amazon all the way up to a 6XL and many of them in freaking amazing patterns. If you are unsure what shoes will help you, see a podiatrist and they will happily guide you.

The amount of physical work you do does not matter. Three days a week might as well be a month if you are psychologically and emotionally depleted. So there's that.

Yes, June is quite a ways away. So let's break it into bites and mini goals. Let's just focus on getting to March 1. That's it. And here's where I have some homework for you:

Every day, at the beginning of your day, list three things you are grateful for. They don't have to be big things or even serious things. Just three things that give you a sense of gratitude. You don't have to write them down or anything fancy. But make it a point to experience gratitude.

Find a way to build in breathing into your life. You can do that by singing (great way to burn off stress and the controlled breathing works wonders with your PSNS) or focused breathing exercises.

Be your own best support. You know that term: treat yo' self? Well....treat yo' self. Build a little retreat spot for yourself at home with soft, cozy things. Have a routine that promotes relaxation and recovery.

List out what brings you joy. Find ways to build that back into your life. No seriously. Do you like knitting? Video games? Reading? Volunteering? It will help you feel more like you.

Develop goals and rewards. Let's use the above "March 1" goal. What is something that you might wish to reward yourself with? Now do the same all the way out to June. And come June, plan a bigger goal reward. I call this the Reese's Pieces trail to success. Plug along, collect your yummy little rewards, and suddenly you find yourself at your goal.

Lastly, consider adding a pet to your life. I know in an apartment that can be difficult and god knows a fish isn't exciting, but a fish needs you. They aren't half bad listeners as well (God knows Rocky, my beta, used to get an earful. He didn't ever seem to mind). And beta fish are very easy to care for and pretty to look at. Just...you know...don't try to pet them. They get all weird when you scoop 'em out of the water.

Now, I'm not going to sit here and tell you something squishy like everything is going to be okay because I don't know that and I hate platitudes. But I will encourage you to empower yourself to turn this moment of doubt and pain and confusion into something that builds you up.

~~CP~~

In an show of solidarity, I have completed my own homework to share with you:

Three things of gratitude: This Diet Coke is freaking amazing today! I have a roof over my head and four walls around me. I am grateful I have tacos waiting to made for dinner.

Breathing: I just took a ten minute break from school shiz to shout sing "WAP" at the top of my lungs followed by "Back in Black". My neighbors love me. LOL

Supportiveness: I got my heated blanket on high over here! Boom! No more cold toes!

What brings me joy: Cuddling my dog, Kid. Playing Call of Duty (don't @ me). Cooking those tacos later.

speedynurse, ADN, BSN, RN, EMT-P · Feb 14, 2021

A few more things......if you hate nursing, then that’s OK. Trust me - plenty of people go into fields that they realize is not for them and they choose to bug out.

I “fell” into nursing.....had every intention of going to medical school then didn’t want to pay the loans and then went into paramedic school and then went into nursing.

I do encourage you to really try to find out WHY you hate nursing. Is it the type of nursing, the unit, an unsupportive environment? Do you not like the speciality? Do you not have enough stress relief at home?

For me, I have finally found some things that have helped me actually enjoy my job.....I changed specialties, don’t do overtime, work relatively normal people hours (days), don’t stress out or worry about work on my days off (no checking work emails allowed on days off!), and do some pandemic safe hobbies (cooking, watching Netflix, vacation planning, occasionally visiting with friends or family, attempting to train my puppy, etc.)

Again....a year ago, I hated my job. I was so done with the ER from working overtime, crazy hours, leadership changes, and seeing the worst of humanity on a daily basis (maybe some of this is my perception but some of it was the characters that the ER attracts).....I am in a job now that honestly is pretty BORING, but if boring means my job is relatively stress free most of the time.....I will take it. And I also have a lot more patience and even enjoy my job many days.

1. Figure out if you truly hate nursing or if there are other issues that are making you just hate the job.

2. You said you like working with kids. Would you want a less stressful job like outpatient?

3. Do you have things going on outside of work to where you are blaming it on your job?

4. It’s OK to not like nursing. Think about what fields you would enjoy and stay in nursing long enough to pay for education to go to that stepping stone.

pinkdoves, BSN · Feb 14, 2021

hello guys thank you for commenting...I think I'm going to change to outpatient in June. I think having a schedule would benefit me at this time in life. I think a large stressor for me at work is in the influx of psych patients we are getting. Psych is not my specialty at all and I get very scared about being hit and yelled at. I am also a relatively tiny person so having me as a nurse to these aggressive people is very intimidating. There was someone at my work that literally had a bunch of her hair pulled out by a patient...another was bit. I never wanted to be a part of this. I want to be respected for once in my life. and I get that they need help, but still the idea of trying my best just to be abused is why I feel like nothing even matters at this point. god bless actual psych nurses because that is definitely not my forte. and patients always sniff out weakness (me)

JBMmom, MSN, NP · Feb 14, 2021

18 hours ago, pinkdoves said:

I am in great despair...I feel like life has lost it's meaning at this point.

This is much bigger than a job or career at this point, you really need to find some support in your life to get you back to a better place. I'm glad to read your update that you're planning to move to an outpatient position in June, but that's still a while away. Please try to find the support you need, especially between now and then, in order to do what you can to find some of your joy. My concern is that you may switch jobs and some of what you're feeling may follow and then it could become even harder. Don't wait until June expecting something magical with a new job, find support that you need now and then go into your next job as a much healthier person. Good luck!

CheesePotato, BSN, RN · Feb 14, 2021

1 hour ago, JBMmom said:

This is much bigger than a job or career at this point, you really need to find some support in your life to get you back to a better place. I'm glad to read your update that you're planning to move to an outpatient position in June, but that's still a while away. Please try to find the support you need, especially between now and then, in order to do what you can to find some of your joy. My concern is that you may switch jobs and some of what you're feeling may follow and then it could become even harder. Don't wait until June expecting something magical with a new job, find support that you need now and then go into your next job as a much healthier person. Good luck!

^^^ THIS.