Terrible Lost

Published

My mother died this past Friday July the 20th. I have been feeling empty. My mother was my biggest support. She wanted the best for all 12 of her children. I know she would of been proud of me in what ever I decide to do. I could of been a circus clown and she still would of been proud. I WILL MISS HER SO MUCH!!!!

What sucks is that I have been in school for many years and never really got myself together. I have eight children and have raised three of them. I have been trying to get that Nursing degree for sometime now. I really haven't been able to go full time because of the amount of children I have. I'm also a single person. I don't want any one to feel sorry for me, because I have made the decisions myself. I'm going to go into an lvn program this August because I really need to work. I take the entrance exam tommrow and the program will begin August. This will be my ticket out of this dump that I'm living in. My mother funeral is on Friday and couldn't even afford to get her flowers or anything. This really sucks. I can't even get my kids that clothes they need to go the funeral. I really feel bad. Well thanks to whoever reads this I need to vent and I feel terrible and ashame of myself.

Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.

Do not worry about clothes...your mother knew of your struggles and there is nothing to prove to anyone. Also, the fact that you are looking to make a change for something different now means alot. I know it will be hard to go to this funeral on Friday...I remember when my mother died...very very painful. But, think of her when you are starting as a student, and consider your mom for each skill that you learn. You will have to use critical thinking and consider safety first at all times, and this will be easier for you to deal with when you imagine yourself taking care of someone else's mother. I am sorry for your loss, and I wish you the very best. The pain over losing your mother does get a bit better...doesn't go away, but it does lessen. Mine died 8 years ago, now. I can think of fond times. You will be able to as well.

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I know exactly what you are going through. I lost my mom a little over a year and a half ago and I can tell you with all certainty, that pain will never go away. Most of all what I want you to know is that God loves you and he would never put more on you than you can bear. You may not see it now but there is a blessing in the midst of your struggle. I wish you the best of luck in school. "Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will...." 1 Thessalonians 16-18

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Specializes in ED, ICU, PACU.

I am profoundly sorry about the loss of your mother. My mother died suddenly during my first month of nursing school; and, I had to drop out to take care of things. I used the grief and sense of loss to succeed for her sake, especially when nursing school became unbearable. As I practice nursing, I channel that grief to provide the best care I can to someone elses parent. You can't bring your mother back; but, her memory and spirit can continue on through you. You will see that she is already a part of who you are; and, is now watching over you, protecting you, inspiring you, comforting you and most of all praying for you. The grief never really goes away, it just becomes different.

No, we never really can emotionally prepare for a parents' death because we always see them through childrens' eyes. I now think back at seeing my mother a few months before she died as pale and frail (have a picture of my sister's wedding to prove it); but, I did not see her that way while we were together. My father had wasted away to nothing and I only saw the younger man in him. Reason had inspired me to make his funeral arrangements when he checked into a hospice. My emotions only saw the life in him rather than the dying process. What I am trying to say is that you should not beat yourself up at allowing yourself to grieve. Do what you have to do to comfort yourself and your children. Nothing you could have done or not done would change things. Celebrate her life by being the very best you can be. My prayers and thoughts are with you through this most difficult time.

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I have lost my mother so I do know what you are going through. My mom died in 1990 and I still think of her everyday. I pray that her spirit is with me at all times, which I believe it is. Please try to get rid of the shame you feel. Remember,we can only do the best we know at the time. Now you know better, you'll do better. Good luck in school. I am an LPN and have been for almost 30 years. I understand that some want to go on and become RNs but for me, being and LPN is extremely rewarding and I can't think of any reason to become an RN. God bless you and your family. Keep looking to the heavens and not to the dirt. You are a good person who has made some bad choices. Your choices are not who you are. Be proud of yourself and your goals. God will hold you in his arms and help you get through, just trust him!!

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My prayers go out to you.

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Sorry to hear about your loss, your Mom will be so proud to see you go back to school. The pain of loosing your Mom will lessened as time goes on.

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This post struck a nerve with me this evening. You see, I just lost my mother this past November during my last part time year of LPN degree program. I, too, have been chipping away part time and helped my mother through her illness...and, yes, held her hand through her last breath and for several minutes after. I have 4 children and a husband who is going through some health issues along with him going to school as well. We have been struggling so much and with her loss, I found it very difficult to function, though it was near the end of the semester and I had to put my chin up and make it through that and the holidays. The point I'm trying to make is, you are not alone. Although it feels as though no one could possibly understand your particular situation, a lot of us feel much of your pain. I promise to share that with you whenever you need a shoulder, as I know too well the emptiness of calling a number that is no longer in service.

Take care and when you can, look to your mom for guidance when the times get rough. I'm just starting to do this.

God bless,

Nikki

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I am soo sorry to hear this. Breaks my heart. Wishing you and your family well :)

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Specializes in Medical/Legal.

I lost my mother 7 years ago and next month marks the 10th anniversary of my father's death. I started taking pre-requisite classes for the ADN program right after high school, but never finished until now that I'm in my 40's. I made a promise to my parents before they died that someday, I would go back to school and get my RN degree. I've completed the LVN program and I will be taking my NCLEX on 8/15 and hopefully, I will pass. Thereafter, I plan on applying for the 3rd semester of the RN program.

So when I feel tired from studying or have obstacles in my way, I call on my parents to help me and believe it or not, I feel energized and I again see a clear path to my nursing degree.

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Specializes in ob/gyn med /surg.

i am very sorry for the loss of your mom. she is watching over you and you will become a LPN. things will get better. you are in my prayers

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Specializes in Brain injury,vent,peds ,geriatrics,home.

Iam so sorry for your loss.Hang in there Im sure youll have a lot of prayers said for you.God bless.

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