Stupid Nurse Tricks (Or How To Look Incredibly Stupid)

[Ruby Vee]

It's been awhile since we had a stupid nurse tricks thread, so here goes: How to look Incredibly Stupid Without Really Trying:

Call in to work because it's snowed and it's "not worth your life to drive to work on those roads." Be in a bar down the street from the hospital when your best friend at work uses the "Find My Friends" app on her iPhone to check on when her replacement will get there in to relieve her. (Will you lose your job?)

You've got horrible abdominal pain, but you suck it up and come to work anyway. Yay, you! You collapse in your patient's room and are whisked off to the ER by your manager and an RT. You insist that you're infertile and couldn't possibly be pregnant as you're delivered of a full term baby girl. (OK, this one was a CNS and nursing student.)

Call in sick to work because you want to go to your manager's wedding and you didn't win the "get the weekend off" lottery. Catch the bouquet. (And lose your job.)

You're having palpitations, and you're a little lightheaded and slightly diaphoretic. Strangers at the mall are concerned and offer to call an ambulance. You decline, telling them you're fine. Then you think that you probably should go to the ER, but since you know from AN that you won't get a sandwich to eat, you sit down at Bertucci's and order a plate of ravioli. Then you drive yourself to the ER, park at the bottom of a hill and walk uphill to the entrance. You're surprised when the triage nurse takes you straight back. (Yes, that was me. I was fine.)

Tell everyone at work that you're young, you want to have fun, and you're going to a friend's Halloween party after work. Go to the party dressed as a sexy nurse, and be in lots of pictures. Post those pictures on Facebook. Now call in sick to work the next day at 06:50 for your 07:00 shift. You've friended everyone you work with on FaceBook. (And NOT lose your job. What are the odds?)

Steal money from your colleagues' bags in the breakroom. Get caught by a colleague with a black belt in tae kwon do. Be photographed with a 5 foot tall girl flipping you and then sitting on you until Security arrives. (Have your manliness questioned by everyone who sees the pictures.)

[Bortaz, MSN, RN]

Hospital Administrator: Nurse, why are you wearing a marijauna leaf pendent at work?

Nurse: What? The salesman told me it was a Japanese tea leaf! I just thought it was pretty!

(My wife)

Omg, I misspelled pendant and no one corrected me.

[JBudd, MSN]

Bortaz, musta been the marijuana smoke got in our eyes....

[lxpatterson]

Well-used digital rectal thermometer was giving odd numbers. After pt airlifted out,

Me: "I think this thing is off"

Nurse2: "I agree! It should be tested."

Me: "Uh sure...I'm game."

Nurse2: "Well lets get a new probe and I'll try it subling."

Me: "Damn! That's a good idea."

Nurses: "Wait, what were you thinking."

Me: "uhhh, I was going to try it in the washroom..."

[dirtyhippiegirl, BSN, RN]

I'm only half-joking when I say that we suture in all of our arterial lines so that I can't pull them out when I trip over the tubing.

[gollybabbler]

This is a funny thread, great stories. Here's a dialysis one: Had trouble getting needles in; still at pt's bedside, explaining this to doc by saying, "She's a tricky stick," meaning only that the needles were hard to get in. But the pt took it as an insult!

[WoundedBird]

Doinking a baby's head in the upper crib rails as you're lifting them up to calm them down. While mom is standing next to you. What made me feel less bad about this - finding out one of my classmates did the same thing during our peds rotation.

[NurseNightOwl, BSN, RN]

In nursing school, I learned the hard way that the sprayer device attached to the toilet is not necessarily a great way to rinse out a bedpan full of loose stool. Whoosh!! Poop all over toilet seat, floor, walls, ceiling. Poop on me. I'll never do that again.

Did this myself during my first night working LTC, as an RN who was not a CNA beforehand (wish I had been!), feeling so proud of myself for not being one of "those" nurses who won't help the CNAs do the dirty work... Well, I certainly got dirty!!

[Clementia]

So you're a student nurse about to give your very first Lovenox shot. You sashay into the patient's room and, while casually making small talk with them, lift their shirt and jam in the injection. Patient gives you a relieved smile -- "Why, that didn't hurt at all!" You glance down at the syringe in your hand and realize you never uncapped the needle.

[ohiobobcat]

Our VS/cardiac monitors in the ER are removable, but placed at an awkward height for removal. They are right about face level for me and I'm 5'5". They are cumbersome and heavy (we don't have a portable monitor), and every time a monitored patient travels outside the department, the monitor needs to be unplugged from the central system and removed from the wall to travel with the patient.

I had an unresponsive patient who had just returned from CT on the monitor. As I was attempting to put the monitor back in it's holder, the monitor slid onto the holder then immediately slid off the other side of the holder and onto the floor (usually there is a metal doohickey that snaps into place to prevent this from happening). The patient was not harmed, nor did the patient even move when this happened. I did see the charge nurse's head then eyes slowly appear from behind the computer screen she was sitting at as I sheepishly said "Ooops!"

Fun fact #1- Spacelabs monitors bounce when they hit the floor from about 5 feet up, then the whole screen turns white, then it turns black. Fun Fact #2- Your manager will make your charge nurse inservice you a few days after receiving the incident report on how to remove and replace monitors, even thought you have worked there a year and a half already and have removed and replaced countless monitors without incident. Never mind that they are heavy, awkward and not ergonomically safe to lift.

Another one....

As a brand new grad, like my 2nd or 3rd shift after being hired, I was asking my elderly male patient questions off of an MRI form. I was speaking very clearly and loudly so he could understand me. I was about 3/4 of the way through the form and he looked at me and said "Why are you shouting at me? I can hear you just fine!!" Note to self: Not all elderly people are hard of hearing.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

So you're a student nurse about to give your very first Lovenox shot. You sashay into the patient's room and, while casually making small talk with them, lift their shirt and jam in the injection. Patient gives you a relieved smile -- "Why, that didn't hurt at all!" You glance down at the syringe in your hand and realize you never uncapped the needle.

Now that's one I HAVEN'T done! Thanks for the laugh!

[SionainnRN]

So you're a student nurse about to give your very first Lovenox shot. You sashay into the patient's room and while casually making small talk with them, lift their shirt and jam in the injection. Patient gives you a relieved smile -- "Why, that didn't hurt at all!" You glance down at the syringe in your hand and realize you never uncapped the needle.[/quote']

Sigh I did that with the novolog pen as a new grad.

Sent from my iPhone using allnurses.com

[Bortaz, MSN, RN]

Speaking of insulin pens and stupid nurses: HCA barred the use of them because of so many nurses failing to change out the needle between patients.