The Case Against Breastfeeding

BabyLady, BSN, RN · Mar 18, 2009

The writer questioned some of the research that has been put forth as gospel for decades--both the methodology and some of the "conclusions."
Breastfeeding--when it works the way it's supposed to--is the ideal on many levels. Breastfeeding--when it causes unresolvable pain (that mom can't tolerate), produces insufficient weight gain, generates stress in both mom and babe, and creates dread, depression and other negative reactions--is one step forward and two steps back.
Bottlefeeding may be looked upon as the lesser choice, but sometimes less is more.
DH and I have developed a philosophy that has stood us well over the years, especially when we made choices that others found odd (or would find them so if they knew about them). We do what works for us. If someone else doesn't approve, they can do what works for them. But we are the only ones looking out our eyeballs, so we are the ones who get to evaluate and decide the route we think will give us the results we are after.

....and I also totally agree with this.

Not all mothers can breast feed. Sometimes the baby just doesn't feed well, milk supplies can dry up, sometimes babies don't eat enough and don't gain weight, and I don't think that Mom should put herself through torture if her breasts are in massive amounts of pain every time she breast feeds.

Elvish, BSN, DNP, RN, NP · Mar 18, 2009

Not all mothers can breast feed. Sometimes the baby just doesn't feed well, milk supplies can dry up, sometimes babies don't eat enough and don't gain weight, and I don't think that Mom should put herself through torture if her breasts are in massive amounts of pain every time she breast feeds.

I think most, if not all, would agree with this statement. A few generations back, those babies would likely have been nursed by another member of the community (my stepfather had a wet nurse)....it's just that now, that's somehow defined as gross or bizarre, and we formula-feed instead. I don't think formula is poison at all. But I also don't see an issue with close friends or relatives nursing each others' babies.

allnurses Guide · Mar 18, 2009

I think most, if not all, would agree with this statement. A few generations back, those babies would likely have been nursed by another member of the community (my stepfather had a wet nurse)....it's just that now, that's somehow defined as gross or bizarre, and we formula-feed instead. I don't think formula is poison at all. But I also don't see an issue with close friends or relatives nursing each others' babies.

I did it . . . . :coollook: Just once though.

And on other breastfeeding threads I've mentioned friends who had babies at the same time and both nursed their babies. One of them needed surgery and had to be in the hospital for a day or two and the other one nursed her baby for her.

Oh - that will start a new thing to argue about Elvish. :coollook:

steph

k-t-did · Mar 18, 2009

I am only on page 4 of replies, and I can't read this thread any longer.

Healthcare professionals who

*consider breastfeeding in the same catagory as elimination

*are so shallow to prefer to keep breasts to themselves rather than offer them to their children, for whom they are intended.

*consider breastfeeding toddlers creepy

*think breastfeeding eliminates a woman's ability to work or othewise be a productive, independent member of society

*choose to stick their heads in the sand at the scientific facts that human milk is the superior choice for human babies.

Well, it just baffles me. And disappoints me. And confuses me.

I personally feel that most people who choose not to breastfeed, (I mean those who make the choice...too painful, too time consuming, husband wants their breasts to himself, grosses them out, too selfish, whatever...not women who sincerely try and give up because of biological/physiological reasons) have such a large chip on their shoulders about their decision that they feel the need to defend their "choice" in a most voracious fashion. Wonder why? If you feel so strongly that your choice is "right", then why get upset over breastfeeding advocates? Why do you care? How can someone make you feel guilty if you feel confident about your choice?

Elvish, BSN, DNP, RN, NP · Mar 18, 2009

I remember you saying that Steph.... :yeah:

I'm sure in other times/generations moms have suffered from not enough milk, or baby is just too hungry for her milk production, if only temporarily. My dear stepdad's mom was ill after he was born - so their servant (this was 1916) nursed him. It just seems that the solution accepted by the mainstream has changed.

PICNICRN, BSN, RN · Mar 18, 2009

I personally feel that most people who choose not to breastfeed, (I mean those who make the choice...too painful, too time consuming, husband wants their breasts to himself, grosses them out, too selfish, whatever...not women who sincerely try and give up because of biological/physiological reasons) have such a large chip on their shoulders about their decision that they feel the need to defend their "choice" in a most voracious fashion. Wonder why? If you feel so strongly that your choice is "right", then why get upset over breastfeeding advocates? Why do you care? How can someone make you feel guilty if you feel confident about your choice?

I DO NOT have a chip on my shoulder- thank you very much!! I simply shared my personal experience as a mother on this thread so that maybe someone else could possibly identify with me. And your post is a great example of what we who have chosen not to breast feed hear from our "breastfeeding advocates"--- that we must be too selfish, lazy, vain, or afraid of pain ect, ect.!!

Well, I feel that I am a breastfeeding advocate......... I will educated them on the advantages of breastmilk to our preemie/micro preemie population and the improtance of pumping. I will do everything I can to help my mothers breastfeed successfully! I will encourage them not to give up if it is what they really want to do! THAT is what an "Advocate" does!!

The word "advocate" does not in my opinion describe the person who judges a mother for their personal decision and who's purpose is to actually guilt a new mother out of a decision to not breastfeed! Sadly, there are some lactation consultants that do this.

Let me say that I in no way feel guilty for any decision I have made for my children and I am confident about my choice as I mentioned in my post. So you just go on calling people- whom you know nothing about- like me too selfish, too lazy, whatever... becuase you're right! I don't care!

Jolie, BSN · Mar 18, 2009

Has anyone ever said, point blank, "If you don't breastfeed, you're a bad mom" ???

Quote from k-t-did above:

"I personally feel that most people who choose not to breastfeed, (I mean those who make the choice...too painful, too time consuming, husband wants their breasts to himself, grosses them out, too selfish, whatever...have such a large chip on their shoulders about their decision that they feel the need to defend their "choice" in a most voracious fashion...."

I'd say this pretty much answers 2 curlygirl's question.

k-t-did · Mar 18, 2009

I didn't say it made you a bad mom. Not at all. I said some people find it too painful, time consuming, etc....and aren't willing to make the sacrafice. And yes, many of them do have a chip on their shoulder.

It is a huge sacrafice of time, energy and personal space. Some mothers are not willing to make that sacrafice, and others are not able. I know some wonderful mothers who didn't choose to breastfeed. I don't think they made a good decision, personally, but that does not make them bad mothers in my eyes. Not by a long shot. Please don't twist my words to say otherwise.

k-t-did · Mar 18, 2009

And the women who say, "Lord, no. I carried that baby inside me for 9 months, they made me FAT, my feet killed me, my face broke out...I'll be damned if I let it suck on my boobs after all that..."

they are selfish. period. How can you say they aren't?

Jolie, BSN · Mar 18, 2009

And the women who say, "Lord, no. I carried that baby inside me for 9 months, they made me FAT, my feet killed me, my face broke out...I'll be damned if I let it suck on my boobs after all that..."
they are selfish. period. How can you say they aren't?

So they're selfish, but not bad mothers? Can a selfish woman be a good mother?

k-t-did · Mar 18, 2009

Those women that I described in the 2nd post? Depends if they grow up or not, I guess. Can you be that childish and selfish about your body and be mature and giving in other areas of parenting...sure. Can a mother who refuses to even try to breastfeed for very selfish reasons be loving, caring, and nurturing to their child? Of course. So yes, they can be selfish and still be a good mother.

I fail at a lot of things I *should* do to be the very best parent I can be. I know better than to lose my temper and yell at my kids. I know that I would be a better mom if I never did that. But I do. I know my kids should not watch 3 episodes of sesame street back to back on a saturday morning, and it is selfish of me to need or want that time to myself to clean house, sew, study, read, whatever...but I do that more often than I would like to admit. I would be a better mom if I played games, read books, or took them on a walk during that time, but I still do it. I am still a good mother.

Just like a woman may stop breastfeeding/pumping because she just selfishly needs the sleep, the time, the convinience of not having her body be the sole source of nutrition for her child. That does not make her a bad mother. Even if she knows she would be doing "better" by her child to suck it up and continue on.

It's a balancing act. We make choices...some of which are selfish. My selfish choices may be different from someone elses. what I am willing to "ease up on myself" over might be different from yours, but who is the better mom? The one who nurses their kid through preschool and never fed a drop of formula, but yells on occasion and uses sesame street as baby crack? Or the one who gave up breastfeeding early, but has the patience of mother theresa and does playdates on saturday morning? Who is to judge? I say it's six of one, half dozen of the other.

That does not change the fact that some people do not breastfeed for purely selfish reasons, and I personally think that's a bad choice.

rn/writer, RN · Mar 18, 2009

I personally feel that most people who choose not to breastfeed, (I mean those who make the choice...too painful, too time consuming, husband wants their breasts to himself, grosses them out, too selfish, whatever...not women who sincerely try and give up because of biological/physiological reasons) have such a large chip on their shoulders about their decision that they feel the need to defend their "choice" in a most voracious fashion. Wonder why? If you feel so strongly that your choice is "right", then why get upset over breastfeeding advocates? Why do you care? How can someone make you feel guilty if you feel confident about your choice?

Interesting that you group things like too painful and too selfish together.

Why would a woman have a chip on her shoulder and feel the need to defend her "choice?" Maybe because she knows there are plenty of people who will all-too-easily judge her and find her inadequate and put the word choice in quotes. Maybe because she's reached the end of her rope and can't find a way to make it work and she's grieving what might have been. Maybe because she is already flinching at the thought of those--mostly other women--who think they have a vote on whether her efforts were sincere enough and her motives pure enough or whether she was just selfish and didn't care enough to make the sacrifice.

Many women are confident and even a little brash about their decision so that no one will be tempted to ask them to doubt themselves. But there are many others who are torn and make the decision to bottle-feed (or supplement heavily) with hesitation and great reluctance. I don't blame them for feeling defensive around folks who are less than supportive.

Don't know if you read the article that sparked this discussion, but it explains some of this emotional wrangling.