Stupid things that nurses say

Mine is bad. Realllly bad. Happened 10 years ago and I still cringe.

It's really bad. I cannot believe I am sharing it.

So I was working at an abortion clinic, doing recovery. I had been there about a month. Prior to that I had worked as a midwife at a free standing birth center. So that's the context here.

I am discharging a young woman, and her boyfriend pulls the car around to pick her up. I see her safely into the car, and as they begin to pull out, I cheerfully wave and call out "Congratulations!" Just like I did when I discharged my patients home from the birth center.

OH MY GOD. I cannot even. I definitely win the prize for worst comment EVER in the history of the universe. I seriously cannot believe I am posting this!

Mine is bad. Realllly bad. Happened 10 years ago and I still cringe.

It's really bad. I cannot believe I am sharing it.

So I was working at an abortion clinic, doing recovery. I had been there about a month. Prior to that I had worked as a midwife at a free standing birth center. So that's the context here.

I am discharging a young woman, and her boyfriend pulls the car around to pick her up. I see her safely into the car, and as they begin to pull out, I cheerfully wave and call out "Congratulations!" Just like I did when I discharged my patients home from the birth center.

OH MY GOD. I cannot even. I definitely win the prize for worst comment EVER in the history of the universe. I seriously cannot believe I am posting this!

OH MY GOD...I feel for ya on that one!

Please !!! Don´t call a clyster "Assology" !

I had two last week. Pt one is blind, wearing the dark glasses, using a cane, puts his hand on my shoulder to be escorted back to the room. Pt asks to use the restroom first, so I tell him it's directly in front of him, about 5 steps straight forward. Pt makes it into the restroom and I open my mouth to tell him the light switch is on the right. Um, pretty sure that won't make a difference!*

Pt two is HIV positive male. I ask, as I had been making casual conversation with all my pts, if he had been watching the Olympics. Pt replied some but not all, I asked if he had seen the women's 100-meter dash. I explained how the US runner was in the lead but the second place runner dove across the finish line to win. My exact quote: "She dove like Greg Louganis across that finish line!" Why, of all the athletes in the free world, did I mention the one HIV+ Olympian?!?!

*I know some visually impaired people can tell light vs. dark, but it still struck me as funny that I was going to tell the blind person to turn on the light so he could see.

I accidently thought a woman in with the pt. was he's wife. Then he states no she is my finance. Don't tell my wife when she calls. She gets so upset! "We have been engaged for 10 years!" Talk about awkward. I am still in awe of that one.

I accidently thought a woman in with the pt. was he's wife. Then he states no she is my finance. Don't tell my wife when she calls. She gets so upset! "We have been engaged for 10 years!" Talk about awkward. I am still in awe of that one.

I have stepped in that one a time or two. Now I try to remember and say, "And how are you related to/what is your relationship with..." Sometimes it's just the person who brought them (so they could get their narcs with a DD present.)

First post, but i like to open with a joke. I was the patient and the "nurse" was a doctor this time. I was involved in a MVA and ended up with a t-tube. (The closed verson of a open tracheostomy), due to complications, i was in the ER and thats where my story starts...

Im sitting in the bed when the doctors comes in.

Doctor:hi, are you ___?

Me: thats me.

Doctor: (turns his head and walks up slowly) whats that, in your throat?

Me:its a t-tube. It acts as a shunt for my airway.

Doctor: did you put that in yourself? Thats why you cant breathe. We need to get that out of there!

Me: no, it was surgically put there out of need.

Doctor: are you sure you didnt put that in? Ive never seen that before.

Me: (just stares at him as he walks out)

Im still sitting there, waiting for a little while.

Doctor: so, you didnt put that in, i called the doctor who did it and he said you need it, so i cant take it out.

Me: yeah, i told you.

The rest of the visit went by without a problem.

It was just funny that he wanted to make me worse, by taking out the one thing thats allowing me to stay alive. Thankfully, i am without t-tube presently and am looking for work!

First post, but i like to open with a joke. I was the patient and the "nurse" was a doctor this time. I was involved in a MVA and ended up with a t-tube. (The closed verson of a open tracheostomy), due to complications, i was in the ER and thats where my story starts...

Im sitting in the bed when the doctors comes in.

Doctor:hi, are you ___?

Me: thats me.

Doctor: (turns his head and walks up slowly) whats that, in your throat?

Me:its a t-tube. It acts as a shunt for my airway.

Doctor: did you put that in yourself? Thats why you cant breathe. We need to get that out of there!

Me: no, it was surgically put there out of need.

Doctor: are you sure you didnt put that in? Ive never seen that before.

Me: (just stares at him as he walks out)

Im still sitting there, waiting for a little while.

Doctor: so, you didnt put that in, i called the doctor who did it and he said you need it, so i cant take it out.

Me: yeah, i told you.

The rest of the visit went by without a problem.

It was just funny that he wanted to make me worse, by taking out the one thing thats allowing me to stay alive. Thankfully, i am without t-tube presently and am looking for work!

I've only had one client with a T-tube; it does look a little ... different. Still, the doc thought YOU had put it in !??

I've only had one client with a T-tube; it does look a little ... different. Still, the doc thought YOU had put it in !??

Sure did. Dont get me wrong, im creative, adventurous, and sometimes a little fearless, but body modification isnt on my list. And even if it was, why put it in? Id rather have 10 fingers on one hand than that thing.

Doctor: did you put that in yourself?

Me: Sure did.

The conversation could have gone like this:

I can identify with you, Shecallsmedaddy. I had a trach after an MVA back in 1976.

Mine looked like this:

I appreciate you sharing your story with us. I had never heard of a t tube as a trach and did a little research on them.

Yours probably looks something like this:

Thanks again, and good luck on your Job Search!

Walking by a room when I hear my frazzled coworker tell a patient " I don't have time for your chest pain!".

Walking by a room when I hear my frazzled coworker tell a patient " I don't have time for your chest pain!".

Yeah! I've heard that tune before!