Suicide and its effects, it sucks!!!

[Cattitude]

pardon me while i lament on the week's event's..

[color=#483d8b]sigh, my sweet neighbor's fiancee' took his life last weekend. she is absolutely devastated of course.

[color=#483d8b]these two had been havimg some difficulties lately, up until a month ago they were living together.

[color=#483d8b]constant arguing, day and night. i'm ashamed to say that i often cringed when it started and gave an exasperated sigh to my own honey. she confided in me that she was going to ask him to leave and she did, approx 3-4 weeks ago.

[color=#483d8b]they maintained contact, working on the relationship, and getting along ok. last weekend he was over and she said they had a good time. he went home and killed himself. why? we'll never know.

[color=#483d8b]she said he seemed ok and not unusually depressed. he knew there was hope for them. i hate suicide. it is selfish. it is too damn final.

[color=#483d8b]it is not fair.

[color=#483d8b]this is the third male i know personally to have taken his own life. it makes you peer deeply at your own mortality yet see your own problems as very small.

[color=#483d8b]i spoke with her at length and hope i said a few right things, if there is anything right to even say...she will never be the same. i hope she can find some kind of peace or closure or something.

[color=#483d8b]thanks, if you even read this far...

[Cattitude]

Unless you have been to that point yourself you have no idea. Those that commit suicide are not selfish in my opinion and I have a hard time with the people I knew and cared about that killed themselves being labeled as such.

You try sticking around for 5, 10, 20 years in soul crushing emotional pain with physical symptoms to boot.

You have no CLUE what point I've been to in my life thank you!!! I, like you am entitled to my opinion. I don't label people, I don't judge.

[lisamaree]

I am so sorry for your neighbours loss. Last year an old workmate and friend of mine commited suicide. He was 21, the same age as me.

I cannot begin to descibe how sad the funeral was, and how sad and surreal it was to finally say goodbye to someone who had their whole life ahead of them.

I think I have more empathy and understanding for people who have lost a loved one to suicide now - the neverending "why?". I think by the time a person starts considering it as a final option - they are not being selfish, it's their only focus. I can't begin to understand what that must be like.

Rest in peace, Jason ( 1984-2006 )

[West_Coast_Ken, BSN, RN]

Let me discuss a bit as to why I used the term selfish... He KNEW his family would find him. I find that to be selfish, meaning concerned only with one's self... It just means that he was only concerned with his pain and not that of his families.

Because when someone commits suicide, their pain is over. But the pain of the families and friends never ends. That is why it is a selfish act... Yes they are in pain and only see that way out and that is sad.

Hi Cattitude, no flame here but another perspective.

If someone is in so much pain, sick, hurting, depressed, etc, that they want to KILL themself, is it possible they can not think of the pain of others, too? This is why the use of the word "selfish" is upsetting to me. These people are so sad they can't save themselves, let alone feel for others.

Sometimes people who commit suicide feel their family and friends would be better off if they were gone. That is twisted and wrong, but hardly seems "selfish" to me in the least.

Finally, when one is taken to this horrible, final act, it seems perfectly understandable to do it at home which is where we do most of what we do in life: in those surroundings that are most comfortable to us.

[LisaRRT]

Thanks Ken, you worded it in a way my emotional self is not able to.

I agree about the public displays and such. My son's friend even tried to protect his family (as much as he could) by calling the cops right before he did it (that way they found him instead of his mom or sister) and by (avoiding the mess in the house) going out back instead of staying inside. He even mentioned those things in his note. I still don't think this child was selfish, he was in such pain. I don't think my cousin was selfish either. She suffered for over 30 years and held out until her children were grown and had families of their own.

[zumalong]

Again, I say--suicide (most) is cancer of the soul. When these people reach the depths of their despair--they are feeling pain--just not physical. Why do we think it is ok to find peace with someone who has suffered terrible pain from fighting cancer, but it is "selfish" when someone who has suffered mental and emotional pain finally finds relief?

I am NOT saying that committing suicide is right---by no means--but I am trying to educate others who can't look past what they don't understand because they have never been there. We need to be there for the people who are left behind--but we also as health care workers need to be there for these tortured souls before they end up on page 3 of the obits.

[annmariern]

“suicide is not chosen; it happens

when pain exceeds

resources for coping with pain.”

[sockmonkey70]

Suicide..I will give you a point of view from someone who went through a suicidal point in life. Poorly attempted once with pain medication, and just went to sleep for a very long time (ironically no one even noticed)..Also I used to be a cutter. Never had the courage to go through with it and I am so glad I didn't.

I was abused as a child/teenager. 6 years total. I hated myself. I hated what was happening to me and my helplessness in the situation. I often wondered what I had done so wrong to deserve this. I was under the spell of a manipulative person who made me believe if I told anyone the consequences would be dire for my family (aka mom and grandma). The amount of self loathing for allowing myself to be victimized was immense. (hence the self destructive tendancies towards cutting myself) I just wanted to escape..I felt somedays as though I never wanted to wake up and reenter that cycle of abuse because at the time I forsaw no end to it. Years passed so slowly then, and I still regret the loss of so much happiness in the prime of my youth. I thought suicide could end my suffering..but I never did it. I didn't want to hurt my family and friends. I would imagine my own funeral.What would people say? I didn't want my grandma to cry.. I didn't want to hurt everyone I loved..I would rather hurt myself (or allow myself to be hurt) than hurt someone I love. I DO feel like suicide can be a selfish act. It would have been in my case.

I got out of the situation, I got help (therapy and a brief stint on meds) and now I am good as new with a very positive outlook on life. I love life. Yes I remember all the pain I felt then, but it is over now. My life is changed and even though there was a rough patch..I got through it.

It's those hardships that make us stronger people. I feel like if I had killed myself it would have been so pointless and hurtful to everyone I know and love. I learned alot about life and myself. I think I am a better more compassionate person today because of what happened to me. What use would I be to anyone 6 ft. under in a cold dark box? Now I have the chance to help people and make their lives better..That's all I have ever wanted :)

But I would never look down on someone who did commit suicide, because I have been there and the pain is immense. And maybe for some there is no end to the pain. But fortunately for me there was.

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

I agree that a person who commits suicide is most likely incapable of feeling anything except great pain.

However, the truth is that for survivors, it is NORMAL to feel anger towards the person who kills themselves. In counseling, we are allowed the latitude to vent all those feelings of hurt and anger towards the person who killed themselves.

Please don't discount the pain of the ones left behind - it is ok to be angry. To feel that their loved one was being selfish.

Hopefully this terrible time can be worked through - but a person may be haunted for the rest of their lives by this episode. I wish we could have some empathy for all sides.

To be called at school and informed that your 16 year old beautiful, smart, funny daughter has shot herself in the head is agonizing too - and to be really mad at that daughter, for a time, is ok.

Just as in any death, we go through stages . . one of the stages of suicide for the ones left behind is anger. Let them feel it.

steph

[Cattitude]

Hi Cattitude, no flame here but another perspective.

If someone is in so much pain, sick, hurting, depressed, etc, that they want to KILL themself, is it possible they can not think of the pain of others, too? This is why the use of the word "selfish" is upsetting to me. These people are so sad they can't save themselves, let alone feel for others.

Sometimes people who commit suicide feel their family and friends would be better off if they were gone. That is twisted and wrong, but hardly seems "selfish" to me in the least.

Finally, when one is taken to this horrible, final act, it seems perfectly understandable to do it at home which is where we do most of what we do in life: in those surroundings that are most comfortable to us.

Selfish--concerned with one's self. So you are right , they would NOT be thinking of their families pain. I think I said that. Selfish seems to have a negative connotation , AGAIN I am NOT putting down ANYONE who has committed suicide. I don't know how to make myself any clearer??? I am just right now concerned with the one's left behind because they are hurting NOW. Is that so terrible?

Yes I do agree that in some cases they may feel their families would be better if they were gone, that is sad as well.

I didn't start this thread to upset anyone . Matter of fact, I wish my neighbor hadn't killed himself and this sweet young girl wasn't dealing with this pain.

[justme1972]

Hi Cattitude, no flame here but another perspective.

If someone is in so much pain, sick, hurting, depressed, etc, that they want to KILL themself, is it possible they can not think of the pain of others, too? This is why the use of the word "selfish" is upsetting to me. These people are so sad they can't save themselves, let alone feel for others.

Sometimes people who commit suicide feel their family and friends would be better off if they were gone. That is twisted and wrong, but hardly seems "selfish" to me in the least.

Finally, when one is taken to this horrible, final act, it seems perfectly understandable to do it at home which is where we do most of what we do in life: in those surroundings that are most comfortable to us.

Amen to that

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

Selfish--concerned with one's self. So you are right , they would NOT be thinking of their families pain. I think I said that. Selfish seems to have a negative connotation , AGAIN I am NOT putting down ANYONE who has committed suicide. I don't know how to make myself any clearer??? I am just right now concerned with the one's left behind because they are hurting NOW. Is that so terrible?

Yes I do agree that in some cases they may feel their families would be better if they were gone, that is sad as well.

I didn't start this thread to upset anyone . Matter of fact, I wish my neighbor hadn't killed himself and this sweet young girl wasn't dealing with this pain.

I don't have a problem with what you are saying.

Alot of things go through the minds of the folks left behind - it is a horrible time. I think cutting people slack when they get mad at their loved ones or think their loved ones were selfish is perfectly ok.

Another case here locally - a man called his wife at work asking her to come by his office for lunch and she found him hanging from the rafters in his basement office. She was traumatized - how could he specifically want her to see that? She, in my mind, is justified in thinking it was very selfish.

steph

[UM Review RN, ASN, RN]

A friend of mine has a 15 year old daughter. She says her daughter was pulled into the office at school and quizzed about her relationship with another girl, age 16.

Apparently the 16-year-old was found hanging in her bedroom but was rescusitated. She said she did it to get even with the clique of girls who would not be friends with her.