Stuck in the rumor mill at work...

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So this week my boss got called into HR and was attacked with questions about myself and several other of my coworkers having possible illicit relationships based on rumors they'd been hearing. Myself and the people involved are shocked and offended and I personally am having a hard time understanding why one of my coworkers who I liked and trusted is throwing me under the bus for apparently no good reason. The allegations are that myself and another girl are hooking up with our boss and fighting over him (she and I are great friends and also great friends with our boss in a totally non-sexual way), another girl who is married is hooking up with a male coworker (also not true), and that another of our coworkers is having sex in closets with someone from lab (also not true). I believe the problem is that since all of us involved in the rumors are very close friends people take our joking and flirtation as something way more serious than it is. However I am very hurt by all of this because not only does it affect my reputation but also hurts my working relationships because I no longer know who I can trust. In addition, I now am not going to be able to spend time with my friends outside of work because it will only add fire to the rumors. Just wanted to throw this out there and see if anyone has encountered a similar situation since hospitals are so gossipy.

Specializes in Infectious Disease, Neuro, Research.
Great advise! It's great to have a good working relationship and enjoy your job, but flirting is sort of inappropriate in the work setting, even if you all are friends.

Men and women are very different in this area, and that is most of what creates the problem. As a male, I'm always friendly with my co-workers, but there are some conversations from which I simply excuse myself, and some comments to which I just smile politely. Most healthcare folks interact (in every sense of the word) with others in the field, and generally in the same facility, so the basis for gossip is readily available.

Best suggestion: avoid even the appearance of evil. Tone the "flirtation" waaaaay down. A male NM/CN should alread know this and be doing it, which gives me pause.

In any event, if nothing is going on and if you are called into HR again, the phrase to use is, "malicious prosecution". Someone is using the administrative body to harass you for personal reasons, and it is a civil (and past a certain level, criminal) crime.

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Specializes in Emergency Nursing.

Again I will echo the advice of other posters, cut the flirtation out and make a strong effort to keep all interactions with your boss and coworkers professional. I will also say that the more you talk about this to other people the longer it will last, I would suggest that you don't mention the issue any more and continue with business as usual. If you are called in for questioning or anything else then be ready to discuss it. I also think that you should consider purchasing just in case you end up having to fight for your job, it most likely wouldn't happen but you know that in situations like this you want to have someone on your side to fight for you legally if necessary. There is another post on All Nurses about finding and buying this insurance, its pretty affordable and worth having in my opinion. Good luck and keep us posted!

!Chris :specs:

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Keep a journal. Document everything in a casual but factual manner. Journals are permissible legal evidence should you require it. Smile, be reserved but professional on the job, and keep your powder dry.

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First of all, stop the joking and flirtatious behavior at work. It is unprofessional and is not only seen by your co-workers, but patients and visitors as well. It does not look good no matter which way you look at it.

Secondly, the HR manager had the opportunity to stop this in it's tracks when the person came and "reported" the alleged malfeasance. Gossip in the workplace is the number one reason for poor morale. It will poison a workplace faster than anything. It would be more helpful for HR to get together with department managers throughout the facility and do a "gossip abatement" workshop, then empower the managers to stop this demoralizing behavior in their own departments. A two warnings and the third time you are out will send a strong message to staff about how serious the facility is about gossip and the impact it has on morale. A properly trained HR manager will understand this and have policies in place to back the managers up. Healthcare is dramatic enough without having gossip-mongers stirring things up. Every facility should have a zero tolerance for gossip. I have seen gossip run many a good healthcare worker out of a facility. I have heard that gossip is a problem everywhere these days. I have been a nurse for over 30 years and have worked in facilities where it was never a problem. But as an instructor with students going to facilities for their clinicals, I continue to be astounded by the problem with gossip, back-stabbing, and the like and the apparent ignorance (or worse yet, condoning by ignoring) of the problem on the part of the department managers. This is a problem even in the most nationally respected facilities. Somewhere, somehow, gossip in healthcare became "the norm" across the country and it is tearing our facilities apart. I am excited when our students get hired into their first job, but it is not unusual for my excitement to quickly be turned into disappointment when the former students call me to let me know they have left the facility because the hostile, gossipy environment was unbearable.

So, as to your situation. 1. See my first comment. 2. I suspect if the HR department is unwittingly promoting this continued gossip, there isn't going to be any changes forthcoming. Any facilities in your area that have a strong anti-gossip policy? That ultimately may be a more satisfying workplace. If you decide to move on, don't run down your current employer during the interview. As for a reason for wanting to leave I would simply state that I observed behaviors that made for an uncomfortable workplace and leave it at that. Then don't joke and flirt at work. With anyone. Then you can continue to see the friends from the prior facility outside of work and it will be a non-issue.

Just a common-sense response from an "old timer."

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I have been there and it has destroyed me completetly. Makes me want to hate the human race sometimes. As a fellow human being I will never throw someone under the bus. i really woouldn't care if the rumors are true or not about the other person. It is very sad but I guess it put us in check as to keep the job purely business the way it should be and carry anyfriendship away from hospital grounds. The rumors will continue but you are not fueling the fire. Gossip make other people strive. Only time helped me survive the nasty rumors about me. I was appalled by the people that I called my "co-" workers. No one approached me directly but I was just slandered. Same thing a friendship that people assumed it was an affair. I was known for that but my skills, work ethic, and my dedication was nothing anymore. I rather be known now like a antisocial person, rather than social butterfly. Could care less what they have to say. Just say to yourself that their opinions dont matter as long as your job is safe.

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Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

You have mentioned before about dating someone in your unit.....a boyfriend from school I believe it was.......you have also mentioned abour being persued by a family member telling you how beautiful you are how they want to marry you and other behaviors that maybe giving off a bad vibe.

Do I think it's right...NO...should the hospital be involved in your personal life...NO..is it happening? YES! You need to change the perception of you and your playful nature. NO more flirtations! get back under the radar.....BE DESCRETE!!! Keep your business face on at work don't make social plans at work until this blow over....trust NO ONE. Someone is trying to hurt you....for whatever reason and the culture at that facility obviously supports the tattle tale I'm in your business atmosphere.......Keep your private business just that private....

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Specializes in OB, Med/Surg, Ortho, ICU.
Just be honest with them, if it's not true inform them of the truth. However, if it is true, i'd lie like a dog. It's not like they're going to launch an investigation.

Absolutely do not lie about anything. If it is discovered later, your credibility, professionalism, and self-respect are out the window. This is not common sense.

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"I personally am having a hard time understanding why one of my coworkers who I liked and trusted is throwing me under the bus for apparently no good reason."

If you choose not to just ignore the rumor mill, I have one suggestion. I would confront the co-worker that you once liked & trusted and find out what problem he/she has with you. Maybe he/she needs to have her butt kicked.:twocents:

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Your friend did show you preferential treatment by telling you what HR called him in about. Had he kept his professionalism in tact you would not be stressing out it right now.

He has caused a huge rift .. Had he not said anything to you there wouldn't be all this stress and it probably would have blown over without anything else. But now if HR comes down to see for themselves they will be able to feel this tension and think it is normal.

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Someone's been watching too much Nurse Jackie!

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
people should pay more attention to their patients instead of what so and so is doing. it's like all the stupid memos we get about dress code or something else ridiculous become some cute young nurse decided to wear shoes that had a hint of color and some old hag had time to report it. if you have time to worry about what's on someone's feet (or who someone is having sex with) then i'd be questioning whether or not you're using your time wisely. too bad i'm not the boss.

ageist much?

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
when you yourself describe the relationship between your boss as 'flirtatious' it makes me cringe a bit......it doesn't speak much to the professionalism of the environment. and if your boss is telling you things that your not supposed to be told there is obviously some inappropriate boundaries. i'm all for having fun at work but i think that professionalism needs to stay at the center of that. sorry you are having to deal with rumors though...that is always unfair .

i agree.

seems that there's more to the op's story than she's sharing.

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