Stupid Nurse Tricks (Or How To Look Incredibly Stupid)

Nurses General Nursing

Published

It's been awhile since we had a stupid nurse tricks thread, so here goes: How to look Incredibly Stupid Without Really Trying:

Call in to work because it's snowed and it's "not worth your life to drive to work on those roads." Be in a bar down the street from the hospital when your best friend at work uses the "Find My Friends" app on her iPhone to check on when her replacement will get there in to relieve her. (Will you lose your job?)

You've got horrible abdominal pain, but you suck it up and come to work anyway. Yay, you! You collapse in your patient's room and are whisked off to the ER by your manager and an RT. You insist that you're infertile and couldn't possibly be pregnant as you're delivered of a full term baby girl. (OK, this one was a CNS and nursing student.)

Call in sick to work because you want to go to your manager's wedding and you didn't win the "get the weekend off" lottery. Catch the bouquet. (And lose your job.)

You're having palpitations, and you're a little lightheaded and slightly diaphoretic. Strangers at the mall are concerned and offer to call an ambulance. You decline, telling them you're fine. Then you think that you probably should go to the ER, but since you know from AN that you won't get a sandwich to eat, you sit down at Bertucci's and order a plate of ravioli. Then you drive yourself to the ER, park at the bottom of a hill and walk uphill to the entrance. You're surprised when the triage nurse takes you straight back. (Yes, that was me. I was fine.)

Tell everyone at work that you're young, you want to have fun, and you're going to a friend's Halloween party after work. Go to the party dressed as a sexy nurse, and be in lots of pictures. Post those pictures on Facebook. Now call in sick to work the next day at 06:50 for your 07:00 shift. You've friended everyone you work with on FaceBook. (And NOT lose your job. What are the odds?)

Steal money from your colleagues' bags in the breakroom. Get caught by a colleague with a black belt in tae kwon do. Be photographed with a 5 foot tall girl flipping you and then sitting on you until Security arrives. (Have your manliness questioned by everyone who sees the pictures.)

Specializes in Cardio-Pulmonary; Med-Surg; Private Duty.
.........she grabs the plug to the pump and plugs it into the wall and walks out without a word. Dang dilly ole' thing was low on battery and needed charging. Great. Crown me the Victor! Hey, I got the pump to stop beeping. :-)

Oh, sweetie, I feel your pain!!! I'm laughing WITH you, not at you, I promise!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
I've had patients that beeped. Beeper in the pocket. (Pager -- anyone remember those?)

When those stupid things were new for non doctor people ....I remember being in the room of a traumatic arrest and hearing a buzzing noise. I LOOKED EVERYWHERE for that stupid noise! I thought what the heck???? They (yes pleural...guess what they did for a living) were in a heap of cut off clothes on the ground.

Must have bee a successful dealer or possibly a successful entrainment provider :/

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Psych, Case Management, Care Coordination.
As a CNA I was helping a co worker change a brief on a very obese patient. They had a BM. CNA on the other side of the bed decided to sweep the bed with his hand to rid the sheets of poop balls from patients BM.

Hour or so later my friend says "what's that on your forehead?" Look in the mirror and had a poop ball plastered to my forehead like a melted m&m. *sigh*

Coffee thru nose and onto phone screen. That burns! ?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Psych, Case Management, Care Coordination.
Go big or go home, apparently.

Or, in this case, the big house. ?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
This one made me laugh out loud because...well, I did something similar a few weeks ago. We rarely have pts in ICU that we remove their lines post-mortem (coroners cases and all that), and before that I worked in outpatients, I didn't realise lines still bled so much without a blood pressure! :facepalm:

Especially if they've been in ICU a long time, and they're way fluid overloaded and their coags are off. I didn't TELL the new grad to pull out the femoral line the other day, but I happened to be the one closest when she started yelling for help in the room of her recently deceased patient . . . just an itty bitty femoral art line, not a dialysis cath. But MAN did that thing BLEED!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Community Health/School Nursing.
Thankfully, I've never had a patient that beeped.

Apparently, you just plug them into the wall and they stop. Crazy ain't it? Although, I'm not saying what part of the body that plug comes from! Totally up to you. :-) lol

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Community Health/School Nursing.
end of a long, busy, stressful day in the OR....last case of the day and everyone is tired and grumpy. The room is very quiet with only the sound of some John Mayer and the beep beep of the heart monitor when this circulator sneezes and accidentally farts (loudly). Needless to say, it lightened the mood of the room and picked up the tempo of the surgery and we came up with a new word....a SNART.

Hahaha!!

Someone should have said, "Hey! Lets stick a quarter up your butt and get this party farted."

I'm so juvenile! I love my 5 year old self sometimes.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU.

Yeah, I don't trust dead people. They will definitely still bleed and poop and pee all over you if you give them half the chance. I had a coworker give me a funny look when I was holding pressure over a central line on a recently deceased patient once. He went to take out the radial art line on the same patient after making fun of me for holding pressure and got sprayed. I was the better person - I didn't say I told him so, but I'm pretty sure the smug look on my face said it all.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Paediatrics.

Go into work with horrific abdo pain, collapse in the middle of the ward and proceed to loudly vomit repeatedly. Get put in a wheelchair and taken to ed reception by a student nurse, in your uniform, and continue to vomit while your colleague is registering you, and in full view of everyone else checking in and waiting.

Oh, and then having to explain your coffee ground vomit is in fact, chocolate cereal you ate earlier to make yourself feel better.

This one was me.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
Yeah, I don't trust dead people. They will definitely still bleed and poop and pee all over you if you give them half the chance. I had a coworker give me a funny look when I was holding pressure over a central line on a recently deceased patient once. He went to take out the radial art line on the same patient after making fun of me for holding pressure and got sprayed. I was the better person - I didn't say I told him so, but I'm pretty sure the smug look on my face said it all.

"Don't trust dead people." That would be a great signature line!

Had a colleague whose approach to de-lining a dead person was to just cut all the lines. Don't clamp them or anything. Just cut them. When transport got there with the morgue cart, the mattress was saturated and there was a PUDDLE under the bed!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Paediatrics.

I also took a nappy off a parent once, opened it to see if the child had opened bowels normally, and a piece of poo rolled out of the nappy and onto the floor.., mum couldn't stop laughing.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med-Surg.
I also took a nappy off a parent once, opened it to see if the child had opened bowels normally, and a piece of poo rolled out of the nappy and onto the floor.., mum couldn't stop laughing.

Do you change parent's diapers in the UK too?! Geez, they really don't pay us well enough for all nurses do! ;)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment