The dumbest thing you've ever heard...

[AngelfireRN]

Got to thinking about this one today, and was reminded of it when I read another thread on here...what's teh dumbest thing you've ever heard in nursing, as an explanation for a malady?

For example, the one that sticks out for me is one that I heard as a new nurse, many moons ago. I was doing an assessment on a patient, and a family member of said patient had her sone with her, who was profoundly mentally and physically handicapped. Of course, I would have never presumed to ask the nature of his complaint, but she was only too happy to volunteer it.

"When he was born, the nurse in the room had long fingernails and she scratched his head. That's why he's like this. It's all her fault. We tried to sue her, but the judge threw out the case."

I was stunned, to say the least, and didn't challenge it as hogwash outright, but I did ask,

"Did she puncture his scalp with her nails?"

"No, she just scratched him on the head. It didn't show, but she did it."

You can bet money I was VERY thorough with that assessment. Heaven forbid the lady get staph or some other dread condition because my hair or eyelashes were too long.

Anyone else ever heard a completely absurd reasoning for someone's ailments?

[generalRN2008]

Oh, such a good thread! Thanks for the bump!

So first, confession time. When I got my first period I asked my mom how I was supposed to pee with a tampon in. She was horrified, as she was very open with us and I did (hand to god) know about the difference between a lady parts and a urethra, and even the correct names. I guess the *trauma* of it all got me flustered. I felt dumb as soon as it came out of my mouth, so I can see how people who should, and maybe do know better can slip up.

Ok, now for the dumb.

Middle aged patient, G lots, P lots-1, 9ish weeks:

"I vomit at least once every morning, and when I do amniotic fluid comes out"

Triage nurse:

"You mean in the vomit?"

Patient: (answering like she is speaking to a first grader)

"Nooooooooo, from DOWN THERE"

Triage nurse:

"Why do you think it's amniotic fluid"

Patient:

"Well you tell me. What else could it POSSIBLY be???"

Me:

"Is it maybe urine?"

Patient: "NO!!"

It was urine.

My husband is completely convinced that he cannot father boys. "No one I have ever known who worked "specific field job" has ever had a boy, we all nuked our balls, and now we can only make girls." The man has an advanced degree.

My hubby says the same thing.

[TheGooch]

By the way, does anybody ever just acknowledge the truth about how these various items became lodged in their rectums?

Just curious...

Yeah, seriously. Why not tell the truth-either way you still look pretty stupid.

[Sam J.]

A patient who had been harmed by a preventable trauma years earlier (due to parental negligence) , with resulting brain damage. Patient was rushed to our hospital and their life was saved. We get this patient every so often. The parents claim that the reason the child is brain damaged is because of all the toxic drugs that were given to them in PICU. And their naturopathic doctor says those meds are now trapped in the patient's brain but seeping out slowly and will eventually come all the way out, at which time the patient will recover. But they bring their child to this same hospital for treatment (antibiotics usually, for PNA), and because we continue to poison the child, there are now more toxins being put in their brain by the antibiotics. Talk about poor coping and serious denial.

If they had real faith in that NP, they would never go to a hospital. They'd go to that NP for a colon cleanse, an IV of hydrogen peroxide, and maybe some accupuncture, things that NPs claim can cure anything from (A)IDS to (z)oster (as in Herpes).

[Rose_Queen, BSN, MSN, RN]

By the way, does anybody ever just acknowledge the truth about how these various items became lodged in their rectums?

Just curious...

Yep, although rarely. Had one a few years ago involving a bicycle tire pump. Kid flat out admitted he did it intentionally to see what it would feel like.

[TheGooch]

If they had real faith in that NP, they would never go to a hospital. They'd go to that NP for a colon cleanse, an IV of hydrogen peroxide, and maybe some accupuncture, things that NPs claim can cure anything from (A)IDS to (z)oster (as in Herpes).

I went to one of those a few years back and wound up leaving with almost $200 of useless crap. When I wound up in the ER later that night after taking the Kava Kava she said would help my anxiety and was now flying high and unable to come down the ER doctor told me I didn't need all that crap-especially the expensive vitamins she sold me. Some ativan brought me down and I threw all that crap out the same night when got home.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

And then there's my son.......

He was a very fat baby (10+ pounds at birth - yes it hurt) with one of those 'inny' dimple type memberes caused by fat. Since he is our only son of the four kids, I 'let' Dad potty train him.

One day I asked my husband is our son was developing normally, now that he had thinned out and shot up in height. Hubs says he doesn't know because Son is very private and goes in the stall when they use a public restroom.

Son was coming down the stairs wrapped only in a towel one day when he was around 11 or 12. I catch a brief glimpse of pubic hair. Gasp! So I gathered my courage and later in the day asked son "When you pee, do you hold your member like Dad does or sit down?"

Son looks at me like I have two heads and says "You've seen Dad's member?"

That one should have had a beverage alert -- I just sucked hot chocolate -- nevermind. You don't want to know.

My first father-in-law was a very proper, very religious gentleman. I don't remember exactly how the topic came up . . . I was a brand new RN at my very first job, and someone must have asked about my duties or something. I remember telling my in-laws that I passed medication, cleaned up after incontinent patients, gave bed baths to those who needed the help, placed NG tubes and Foleys . . . .

My father-in-law was sitting at the table looking like a statue -- all pale and still and all. "Surely," he said, "You haven't seen another man's member."

"Well, um, yeah," I allowed. "It's part of the job."

A long pause, and then he said in abject horror "You don't LOOK do you?"

[dudette10, MSN, RN]

In nursing school, last clinical rotation on a tele floor. We were required to chart electronically on patients. I look over at my classmates charting, and he had charted the rhythm as asystole. I said to him, "You might want to change the rhythm." He looked at it, then looked at me and said, "What does asystole mean?" "I said, "Flat line, and just leave it blank if you don't know, ok?"

[Cindy_A]

I don't have anything to add, but it's such a great thread, I'm hoping someone else does!

[Anna S, RN]

for Obama

No, for Palin.

[Anna S, RN]

how do you know that "a good portion of your peers" are voting for Obama??

Unnecessary and uncalled for, indeed.

He won. Twice. So obviously, they did.

[RNIBCLC]

Yep! A lot of Mexican-Americans use folk medicine to explain and sometimes cure ailments. It's really interesting. My husband had to do a project in nursing school about a cultural group, and his group was Mexican-Americans. I read all the articles. (:

That reminds me of the women presenting to ob/gyn clinic in Laredo Texas because "she needed her leaves trimmed. Upon examination, sure enough she had leaves growing out of her lady parts. A lay midwife had used a sliced yam as a pessory. BTW, the odor was awful as you can imagine. She was treated with massive antibiotics after the yam and subsequent root was removed.

[ICURN3020]

Not exactly an explanation for a malady, but.........

Once heard a med student in his surgical rotation, to the patient who had just asked him a question (unrelated to her procedure) and being wheeled off to the OR:

"We'll talk about it if you come back."

Note the "if", not "when". Way to put a patient at ease!

He was foreign and the word mix-up was truly unintended, but we still heckled him for a while after that. :)

By the way OP, this has got to be one of the best threads out there!!! Great topic and great stories! I guess what they say is true.......education is the key!