Stop! I don't want someone like you touching me!

AKA_Glamour_Pearl · Mar 13, 2011

No, I haven't had it happen to me. I've taken care of patients who had Alzheimer's or were very, very old and I felt like they preferred that I were not the one caring for them. With the Alzheimers patients I was so afraid that a racial slur was going to come out because they seemed to say everything else that was on their mind. So far, I've been blessed to not have a patient say anything though.

orthonurse55 · Mar 13, 2011

When I was an LPN a patient rang her call light and I answered it. She told me she didn't want me because she wanted a REAL nurse, not someone who was either too stupid or too lazy to go to college. I was very upset and went to tell my charge nurse. Well, she handled it very well - she sent in a male nurse we had. HE was a REAL nurse. And that little old lady just wanted the bedpan!!

Then, just about three years ago, I had my students on the clinical floor and there was a black patient there who was refusing to have anyone take care of her who wasn't black! She didn't have dementia, she just didn't want any of us white nurses in there. Well, I live in the Midwest and unfortunately for her, we just don't have any black staff. Nothing personal - there just weren't any living here! I thought it was kind of funny but the nurses on the floor didn't. She finally accepted my students and loved the extra care she got from them.

Nurse1966 · Mar 13, 2011

Yes, on the telemetry unit I used to work on, we had a Muslim male patient who refused to let females do accuchecks, place telemetry leads, assessments, etc...awfully hard to care for him when we were all female! Thankfully, he was a "walkie-talkie" and didn't require a lot of hands on care.

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Mar 13, 2011

I live in Texas and racial refusals are common around here. Some patients and family members do not want caregivers who are of a certain racial/ethnic background.

How do I handle it? Well, I view it as one less demanding patient to care for and one less demanding family to deal with.

telenurse212 · Mar 13, 2011

No, i've never experienced it but remember that patients have the right to refuse a nurse. For the sake of your license just accept it and don't take it personal because if you ignore them and still care for them you never know if they will lie and say you did something bad or tried to hurt them in retaliation of not wanting you to be their nurse. Just don't take it personal because sometimes it's a personal or cultural thing or maybe the pt is demented. Regardless, look for what's in the best interest of the patient and for yourself, which is portecting your license.

Cul2 · Mar 13, 2011

"When I was an LPN a patient rang her call light and I answered it. She told me she didn't want me because she wanted a REAL nurse, not someone who was either too stupid or too lazy to go to college. I was very upset and went to tell my charge nurse. Well, she handled it very well - she sent in a male nurse we had. HE was a REAL nurse. And that little old lady just wanted the bedpan!!"

Handled it very well? I'd call that retaliation, getting even, sticking it to that "little old lady." I'm not defending the attitudes of some difficult patients, but that seemed a deliberate attempt to embarrass, even humiliate the woman. Hey, if that's considered handling it well, then, at least you're up front about it.

linearthinker, DNP, RN · Mar 13, 2011

Not personally, but we did have a pt transfer to us b/c she didn't care for the diversity in the staff at the larger tertiary care center. She was very indelicate about sharing her feelings with us. I made a point of telling her my husband (and consequently my children) are of the race she objected to. She was so disgusted and repulsed, I loved it!

But the commuter is right, one less @hole to deal with is always welcome.

Fribblet · Mar 13, 2011

Handled it very well? I'd call that retaliation, getting even, sticking it to that "little old lady." I'm not defending the attitudes of some difficult patients, but that seemed a deliberate attempt to embarrass, even humiliate the woman. Hey, if that's considered handling it well, then, at least you're up front about it.

How is it inappropriate? The patient requested a real nurse, and the patient got a real nurse.

Are you suggesting that the care our male colleagues provide to women is humiliating? Certainly not. A male nurse can place a bedpan just as well and professionally as a female nurse.

More on topic: I've never had a patient refuse my care, but if it were to happen, I'd let the charge nurse know and move on. I personally don't care why they don't want my care. For whatever reason, there is something about me (my gender, my race, etc) that will prevent trust and a therapeutic relationship. The patient has a right to trust his nurse. Of course, not all requests can be accommodated, and not all requests are reasonable.

Neuro Guy NP, DNP, PhD, APRN · Mar 13, 2011

I had a patient refuse to let me perform certain aspects of nursing care because I am male. It was fine with me. I took no personal offence. That same night (which was about two weeks ago) I had a schizophrenia/dementia patient who hurled racial slurs at all of the "colored staff". During the course of the shift, I could tell that he was getting ready to say something like that at me by the way his demeanor got defensive, that look in his eyes and other choice body language, but in a professional, yet very firm way I told him I would not tolerate being called anything outside of my name and asked if he understood where I was going with this. He responded yes, and while he didn't ask for anyone else, it is all about how you handle difficult patients.

Just keep moving. Don't take personal offence, even though that can be very hard. Enjoy your work, build therapeutic bonds with whomever you can and just be glad you can make a difference in people's lives.

JE

enchantmentdis, BSN, RN · Mar 13, 2011

I live in Texas and racial refusals are common around here. Some patients and family members do not want caregivers who are of a certain racial/ethnic background.
How do I handle it? Well, I view it as one less demanding patient to care for and one less demanding family to deal with.

Right on!

Cul2 · Mar 13, 2011

"Are you suggesting that the care our male colleagues provide to women

is humiliating? Certainly not. A male nurse can place a bedpan just as

well and professionally as a female nurse."

Of course not. But -- "...is humiliating?" Well now, that depends, doesn't?

Maybe yes, maybe no. Depends upon the patient's values, culture, past

experiences, etc. But the subtext of that anecdote seemed pretty clear to me.

Little old lady wants bed pan. Probably female cna or patient tech upset

(justifiably) by the patient's remarks. Explains situation to supervisor.

Okay, we'll get her a "real" nurse for this particular intimate activity,

a male nurse. That'll fix her. Why not spend a minute or two calmly

explaining to the little old lady (1) You've had much experience doing

these kinds of things (2) But if you'd prefer a real nurse, I'll get you

one (3) However, the only real nurse we have right now is a male

(4) So, you can either have the male nurse, wait, or I'll be happy

to help you.

It's called communication.