Terrible Lost

My mother died this past Friday July the 20th. I have been feeling empty. My mother was my biggest support. She wanted the best for all 12 of her children. I know she would of been proud of me in what ever I decide to do. I could of been a circus clown and she still would of been proud. I WILL MISS HER SO MUCH!!!!

What sucks is that I have been in school for many years and never really got myself together. I have eight children and have raised three of them. I have been trying to get that Nursing degree for sometime now. I really haven't been able to go full time because of the amount of children I have. I'm also a single person. I don't want any one to feel sorry for me, because I have made the decisions myself. I'm going to go into an lvn program this August because I really need to work. I take the entrance exam tommrow and the program will begin August. This will be my ticket out of this dump that I'm living in. My mother funeral is on Friday and couldn't even afford to get her flowers or anything. This really sucks. I can't even get my kids that clothes they need to go the funeral. I really feel bad. Well thanks to whoever reads this I need to vent and I feel terrible and ashame of myself. I can't believe this is happening to me. I know all of us have to die, but I wish I would of prepared better.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I understand your worry about proper clothes for a funeral, but really what matters is the memories your other shared with her grandchildren.

It seems you are getting your life in order - and I am sure your mother would be very proud of you. Good luck in school.

CarVeronica, I am so sorry for you loss - I have never lost a parent before, but I am sure it must be very difficult!!!

Can you take some time off to work on things??

I will be praying for you!!!

Thank you so much for your reply. YOU ARE RIGHT!!! I need to stop all of this. I really need to all the memories that we shared. Thank you so much for your reply

I am so sorry you lost your mother

CarVeronica, I am so sorry for you loss - I have never lost a parent before, but I am sure it must be very difficult!!!

Can you take some time off to work on things??

I will be praying for you!!!

Thank you!!! I will be taking a lot of time off from the University. I will be working on my LVN, so that I can start working as a LVN. I really need to get the RN. I really love people. I help my mother with her illness and watched her take her last breath. It was hard!!!!

I am so sorry you lost your mother

Thank you!! It has been very diffcult.

Yeah - I bet this all has been hard!!! It is good though that you have some time that you can take off and get your head back on straight again!!

Good luck!

I am very sorry for your loss. I personally have never lost a parent and cannot pretend to know what you are feeling. I did however lose my sister and it was beyond words. I just graduated from LPN school a few months ago and during my program I lost my grandfather who I was very close to. I say that because he was my inspiration everyday to get through everything. When days were tough I thought of him and it helped to get through it. Nursing school is tough and mentally exhausting at times but well worth the end result. I know that he was proud of me. And I know he is in heaven smiling down. Your mom sounds like she was wonderful and you are lucky to have had such a supportive mom. She will be with you on your journey to become an LVN. Let your mom live on in your memories. You will grow stronger from this experience and become a wonderful nurse and help other people. Life is hard and we are faced with things that sometimes don't seem fair. Death of a loved one is a hard thing for anyone to go through. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Your mom will forever live on in the memories you keep of her. Good luck to you in your schooling. Don't give up on your dreams. May your mother be inspiration to you as my grandfather was to me. May God bless you and your family.

carveronica :icon_hug: hugs to you. i am so very sorry for the loss of your mother. you will be in my prayers.

Do not worry about clothes...your mother knew of your struggles and there is nothing to prove to anyone. Also, the fact that you are looking to make a change for something different now means alot. I know it will be hard to go to this funeral on Friday...I remember when my mother died...very very painful. But, think of her when you are starting as a student, and consider your mom for each skill that you learn. You will have to use critical thinking and consider safety first at all times, and this will be easier for you to deal with when you imagine yourself taking care of someone else's mother. I am sorry for your loss, and I wish you the very best. The pain over losing your mother does get a bit better...doesn't go away, but it does lessen. Mine died 8 years ago, now. I can think of fond times. You will be able to as well.